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A 31-year-old wife and mom is seeking advice because it seems that she and her husband of 7 years can’t see eye-to-eye. The woman, who we’ll call “Jackie,” is not unhappy with how her body has changed since she gave birth to her children and would like to have a breast augmentation and tummy tuck. However, her husband is against plastic surgery and is trying to discourage her from having the procedures done. Jackie explained in a Reddit post that she’s pretty healthy and has even lost all of the baby weight, but she believes that she won’t feel better about herself until she gets a little nip and a little tuck. Jackie explains:
Here’s the thing: I eat well, I am very active, and I gained less than 20 lbs including baby and all. I had my kids in my 30s and my body did not bounce back.. period. I have a flappy skin apron. I could not breastfeed for more than three months with either child, yet my breasts took the hit anyway. So I’ve got nipples that point down, too. I’m talking deflated balloon here.
That being said, my husband does believe in pornography where he enjoys the bodies of women that have clearly had some of the procedures I want. I want more attention from him than I get, and I want to feel good when I have it, rather than thinking about how I can feel my skin touching my other skin that never used to touch…
My pants ride down until my belly flap is visible beneath (or just the silhouette) my shirt. There is no “sexy underwear” for this very reason. I am unwilling to take my bra off during sex, which he complains about. I know surgery comes with scars, but I would take that and a tighter feel than what I’ve got.
I have a good job, hubby has a good job, and we don’t have a lot of debt. I went behind his back for a consultation and for what I want, I expect to pay about 7-10k. We gross more than that in a month. I don’t know how to get across to him that I am ashamed of my body now (yeah, yeah, earned her stripes, I know) and if he wants to have sex with the lights on ever again, we’ve got to do something about the state of the union over here.
His issues: He doesn’t want to spend the money. He thinks that once I have a procedure, there will be no end to procedures I want. Part of me also thinks that he will feel the need to make self-improvements too if I do, and he doesn’t want to have to deal with that.
My issues: I don’t enjoy sex anymore, and even just his touch is enough to make me feel ashamed rather than aroused. His “I love yous” and “I want yous” aren’t enough to make me feel, at 31, that I need to give up my dream of feeling beautiful. I love my kids and my body for what it has given me, but I feel used up and tossed aside. I have wants too.
What should she do?
