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Moms, it’s nerve-wrecking enough to have to think about balancing all the dynamics of a family. Are the kids happy? Is my husband satisfied? When is the perfect time to introduce my kids to the man I’m seriously dating? So once you’ve got  those things figured out, or so you think, you find out that your man — your grown man — is jealous of the children.

Sounds crazy, but it’s a pretty natural feeling for guys. But just because something is common doesn’t mean it’s right.

I once dated a single dad who had a six-year-old daughter. Before we even got serious, he was very concerned and couldn’t wrap his brain around how he would be able to hang out with my three-year-old daughter and I if his daughter happened to be with her mom or in school. He said: “I know I’m going to be jealous and resent your daughter.” While I appreciated his honesty — he later tried to take back what he said — I took that statement as a big red flag. I could have handled him admitting this if he was then willing to work on those feelings together, but being that he was a tad bit on the controlling side (humph), he made it clear that being jealous and resentful were not optional. That relationship didn’t last.

Similarly, Kelis, a newly single mom, thinks that guys have to get over worrying about their women paying more attention to the kids. “The beauty of women is the fact that we’re nothing like men and we’re exceptional multi-taskers,” she said in the February 2010 issue of Complex Magazine. “I think I can balance out being  a great mother and adoring my child and also taking care of and adoring my man. It just takes a man who makes you want to adore him while you are exhausted taking care of your kids.”

Whether he is the biological father, a step-father or someone you are seriously dating, this grown man needs to realize that the children need him as a positive influence in their lives. Men should understand that young children require more of our time initially and realize that the kids are not the problem. Now, if you are taking the children’s feelings and needs over and above his in all situations, then he may have good reason to complain. Partners should have time together and make decisions together concerning all things in the home, including the kids.

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