Friends With Benefits: Can You Really Handle It?

July 15, 2011  |  

You laugh and joke like old friends. Your dates are far and few, but your sexual encounters are the driving force behind your relationship. You like him, he likes you; but you’re far from committed to each other. You’ve affectionately referred to him as your ‘friend with benefits’; but how long before your needs require more than just massaging kisses? Can you handle indefinitely being only ‘friends with benefits’?

No matter how you sugar coat the title or justify the reasons, friends with benefits simply means you’re not in a committed relationship but you have a commitment of ‘getting it in’ with a certain friend. Maybe you go out on dates sporadically. Maybe the two of you haven’t been seen in the light of day together; whatever the situation, the lack of commitment or even the possibility of attempting a relationship is the farthest thing from the core of this situation.

Men and women both have physical wants that are sometimes confused with needs; but it’s been argued (and even factually proven in many cases) that women are more emotional creatures than men. Men love the physical part of a relationship. While women may enjoy the physical benefits of having a man, the emotional needs are just as prevalent. So can a woman really handle just being a friend with benefits? And if so, for how long?

I’m prone to believe through experience and talking to various women, that when you don’t want to be in a committed relationship with a man, your attitude is a lot more nonchalant. Your attitude is care-free because, well, you really don’t care. Maybe you really want to be only friends and the ‘benefit’ part is just as beneficial to you as it is to him (if that’s your thing); but what about a man that you genuinely have feelings for and could see yourself being in a relationship with? The two of you frequently talk, but you also frequently..ahem, do the ‘grown up’. Initially it may be okay, but after a while your emotions start to kick in and that extra ‘benefit’ begins to seem more one-sided than mutual.

Most people argue that a woman eventually grows emotionally fond of a man after a few sexual encounters. If this is the case, then how long can she remain a friend with benefits without the relationship suffering?

The thing is most times ‘friends with benefits’ is not the initial goal of the relationship for women. Somehow it just ends that way; but after realizing that you are considered a ‘friend with benefits’, carefully assess if, or how long, you can be cool with such a title. While women are greatly similar, we’re still quite different. What works for one woman may not work for another. Some women require commitment with sex, others don’t; but while these attitudes may differ, there is one thing that all women can probably agree on: if you are really into a man and want to be with him, you don’t want to just settle as being a ‘friend with benefits’.

Mesdames, do you think you can really handle being a ‘friend with benefits’? Is it even a title you wish to have?

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