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TLC/Instagram

TLC/Instagram

How does a former pageant queen go from dealing with the drama of an ex-boyfriend on national television as a cast member of MTV’s Real World: Brooklyn to doling out relationship advice on the TLC program Love at First Swipe alongside beloved TV personality Clinton Kelly? If you ask Devyn Simone, it’s been a long time coming. The Kansas City-bred beauty is an online dating veteran. She was making connections in Yahoo! chat rooms and on MySpace when folks wouldn’t even consider such a thing.

“I went out with it all,” Simone told me over the phone. “Young, old, rich, poor, American, illegal immigrant–you name it, I went out with it at some point.”

And those relationship ups and downs gave her not only a wealth of knowledge that she shared with friends before sharing it with people she counsels one on one and on the show, but it also helped her find her fiancé. And yes, she found him on Tinder, the app most people brush off as a place to find a Netflix and Chill partner. But, in fact, Simone knows happy couples who met on Tinder and a few married ones too. So how can the rest of us make such connections and make them last? “It’s a matter of having the tools and knowing how to make them work to your advantage,” Simone said. “You can’t just look at an app and rule it out and say, ‘That’s just for hookups because I know people who have hooked up on it.’ You can find the love you want on that app as long as you know who you’re marketing to and how to do it correctly.”

The Big Don’t

“The biggest don’t that I find is people not actually thinking about what they want,” Simone said. “And I know that doesn’t seem tangible and it’s not a ‘Do this! Do that!’ But if you don’t know who you’re trying to attract then you’re never going to get it. That’s like going to a job interview and not knowing what position you want. I’m going to market myself very differently if I’m applying to be the COO than if I’m applying to be the facilities guy. There’s nothing wrong with either position, but I can’t just go in there with a broad range and expect to get offered both. I have to cater my angle to something, and people do not do that. So they either try to be everything to everyone or they just don’t try at all.”

Finding A Serious Man

“I’m a straight shooter and I would be lying to you if I said, ‘If you do x,y and z, you’ll never go on a date with a jerk again,” Simone said. “There will be some frogs in there. But you can cut down on your interactions with the frogs by judging their behavior. So if you match with someone, pay attention to how they behave. Do they send you a ‘Hey, what’s up?’ message or do they send you a message that shows that they actually took the time to read your profile?

And make them call. I know people think it’s outdated. It’s not. There is no excuse for someone to not be able to use the phone because they all have cell phones. This is part of the weeding out process. So, you match with a guy, you’re chatting online, you think he’s cute, he seems cool, he wants to go out with you. What’s your response? You say, ‘I don’t go out with anyone I haven’t spoken to on the phone with first.’ The reason is, if he’s serious about getting to know you, he won’t mind giving you a call. If he says he’s going to call you and he’s serious about going out with you, he will follow through. And when you’re on that phone call, it doesn’t need to be long. Five or 10 minutes. But women’s intuition is still the best thing because it’s a good indicator of what is to come.  So when you’re talking on the phone and something doesn’t feel right, if he said he lives in an uptown penthouse by himself, and you hear kids screaming in the background and his mom yelling his name, that will let you know, ‘Hmmm, maybe I shouldn’t go out with this guy.’ So a 10-minute phone call can save you 30 minutes of getting ready, 15 minutes of travel time, and an hour of a date you didn’t want to be on in the first place.

What women don’t understand is that we have the upper hand. Do you know that there are twice as many men as there are women on dating sites and dating apps? That’s why they’re spamming your inbox, because the odds are already in our favor. So, you have the power to say what you want. Don’t be afraid that, ‘Oh, he’s going to go to another girl if I try and make him call me.’ Or ‘Oh, he’s going to go to another girl if I say I’m not available tonight.’ If a guy matches with you today and he asks you out tonight, don’t go with him. Don’t. Because he’s put no real effort in to try and get a piece of your time. I don’t care if you don’t have anything to do, tell him you’re busy and schedule it for another day.”

Devyn

Instagram

The Profile Pic Problem

“There are four main photos every profile should have, given if that particular system allows it,” Simone said. “A headshot, which is typically your main profile pic, a full body shot, an action shot, and a social shot. You need all four because they all convey a certain thing about you either physically or your personality. And photos speak volumes about a profile. As far as having very bad photos, that goes back to not knowing your target audience. Think about the guy you want to attract and think about what he would think of that photo. I believe that you can ask for whatever you want in a relationship because we all deserve to be happy, however, for everything that you ask, you must be willing to give. I don’t mean ‘put out’ give. I mean, what are you bringing to the table? What is your profile saying that you bring to the table so that you can match with the quality guy that you want? That includes your photos.”

The Best Kind Of First Date

“I really like day dates, like early day. It gives you options,” Simone said. “It’s not considered to be as romantic so there’s less pressure for there to be an overwhelming chemistry. It also forces you to be a little creative. So, my fiancé and I, our first date was actually in Central Park, and he planned a picnic. And I will admit, the first hour of that picnic was probably awkward as hell. But we stuck it out. And because there were multiple stages of the date, that was great too. So if you’re doing an activity, maybe there’s a free concert going on and you decide, let’s grab a hot chocolate and go to this concert. It gives you time so that if you like each other you know have something to look forward to because you’re going to spend more time together. But if you don’t like each other, because it’s not a romantic candlelit dinner, it’s actually pretty easy to bail out quickly. He won’t be as offended because it’s the middle of the day so, usually, people don’t have large blocks of time available. But if you like him, a day date can turn into a night date.”

Don’t Get Discouraged

“People attribute too much of the negative to the dating app or site itself and don’t really look at the personal behavior,” Simone said. “But in a relationship, if you met a guy at the bar and the relationship doesn’t work out, you don’t say, ‘I’m never going to that bar again!’ You usually attribute what went wrong with the relationship itself and try to figure out why it didn’t work with that person, what it was about them, what it was about you, and then you move on. So with online dating, there were times where yes, the relationship fell apart, and it was heartbreaking. But there’s literally 91 million people using online dating apps and sites. That’s the most encouraging thing because it’s like, on to the next one!”

If you want more tips on doing online dating the right way, check out Simone’s site, DevynSimone.com. She provides one-on-one coaching, helps you build up your profile, and teaches people how to communicate better when dating online. Also, be sure to check out Love at First Swipe on Friday nights at 10:30 p.m. on TLC. Check out a preview below:

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