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So there I was at damn near 2 a.m. trying to keep my eyes open to watch Love and Hip Hop New York. I had just come from a dinner and movie outing with one of my best friends from childhood and knew I needed to go to bed, but the ratchetry was calling me. So I listened here and there as my eyes opened and closed, sleep taking over. But one part of the show caught my attention, and I darted awake. It was the part where Rich Dollaz and his 16-year-old daughter, Ashley, were catching up in his living room, and he asked her about her love life. The man even asked her if she was a virgin, to which she hesitantly replied, “No…”

Feeling as though 16 is too young for sexual activity, Rich immediately worried that his child was going to be out here getting played and passed around left and right by men who only want one thing. You know, the way he does a lot of the women he’s featured alongside on Love and Hip Hop.

In an effort keep that from happening, Rich was honest and upfront with the teen and told her that he would never want her to fall for a man like him.

“You’re 16, so you’re still a baby,” Rich told her. “You’re still my baby. I would never want you to bump into guys like me. You understand? And I think you and me gotta always be here because ain’t no dude going to be able to run game on you that I haven’t tried to run or have run before. So you can always come to me, and I will always tell you the truth and be honest about what a ni–as intentions are.”

He continued in his confessional, “Maybe I haven’t set the best example when it comes to healthy relationships, but having this conversation with Ash right now, I’m hoping it helps her make better decisions with men. The last thing I want for my baby girl is to end up with a creep–like me.”

I think it does take a lot to admit that you’re a scumbag when it comes to how you treat the women who have come and gone in your life. But I think the next question is, what will you do about it?

I’ll never forget a conversation my sister and father were having during the holidays a few years ago. I’m not exactly sure how the conversation started or what the point of it was, but I do believe my dad made a comment about marriage and his hopes for the men who try to come into our lives. Out of nowhere my sister said, “Would you say you want us to marry someone like you?”

My father laughed a little and then said something to the effect of, “Well my daughter, I would say no.” The truth was that my dad hadn’t always treated my mom well, and to this day, things between them go up and down. He wants better for us, but his admission of that didn’t spur real change in his behaviors and choices. And I think that’s one of the reasons my mother was initially worried about my decision to be with and marry a Nigerian man (it wasn’t something I was trying to do, that’s just the way love goes).

But I never grew up wanting a man like my father. I even said I didn’t want to date Nigerian men ever. And to this day, Nigerian man or not, I don’t want what my mom has dealt with. I think I’ve gone out of my way in my own relationships to keep that from happening. The communication issues I saw growing up I try to avoid by hashing out issues immediately after they happen. And some of the similarities between my father and my fiance I’m often on alert about (being stubborn, blaming everything on culture, trying to start businesses abroad, etc.). But we have good communication, and we genuinely love one another. Still, whatever is meant to happen in my own relationships will happen, and my efforts, as well as the words and efforts of my father, won’t change that. Whatever mistakes I make are mine to make.

Same for Ashley. Rich might try and give her pep talks about “creeps” and hope that his efforts to have in-depth conversations with her about all the men she meets and dates will keep her from cavorting with the wrong ones. But whatever she is meant to do, she will do. Whomever Ashley is meant to be with, have her heart broken by or fall in love with, she inevitably will. Having a better example growing up would have been nice, but who has time for shoulda, coulda and woulda?

The best thing he can do for his daughter, and himself, is instead of living by a date-as-I-say-and-not-as-I-date rule, treat the women he encounters romantically better. They are someone’s daughter, too. But, as always, folks don’t care until they see the women they dupe and disrespect in their own “little girls”…

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