#RelationshipGoals: Nice Guys Don’t Finish Last, They Don’t Even Finish

February 1, 2016  |  

Image Source: Shutterstock

Image Source: Shutterstock

Continued from #RelationshipGoals: I Actually Met A Good Guy

I met Kyle–the king of the nice guys-at the movies the following afternoon for a matinee. We were both late and after he paid for the tickets, he rushed us off to our designated room and mumbled something about not having anymore cash for snacks. I was looking forward to mixing popcorn and peanut M&M’s, but clearly Kyle wanted to scurry past  the concession stand and since we were already missing the beginning of the movie, I let it go.

We walked into the dark theater where Michael B. Jordan was already at the boxing gym practicing. We missed his entire transition from suit & tie to boxer shorts. I sighed. Without lowering his voice at all, Kyle said, “Where should we sit?”

I looked at him through squinted eyes and said, “Shhh!” I grabbed his hand and walked up the stairs until we found two seats on the end of a row. We plopped down.

“Are you OK?” Kyle asked in his regular speaking voice.

“Shhh!” I slapped him on the thigh.

He laughed and turned his attention to the movie. About 20 minutes in, he looked over to me and said, “Sorry I’m not able to get any snacks. My bank…”

I shushed him again, even though I was definitely thinking about that scurry away from the concession stand when we walked in.

After the movie, I assumed Kyle and I would go for lunch, but I remembered his mumbling about not being able to buy food at the movies, so I asked, “Where to next?”

Kyle scratched his chin and then said, “Well, this is gonna be awkward, but I need to go to the bank. A fraud alert cut my card off, so I’m out here with no money.” He smiled. “I know, I sound like a bum.”

“No you don’t. It happens. Better safe than sorry,” I wasn’t about to offer to get us lunch, so I waited on Kyle to figure out his next move.

“Let’s walk down to the bank. Mine is open on Sundays,” We walked down to the bank, which closed at 3:00 p.m. and it was 3:07. The doors were locked. Kyle sighed, “I hate that this is happening in front of you. I don’t want you to think that I am trying to be cheap. Let me call them.”

For the next 30 minutes, Kyle stayed on the phone with his bank and I considered telling him not to worry about it and we could go out another time. I also considered that he may have been testing my willingness to contribute. I had no issue contributing, but I figured since he invited me out and this was our first official date, that he would be the man and pay. I can’t be alone in those assumptions. Plus, I’ve been on way too many dates where I had to pay. This here is a new dawn, a new day and a new life for me and I feel like keeping my coins in my pocket.

Another 20 minutes and Kyle’s bank drama was handled. They released his money and we were off to grab lunch. “You’re so patient. I appreciate that,” Kyle said as we walked to the nearest taco spot.

“No worries,” Kyle had no idea of the mental torture I was putting myself through in thinking that he was lying to me about his money to get me to pay for the rest of the date. “Glad they worked it out for you,” I smiled innocently.

As we sat and ate tacos, guacamole and sipped on margaritas, Kyle and I talked about the kind of relationship we want, what happened in our last relationship, where we want to travel, how we both hope to have a Valentine this year (Kyle winked at me during this convo) and just like the day before at the the doughnut shop, Kyle and I couldn’t stop chatting.

At one point, our waitress came over to let us know it was the end of her shift. We politely smiled, asked for another drink and talked more. It was officially dinner time in the restaurant and we didn’t care. In between talking about our moms and who we live with, Kyle reached out his hand and grasped my pointer finger, “I really like you,” he said smiling.

I smiled, looking down at him playing with my fingers and fixed my mouth to say it back, but hesitated. I was trying something new. Let me not do the most in 2016 and take my time.

I have this familiar quality that is a gift and a curse when it comes to dating. The way my personality is set up, I always feel so familiar to people. At least once a day, someone who I don’t know swears they know me. When men meet me, I’m a cool breeze who feels like she’s been there forever, so boundaries are crossed. I’ve had two different men I’ve went on a first date with tell me they love me on that first date. I get it, but good Lord, it makes it hard to find someone who’s willing to wait…or put in time. So of course, I go with the flow right with them and that intense, super connected feeling fizzles out, quickly.

I actually had dinner plans with some friends, so I had to break our second day-long date short.

“I’ll ride with you there and be on my way,” Kyle offered.

“That would be nice,” We left the restaurant, hand in hand. I still hadn’t responded to Kyle’s “I really like you,” and hoped that he forgot.

On the train ride, Kyle and I stood facing one another and he stared at me. I pretended like I didn’t know that those looks were those looks. You know when a man stares are you and wants to tell you that he loves you. Yeah, it was that look.

I giggled, “What?”

“I can’t just look at you?” Kyle asked.

I laughed again, “Sure, knock yourself out.” I squeezed his hand.

When Kyle dropped me off at my friend’s apartment, he lingered. He held my hand, refusing to let it loose and smiled at me. “So when will I see you again?”

“Soon. We can talk about some plans this week,” I said.

“I’ll call you,” Kyle said.

“Goodnight,” I hugged Kyle and he kissed my cheek. I tried to break away from his hold and he pulled me to him and plopped a messy and painful kiss on my lips. It was mostly teeth. “Ouch!” I tried not to scream.

“I’m sorry. That was clumsy,” He laughed nervously. “Can I try…” He cut himself off and leaned in again, this time, he led with his lips. The kiss connected and it was pleasant, minus the few clumsy moments of our teeth knocking into each other.

I finally pulled away and walked away from Kyle, who stood there watching me. I smiled. However clumsy the kiss was, Kyle was sweet. He had a lot of good qualities, but the one quality he had that worked against him? Inconsistency.

After that date, Kyle and I were texting and talking heavily and then I went on a long weekend trip to the mountains with some friends. I attempted to FaceTime him the first night I was there and he didn’t answer. Some of my texts went unanswered and, randomly, he’d say hi and when I replied, he wouldn’t.

I got back home to Brooklyn and the snow was on its way. I asked Kyle if he wanted to get together to make a snowman. He LOL’ed and that was all. I called him after the snow for our snowman date and he didn’t pick up.

A few weeks went by without hearing anything from Kyle. Then one day, I got a text from him, “Having a life moment. Hope all is well with you. Apologies for my delayed response.”

There was so much wrong with that text I couldn’t even reply. I haven’t seen nor heard from Kyle since. He was such a nice guy, but forget finishing last–I don’t think he was ever trying to finish.

Disclaimer: I had very high hopes for Kyle and still do. He’s a nice guy and I want that, but he needs to learn some consistency.

 

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