Madame Noire | Black Women's Lifestyle Guide | Black Hair | Black Love

Dear Very Smart Brotha,

I’m in need of some relationship advice. Can you please help?

I recently got out of a relationship a couple months ago and I’m having the hardest time getting over it, especially since he has moved on and I keep blaming myself for everything that has happened. We were friends before anything and our friendship naturally turned into more. We want the same things out of life, come from the same background, and share common interests. At first things were great, we were both into making each other happy, but the moment problems came up, everything turned sour. He had only been in one relationship before me, which lasted a month, and when it came to previous girls he dealt with, he was used to things not working out and often moved on to the next one every time a problem came up. His motto was “there’s always something better” and even though I agree, I still believe that even though you may think the grass is greener on the other side, it still has to be mowed as well. Anywho, when we got into an issue in our relationship, he completely shut down on me, rarely ever wanting to talk, hang out, or go on dates. I would give him his space, but even when he came around he was still pretty standoffish. It also didn’t help that he has a ton of female friends, most of which like him or used to talk to him, that he would often hit up to talk to or chill with. But when I would try to tell him how I felt about things and work it out, everything always turned into an argument and eventually we broke up. I didn’t help the situation either, I’d blow up his phone with text messages constantly trying to talk about things and my feelings (mistake I know). He now talks to one of the females he befriended while we were together soon after we broke up and it hurts. I never wanted to breakup, but instead work things out. We’ve been trying the whole “friend” thing since we broke up, but it’s not really working out. I still have feelings for him obviously and he has moved on, plus I don’t feel as much of a friend. We barely talk and every time I suggest we hang out as friends, he declines, but yet he’ll hit me up and ask for pictures. How do I just let this go already? I keep thinking about how great of a guy he is and wonder if I’ll ever find that again.

Sincerely,

Still Crazy In Love

Dear Crazy in Love,

Hmm. The answer to your question seems extremely obvious. Like seriously, the answer is so obvious that it’s currently sitting on my desk in my office, eating a Chipotle burrito and rocking a t-shirt with “Look at me! I’m the Fawking answer” emblazoned on the front. But, if years of doling out advice have told me anything, it’s that certain things aren’t all that obvious to everyone, and sometimes the obvious solution doesn’t take.

With this in mind, instead of just giving you the seemingly obvious answer — “Um, you need to drop this guy like your name is “Roc-A-Fella Records” and his name is “Amil” — I’ve decided to create a list based off of your paragraph to hopefully help you get the picture.

Without further ado, here’s “Three Signs That Your “Great Guy” Really Aint Shyte And Needs to Be Dropped and Forgotten About Like…Amil from Roc-A-Fella Records”

1. He says Shytety things like “there’s always something better” to his girlfriend’s face.

2. He’s currently with one of the female friends (Ha!) that he made while he was with you. This means that there’s an (approximately) 112% chance that he was Fawking her before he “officially” broke up with you. (On a serious tip, you should probably get tested for STDs)

3. He ignores your attempts to speak (Which he should, btw. Unless there are children and/or property involved, there’s never a valid reason to communicate with an ex. Ever)…but he randomly hits you up for pictures.

This probably was a bit harsh, but the harshness was necessary to get the point across that this guy CLEARLY isn’t worth stressing about. The sooner you realize this, the sooner you’ll be able to move on.

Sincerely,

Damon Young (aka The Champ)

Pittsburgh native Damon Young (aka “The Champ”) is the co-founder of the ridiculously popular VerySmartBrothas.com. Their first book “Your Degrees Won’t Keep You Warm At Night: The Very Smart Brothas Guide To Dating, Mating and Fighting Crime” is available at Amazon.com

Want relationship advice from a  Very Smart Brotha? Submit questions to editors@madamenoire.com. Put “Ask a Very Smart Brotha” in the subject line. Check the site every Wednesday to see if your question was selected!