Men and Marriage: Why They are Scared of the ‘Shackle’

July 17th, 2011 - By The Manifesto

Let’s get one thing clear from the jump: men not named George Clooney are not averse to marriage as an institution. The characters in black love flicks (often starring Taye Diggs or Omar Epps) might have folks convinced that men would rather be garroted in the scrotum before they settle down, but that’s not the case….we’re just really, really cautious about who gets the Magic Stick for life.

I tried to think of at least five things that freak men out about getting hitched, but for me, it all fits under the umbrella of three:

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  • Baron Samedi

    I think you forgot the real problem men have and it’s the financials and custody. Face it, women have the courts in the bag when it comes to these and divorce. Just ask paul mcartney and many many others. You get a divorce, you will lose the kids and half your estate, the house, cars, etc, and still have to pay monthly alimony. Young guys see that happen to men and balk at the risk

  • Glad I found a Wife

    The responsibility that comes with being a husband can be intimidating for those men who have bought into the modern day reconstructed concept of marriage. Marriage is something God established – I am still amazed at how we expect to get the bliss of marriage through applying our own faulty ideas to it. We have strayed so far from what God established that we are now questioning whether or not marriage is between a male & female or male & male or female & female. "He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord." Husbands actually have a promise from God to be able to respond well when they enter into marriage. http://victoryempowerment.blogspot.com/2011/07/fi…

  • knowit liveit

    Point blank marriage is about PARTNERSHIP, SACRIFICE, RISK and most importantly LOVE. I weep for those of you who don't know love and aren't open enough to receive it. This whole post saddens me…

  • bigyummy

    Sorry for the typo- Meant to say what are the requirements in order for "me" as lady to become your wife.

  • tpe

    you don't need to support the next mans seed.the man who helped create the child should.
    if he isn't there is a special place in hell for him

  • ADRIAN HARRIS

    HAIL!!!! GOD THE FINISHER!!!!! HAIL MY PEOPLE OF THE RAINBOW SEPIA SPECTRUM!!—–CONTINUED FROM ABOVE—–'Course we say yes. Then she say, 'In the eyes of JESUS STEP INTO THE HOLY LAND OF MATRIMONY.' When we step cross the broomstick. Folks always stepped high 'cause they didn't want no spell cast on 'em–Ant Sue used to say whichever one touched the stick was gonna die first."—–AND WE ARE ALIVE TODAY—-REVOLUTION!–product of broadbacked dreams scibbled in sweaty dawns, breaking hotly across horizon of cotton, cane, tobacco, baptized in the grim bio-rythms of our awsome heritage, to emerge from the ashes of mayrted centuries — alive.— MARRIAGE AND FAMILY or we ceast to exist. BYE Y'ALL.

    • Guest

      STFU!!!

  • T_Time

    Although, the combining of one’s life with another can be a horrendous thought to me, it is very important IF marriage is something that someone wants for them self. I think that relationships in today’s society are affected by so many more external influences than back in the day when people got married and worked things out in THEIR home and NOT on facebook or twitter or by taking advice from single friends or reading articles like these with objective opinions that generalize people! What works for one may not work for another!

    Men have needs just like women do, but not until you know what your needs are and can express them clearly to get the fulfilled, how can you possibly expect to fulfill the needs of another. Also withholding sex from a man is wrong on so many levels; the only thing that is harmed by that is YOUR relationship. Sex shouldn’t be used as a damn tool to get what you want from a man!

    Personally, I haven’t and don’t plan on cohabitating until I am married, that is my choice. But other people are okay with doing things like that. I have an old school mentality; “you can’t get the milk without buying the whole cow.” Shacking leads to people becoming complacent with the way things are, unless it is clear prior to cohabitating that the relationship is continuing for the purpose of there being a marriage at some time or that cohabitating is the end all! Women need to take responsibility for their own actions too and know that asking questions could make things easier instead of just assuming things.

    Marriage is a huge commitment for both people involved and who would want to be in a marriage with anyone that may regret it in the future. I want who ever I marry to be certain that he wants to be with me. Also I wouldn’t want to force any man to marry me, if a man isn’t ready respect that and move on till you find one that is on the same page as you! I would just hope that a man would be honest with himself and me enough to tell me that he isn’t ready. There is too much hype place on the wedding, you won’t remember half of that day anyways and hopefully you wont be in debt trying to pay for a day that will be a faded memory. I would rather a man save me the heartache and tell me he isn’t ready for marriage.

  • ADRIAN HARRIS

    HAIL!!! MIGHTY GOD IN HEAVEN!!!! BASED ON THE ABOVE, WHAT REALLY ARE OUR EXCUSES FOR OUR FAILURES. DO WE TAKE BEING ALIVE IN AMERICA SERIOUSLY? ARE WE SANE? LOOK WHAT OUR ANCESTORS DID AND GOT AND STAYED MARRIED FOR 30 YEARS OR MORE. LOVE YE ONE ANOTHER, IT ALWAYS WORKS. PEACE. BYE Y'ALL.

