Love, Sex, and Settle-Free Relationships: Single Moms’ Dating Guide From Tinzley Bradford
by Abiola Abrams
Tinzley Bradford knows all about single mothers. For years through her dating blog, “And You Wanna See My Feet” and her tell-it-like-it-is YouTube videos, she has helped moms get their love lives together. The advice maven and relationship coach who has been seen chatting it up with “Dr. Drew on Call” on HLN and her local media has a book, “The Settle-Free Dating Method for Women,” to whip your love life into shape.
So how does Miss Tinzley know so much about the trials and tribulations of single mamas? Tinzley is the daughter of a single mother, a single mother herself, and now the mother of a single mother. She has strong advice for Mommy Noire readers on getting your love and life together.
Let’s see what she has to say to single mommies about love!
Abiola: Hi there, Tinzley. Please tell us about your new book.
Tinzley: Thanks for having me. My new book is called “The Settle-Free Dating Method for Women.” The sub-title is ”A No-Nonsense Advice Guide to Remind You that You are More!” I wrote this book because it’s time to stop this cycle of mediocre thinking from women. Women who are constantly settling for bad relationships and changing who they truly are all in the name of having someone in their life. I’m a love coach for moms and single women but my mission is making sure every woman, whether they are single, dating or married, knows her worth!
Abiola: I love it. What you do is so necessary. This is a site for mothers and the letters I receive daily prove that your book is much-needed. What is your settle-free dating method?
Tinzley: Settle-free dating means YOU COME FIRST. You no longer allow, accept and settle for bad behavior or mistreatment from your mate or the person you’re dating. Settle-free dating means that you are prioritizing your own happiness and not settling for anything less than what you deserve and what makes you happy.
If a man says you’re not his type, tell him he’s not yours either and move on! You’re not going to change to please him, if he doesn’t want you then NEXT. Join me on social media at #SettleFree dating and let’s make a change!
Abiola: Beautiful! You say that you are the daughter of a single mother, and the mother of a single mother. Tell us more.
Tinzley: Being raised by a single mom and now being a single mom myself as well as my daughter who is also a single mom speaks for itself. It seems that men aren’t what they used to be and many of them just don’t want to settle down with one woman anymore. They also don’t want to take care of their responsibilities either. This has also been my inspiration for writing and doing blogs and vlog videos.
Abiola: You have answered your calling. What was the hardest part of being a single mother for you, Tinzley?
Tinzley: The labeling that I’m socially awkward because “I can’t seem to keep a man” in the eyes of society. People many times frown on single moms and we many times have to work harder to prove ourselves and our abilities. Also, not having the extra support system needed to raise my daughter over the years; a male’s point of view to aid with decision making and finances.
Abiola: Thank you for your honesty. What is the biggest relationship issue facing single moms?
Tinzley: The biggest issue facing single moms is not being able to really trust the man you choose to date or get in a relationship with your child or children. We live in a completely different world these days and people just do NOT care about you or your livelihood and they don’t care about your child’s either.
Also many single moms struggle with being overlooked by a potential mate because of the fact that they are a single mom. I’ve had it said to me plenty of times, “Why didn’t it work with your baby’s father? What did YOU do?” Men don’t seem to be interested in an already made family so it can make it tough. Some men also feel that they have to compete against your child for time and attention.
Abiola: Well said! Where do you tell single moms go to find a good man?
Tinzley: Oh, good men are all around us! I believe good men can many times lurk in unexpected places. The mall or the grocery store or market are good places to meet a good man. I’d suggest the more upscale or conservative shopping centers and markets where the guys take their appearance seriously. They are well-dressed, well-spoken and many times single and available.
Another place to find good men is online on dating websites. While I must stress the importance of making sure you never meet anyone you’ve met online in a private place — especially not their home — online dating is a great place to gather dating leads. I suggest going somewhere like Plenty of Fish or Christian Dating Singles because they are free.
You can also meet good men in church, but please don’t go just to meet a man! Being set up by a friend, in a fitness center, at a park, preferably with a basketball court. Although it can be forbidden, you can meet good men in the workplace.
Abiola: A lot of single mothers feel like they don’t need a man.
Tinzley: I can see why some women say this. They pay their own bills. They have their own home. Many of them have sex toys for pleasure. They are free to do whatever they want when they want. They can call a plumber, a lawn man, a mechanic for their car or a contractor for one-off jobs around the house. And they don’t have to worry about answering to anyone!
On the flip side, there is nothing like having that special someone who loves you unconditionally from head to toe. Plus you don’t have to go elsewhere for the things you need because your man can provide most of it! Based on my own life experiences, I wish I’d had one many times and I feel every woman needs a good man in her life. Notice I didn’t say just a man? I said a GOOD man!
Abiola: Here’s to good men! When is the best time for a single mom in love to introduce a new man to her kids?
Tinzley: Wait until you see and feel in your heart that this guy is definitely there for the long haul and he has proven his love for you and acceptance of your child or children. I say give it a good two to three months of consistent dating then you can gradually start to introduce them.
Find Tinzley Bradford on her sites, TinzleyBradford.com and MenWomenDatingFromTinzley.com and on Twitter and Instagram @TinzleyB. Buy her book “The Settle-Free Dating Method for Women: A No-Nonsense Advice Guide to Remind You that You Are More!” on Amazon.com.
Abiola Abrams is the author of the award-winning guide The Sacred Bombshell Handbook of Self-Love and founder of , where she offers empowerment coaching.