7 Ways You Can Tell Chivalry is Dead and Gone

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You’ve probably heard someone say “chivalry is dead” thousands of times. And that individual was probably a disappointed woman. Not all men have forgotten the rules to being a gentleman (SEE! I’m not generalizing!), but many just don’t care anymore. Maybe it has something to do with the whole independent woman stance many of us have taken over the years. Perhaps some men think “if you’re so independent, then what do you need me to pay for dinner for?” And no, we’re definitely not meek and helpless, we can indeed do things for ourselves too. But it’s not like we’re asking men to bring us flowers everyday and recklessly paint our toenails, but just a little display of respect from time to time, showing off what I know your parents taught you, would be nice. Here are seven ways you know there needs to be some slow singing and flower bringing on behalf of our dear friend chivalry.

You Can’t Get a Seat on Public Transportation
Straight up, you have to be past five months pregnant or on crutches to get some men to let you sit down on a packed train or bus. I’ve seen too many men, white, black, green and blue, sit comfortably in their cozy plastic seat, looking straightforward trying to ignore the short woman holding on to a germ infected pole for dear life so she won’t fall while waiting for her stop, 30 minutes away. I’ve seen signs of hope in older men who might ask if a woman wants to trade seats, but it’s a rarity they’ll insist on it if she gives a half-hearted, wanting but not wanting to inconvenience “that’s okay.” Moral of the story, hold on tight girl, you’re going to be standing for a while.

That Once Open Door Closes in Your Face
This one might be my biggest pet peeve, and I definitely don’t see men do this very much anymore. While shopping at IKEA over the weekend, I had packed one of those tiny, flat pushcarts with a number of large items. On my way to the car, as I was heading out the door, two men were entering through the same door as me. And would you know it, as I struggled to push this heavy piece of crap cart by myself, one of the men walked in as I was trying to push the cart out, getting in my way with not a care in the world. It took a loud scoff on my part to send a signal to his friend that he should do better and hold the door for me. But seriously, why should it take all that at all?

You’re Walking Next to the Street, Closest to Fast Traffic
It shouldn’t be only on a date that a man stands closest to the street when with you, it should be an everyday thing. When a woman is walking on the sidewalk, whenever, wherever, a man is supposed to walk on the side of the street next to the traffic. Will a car necessarily come flying into you as you walk to McDonalds? Hopefully not, but dang, a woman shouldn’t be the one about to fall into oncoming traffic because there are too many men on the sidewalk trying to window shop. Plus, let a puddle from the street hit you while you’re dressed to the nines on the way to work and watch all hell break loose. This rage can be prevented…

He Doesn’t Wait for You To Actually Make it “IN” Safely
So your date is over and the man you’re with takes you back to your place. It’s agreed that nothing else will happen on that evening (meaning, he’s sleeping at his own place) so he’ll quickly drop you off and head home. It’s not always necessary for a guy to walk you to your door (though it would be nice), especially if your front door is visible and not shrouded in bushes and mystery, so you exchange hugs and a kiss before you walk to the door. As you open it, you turn around to wave goodbye and give the signal that all is clear, but homeboy is already long gone, the fumes from his car wafting away on your street. THAT is not a good look. You never know who or what could be in someone’s home, or could be waiting for them outside of it on the low. If a man is safely and comfortably in the car, what would it really hurt to wait just a little bit longer as you close the door behind you, somewhat ensuring that you’ve made it in safely? But it happens…

Moving Heavy Materials By Yourself
If you’re moving into an apartment, or just trying to move a box from one place to another in public, there’s something extremely vexing about watching a strong man look at you as you struggle, and fail to ask you if you need help. Chances are, if they were to stop and offer you some help, you wouldn’t ask them to stop their entire day to come help you move your entire apartment around, so why not help a sistah out? Just the tiniest bit of help, whether they can hold a door for your while you come out or open a car door for you when you’re ready to load would go a long way. But I’m noticing a lot of fellas are giving off that, “she’ll be alright” face.

Your Conversations are Dead, or Even Worse, All About Him
There’s two types of big errors that can be made by a guy when it comes to holding a conversation. For one, when a he texts, calls, GChats, send smoke signals, or whatever with a woman to show that he’s ready and willing to converse, but has NOTHING to say. Nothing to contribute to the conversation. It’s irritating when you have to continuously find something to say while the guy on the opposite end of the phone gives short replies to everything. But an even worse error is for a guy to hold a conversation with a woman, yet make it all about him: his likes, his thousands of dislikes, why his job is so awesome, etc. A man might not realize it, but the more a conversation turns self-centered, the less and less you’re going to feel like continuing that conversation. Interest will wane towards him in general. When a small point you are trying to make doesn’t seem even the slightest bit important to him that he won’t let you get it out all the way, don’t expect too many good manners from that brotha at all, okay?

Photo courtesy of Peter Silverton

 

He Barely Knows You But Uses Foul Language In Your Presence
Some guys get WAY too comfortable around people really fast and wind up talking crazy as if they’ve known you all their lives. When you meet a guy, if some of those 25 cent curse words start flying during what should be a calm conversation about the weather or their day, you might have a problem. Same goes for spewing the N word. Not every black person on earth pines to say that word or even feels comfortable hearing it, so assuming you won’t care or you shouldn’t be respected enough for dude to watch his language in front of you is one of those extra non-subtle ways of letting you know he doesn’t believe in such a thing as “act right.” Run for the hills!

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