How To Holler

July 14, 2011  |  
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Even some of us social butterflies get choked up when we want to step to a cutie who’s caught our eye. It can be a bit daunting; men are typically expected to do the “chasing” and so many of us are totally unused to making the first move. Meanwhile, the girl on the other side of the bar is preparing to swoop in while you twiddle your thumbs and hope that he approaches you. It’s 2011, dolls. If you want to holler at a dude…do it! Here are a few tips for the novice mackstress…er, shy flirt who wants to step up and speak out first.

Have A Script: You don’t need an elaborate monologue planned, but shy girls should have an idea as to what they want to say before they approach. Keep it simple; ask how he’s enjoying the party or what he’s planning to order from the bar.

Aim To Dazzle: Tap into your irreverent side. Don’t be formal or brusque. Smile and ooze as much charm as you can muster without looking like you’re in a pageant.

Relax, Relax, Relax: Be comfortable, confident and chill. You want to be at ease and put him at ease.

Clip Your Wings: Having a wing woman seems like a good idea and it can help a terribly bashful person get through a holla…unless your target fixes his gaze on her instead. Establish that you are the one trying to make a connection before someone else joins your convo.

The Fake Familiarity Trick: If you can’t think of a great conversation starter, pretend that he looks like someone you know from the past. Ask if he attended your college or grew up in your neighborhood. If he says no, but seems friendly, just keep the chat going (“So what’s your name anyway?”); if he’s dry, disengage and keep it moving.

Look For Clues: He’s got a bike helmet or a Starbucks cup or an Alpha Phi Alpha key chain? Use one of these things to make an inference about him and use that for conversation fodder.

Ask Good Questions: Find out what his interests are, who he be with, things that make him smile and (hopefully) what numbers to dial (shouts out to Biggie for that!). Don’t treat him like he’s on a job interview, but give him the opportunity to share enough about himself for you both to make a decision about what to do next (if anything).

Seal The Deal: When the conversation has come to an end and you feel confident that both of you would like to speak again, put that desire out there. Try tying the phone number exchange to something you were talking about. “Well, it was great chatting with you. I want to hear more about that_______ you mentioned” or “Perhaps we can check out that_____ sometime.” If he seems with it, add “Let’s exchange info.” If you’d rather let him call you, change that to, “I’ll give you my number. Hit me up when you get a chance.”


Take Rejection Gracefully: If he doesn’t respond favorably in person or if you never hear from him again, just take it on the nose. You are not a failure; men deal with rejection all the time. Not everyone you find attractive is going to feel the same way about you. And don’t feel like “feminism” is keeping you down and that if you hadn’t approached him, it all would have worked out. If he found you attractive and liked your personality, he would be okay–happy even–that you stepped to him. If something you said turned him off when you approached, something you said would have turned him off had he approached you. On to the next.

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