7 Ways You Can Tell Chivalry is Dead and Gone

July 6, 2011  |  
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You’ve probably heard someone say “chivalry is dead” thousands of times. And that individual was probably a disappointed woman. Not all men have forgotten the rules to being a gentleman (SEE! I’m not generalizing!), but many just don’t care anymore. Maybe it has something to do with the whole independent woman stance many of us have taken over the years. Perhaps some men think “if you’re so independent, then what do you need me to pay for dinner for?” And no, we’re definitely not meek and helpless, we can indeed do things for ourselves too. But it’s not like we’re asking men to bring us flowers everyday and recklessly paint our toenails, but just a little display of respect from time to time, showing off what I know your parents taught you, would be nice. Here are seven ways you know there needs to be some slow singing and flower bringing on behalf of our dear friend chivalry.

You Can’t Get a Seat on Public Transportation
Straight up, you have to be past five months pregnant or on crutches to get some men to let you sit down on a packed train or bus. I’ve seen too many men, white, black, green and blue, sit comfortably in their cozy plastic seat, looking straightforward trying to ignore the short woman holding on to a germ infected pole for dear life so she won’t fall while waiting for her stop, 30 minutes away. I’ve seen signs of hope in older men who might ask if a woman wants to trade seats, but it’s a rarity they’ll insist on it if she gives a half-hearted, wanting but not wanting to inconvenience “that’s okay.” Moral of the story, hold on tight girl, you’re going to be standing for a while.

That Once Open Door Closes in Your Face
This one might be my biggest pet peeve, and I definitely don’t see men do this very much anymore. While shopping at IKEA over the weekend, I had packed one of those tiny, flat pushcarts with a number of large items. On my way to the car, as I was heading out the door, two men were entering through the same door as me. And would you know it, as I struggled to push this heavy piece of crap cart by myself, one of the men walked in as I was trying to push the cart out, getting in my way with not a care in the world. It took a loud scoff on my part to send a signal to his friend that he should do better and hold the door for me. But seriously, why should it take all that at all?

You’re Walking Next to the Street, Closest to Fast Traffic
It shouldn’t be only on a date that a man stands closest to the street when with you, it should be an everyday thing. When a woman is walking on the sidewalk, whenever, wherever, a man is supposed to walk on the side of the street next to the traffic. Will a car necessarily come flying into you as you walk to McDonalds? Hopefully not, but dang, a woman shouldn’t be the one about to fall into oncoming traffic because there are too many men on the sidewalk trying to window shop. Plus, let a puddle from the street hit you while you’re dressed to the nines on the way to work and watch all hell break loose. This rage can be prevented…

He Doesn’t Wait for You To Actually Make it “IN” Safely
So your date is over and the man you’re with takes you back to your place. It’s agreed that nothing else will happen on that evening (meaning, he’s sleeping at his own place) so he’ll quickly drop you off and head home. It’s not always necessary for a guy to walk you to your door (though it would be nice), especially if your front door is visible and not shrouded in bushes and mystery, so you exchange hugs and a kiss before you walk to the door. As you open it, you turn around to wave goodbye and give the signal that all is clear, but homeboy is already long gone, the fumes from his car wafting away on your street. THAT is not a good look. You never know who or what could be in someone’s home, or could be waiting for them outside of it on the low. If a man is safely and comfortably in the car, what would it really hurt to wait just a little bit longer as you close the door behind you, somewhat ensuring that you’ve made it in safely? But it happens…

Moving Heavy Materials By Yourself
If you’re moving into an apartment, or just trying to move a box from one place to another in public, there’s something extremely vexing about watching a strong man look at you as you struggle, and fail to ask you if you need help. Chances are, if they were to stop and offer you some help, you wouldn’t ask them to stop their entire day to come help you move your entire apartment around, so why not help a sistah out? Just the tiniest bit of help, whether they can hold a door for your while you come out or open a car door for you when you’re ready to load would go a long way. But I’m noticing a lot of fellas are giving off that, “she’ll be alright” face.

Your Conversations are Dead, or Even Worse, All About Him
There’s two types of big errors that can be made by a guy when it comes to holding a conversation. For one, when a he texts, calls, GChats, send smoke signals, or whatever with a woman to show that he’s ready and willing to converse, but has NOTHING to say. Nothing to contribute to the conversation. It’s irritating when you have to continuously find something to say while the guy on the opposite end of the phone gives short replies to everything. But an even worse error is for a guy to hold a conversation with a woman, yet make it all about him: his likes, his thousands of dislikes, why his job is so awesome, etc. A man might not realize it, but the more a conversation turns self-centered, the less and less you’re going to feel like continuing that conversation. Interest will wane towards him in general. When a small point you are trying to make doesn’t seem even the slightest bit important to him that he won’t let you get it out all the way, don’t expect too many good manners from that brotha at all, okay?

Photo courtesy of Peter Silverton


He Barely Knows You But Uses Foul Language In Your Presence
Some guys get WAY too comfortable around people really fast and wind up talking crazy as if they’ve known you all their lives. When you meet a guy, if some of those 25 cent curse words start flying during what should be a calm conversation about the weather or their day, you might have a problem. Same goes for spewing the N word. Not every black person on earth pines to say that word or even feels comfortable hearing it, so assuming you won’t care or you shouldn’t be respected enough for dude to watch his language in front of you is one of those extra non-subtle ways of letting you know he doesn’t believe in such a thing as “act right.” Run for the hills!