  • Kala

    I read a lot of the comments on this blog and it is so sad that marriage is looked at the way it is. I am not getting married anytime soon but I would love to. I think it has a lot to do with the person being truly honest with themselves about if they are ready for the type of commitment marriage is. It is about knowing weather your ready to make a compromise, if you can honestly say you can communicate and know that everything will not go your way all the time, about knowing that everyday will not be rainbows and sunshine, that there will be days you get on my nerves and I will get on yours, about listening when the preacher says cling only to one another, and knowing that for women having sex with their husband should not be a chore and if she starts feeling like it is then her libido will drop. At the end of the day it means looking at yourself and being totally honest about what your expectations will be of your mate and being able to honestly tell them what you expect and know that they will have just as many expectations of you. When people stop worrying about the wedding DAY and start focusing on the marriage then maybe the outcome wouldn't be so gloomy. So instead of pointing fingers and having women blame men and men blame women for why they are not married go look in the mirror and work on the person staring at you. Only then will you truly have the answer as to if you are ready for marriage or if you are not.

    • Kala

      Also for the guys because I see both sides. Ladies letting yourself go and not taking the extra time to make yourself appealing when he walks in the door will cause your mans libido for you to drop and he will def start looking elsewhere. Just thought I would add that tidbit before guys start pointing fingers.

    • aqquippless

      I know this sounds crazy, but here we go….Maybe, just maybe,a man can define himself WITHOUT the concept of marriage.CHOICES. that`s the key word.A man CHOOSE to marry.He is not deficient as a person if he dosen`t.Feminist ideology has covinced women that they are ENTITILED to marriage ,and that men are some how lacking in the manhood department if they don`t feel the same way.Men can CHOOSE to marry or NOT CHOOSE to marry.Freedom of choice is for black men too.Something that is keep a secret,but it`s getting out ladies.

      • Big Mike

        But it's not even that, aqquippless. There are some women who think there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with marriage, that there is nothing that men should be apprehensive about AT ALL. Like all of the nightmare scenarios out here are not really happening. (In my Officer Barbrady voice) "Move right along. Nothing to see here…"

        • Kala

          And that is why I said it is sad. I as a women would prefer a man be honest about not being ready for marriage no matter what race. I think the problem is that even as young girls we are taught that in order for us to truly know our role as a women we HAVE to be married and I think because women get a lot of outside pressure to get married they then put that same pressure and expectation on men. I remember I started dating a guy and all of my mom's friends were like, "girl you better hurry up and put papers on him" or the infamous do you see this relationship leading to marriage? and I was only 18. None of them asked me anything about what are your goals, dreams, etc. All they wanted to know was when I was getting married. I for one don't expect a man to want to get married because I have seen the horror stories, hell I lived one. I saw my mother's marriage come falling in on her and now she is left raising the kids. I don't expect a man to want to get married and I understand why a lot of men don't want it and I personally don't have a problem with that. I would rather be spared the headache of thinking he was ready and he wanted it to turn around and have my heartbroken but a lot of women still want to believe in the fairy tales that we were told when we were little.

        • aqquippless

          Exactly. Also i feel unless you want a family, marriage is not an issue.If a man don`t want children what incentive does marriage hold?

  • Anna

    Sexual Death? Seriously? Sorry excuse for a cop-out.

    Sex doesn't vary really… It's still the same act at the base. It's in-out-in-out. Beyond that, there is nothing so significant about sex. Sex is sex is sex. Sex with one person isn't that different for sex with someone else.

    What could the woman you never have do that your wife can't?

    • Anna

      So do you agree?

      • aqquippless

        I can`t agree or disagree.I`ve never been married,so that`s really a non-issue for me.

  • bhillboy37

    Yeah- White men are perfect- You "need more people" on this one.

  • Big Mike

    I couple of weeks ago a video was posted of a young lady turning down a public proposal at a club. She had every right to reject him if she thought that this guy wasn't good for her….But if a man has any trepidations, he is pathetic and weak minded. WTF?!

  • http://twitter.com/HarlemsFinest7 @HarlemsFinest7

    I like this honesty.

    • http://twitter.com/HarlemsFinest7 @HarlemsFinest7

      I agree wholeheartedly. I'll be damned. And i'm not with the whole be unfaithful once and you lose thing.

  • aqquippless

    All men are different.For some marriage is just not a comfortable fit.Some men CAN benefit,but others just don`t have a logical ( by his standards,not a womans)reason for that arrangement.

  • Rosanna

    Most of them grew up in single parent homes. They didnt grow up seeing a positive example of marriage, so why would they? PLUS, there are so many desperate woman out there who are willing to "play wife" with actually being one. They let the guy move in, cook for him clean up after him etc….. So, again, he has no true need to go through with it.

    • bhillboy37

      Ahhhh. The "All the women out here are desperate but me" defense. Or is it the "Men are irresponsible because their biological fathers were irresponsible" defense. Neither true but they sound good to the uninformed.

    • STARO

      Right on Rosanna! Too many men have no model to follow in terms of committed long term relationships. Which is why they discard women like used Kleenex. And Yes . . . for every 1 woman who NOT let Mr. Could-be-Right move in and pay half the bills (half . . . can you imagine such foolishness?!?!), there are 10 women who will give up the keys without so much as an commitment of fidelity!

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