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Body shaming has been applied to the practice of shutting plus-size individuals out of magazine and runway campaigns, nursing mothers being told not to breastfeed in public, and even asking someone whether or not they’re pregnant. But life coach and motivational speaker Chris Marvel says there’s another behavior that falls under this broad term: avoiding sex while a woman is on her period.
Most times we think of period sex as a question of personal preference but, according to Marvel, rejecting a woman during her menstrual cycle is rejecting her for her creation and that, he says, is just plain cruel. Check out his piece on changing his body shaming ways.
Jazzy, my adorable wife, is reading a book on spirituality for women. My wife is a reader, she enjoys improving herself holistically. Day after day she brightens every room she puts her foot on within our abode. I was humbled when she said “Yes” to becoming my other whole partner. Yes, I said whole, not another half. Who wants half a person anyway? She makes me want to shoop shoop eh doop eh doop frequently.
In the bedroom is where we sparkle and dance physically with only the music from our heavy breathing. Her sound? An alto, gleefully off pitch as she enjoys the rhythm of the activity. Jazzy read something out of this book that never left me. In the book, the author attempts to sooth the hearts of women from a spiritual vantage point.
“But I am not a failure as a human being or as a woman. In some core place deep within, I know this. I fail, yes. But I am not a failure. I disappoint. But I am not a disappointment. Yet when I find myself again in this place—losing the battle for my beauty, my body, my heart—I can sure feel like a failure in every way.”
― Stasi Eldredge, Becoming Myself: Embracing God’s Dream of You
That quote has stuck with me, like marshmallow whip on my furry mustache after a sip of cocoa. My wife was created by God and how he created her was perfect. I’ve been boxing my wife in one area into my vision of perfection.
I was forced to question something I have been adamant about many times since we said “I do.” I don’t like having sex during her menstrual cycle. Before you get all high-nosed with me. Wait… Did you, I know you did not judge your brother for being honest. You better bring that nose of feminism down for one second. Nope, one inch lower. Ok, now I feel safe again. Sheesh. Anywhoo, I desire to change and become enlightened. For instance, I learned through reading another excerpt that women experience the symptoms of menstruation for three total weeks.
Seventy-five percent of my Queen’s month is spent on the hormonal version of the double loop roller coaster. The week before is preparation for the big week, then the week after is the cleanup crew from the week before. My wife always says, “can you imagine blood just leaving your body for a week straight Chris? Now please go get me that pillow and change your son’s diaper.”
So I must make a change.
The change being having sex with my wife while the light is red. Green has always meant go. Green represents money, health, positivity, soft grass, freshly picked collards, Incredible Hulk. Most importantly, green means go! In contrast, red has always meant stop, cease, halt, police behind you so pull over. Red is associated with a bloody murder scene, communism, and rare meat. So when I say RED LIGHT, I mean “Stop whatcha doin’ ’cause I’m about to ruin the image and the style that ya used to.” No no no, not true. The image of her battling through her menstrual, a time God used to make her fertile, cleaner from within and rested is beautiful.
I want to apologize on behalf of men like myself who likened her vagina to our personal arcade of pleasure. She deserves love even when her hormones tell her she isn’t lovable. I know many men have no problem in this area.
After countless times saying no to my wife during the week of red. The look of rejection on her face stymied me. I looked within, “it’s not right to push her away because of her body.” Honestly, I likened my behavior to body shaming. It’s cruel and lacks the representation of love I have for her unconditionally. Rejecting a woman because of her period is indeed body shaming.
Every letter I type if healing my immaturity in this area. You deserve love as a whole. Not a piece of the pie with the seal broke type of love. Not a love on clearance cause on sleeve longer than the other type of love. Please don’t settle for temporary love masked in long-term affection. We have it in us as men to give you a better portion of our humanity. Who knew it would take reading a book meant for women to see the light. Green means go, but here is to blazing past red lights any day of the week.
Here is the man’s guide to pleasuring your woman during her period.
1. Ask questions and make the request.
She wants to have sex with you. Certain days during her period, blood rushes to the right spots making her hornier than the average day. Ask your lady questions about her body and make the request so you are comfortable entering her during this time. Trust me, this is sensitive and vulnerable for her as well. How you handle it, shows not only your maturity but your willingness to love her indeed.
2. Get Wet…In the shower.
Perfect excuse to switch up the location and angles. Take it to the shower and bath tub so the lovemaking stays clean. No need in ruining white sheets. The change of scenery is more than likely welcomed and needed. Plus sex is wetter during her period in our out the shower.
3. Go for a taste
You think I am tripping right? I believe it is possible to lick your woman without coming up sloppy joe style. How Sway? Clitoris play has saved the day. She will applaud your sincere effort to please her and may, in turn, give you the business more than usual. Warning! I am not telling you to swan dive any lower than ten inches below her belly button. You can go a little lower than her genital nipple but be aware of your surroundings.
Lastly, don’t make it a big deal. Her beauty doesn’t fade during this time. She desires your comfort, love, affection and energy more than ever. Be the man! Be a man!
