Is it Racist to Only Date Your Own Race?

July 12th, 2011 - By The Manifesto

 

 

I had a recent conversation with a female associate – a white woman – who admitted to me that the life partner she was in search of must be a white dude.

As a black male, I had that natural, visceral “why he gotta be a WHITE dude??” response. That type of gut reaction, I think, is to be expected when directed from someone of the majority race to someone of a historically oppressed race.  This woman must be a bona fide racist, right. She’d put the first Negro she caught in her net on the spit to feed her dogs if there were no consequences, true?

Fortunately for me, I’m able to move past the emotion to reach the nuances, and I’m not willing to condemn her as a racist scalliwag for her connubial preferences without digging a bit deeper.

Physical attraction is very subjective, and I don’t think it’s much of a coincidence that, by and large, we’re attracted to our own kind. Nor do I think it’s a testament to racism. For example, many of you are not attracted to anyone that’s not a black man, for many reasons. Does that necessarily make you a bigot? Methinks not.

However, there are almost always exceptions to every rule of attraction, so I think most people can’t honestly say they aren’t attracted to any person in a given ethnic group. I’m not attracted to western African women in general, but I’m sure there are some I’d find banging.

The biggest issue for me is when people aren’t attracted to anyone of their OWN ethnicity. I find that odd, but then again I also am not sure if it’s an issue of self-hate so much as it’s a by-product of how and where a person is raised. For example, black men who are raised around nothing but white people in a white school with white friends…I don’t expect them to necessarily be down with the Nubian Bourgetto Hood Princesses (NBHPs), and neither should you.

I realize that we have been conditioned by standards of beauty, but I’ve always thought it far more complicated than being forever programmed to like a certain type of woman based on growing up looking at Cosmopolitan magazine cover women while waiting with our mothers in grocery store lines. I’m no social scientist, but common sense and experience has led me to believe our environmental upbringing is big in our attractions.

Now, if someone is not attracted to another race because they are worried about how they would be perceived, how their friends would think or anything along those lines, that’s racist. Being into someone and rejecting them due solely to the inherent challenges of a mixed relationship is Beyotch-made, period.

So while the girl’s response didn’t surprise me, it made me think of how many white girls I’ve tried to mack on throughout the years that felt exactly the same way. It also makes me wonder how many white women I was with that wouldn’t have gone for me if I weren’t high yellow…

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  • P.B

    i am a black woman & there's nothing finer 2 me (key word) than a strong, fine, black man. it is racist? i think not, but if anyone else does… 2 bad! i grew up w/an african american father who would turn boot-black after washing the car on a sunny day. i have 2 brothers one of which is a chocolate brown, the other deep chocolate, along w/a variety of uncles and cousins. this is all i saw growing up as a child. as i became an adult, i saw the beauty in other races (i have a secret crush on sean connery), and if i were not involved right now, i would be open 2 dating them, but the black man is ingrained in my heart!!!

  • chocolateman

    YOU NEED HELP AND BLACK MAN!

  • chocolateman

    this is not racist, it is right thing. it means that you respect, love yourself, your man/woman or race and anti dumb or self-hating weak azz person! you want to be happy with man or woman of you own race this is always good things because god hate ugly and karma is b'tch! i am real chocolate skin black man who dating only black/mixed women and i want marry black woman for making real chocolate/brown skin black sons/kids look like me and anti look like whites! dark skin and black love the best!

  • COCO

    I'll date anyone period. I love black men but I'm aware that I can't limit my dating pool.

  • grey eyed girl

    My white husband did this very thing with me…in spite of my preference for black men, he swept me off my feet. I share this all the time whenever I'm asked why I choose to marry a white man. It never had anything to do with black men at all but who I fell deeply in love with.

  • justsaying_it

    Is called , not (in called) I meant

  • justsaying_it

    In all honesty it seems that any one who isn't attracted to an African-American in called a races for not wanting to date them, but I have been called racist by many white guys for not having any interest, so maybe it does, and maybe it doesn't.

    • justsaying_it

      Racist I meant

  • Josie

    lmao at this whole subject and this thread……. date who you want to date, love who you want to love, peel off the skin and we're all the same anyway

  • cali

    negro please. don't use not wanting to be perceived as being racist as your excuse for dating white girls.

  • Northern Cali Honey

    I think most people are attracted to those people who are "like" them, maybe not necessarily their color, but maybe the society and where they "came from." People tend to grativate towards people who are "like " them, have the same likes, same activities, etc. However, if someone prefers their own race over another, you can't call it "racist", but a preference. As "racist" means a hatred of another race…like many others have stated, to each their own. For those who always go for the same type of person, maybe you should switch it up once or twice n see what you find. All i know is, you can't judge a book by it's cover, cuz you just don't know the story til you read it.

