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Waiting is the worst, especially if you’re unsure when or if the one thing you’re waiting for will ever materialize. Just ask the hundreds of women who take to popular wedding-related messages boards such as Wedding Bee, The Knot, and Wedding Wire each day. In fact, “the wait” has become such a popular topic Wedding Bee has introduced the “Waiting” board.
In addition to the communities serving as a sounding board for frustrated women who are somewhat disheartened by how long their clueless (and sometimes not-so-clueless) partners are taking to pop the question, they also seem to act as support groups where the ladies keep each other sane. On Wedding Bee, some women even invite each other to something called the “Shut It Up Pact”. In short, members of the board who are waiting for the ring are challenged to refrain from discussing all things wedding-related with family, friends and their significant others. If someone else happens to bring up the discussion, they’re required to keep their cool, briefly comment and then move on. The penalty for breaking the pact is placing a dollar in a jar that you’re not allowed to touch until you’re engaged. Yes, the struggle is that real, but people find creative ways to cope and keep their minds right during those times when their patience is wearing thin.
Recently, actress and singer Demetria McKinney opened up to Essence about what it was like for her waiting for her boyfriend of nine years, Roger Bobb, to pop the question. As you may recall, Bobb proposed on New Year’s Day. Prior to this, McKinney was ridiculed for sticking with a man for nearly a decade without being married to him, but the former “Real Housewives of Atlanta” star is now headed to the altar and has some advice for women in similar predicaments.
Know what you want and how long you’re willing to wait for it.
While the actress doesn’t have a universal timeline to offer women waiting for the proposal, she suggests learning to be happy with yourself—whether you’re with the guy or not. In other words, you should be sure to build yourself up enough that you’ll be okay should you have to walk away.
“I wouldn’t recommend any amount of time to anybody. I would just recommend that you get comfortable with you—whether you’re with that person or whether you’re not,” she said. “I’ve always been a woman who knows who I am and knows what I want.”
It’s okay to set a deadline if you feel that you need to
Although she waited nearly ten years for a proposal, McKinney says that she did establish a personal deadline .
“Girl, yeah! Absolutely,” she said in regard to setting a cut-off time. “He may not have known the day, but Demi McKenney did.”
People reach decisions in their own timing
While deadlines are cool, you should also know that people make these decisions in their own timing and that no amount of pressure will magically make a person who is not ready, ready.
“I think everybody has to do things through their own timing… You both have to be in a space where you’re ready and committed, and you know that that’s what you wanna do for the rest of your life. So, as long as he got there, I ain’t mind the time.”
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