When You’re Married With Children, Is It Cool To Flirt With Someone Other Than Your Spouse?

December 4, 2015  |  

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You can be as happily married as can be, there will always be some people that you meet throughout your life who catch your attention. And that’s okay. It doesn’t mean that you don’t love or value your partner, nor that you have interest in acting upon the attraction you feel towards others. It’s normal and totally human; don’t feel guilty about it. However, it is important to control how you react to it; only a fool will submit to the feeling or let everyone they are attracted to know it and if you do that, you are guaranteed a dysfunctional relationship. Don’t let it become more than just an attraction.

First of all, pretending that you aren’t attracted to others, acting as if your partner is the only man on earth, is unhealthy.  Openly discussing your emotions with your partner will eliminate the mystery of that other person, and, in my opinion, deter the pressures of adultery. Therefore, you’ll start to see him or her as just another good-looking person that asked you out while you happened to be with the love of your life.

But realize that this goes both ways. You can’t cringe when your partner starts telling you about someone who walked up to him to flirt.

Equality is key in a relationship.

Always be honest. Honesty is the key to trust. If you physically, mentally or spiritually feel attracted to another person, don’t keep it a secret or lie about it. I mean, of course you wouldn’t go home and say: “Hey babe, I saw this hot guy at work today…” but don’t be secretive about it either. That’s what most likely will get you tempted. We all know that we want what we can’t have, so don’t even put yourself in that position. Just keep it real with yourself and your partner.

Don’t act upon the attraction. I think there’s a fine line between it being okay to feel attracted to someone and it not being okay. The key element here is to always respect your partner, yourself and your relationship. Another person may get the looks you’re giving them but let it stay at that. Don’t be one of those people who go out after just having an argument with their partner and start flirting with the person they’ve been eyeing – only to wake up to one of the biggest mistakes of their lives. That’s the easy and weak way out. If your relationship needs work then focus on that and don’t get distracted by eye-candy; it’s not worth it. Accept compliments. Smile and politely turn down the invitation to a date, remind yourself of your partner home waiting for you.

A lot of the discomfort we feel when we’re attracted to someone else other than our partner comes from the over romanticized notions of love, where the first flush of intoxication translates to “and they both lived happily after…”

It’s simply not realistic. Even putting the topic of this article aside, there is no perfect relationship. Every relationship has it’s ups and down’s, but don’t let that be a downer for the effort you were once willing to put in to make it work. There is nothing more rewarding than getting through the hard times together, pushing through and to still stand strong together – as a team, after all.

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