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Say that after years of dating guys who wasted your time, broke your heart, riled you up and, basically, just weren’t worth your energy, you find a man you fall in love and want to settle down with. You both get married, start your new life together, and after a year or two of wedded bliss, you start having kids. Everything feels and looks right.
After a few years of wedded bliss, things hit their stride and you both get really comfortable. In fact, your spouse gets so comfortable that he stops wearing his wedding ring. You all haven’t separated or had any significant marital discord, but all of a sudden, his ring is rarely seen on his hand. Would you take it personally?
As I talked about marriage with a relative over the holidays, and even chatted about the wedding bands my fiancé and I had been looking at, she told me not to waste too much money on such things. She said that her husband took his off ring more than seven years ago and now goes without it.
“He wore it every day after we got married,” she said. “And I know some men take their ring off to work depending on what they do, but he wore it no matter what. But then all of a sudden, he went to visit family back home and when he came back, he took it off and stopped wearing it. He claimed it was too tight. Hasn’t worn it since.”
She told her husband when he initially took it off that it bothered her that he wouldn’t wear his ring all of a sudden, and he maintained that it just wasn’t as comfortable as it used to be. He also tried to tell her that not wearing the ring doesn’t change how he feels about their relationship, and it doesn’t mean he’s out here chasing tail.
But considering that it hurt her feelings that he ditched the band, which is a symbol of their love, I couldn’t really understand why he wouldn’t just try and get it resized and put it back on. It was something that she had just attempted to adjust to, as people told her that it’s common for folks not to wear their rings all the time, but it’s clearly something she isn’t happy about.
I get the fact that wearing a ring every day for the rest of your life is a new concept for a lot of people. I, myself, have never been a big fan of rings and a lot of jewelry, so adjusting to wearing one 24/7 has been interesting. Sometimes it gets in the way when you’re doing your work, or when you’re exercising. You might feel like it’s too big and flashy and will attract the wrong kind of attention when you’re walking the streets at night. Hey, maybe it snags on your clothes and gets caught in your hair?
I’m trying to think of all the possible legitimate excuses for why people don’t wear their wedding rings, so it doesn’t immediately jump into they-are-trying-to-see-if-they-still-got-“it” territory. Some people do have good reasons why they don’t wear their ring sometimes.
But to stop wearing it completely? As in, take it off and not even try to wear it again, get it resized, put it on a chain or anything? To me, that’s not a good sign. That reads like someone who wants to be out in the world giving the impression that if a P.Y.T. approaches them, they are available to entertain such advances. Or worse, they want to fool the world into thinking they are single when THEY make their advances. Of course, a ring won’t stop anyone from doing the shady things they want to do, but pulling it off and leaving it (and your spouse) at home definitely sends a message.
There are so many things you can do about rings that are too big and too small and too bulky during work and other activities you partake in for me to try and jibe with the idea of just giving up on wearing a wedding band. A band that is supposed to be a symbol of the commitment between you and your spouse. Choosing to occasionally take it off is one thing. But opting to forgo putting it back on, even when your partner tells you that it bothers them, is blatantly disregarding their feelings. So if you ask me, if you don’t want to wear your ring, then it sounds like you no longer want the responsibilities and expectations that come with being married…
But as always, that’s just my opinion. What do you think? Is it petty to get upset about your spouse leaving their wedding band behind? Does it mean he could be doing something wrong?