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  • Brigadon

    Women don’t deserve chivalry anymore. They are in competition with men for jobs, responsibility, and respect. One does not Help a competitor win.

  • steven

    poor girls. you want to be as equals with men, but you still want us to bow and scrape for your favor. let chivalry die, it’s the price you pay for equality

  • I can’t believe this is controversial. Women are becoming too accustomed to dealing with little boys and douche bags.

  • Guest

    You know the N word isnt really a trait of a real black person, since real black people know that it means a person who is ignorant, so I agree with you on the last part about the N word, and I agree with being chivalrous but it is iterating for me when my gestures aren’t appreciated.

  • Danielle people suck

    I believe that people should have respect for each other. People just make so many excuses for being lazy. As a women I will give my seat up to an elderly person regardless of sex. If I see a women nine months pregant I will help her or hold the door for her, because it what you should do. I look around and I’m discussed that no one has the same manners as me. Most not all are just here making excuses for being lazy or not being raise right.

  • Froidmer

    why can’t a woman help another woman?… why can’t woman ask for help instead expecting to get help by chance?.. today woman are scared of man of being a rapist and man know it and the men fear of being even slightly accused as a womanizer is greater than there kindness

  • Loadria

    u r really into this people !!! lol 😉

  • Hanacyan

    Love it. So true. Women have taken this women’s lib so far that they forgot chivalry is a respectful thing. When we started demanding them to stop chivalrous acts bc “we can take care of ourselves” and jumping down their throats is when they stopped respecting us as a group. It’s sad and unfortunate. Women shot themselves in the foot and are so hyper sensitive now that we can forget about the majority of men going out of their way for us. So sad.

  • Milk112

    This is just a difference in perspective. The author of this add is only talking from the female point of view. Sorry women but guys do that stuff to get in your pants lol. It sometimes feels like guys are made out to be the enemy so to speak. I understand the want for equality and independence but if your not dependent on us then you could probably handle opening a door and moving boxes. To sum: equality sucks.

  • Guest

    I used to hold the door open the door for both men and women because it’s common courtesy.
    I used to lend a hand to both men and women to lift heavy objects because it’s common courtesy.

    Difference between men and women is that men say thanks while women just give me the “That’s the least you could do for Me, I’m a Woman” look. Oh, so you’re a woman? Wow. Very impressive.
    Now I just hardly bother doing such for women anymore.

  • Sorry. Just because you’re a woman does not mean that you deserve special treatment. A lot of the things on this list (albeit all) kinda made me upset. I can open the door for myself. I can walk on the side of the street without being “hurt”. If I come onto a train, I do not expect a man to give me a seat. In fact, I’d feel uncomfortable because then everyone will be looking at me as the whiney bxtch who can’t stand for 20 minutes. I just don’t like this list. Sorry

  • johny

    Thanks for posting Devon. you are one of the few good women.

  • Dahaka

    Sorry, Ladies. We're 'equals' now. D.I.Y.

  • Joe

    Chivalry? Hell with that, b*tches wanted equality, now stop complaining

  • Wukong

    THAT is the problem here. It's the ENTITLEMENT attitude. I think we can all agree that courtesy is a good thing. Chivalry is debatable. BUT, NO ONE is OWED any unearned treatment from another. You can be THANKFUL for it but, it's disgusting if you think of it as though someone robbed you of something if it is not given. It's not a RIGHT and no one OWES you anything that you did not 'pay' for.

    In the REAL world, if I want someone to treat me a certain way, then I do something or behave in a way to EARN that treatment. I don't DEMAND something for nothing.

  • Wukong

    Thank you is not enough of a payment in the real world.

    With your example of the man walking on the outside, what do you do as special treatment for him being a man?

    I'm all for courtesy (which is gender neutral). Chivalry, in the context that the OP is using it, was meant to be a two-way special gender treamtment. Men were expected to do certain special things for women and women were expected to do certain special things for men. It is disgusting and deplorable to demand chilvalry be one-sided. THAT is sexist.

  • WarHammer Axe

    After reading this amusing article of expectations, I have but three questions:

    1) What are you doing to EARN such respect?

    2) What's in it for a man?

    3) Did anyone explain to you that you cannot have chivalry and equality at the same time?

    BTW, the reason you see fewer men practice 'chivalry', is that the benefit for men practicing it is gone. Also, men ARE listening to you…you stated you were STRONG, INDEPENDENT, MAKING YOUR OWN MONEY and DOING IT FOR YOURSELVES..so now you are expected to do that all the time. Men are now free to kick back, watch you be exactly what you proclaim yourselves to be. Also, men ARE treating you as equal to them…if he has to stand, so can you. If he has to lift heavy stuff, he either gets a dolly or carries it himself…so can you. If you know you may have to stand, DON'T wear high heels, but flat shoes…like men do. If you can use profanity around men you don't know, then expect the same from men. This is equality ladies, fun isn't it?

    For the women who claim that such men who fail to practice 'chivalry' will end up lonely, why not look at the huge amount of single women…the ones who expect 'chivalry'…they seem to be alone also.

