When I was young, I was bad. Well, actually, I wasn’t a really bad child, as in the kind that bullies other kids, tears up public property and always get in trouble with teachers. But I was a mischievous child who complained a lot, didn’t listen the first time when I was told not to do something, and would draw on walls or make a small hole in the TV speaker a big one.
And for that, I used to get my butt whooped. My mom had this fancy red belt, a small leather joint that used to tear my legs and butt up! Enough whoopings with that stylish accessory, and by junior high I knew better than to keep testing her. As the youngest of six children my mother had raised in her lifetime, her patience had pretty much worn by the time I hit adolescence in the late ’90s. She didn’t have any more time for the shenanigans.
So it’s so interesting to see her with my nieces and nephews so many years later. While they have and still do throw their tantrums and make messes, she doesn’t have to do much to get them to sit down somewhere. She just looks them sternly in their little, round eyes and says, “That’s enough now.” And just like that, they stop whatever irritating thing they were doing.
Yes, my mom has come a long way from pulling out the skinny red belt and whooping behind and has moved on to Jedi mind tricks. In fact, she’s pretty docile now and spends more time playing with my nieces and nephews than she does yelling at or heavily disciplining them. Despite her past with my siblings and I, especially me, my mom keeps her hands to herself these days–unless she’s tickling my nieces and nephews.
But some mothers don’t change, and they grow up to be no-nonsense grandmothers. And if you don’t get their grandbabies in check, they will. Like one woman online who admitted that the first person to spank her child was not her–but her mother.
“I think the right for someone else to spank your child should be reserved for close relatives and family friends. My mother was actually the first one to spank my child…but she didn’t put up with fall out tantrums with me so I know she wouldn’t for my son.”
This particular woman didn’t really say how the spanking made her feel, but referenced her own encounters with her mother’s iron fist. And despite not exacting whoopings upon her son in the hopes of disciplining him in another way, her mother decided to do what she wanted and knows best, which is lay hands. And that got me to thinking: Is it ever okay for your mother, father or any of your relatives to put their hands on your child?
I have quite a few nieces and nephews. But I often feel a little odd or uncomfortable in the presence of my sister when one of my youngest nephews acts up or tries to whine, and I find myself loudly saying, “Uh uh! Stop that!”
Right after showing my obvious exasperation, I end up feeling like I overstepped my boundaries. And while she doesn’t blink twice at my attempts to get him together, I often feel awkward. The reality is that the patience you or I may have with a child, even if he is family, is not the same level of patience a mother or father has. And while I might easily get frustrated with my nephew or niece’s attitudes and exploits, I try to remember that their parent knows best and knows what they need to say and do when said child decides to show out. I never want my sisters or brothers to feel like I’m trying to fill in where I assume they’re slipping. And just because someone may have their own child that they discipline hardcore with positive results, that doesn’t mean the same works for every kid. Instead, I think it’s good to let people know when their children might be misbehaving and then let them handle it in whichever manner they decide. And if the parent isn’t around, it’s best to let a child know what isn’t acceptable and do it with love–and a stern voice.
That’s what’s so refreshing about watching my mom with her grandchildren nowadays. She knows that her children have their own expectations and ways of dealing with their kids, so there’s no need to intervene as though her way of parenting is the end all, be all. Instead, she spends her time talking to them like little human beings and lets them know where they’re going wrong and that they need to act like the big boy or girl they are. At the end of the day, that (coupled with the regretful emotions a child feels knowing they disappointed their granny) can do a lot more than any ass-whooping ever could.
