“Have you been giving her the cough syrup?”
“Ma, that stuff is full of chemicals and her cough seems to be lightening up…”
It was another battle of the wits with my mother over what I should be doing with my kids. I get it — these are her grandchildren, a fact she reminds me of whenever I protest her hovering. “Well, I gave you cough syrup every day that you sniffled and you turned out fine.” This is how it’s been since I became a mom a decade ago: a constant war of parenting skills. New-age (in the most abstract sense) versus old-school.
I know she has more experience, having had her first child over 40 years ago but when she did, I’m sure she had the freedom to raise them as she saw fit. I know because she told me. I remember the tales of hard times with her first two and I totally understand that she wants it to be easier for me but sometimes, I just want to do what I want to do for my children without having to explain things as if I have something to prove. You know how many times I read through the “What to Expect” series?
When my husband and I had our first daughter, my parents would just pop up at the house to play 20 Questions.
“Why is she shaking like that?,” my father asked following me to the bedroom. “She has the hiccups,” I sighed. “She just ate. Probably too fast.” “I don’t like that.”
I put her down in her crib and walked into the kitchen to greet my mother. “Why won’t you put some grease and clips in that child’s hair? Make her look presentable…,” my husband rolled his eyes and exited the room. “She’s three months old Ma,” then out of frustration, “It’s not like she has a job interview.” She scoffed.
I can’t say that I’ve gotten the hang of how to deal with overbearing parents outside of ignoring their many (many) pointed remarks and unsolicited suggestions. Some of the advice works, I’ll give them that much, but as long as my daughters are mine, they’re always fresh, fly to death, healthy and happy.
We have Mommy-Daughter Days where we just hang out together and whatever they ask for on those afternoons, they receive. We may not go to church regularly but me and their dad make sure that our girls know right from wrong and what it means to be a good person. The fact that they can’t quote bible verses in front of church folk embarrasses my mother to no end but these kids are mine. She had her turn.
If my dad had his way, he’d spoil them both rotten. Not on my watch though. Why? Because he’s also had his turn. It’s a blessing that my two have the relationship that they do with their grandparents but sometimes it can be overwhelming, particularly because in comparison, their paternal grandfather keeps his distance, allowing us to be parents. I just try and maintain, remaining thankful for the days they happen to pass some advice along that we all can agree with.
Do your parents go too far when it comes to loving on, spoiling, or disciplining your kids?