    WarHammer Axe

    • rorschach

      excellent point – the shriek for equality is only equaled by the whine for special treatment. Women, and some very stupid or misinformed men, seem to think it is acceptable to promote the sickening sexism AKA feminism.

      They believe that a woman is everything and more than a man, and the world would be a better place if women were in charge and it would be even better if there were no men around … yet still expect men to protect and pay for them.

      Try getting married these days as a guy and see just how long you get before she's changed her mind, divorced you, taken your kids, got money leached from your earnings, and even made up accusations of domestic violence or child abuse … while still thinking of herself as a strong, independent woman.

      Women did not only kill chilvary, they strung up its corpse and carried on beating it demanding that it worked the same it did before they attacked it.

      • Sharon

        Women already get paid less than men. They have to take their meager earnings and support their children on it. You all don’t even factor the kids in all of this. Most of the time it is the woman holding it down. Walking to and from the bustop and getting honked at by disrespectful men who fly by in vehicles. Or what about the nasty men who only want sex anyway they can get it. They send you d**k pics and want you to send them pics of you scantilly clad or want to you to entertain them with dirty conversation online, on the phone and by text.

  • Ali

    Perfectly said

  • zephyr920

    I meant to say they said they didn’t need to hire me. Stupid auto-correct.

  • zephyr920

    As for the person who commented on women in the workplace. While its true that some women are promoted to fill a quota, I have personally experienced the downside to the woman “minority quota”. I have a bachelors degree in Criminal Justice majoring in Law Enforcement and Criminology. I have applied for three Departments in my area and passed the written tests, physical tests and panel interviews for all three. I was told by two of those departments that because they had already filled their minority quotas, they did need to hire me. The third had another applicant that received the job because he had military experience, which was fine and he deserved it. So yes, the quotas can be detrimental to women as well as men. Think before you speak

  • zephyr920

    Wow, this is quite an argument. I personally believe there are women out there that can make us look bad. But to say that all women are “hoodrats” or imply that none of us deserve respect because we are different than our grandparents generation is a huge generalization. I am married to a wonderful person who respects me but also treats me equally. I do cook, clean, do laundry and also have a full time job. My husband also helps with the household chores, not because I make him, but because he wants to. Granted some women do feel entitled. But so do some men. Especially the men who think we only deserve respect if we do our “womanly duties” and keep our mouths shut. Again, I’m for equality but also decency and respect for ALL people

  • dsfaj

    I'm glad chivalry is dead and I hope it stays gone. Some women get so fired up about equality but then make a convenient exception for chivalry, which itself is a remnant of the even more unequal Middle Ages. Additionally, women are happy to fawn over chivalry and whine about its absence but take no pains to earn it in the first place; why should I care what you think is nice? Unless they're my partner or I want them to be, I don't care any more about a random woman than I do about a random man, because there's no reason to.

  • TheArticulator

    LOL… men are too busy rushing to the next job interview to stop and carry boxes or open doors, or whatever. Women have it so easy… they have the option to either compete in the workforce, or be taken care of by a man. Men do not have the latter option, and must now compete with not only men in the workforce, but also women… many of whom do not have anywhere near the NEED for the job that the man does. Then after all that… the woman gets the promotion to ahead of ten more qualified guys, to fill some feminist quota, or so as to avoid a "gender bias" lawsuit. LOL, women want to have their cake and eat it too.

    • Mark

      You hit the nail on the head.

      Women expect equality from 9 to 5 and preferential treatment from 5 to 9.

      How is it fair that I must compete with women at work and also offer them my seat during the evening commute?

  • Ana

    Obiously whoever wrote this article is stuck in the 50's. I think these polite acts should be extended to anyone, regardless of age or gender. Why shouldnt males and females alike hold doors open for people? The idea of "chivalry" is based on women being too weak too do anything on their own. "oh im just a woman I cant hold a door open or lift a box". Please. That idea is so old fashioned. As a 26 year old woman I hold doors open for everyone, i would offer my seat to other people if they seem uncomfortable or maybe shouldnt be standing (even if the person is a man), I don't swear in front of people I dont know and if a stranger swears in front of me…I dont give a s!@#. My ears wont bleed and I wont faint if I have to carry a heavy box. whoever wrote this needs to get over themselves. I fear I have the vapors…

  • darcampb

    Hilarious and true

  • aqquippless

    @gave it already.100% co-sign.

  • Eowyn

    I really agree with what the author of the article is saying. My biggest pet peeve is a man that will see you struggling with heavy items….whatever they may be… and will make a beeline over to you to ask for your number, but won’t offer to help carry any of your things. Esp. if you decline.. Thank goodness I am married to a man, raising by a FEMINIST mother no less, who is proof that, at least for me, chivalry is not DEAD.

  • MsB

    I don't know about the sidewalk thing, but most of these are things we should ALL do for anyone who seems to need help. As for standing on trains, men aren't expected to wear STILTS to work and standing still on those things is even more painful than walking in them.

    • aqquippless

      That`s a "choice" you made.It`s not my obligation as a man to pay for the choices of another ADULT,regardless of gender.If i make a choice that`s not conveinient for me,oh well that`s my PROBLEM.Funny how no one on this site seems to disagree with that,But i guess the blackman isn`t as valued as the rest of you decent human beings.

