How Your Date Can Tell Whether You Have Healthy Self-Esteem
When I was in a toxic relationship years back, I heard a very helpful phrase from a good friend. I was telling her that my boyfriend at the time was depressed a lot, that he wasn’t very optimistic about the future, and I couldn’t help but find myself attracted to other guys—happier guys, ambitious guys, funny guys. She said, “Water seeks its own level.” She said that I was more up-lifted and uplifting than my boyfriend, and so I couldn’t help but be attracted to people who were the same way. Self-love and positivity are like a tide that draw in people of a similar mindset. So, if you’re looking to land in water of “your own level” (i.e. trying to find a happy, self-loving man) you need to love yourself, too. Here is how a man can tell that you’ve got plenty of self-love.
When you talk about your life, you talk about it with gratitude. You don’t complain about the long hours at your job but rather you say that you are grateful to have a stable job. People who love themselves are usually very grateful.
You brag about your friends
You could go on and on about how vibrant, funny, adventurous and kind your friends are! When you love yourself, you don’t mind shining the light on others.
You’re genuinely happy for others
You are genuinely thrilled when something good happens to somebody in your life. When people are insecure, they often become jealous or resentful when others around them succeed. But people who love themselves celebrate when their loved ones succeed.
You’re happy with food
If you order a burger, you’re excited to indulge that night—rather than guilty around it. If you order a salad, you’re happy with yourself for eating healthy. Whatever you eat, you’re happy to eat it. Self-love often comes with a good body image and relationship with food.
You take you-time
Whether you meditate or write in a journal, you take the time to be silent with your mind and reflect on your feelings and experiences.
You’ll discuss feelings
You are comfortable telling a sad story and re-feeling those emotions, in front of your date. You don’t think being emotional makes you seem weak or weird—it makes you human.
You make time for relationships
You carve out time for friendships and family. You know that nothing feeds your soul more than them, and you take pride in putting aside time to make the people you love smile or laugh. To you, that’s a greater accomplishment than anything career-related.
You like to learn
You’re taking a class or reading a book on a new skill just because you want to improve yourself. You know that you are worth it—it doesn’t have to be for work or somebody else.
You’re open about your “vanity.”
You don’t mind saying how much you like doing your hair or getting manicures. You’re secure enough in the way you look to admit you put a little work into it. But, you don’t go overboard.
You can tease yourself
You can laugh at yourself, tell stories in which you were made a fool of, and just generally find the humor in you.
You don’t give into pressure
You don’t mind saying no to another cocktail or staying up late, even if people around you tell you you’re being boring. You want to do what feels good for you.
You’ll also praise yourself
While you can tease yourself, you’ll also praise yourself. You don’t mind talking about things that you’ve worked for and earned. You know that you deserve a little recognition.
You don’t sweat the small stuff
If the server gets your order wrong, you’re patient about it. You don’t scoff at her or ask for a free drink in return. You know people make mistakes, and you don’t believe you are “entitled” to perfection from everybody.
You don’t let people mistreat you
While you’re patient with people, you’re still not a doormat. There have been times you walked away from a job or relationship because you didn’t feel valued.
You see the positive
In general, you look on the bright side. At a tiny, stuffy restaurant, you notice the charming paintings on the wall. In your loud apartment building, you notice how sweet your neighbors are. When people see the negative in things, it’s usually because they are insecure and take things personally. When people love themselves, they know nothing is personal, few things are a big deal, and there is a lot to be thankful for.