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As we shared last week, the holidays are a time when relatives seem to be on their worst behavior. Recently, a woman, who we’ll call “Janet,” turned to the Reddit message board to share how she’s reluctant to spend the holidays with her parents after her mother betrayed her trust. Janet is 36 years old and expecting her first child. She’s pretty nervous about the pregnancy because of her age and would like to keep the news under wraps until she is sure that the baby is okay. She confided in her mother, in-laws and perhaps a few of her other close relatives, but she let them know that she wanted to keep the pregnancy a secret for now. However, she received the shock of her life when people started congratulating her on Facebook.

Well on Sunday, I received a congratulation comment on FB about my pregnancy from someone I didn’t even know she knew. I clicked on the link and…it was one of 15 other comments on a pic of me my mum posted without telling me. Well, no big deal, right?

The trouble is I specifically asked her to keep my pregnancy to our close family: my parents, my brothers. Even my husband hadn’t told all his own family members. I especially didn’t want her sister to know yet because she recently turned intp an extremist religious person and is well known to not respect any boundary whatsoever. I am 36 y/o; it is my first pregnancy, and I know the rate of miscarriage or further health issues with the baby. I have enough fears like that; I don’t need to deal with my crazy aunt if we need to deal with the inevitable. I simply wanted to wait a little to have the green lights from my OB/GYN to feel at ease to share this news with loved ones without it turning a show on FB. I am quite reserved and like my privacy, especially during such an intimate event.

Well, Janet chose not to respond to the congratulatory comments. When the time was right, she gently confronted her mother, who didn’t seem sorry for her actions at all.

I took my mother aside and calmly told her I really would like her not to share my pregnancy on FB since I’m uncomfortable, and not all my husband’s close relatives are in the loop yet. She just said that she didn’t have ill meaning. Turns out, once in the car, she got [on the phone with a] friend and [had] a lengthy conversation about me and my pregnancy to someone she never told me she told.

And then, things went left.

I really tried to keep my cool. I waited a few minutes to have a serious conversation about it. I remembered not to start with negative words or accusations. So it went like this: “Mum, I know you didn’t have ill-meaning, but I’d like to know who knows about my pregnancy?” I kept my voice even.

Well, she transformed into a hysteric, accusing me of so many things I don’t even know where to start: I’m ungrateful, unfair, I disrespected her, she has the right to speak about my pregnancy to whomever she pleases. I tried 3 or 4 times to tell her “I’d like to tell you something” until my dad, who was driving, told her to let me speak. I started like this: “Mum, I’m 36 y/o, 1/4 of pregnancies at my age will stop by itself. I have a much higher risk to develop complications…” she cut me off, mocking me, saying I was too melodramatic and abnormal to not be willing to share this news.”

Facepalm. Things didn’t end too well, and now Janet isn’t sure how to move forward. Christmas is just around the corner, and she planned to spend the entire week of the holiday with her husband and her parents.

How would you handle this?

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