    • aqquippless

      Wearing STILTS is a choice YOU made.I should not have to pay for any ones choices but my own. We are all ADULTS. We are all EQUALS even when it is not convienient.Chivalry is a CHOICE, not an OBLIGATION one gender imposes on another.

  • Dave

    In the words of the great observer of human behavior (Dave Chapelle) "Chivalry is dead and women killed it!"

  • aqquippless

    Sista ,i`m tired too. But NO ONE owes me their seat. Why does a perfect stranger have to give up his seat based on gender?You are an adult just like me.You are equal even when it`s inconvinient . That`s what men deal with on a
    regular basis.Feminism taught me as a man i owe no person male or female anything for being here. That`s the way of the world.

  • Will

    Nowadays, a man is afraid to try to be a gentleman sometimes. Offering a bus seat is like an insult saying the woman is too weak to stand. I once had a female co-worker about rip my head off because I offered to help her carry a heavy item. Many women find such gestures highly insulting.

  • Juvenal34

    Hey, Victoria, yes, chivalry is dead, and you women killed it. You want equality, while still getting treated like a wilted flower. Sorry. The day you go back to the kitchen, and I'm a the head of the house again, then you can talk to me about chivalry. Until that day, and as long as you insist on being my equal, then you're going to get treated like a man in social situations. You have only yourselves to blame.

  • Woodrow

    I'm reading about these male courtesies, all of which I have practiced, and suddenly I've realized that women themselves have rarely shown me any courtesy whatsoever. In fact last week a woman slammed a door in my face, the same one I've been incredibly polite towards. So I think women can thank each other for any issue with lost chivalry. Respect must go two ways. And the new modern independent woman knows exactly what she is doing.

  • ODB

    I'm 60 yrs old and live in calf. there are 2 kinds of women I will offer my seat to thats a woman older than me or a Black woman . The latinas dont appreciate it and they wont say thank you and if I stood up because she is pregnant I would never get a seat its a culture thing I guess

  • Gimmeabreak78

    Thankfully, my boyfriend keeps chivalry alive and well in our relationship. 🙂

  • Chiza

    Hard to believe somebody sat down to write all this… People need hobbies… The greatest women on earth din sit waiting for men to carry em.

  • Carmen Livingston

    Some of these responses from men are exactly why I date well to do accomplished men and preferably white men. Their chivalry is NOTdead. I am an ex Model with a Masters degree why settle for bulls@#$ if I don't have to. More black women should do the same instead of putting up with any old thing and complaining about it.

    • aqquippless

      So your being an ex-model & masters degree somehow makes you better than some one else.A homeless man sleeping in a cardboard box is as much entitiled to be treated with respect as you.Let`s put it this way 1 more time .No one OWES you any thing for being here.Some thing that simple seems to go over the head of some b/w with ALL that education.Yet a fifth grader gets it.

  • Anna

    Careful dragging your knuckles across the pavement.

    • aqquippless

      @ Anna.Please tell me what exactly a man OWES YOU for being here.I`m not understanding what women think they are entitled to simply for being female.especially when most b/w think they are superior to b/m.

  • Anna

    "If women demand something as a whole, men will do it."

    Complete BS. You could demand, cajole, however you want to say it, but men are too thickheaded to actually do it.

    • Anna

      It's all a crapshoot.

    • aqquippless

      Women already got what they demanded."EQUAL RIGHTS".To now insist that you get special treatment when being equal is not convienent is a slap in the face to both genders.Chivalry is only reserved for when a man is trying to court a woman.Other than that,A man is not oblige to appease you,especially if he`s tired from a long days work.(yes, blackmen have jobs,it`s true.)

  • robbie

    lesbians have more courtesy for one another than a man have for a women – and the same for gay men.

  • Mr. Independent

    You want chivalry or equal rights? An "independent" woman should be able to handle all of those things with no problems or griping!

  • Jennie

    I do think that chivalry is two fold. Men need to know how to show it and women who like it should behave as though they are used to receiving it.
    I used to ride the bus home from South Station in Boston to NY about once a month. I would say about 75% of the time, someone helped me with my bags. Back when I dated, I have had guys take the train with me to my home and take the train back to their homes.
    My dad always made sure that Mom and I walked on the inside of the sidewalk when walking with him. Even if he has to crisscross and manuever around it is something he does to show respect. It taught me that I was deserving of respect and courtesy.
    I have dumped guys for not waiting until I get into the house or for using coarse language (especially about women and sex). Who wants to be intimate with someone who refers to sex as "stabbing it?" No way you are getting near my "pretty"!
    And to men who criticize women for not acting worthy of chivalry – try it anyway. You may be very pleased with what you receive in kind.

    • KRB

      When I hold the door open as a courtesy – most men will thank me – most young women walk on through as if I were hired help – about half of the mature women will graciously thank me and I really feel good being a gentleman for them. I keep trying, but too many women are discouraging me from showing courtesy by behaving as if entitled and not being courteous in response. Want to be treated courteously – be courteous yourself.

    • Wukong

      The problem is, many men have tried it and find that not only do that get no reciprocation, they often are not given gratitude and sometimes are even given disdain.

