Signs You Need Therapy Before Your Next Relationship

May 4, 2016  |  
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Some relationships can leave us pretty messed up, either from ongoing abuse, or a one-time incident like infidelity. There are some relationships that even the strongest of us don’t just bounce back from—the healing process is a little more complex than a few months of movie nights with friends and phone chats with your mom. Sometimes you need to go a little deeper to heal, like going to therapy. Here are signs you need therapy before your next relationship.

Jealous women friends

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You think everyone is a threat

When you’re out with a new guy, anytime he talks about a female friend, or runs into a woman he knows, you look for signs that there is chemistry or a past there. You think every woman is a threat, even if the guy insists she isn’t.

Shutterstock

Shutterstock

Why it happens

If you dated someone who was inappropriate with other women—flirting with other women, or even carrying on emotional affairs—but always told you it was your issue and that you were too possessive, you could be left a little turned around. In retrospect, you might realize you were right, and he was inappropriate with other women, but now you don’t trust your own mind, or anybody else. So you err on the side of caution, and just get paranoid.

Image Source: Shutterstock

Image Source: Shutterstock

If he reschedules you panic

If a guy has to reschedule your plans, or simply can’t attend something you invite him to, you completely unravel. You suddenly feel fragile and insecure and like you want to cry. You feel like you’ve taken 20  steps back in the relationship, when really, he just rescheduled one plan.

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Shutterstock

Why it happens

If you were in a relationship for a long time in which little things like rescheduling plans were indicative of much larger problems, it can leave you vulnerable. Maybe your last boyfriend pulled away from you for months by cancelling on you at the last minute, or not coming with you to things you invited him to. There was much more to the gesture then, and now it’s hard for you to believe there isn’t more to it when a new guy does it.

Shutterstock

Shutterstock

You don’t want to share personal information

You find yourself stopping when you’re about to tell a new guy something personal. Even if the guy has only proven to be kind and understanding, you freeze up when you want to share a private detail of your life.

Source: Shutterstock

Source: Shutterstock

Why it happens

If you dated somebody who was emotionally abusive and used personal information about you against you—to control you—you’ll be shy about opening up with somebody new. You may have even started to feel ashamed of those personal details, and started loving yourself a little less.

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Shutterstock

You feel sad after sex

We can feel a lot of things after sex with a new person, but feeling like we want to cry shouldn’t be one of them — unless they’re happy tears. A little, “I hope he still likes me!” worry is normal, but not, “Nothing will ever be okay again.”

You Can Now Blame Your Dry Spell On Global Warming

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Why it happens

If you were in a relationship where the emotional connection was gone for a long time, but you continued to have sex, you’ll start to have sad emotions associated with sex. Sex is so physically intimate that it highlights a lack of emotional intimacy. You might be too fragile to have sex with somebody new until you’ve learned to really love yourself again after that last relationship, otherwise, sex can leave you feeling confused and empty.

"woman apologizing"

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You’re overly apologetic

If a new guy calls you out on the tiniest thing, a little flaw, or quirk, you apologize and over explain for hours, if not days. You’re left panicked, calling him to make sure he doesn’t see you in an entirely new light just because he found out you have a jealous streak or like to drink or blew up after a bad day.

Corbis

Corbis

Why it happens

You might have been in a previous relationship with somebody who had trust issues—somebody who interrogated you and judged you about everything. They left you in a place of feeling that that is normal and that you have to constantly justify yourself.

Corbis

Corbis

You back away fast

The second a guy doesn’t want to spend the night after a date or doesn’t invite you to a party you know he’s going to, you feel the urge to break things off as a pre-emptive strike.

 

 

Black couple arguing

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Why it happens

If you were in a relationship where your partner wanted to take a lot of space as things deteriorated, you’ll have a knee-jerk reaction any time a new guy wants a little space. Even though it’s perfectly normal for a guy you’ve only been out with a few times to want a night alone, you associate things like that with a guy sending you some subliminal message.

Black married couple arguing

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You’re mean

You’re just mean to the men you date. You are the judgmental one. You get on their case about the tiniest things. You feel angry a lot. You put them on trial over being fifteen minutes late as if they cheated.

Shutterstock

Shutterstock

Why it happens

If you were cheated on or were with somebody who betrayed you in someway, it can leave you angry at men. There is no glamorous way to put it: your last relationship may have just left you with anger issues towards men. But your new partners shouldn’t have to pay for old partners’ mistakes.

Shutterstock

Shutterstock

You’re invading his privacy

You’re checking text messages, you’re cross-checking his stories about where he was Friday by interrogating his friends, you’re reading his mail. You know you shouldn’t, but you can’t stop yourself. It’s compulsive.

 

 

revenge on the internet

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Why it happens

If you were with somebody who was cheating on you for a prolonged period of time, it could make you paranoid. You’ll tell yourself, “This guy would never do that” but then you’ll remember the time you told yourself that the cheater would never do that. You’ve lost touch with your intuition, and all you have to go off of is text messages, emails, etc. You need to get gack in touch with your gut.

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