Supporting Your Man Financially? Here’s What To Expect

November 17, 2015  |  
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No matter how feminist a man may be, it does something to his self-esteem to depend on his girlfriend for financial support. If your man has fallen on hard times or needs to take a break from his job, you may find yourself supporting your man. Here’s what to expect.

"black man shrugging shoulders pf"

A lot of explaining

Your guy will want to assure you that he’s doing all that he can to get back on his feet and start making income. Any time you find him playing video games or getting a drink with a friend, he’ll explain that he was just waiting for a job application to upload or the drink was a networking thing.

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Quiet him

Tell your guy that he doesn’t need to explain himself—that you know he’s responsible and can handle his life. And remind him that you know he needs down time from applying to jobs.

Borrow money

“I’ll pay you back”

Every single time he needs money for something he will insist that he is going to pay you back. He will stress out, explaining when and how he’ll pay you back.

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Tell him you’re not stressed

He doesn’t want you stressing about when you’ll see that money again, so assure him that you’re not. Make something up if you have to like, “I just got a bonus so I’m really in no hurry to be repaid.”

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House chores galore

He is going to go out of his way to do every single house chore. He is even going to do unnecessary things like clean the silver.

 

"Cleaning pf"

Let him

He wants to feel like he’s contributing. He can’t offer money right now, but he can offer his time. So let him.

 

 

 

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Embarrassment around your parents

Your guy is going to hate it when your parents bring up money. He’s going to go in over-explaining mode, worried that they think he can’t provide for his daughter.

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Change the subject

Don’t let him go there. The more worried he seems, the more worried your parents will be. Just change the subject and show everyone you’re not worried at all about it.

 

Annoyed woman

Excuses

He is going to make excuses as to why he doesn’t want to go to this or that event you two were invited to. It’s all because he doesn’t want you to have to pay.

"annoyed woman pf"

Give him tough love

The only way you’ll get him to agree to go is if you switch it and say, “Well I wouldn’t have fun without you but I also really want to go. Are you going to deprive me of this?” Let him feel he’s doing you a favor by going along and not the other way around.

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He’ll give you his gifts

If a coworker gives him a nice bottle of scotch or a gift card to Starbucks, he’s going to try to give it to you, insisting he owes it to you.

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Just share it with him

He needs to feel like he still gives you things so don’t turn down the gift; he’s trying to be a man right now. Just share it with him—share the scotch with him or the Starbucks.

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Sex might be weird

When men aren’t financially stable their sex drive drops. Your guy may not feel attractive if he’s been leaning on you for money.

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Don’t take it personally

It’s not personal at all. But if you’re really horny and can’t stand to wait, put him in a position to feel like a man—ask him to stand up to some rude guy at work for you or something like that. That’ll get him going.

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Shame and comfort

In general, men feel like less of, well, men when they have to depend on their partner for financial support. Let your guy know that you still find him attractive and responsible is going to be an ongoing battle. Don’t get frustrated with him; he’s frustrated enough with himself.

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  • Miguel Lozano

    sad sad sad sad sad

  • 1Val

    Trucking isn’t a felon friendly occupation.

  • Cocoa Rose

    Don’t be so hard on her. I do question why this site always has these implied “hold him down even if he’s not producing” type posts. I never see this on sites geared towards white women and especially not Asian women.

    • Secret87

      Because their men usually don’t expect their women to treat them like women. And not being harsh. Those are actual jobs blk men hold who have felons.

      • 1Val

        Many felons are small business owners with detailing, landscaping, home improvements, cleaning/janitorial services and shade tree mechanics occupations.
        There are also felons who work in hospitality and construction fields. A man’s employment life isn’t over simply because has a felony record. It’s difficult for them to secure employment but there are felons who have gainful employment. And there are felons who are lazy and refuse to work using their record as a crutch. The only person who prevents a man from being a man is the man himself.

    • slim pickings for a sista

      Women of other races aren’t encouraged to settle because they know they can do better. Only black women are encouraged to settle for whatever they can get.

  • Natalie

    I support my husband because he is a felon and can’t find steady work. Right now he is working for a friend of his and brings home less than $100 a week. It totally sucks. I never picture myself being a breadwinner nor do I want to be the breadwinner. We had to work through some pretty big links because of a mix of his economic and mental health problems, but I think it’s about as good as it’s gonna get right now. I had to stop wishing that things will get better and realize that things are going to probably be this way for us for a very long time of not the rest of our lives together, but I’d rather get bring home less than $100 a week than bringing home nothing at all. However, I would strongly advise women against walking into a relationship like mine. If the man cannot make enough to support himself then he needs to stay single. I thought I could be one of those modern strong women when we first got together due to my own desperation to find a man, but I have come to know that there is a natural order to things and it’s wise not to go against that.

    • leave these felons alone

      I dated a felon one time and that was the worst dating mistake I ever made! Supporting him financially was draining me as well as mentally. Ladies, these guys expect us to get the crumbs that’s thrown our way but we have to raise our standards.

  • LAWAT

    Support me!!!!???…I can’t find a WOMAN to buy me LUNCH!!!…and i’m Vegan

  • 1Val

    He should expect a breakup in near future. Majority of women balk at financially supporting men and those who think they are good with it soon realize they are carrying dead weight and end those relationships.

  • todays bums have it made

    I was born in the wrong era.

    • Secret87

      This is common. Blk men call blk women gold diggers and the biggest ones after white women. I had broke to homeless blk men ask me out. Guess who’ll have to pay for that big mac date? ME. Feel like a actual lady with Korean guy vs a man and a woman holding it down…im good.

  • Taneesha Culture Clash Thomas

    the word says if a man don’t work he don’t eat but there’s a big difference between a man that won’t work & one who can’t work for whatever reason…There are those stand up guys that are home taking care of the family & house because it’s more feasible for them to do so…then there are those who are just lazy bums that want to sit at home playing video games dropping their women off at work driving around all day joy riding in the car with their friends like the eternal stagnate children they really are.