      What makes you deserving of respect? Do you show respect to men, simply for being male? Why should it be different because you're female?

      Deserve – to merit, be qualified for, or have a claim to (reward, assistance, punishment, etc.) because of actions, qualities, or situation.

      Do you DO something to earn respect? By 'do', I mean, behave a certain way, give at least the same amount of respect to others, especially those you expect it from?

      I'll treat a stranger with courtesy but, I will not treat anyone with more respect than they've earned from me. By the way a woman responds to my courtesy will determine if I show her excess, in the form of chivalry.

  • Elle

    Sadly the vast majority of men I run into behave this way. Once a guy starts using foul language in front of me especially directed towards women whether it be his ex or not that's an automatic deal breaker for me. If a guy can speak disrespectfully about women in front of you it shows he has no respect for you and honestly it's only a matter of time til he's using that language to describe you.

    Self absorbed guys that do nothing but talk about themselves make me sick. I'm what people would call a "listener". I love listening to what people have to say whether it be about their day or about their problems. Despite that if a guy can't take a moment to show consideration for anything I have to say then my feet start longing to stray…

  • MissNC

    I tEND TO AGREE with the argument of equal rights equals…equal rights. This article is outdated. Im a married womand and while I can appreciate chivalry…I dont need it. We got our independence and our equal rights, the death of chivalry came with that deal. Sorry, move on.

  • Observation

    I find it funny that a woman always uses the line "REAL MAN" or can always define what a "MAN' is supposed to be. How many women have been a man or what to be a man to tell another man what being a man is all about. How many men say your not a "REAL WOMAN"? C'mon, get over this defining another gender because we are not all the same. I go on any website, channel, store, or sporting event that pleases or interests me. How many women are taught how to take care of the men in their lives outside of the bedroom??? Hmmmm…I didn't thin so. The world is not one sided, so to those who feel a door, sidewalk or the availability of a seat defines a person, check again. Yo don't know what type of morning or day the sitting person has had or is having. We all need to just be ourselves, were not all courteous, well mannered or grew up in households with two parents. Open our minds and eyes to the true reality.

  • manc

    You have entitlement issues. If you want to be taken seriously stop expecting special treatment based on your gender, this is what's moving us backwards! If he wouldn't do it for another man why should he do it for you? Fair enough holding the door for people is just basic good manners and you should do it for EVERYONE but why should he stand up and let you sit down on public transport unless there's a valid reason why you would have to sit?

  • Big Ryde

    Although I’m a little disappointed in this day in age where women are so “I don’t need your help N-word!!” now, I’m not going to lie. I still do all does things on the list! I hold the door open for man, woman, and child! The other week when I open and closed the car door for my wife to get in this dude yelled out to me for his car “MAN, YOU JUST MADE ME LOOK BAD!!!” while his woman was in the car next to him! I giggled!

    • gaveitalready

      Keep doing it. Respect is its own reward

  • Anna


  • Anna

    Nag nag nag!
    You're such a whiner… Man up!
    You can offer the seat but doesn't mean she'll accept. She just shake her head and go about the day.

    • Diagoh

      MAn UP! just a response from many of those feminist a**holes, well ladies we did man up so its chivalry dead and buried stand on your f*****g feet and ya i wont offer and even my friends whom i hang out with wont so ya shake your head you nagging feminists.

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  • Maura

    This list was on point! I especially like the point about using foul language and the n-word. I hate to hear it in private but I cringe when I hear those words used loud and recklessly in public. A guy can be as good looking as he want, but if he's running around cursing like a sailor and spewing the n-word all about, that's a huge turn off!!!

  • Don Willi

    Not for nothing, but this article is some feminazi bullsh!t. A large percentage of women who complain about the lack of "Chivalry" in today's world, are the same ones who say "I don't need a man to do anything for me." You can't have it both ways. Chivalry expressly implies inequality. Courtesy is a different story. "Chivalry" means that a man defers to a woman because she is weaker and vulnerable. So next time you complain about any of the things on this list, remember you're complaining for the right to be treated like a lesser being.

  • aqquippless

    Giving up my seat 4 a healthy person.There was a law like that decades ago,they were called Jim Crow laws.Your entitled 2 a seat that I paid for simply because your female(white).See the paralell.

  • Anna

    Who wrote this piece? Victoria? Kudos! I really do not understand men and even BOYS these days!

    You Can’t Get a Seat on Public Transportation: Let's go before that… Men, OLDER men and younger boys will jump in front of women to get on the bus first with nary an "Excuse me." Whenever that happens I simply say out loud, I guess politeness is lost on your generation." They look at me and I return with a "Yes, I am talking to you," look.

    That Once Open Door Closes in Your Face: I just find that rude, especially when they just keep going.

    You’re Walking Next to the Street, Closest to Fast Traffic: I didn't know about that one until I was older. But I noticed it or even notice it now.

    He Doesn’t Wait for You To Actually Make it “IN” Safely: I don't know why men do that nowadays. My dad always waits though because "You never know. Maybe the person is locked out and you may need to drive them to a locksmith.

    Moving Heavy Materials By Yourself: I usually can hold my own on that one.

    Your Conversations are Dead, or Even Worse, All About Him: If it's not about sex, you're gonna get the answers you want. And what does it say about the convo you're giving to make the guy have that reaction. But I do admit, once he starts to go on about himself, it's dead.