  • LynLy

    It doesn’t strikely me odd when I see people wanting or likes to date outside their race. And, or prefer just dating within their race. I think it only matters how you make of it cause people are people. We all have feelings and preference, but it doesn’t make other people bad just because you’re not used to seeing that. I agree with how the older generations are honestly against that because of how they are raised. Or people in the comfort zone and don’t want to change. Some people aren’t willing to want to make any changes because it makes them feel safe and comforted. Sure, there will be dramas especially if your family is strict, but love is not in the color of a person’s skin. It’s what it’s in the inside that matters. If you think about it… Everyone has the same color inside. The skin on the outside is just a pigment of being you. =] Good Article!

  • Mick Sixx

    I'm a white man. I prefer to date only black women. I will not date a white woman. Does that make me racist against white women? I gre up in an all white community, was raised to be open minded and accepting of all. In my eyes, there is nothing sexier than a strong black woman. I can't explain it. it's my preference.

    • GailS

      Hey Mick … do you have black men as friends? I have noticed that a lot of white men who exclusively date black women don't have many, if any, black men as friends–at least here in southern California.

    • ceenoodle

      I agree, I'm a WW and I prefer melanin! Latin, Black, Pacific Islander, etc. I've always liked brown curly hair, brown eyes and brown skin which is the exact opposite of how I look. Guess we are the self-hating outliers, lol.. ;)

  • Mandisa

    As humans, we put WAY too much power in race. We use race to determind what type of person someone is what they do, what they like, whether or not we'd like them, whether or not they like us and it's REDICULOUS. We are human beings, we can THINK we can determind the type of person someone is based on their personality and by actually getting to know the person. There are over twice as many black women than there are black men in America alone. A large chunk of American black men (846,000) are in jail. Others are on their way. Many are dating interracially. It's physically impossible for every black woman to date within her race . Even if a large chunk of us lowered our standards to men who are incarcerated, participating in illegal activity, we simply dont like or who's in a relationship, there still wouldn't be enough black men for every black women.

  • guest

    This post could only be found on a black blog. Black people are so brainwashed. No other race even asks this question. YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO PUT YOUR OWN RACE FIRST! Some black women are so obsessed with white men that a perfectly fine and decent brother could fall right in their laps and they wouldn't know. They are too busy looking for MR. White. Sad.

  • Blacq

    No, it is not racist to "support" your people–something that a lot of our black people DO NOT DO.

    I DO want to see proliferation of my black race and not a bunch of what I call mixed nutts. Out.

  • Dominique

    Does anyone know if there is research being done on the theory of people's up bringing causing them to be attracted or unattraction to a certain race. If so i would like to read up on it, possibly help conduct research.

  • LCM

    It's not necessarily racist to only want to date people who look like you, just ethnocentric and closed minded. Just imagine how different Latin America would be if people had had these goals of "self preservation" for the past few centuries!
    Self preservation shouldn't be about falling in love with someone who looks like you and making babies that come out with a similar skin color to you anyway! Thankfully knowing these things has lead me to the greatest man I've ever met, and I love him like I have loved no other man of the same race as me!

  • Gordy

    If it's simply choice, how can that be racist( that's like calling someone sexist because they only date the opposite sex..lol)..but if your reasons to not date another race is because you give others some blanket inferiority under your own race then ….u might to have that come to accept the reality that you are a racist.

  • Confused Black Man?

    Other races go home to marry their own race because race and culture come first. Love will come later in the relationship. Black people need to stop saying it doesn't matter who you fall in love with. No one says that except blacks. White men love white women, Indian men love Indian women, Middle Eastern men love Middle Eastern Women, when will black people search for each other? Other races are searching for their own people. prospering with their own people. Heaven forbid black people did the same. If white people truly desired blacks like some black men and women think they do, we would be a mixed society already.

  • Confused Black Man?

    Black people love all other races on planet Earth except themselves. Why? It is only natural to love somebody of your race. Your supposed to put your race over others. Every other race does. Maybe that's why other races are so successful over black people. Black people are on a first class ride to the sewers with their mentalty. Black men love all other races except black women and black women love all other races except black men. But for other races it's reversed. White woman love white men. Latina women love latino men. You can't make this mentality of black folks up. The handful of other races that interracially marry blacks, makes black people actually think their entire race loves their ass. And please for god sake, stop saying it doesn't matter what race you fall in love with,because other races choose race as a prerequisite for their mate over anything eles. Indian, Middle Eastern, and Asian males go back home to their country if they can't find a mate in the states. They how loyal other races are to each other. But a few blacks marry whites and all of the sudden all white women love black men and all white men love black women.

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