    He Barely Knows You But Uses Foul Language In Your Presence: Usually when a male curses in my presence, he apologizes, to only do it in the next sentence. What I find even more annoying is when they curse like a sailor around me but if they are around another female, they clean their act up.

  • CiCi & CoCo -The Besties.

    Oh shut up. real men dont give a damn about gossip blogs!! Go to work.

    • aqquippless

      You didn`t defend your p.o.v,But you proved mine.Thanx.And it`s my day off.so i can do whatever i choose to do.

  • JC

    It’s not that you owe a perfectly healthy woman your seat! It’s courtesy! That’s the point trying to be made. If I walk into a crowded room where there is nowhere to sit, nobody who got there before me owes me their seat. I appreciate the person who offers and I always politely decline because I don’t feel entitled to their seat, they made it there first have the seat. I’m just happy you offered. Courtesy!!

    • KRB

      Would you consider it discourteous if no one offered their seat to a perfectly healthy man?
      There were reasons that men were expected and often did show consideration for another person if that person was a women. Have those reasons changed? I think they have.
      In the past few decades, men have slowly become conscious of equality requirements regarding women. Women have neglected equality when it applies to equal consideration of men.
      However, any action of courtesy is warranted regardless of gender except when it is thought to be an entitlement based upon only one of sexes (male or female).

    • aqquippless

      Making some random woman happy is the last thing on my mind.Courtesy, if valid is not a problem,but my whole existence is not based on making a women i don`t know happy.What arrogance.

    • Wukong

      If this article was about courtesy, why was it centered entirely on the entitlements that many women hold?! If this were about courtesy, it'd ALSO discuss ones that should be shown from women to women, women to men, etc.

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  • aqquippless

    Ad hominum attacks.A control tool used anytime the blackman express an opinion that sistas` do not agree with or a point of view they can`t easily defend.The white man has taught you well.

  • aqquippless

    That comment appears to be a bit sexist.A real man visits Any site that appeals to him.What`s amazing is that sistas are SO quick to not be defined,but will define the black mans role the moment his opinion dosen`t jive with your sense of entitilement.If i said women should stay bare-foot and pregnant,I`d be wrong.But as a real man,i don`t think like that.

    • gaveitalready

      100% agreed

  • JC

    I love a gentleman…even more I love a PERSON with manners! I hold the door open for male or female it doesn’t matter to me. I believe in the little things that go a long way…like “paying it forward” so to speak. It never hurts to be courteous. People have no manners nowadays. My mother raised me to say excuse me if I must cut between people to get by, to offer my seat to an elderly person or pregnant woman, if someone drops something & I see, I pick it up and say excuse me I believe you dropped this….etc the list goes on. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being courteous to people. Things in life come full circle. And of course you know what Jesus said about treating people the way you want to be treated…besides you can’t base what you’re going to be off of what everybody isn’t(a lil Jay-z lol) its true though because someone treated you a certain way will you turn around & treat another person the same ill way you were treated? Why? It’s not their fault. & on a final note yes I do shout out my independence, but a big part of my independence is that I do not expect a man to pay for a thing! It is my responsibility! You might even say don’t worry I got this…lol carry on

    • Melissa


  • Voice of Intellect

    I'm sure that there are things that men miss about women when our society (America) was more traditional, too. You don't think they do some "reminiscing" about when women kept the home, and cooked dinner every night. But, we don't live that way anymore. As the roles of women have changed to a more progressive path …so to, must the roles of men evolve. Isn't it disingenuous to EXPECT most of these things today, simply from the virtue of being a woman? It should be LESS about "chivalry" and MORE about common courtesy. How about opening doors because I want to be nice to another human being, not because you happen to be a woman? I'd like to think that that's what the women's liberation movement was all about. You know, human beings being treated as human beings?

  • CiCi & CoCo -The Besties.

    Thanku alex. U tell em!

  • It shouldn't take a scowling look from for two men to be courteous. I apologize on behalf of gallant and courteous men everywhere.

    My theory is quite simple. There are 3 reasons some men aren't chivalrous:
    1) As we get away from the values origins (Medieval era) values tend to dissipate
    2) Parents aren't teaching their children
    3) Men use feminism as an excuse

    Neither of these reasons is a worthwhile argument for any man. As I say, "Step up or step aside."

    • Guest

      So you give up your seat to your female boss who tells you what to do and makes more than you? For what?

      Values? Women used to know how to cook. Nowadays, some 35 year old woman cant boil an egg but know the cheesecake factory menu inside and out. Women used to have kids before a career. What man have you seen get pregnant? Sewing? Stretching pennies? Cooking from scratch? these are skills women feel they dont need anymore. Chilvalry is for ladies, not for females. Im not opening any door for a woman that feels she is more powerful than i am.

      • crystallineentity

        You open a door out of politeness. no one is asking you to marry the woman. i open doors for people all the time and all kinds of people. it's just courtesy. in my mind feminism was about choices just like the civil rights movement. woman could choose not to have a child every time their husband wanted to have sex. they could choose to stay home and be a mom OR they could choose to work. and when the work they could choose to be doctors or lawyers and not just teachers and secretaries. it's just choices

  • As a man who has given up his seat many times and still does today, I can tell you the first thing that irks me is asking a second time. If I'm nice enough to offer you my seat, take it, don't argue with me. Don't play "hard-to-get"! If you think I'm doing it because I want strike up a convo, don't be so full of yourself and besides, I may be a good person to know.

    Fate finds us at the weirdest times in the most unexpected places.

    • crystallineentity

      Maybe she just doesn't want to sit. You offered she declined. whats the problem. I stand on the metro all the time. Men ask me to sit I politely decline. the end.

    • Ali

      Question, and this is an actual one, if the bus is completely full and you offer your seat to someone and they decline, do you ask someone else who is around you as well or is that just weird asking four people around you if they want your seat?
      I always give up my seat, I prefer to stand anyways its just is it weird when you ask someone and they say no, then ask the person standing right next to them?

    • John



    I don't owe you anything, including respect.; That is earned. If you don't respect yourself and show it why would you expect anyone to more than what you show for yourself. Ladies, and i use that term lightly, if you want to be treated as such be the woman your grandparents think you are. They carried themselves with pride and dignity despite not having THE bag, THE shoes, THE "do". They treated themselves and their surroundings with the utmost respect regardless of the situation. (remember they had real racism, lynchings, rape, injustice if they spoke up, to deal with). Stop BROADCASTING your business and everyone else's on the phone IN PUBLIC AND WONDER WHY PEOPLE ARE LOOKING….half of what you are saying shouldn't be heard on HBO after 2am let alone on METRO.with other patrons….Stop dressing like Halloween and wanting people to treat you like it's 1st Sunday…start with yourself and then we'll see about that door/seat/etc…..

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  • JustAshley

    Wow at this list. The majority of men I meet, or date are totally polite to me. They don't curse around me, they open doors, they just simply behave respectfully. Every now and then you get a weirdo thrown in there, but its rare in my personal experience.

    • Such A Lady

      same here… i mean, yeah some men aren't up to par on acts of chivalry..but a lot of this is a result of how some women carry themselves.

  • Kris

    Either I’m just really lucky to only run into polite men, and lucky to have a polite fiance….or this poster is a$$ ugly. Sorry to say it like that, but I never get doors shut in my face. Even when I try to open my own door, men won’t let me. I don’t ride the bus so I don’t know about that one. My fiance is always pulling me on the inside of the sidewalk, I never realised it was a big deal though. Even when I was 19, I had the most hood boyfriend ever, even he opened my doors. The cursing doesn’t really bother me just because I tend to have a horrible mouth (I’m working on it though) I don’t know, maybe you need to move cause you sound like youre surrounded by a$$h@les

    • Ali

      I always open doors to however it is behind me, or walk someone to their door until they get home safetly, and even offer my seat to women and I generally see this happen around me so this concept of "chivalry is gone" is new to me as well. I guess it could be where you live and stuff but to be frank the things listed are everyday occurences and there just happen to be one or two strays a day who won't follow suit.

  • skh_stellar_one

    "slow singing and flower bringing" – love it.

  • aqquippless

    This is just sickening.Black women FOUGHT for the right to be treated as equals.They have no problem with this as long as they can obtain decent paying jobs, and live a lifestyle that suits them.But the moment being equal becomes inconvient, they want preferincial treatment. Get this sistas, a man does for you out of choice.He does not OWE you anything for being here.PLEASE understand that.

    • HeadSmackeroni

      Actually white women fought for equal gender rights aswell, moreso than black women ever did during that time.

      • aqquippless

        Point taken.But this article smacks with a sense of entitilement.YOU OWE a perfectly healthy woman your seat.That YOU paid for,UNBELIVABLE.

    • Anna

      It's not entitlement. It's simply COMMON COURTESY.

      If our grandfathers were taught these things and told our mothers what to expect from men then what's the problem? Why should we be the ones missing out? Just to make troglodytes like you happy? Keep dragging your knuckles.

      • aqquippless

        You said the key word."entitlement".Common courtesy i have no problem with.

      • Mark

        No, Anna, it is not common courtesy. It's preferential courtesy. Common courtesy is gender neutral. Unless you regularly offer your seat to an able bodied man, you have an entitlement attitude.

        Our grandfather's also taught our mother's other outdated social constructs, which our mother's abandoned as they aged. It's called progress, get used to it.

        Keep shaming people with ad hominem attacks to get your invalid points across, I don't care. I believe in equality. If that makes me a troglodyte, then so are modern feminists and past feminists.

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  • R.J

    I ride Marta sometimes and I will not give my seat up for a perfectly healthy grown woman. Just because you have a vagina makes you more tired than me? Um dont think so. I'm tired too sweetie.

    • crystallineentity

      i think it's always nice when a gentleman offers his seat to you on the train. Usually I say 'no thank you' since I prefer to stand most days. I often offer my seat to a family wanting to sit together or a preggers lady or even dudes if they have alot of stuff with them. It actually makes me feel good to do so. @ LOL- my boyfriend always walks on the outside. he insists on it in fact. i think its sweet.

  • Laura

    You're right, you don't have to give up your seat, it's just a polite thing to do…and most women would appreciate it.

    • darcampb

      So random woman automatically = "broad" or "ghetto chick"? Given the animosity in your little shpiel, it sounds like you have some misogynist views at work, sir. It also seems they're paired with a heavy amount of disdain toward black women specifically

  • lol

    lol the one about the side walk through me off. Asking for a little too much if you ask me

    • jasmine

      asking you to walk on the outside of the sidewalk is too much? not if you really like the girl i guarantee you will do it.

  • Laura

    My favorite (sarcasm) is #1 'You Can’t Get a Seat on Public Transportation' followed by him having the nerve to try and pick me up. Don't ask for my number when you're sitting comfortably in your seat and I'm standing in crowd of people…Also if you don't give up your seat for pregnant women, the elderly or small children don't come asking for my number either. It might be the fact that I have 2 chivalrous brothers who show me such high regard but I can't date a man without basic manners. And #8 (the cursing) is no no as well.

    • Jen

      OMG! I can't believe someone would have the nerve! I think I would have had to ask if it had worked for him before.

    • VoiceOfReason

      If you are that superficial, then I would consider the guy to be very lucky to get a NO. You have to earn this regard and not be granted it based upon your gender alone! Please, how full of yourself can you be?

  • Miss Ty

    I can agree with you, Innocent Truth…I love how some of us go aaaaall the way overboard declaring our independence and then ousting a man for not paying our bills. I get it. However, I do believe that we should respect and be considerate of one another. My parents taught me to hold the door for people…male or female. I’ll give up my seat for an elder or pregnant person or anyone looking like they need a seat. If I drop my best friend off at her house, I wait for her to get inside before I pull off. Consideration is the key here.

    • Eric

      YOU are the problem. A "pregnant person?" ONLY women can be pregnant. You are the female of our species and you neutralize your beauty as a woman by saying "person." How sad.
      I worked at a store in a local mall, with my dept next to the double exit doors to the outside. I opened doors for women all day long, was reported to management as being TOO NICE and eventually got a hernia from it. Fortunately, my boss loved that I was a gentleman to his customers and made sure Dillard's paid for the surgery. Chilvary isn't dead.
      Today, as it was raining hard, I took my time opening the truck door for my gf. She laughed that no matter what, I am a gentleman.
      I read that this fall tv season will have a new show about a woman so in charge, the man is a CONFIRMED WIMP. Remember, "Everybody Loves Raymond"….except his wife!
      When women appreciate the role God gave them in all relationships, men will come around and treat you with the respect He (meaning God) sees in you. Until then, I will continue to hold doors open for women, and if I ever broke up with my gf, every woman I do that for will want to date me.
      How do you think I got my present gf (20 years my junior)?

    • Rogers Parker

      ITA! Maybe chivalry is dead, but common courtesy should ALWAYS rule! I open doors for people all the time — women AND men — and appreciate those who do the same for me. I'll never forget the little boy who raced through a door ahead of me, looked back, saw me struggling to juggle my bags with trying to pull the door open, and immediately turned back and held the outer and the inner door open with a great show of decorum. I beamed at him and told him what a kind young man he was and with wonderful manners. (He couldn't have been more than 8 year old.) His mother came in behind me and I made a point of telling her what a well-mannered child she was raising.

      I, too, give up my seat on a crowded bus or train for elders, obviously pregnant women and people who look disabled. What pisses me off is when I'm sometimes standing already and see others not extend the same courtesy. I have spoken up more than once on public transportation to encourage young people or men to give up their seats (not just to women, either)!

      It amazes me how "tuned out" young people are these days with their smart phones and Ipods. They seem oblivious, sometimes, to what's going on around them.

  • InnocentTruth

    If women behaved like they did in the 1950s then maybe they could have some these benefits. Today's American modern woman is a shell of her former self. Women behave like hoodrats and expect to be treated like queens. Ain't no way in hell I'm opening the car door for these "new age" women. She needs to open my door. She needs to pay for dinner. She needs to pick me up and wait for me to make it indoors safely. I'm about equal opportunity. Women marched and burned bra's to be considered equal. Now they chickens have come home to roost. Doesn't feel good to be equal I guess.

    • Kayla

      So true.

    • Jaye

      Lol puh-lease. There's a difference between hoodrats & classy women. And men like you put them all in the same category just to justify being lazy & disrespectful.

      I'm sure you still get plenty of girls with that attitude, but not anyone worth keeping.

    • Anna

      I see you're going to be lonely…

    • VoiceOfReason

      You are exactly right, unfortunately. Women have established themselves as equals to men, and now are expecting preferential treatment STILL despite this achievement. You can't have it both ways because with the display of chivalrous behavior, this now establishes an unequal relationship between genders. I am all for women being successful in any way possible, but to yearn for the days of the way it used to be while holding firmly onto the present just isn't ever going to happen.

    • crystallineentity

      There's a big difference between chivalry as men seen it toward women and just plain manners. I would open a door for anyone I see struggling with packages. I would wait for someone I was taking home to get into their house safely before I drove off. I think people in general deserve a baseline of compassion and respect simply for being human beings. Now once I know that you're not the type of person who deserves my respect based on your actions, I cant say i would go out of my way for you, but if you were hit by a car and lay in the middle of the road bleeding to death- I would call the ambulance and see you off to the hospital even if you were a "hoodrat." i'd like to think I attract people who are like me in this way.