Wedding planning can bring out the best and worst in brides-to-be. Depending on how they envision their wedding day, some brides would prefer their friends place their lives on hold for their big day — literally.
For instance, there are some women who have openly stated they would be infuriated if one if their friends became engaged before or on her wedding day. While others, in an effort to have their big day be a perfect fairy tale, would rather their friends not become pregnant or get married also as they plan for their upcoming nuptials.
Droves of women opened up about these fears on The Wedding Bee, believing if their friends were to wed before they do their creative ideas would be stolen. Some even shared that their newly engaged friend may not be of much help because she would be more focused on planning her own big day.
Within the same social board chat, a man opened up about not wanting to play “second fiddle” to his friend who decided to propose to his girlfriend a few weeks before he did: “If it hasn’t been made clear, I’m trying to propose to my girlfriend, and I just don’t want her moment to be any less magical than she imagined it. I’m a little bummed that my friend bumped up his proposal date that close to my plans, but if it doesn’t seem like it’d affect many ladies, I’ll accept it and be happy for everyone.”
A newly engaged woman nervously wrote on The Knot about not wanting to steal her friend’s moment when she decided to get married a month before her friend. She shared, “I live abroad and most of my friends still live in the US. A few months ago, one of my good friends called with news that she was engaged and plans to marry next autumn (yay!). I’ve already said that I will fly back to America to attend her wedding. This week I’ve just become engaged…and we need to be married next summer for immigration reasons and plan to do it in the country where I currently live.” She continued, “I’m nervous about calling my friend to tell her that I’m engaged and will be getting married before her. I don’t want her to feel like she has to find money to fly to my wedding abroad when she is saving for her own upcoming wedding. I also don’t want to seem like I’m “stealing her thunder” by getting married first.”
I asked those around me if they would have an issue with their friends getting married before them and the answers I received were rather interesting. My best friend said she would be happy for any friend who weds before her whereas a coworker revealed she wouldn’t mind, but she would make sure her wedding was better than her friend’s. When I asked if it was okay for a friend to get engaged on the bride’s wedding day, emotions flared. My best friends and co-worker said that was rude and taking away from the bride and her groom’s day (especially since they didn’t pay the venue fees). My bestie also noted that the friend’s significant other may be viewed as lazy if he didn’t plan his own proposal and used someone else’s wedding as his personal backdrop. As for pregnancies, one co-worker shared she would prefer none of her bridesmaids became pregnant because she doesn’t want them to “waddle down the wedding aisle.” Another co-worker said she would be more concerned if the pregnant friend could not help or participate in certain wedding activities. Personally, I could care less. I would be more excited to have a wedding and change my last name because (#N*ggaWeMadeIt).
Also, I think I would be more focused on spending an important day with those I genuinely love; because, you’ll never have another event where all your family members are together, at the same time.
Despite the personal preferences we all have, I do think it’s interesting how we try to control the lives of others as we prepare for our own important milestones. It’s as though we think a friend’s life-changing moment may subtract from the attention and well wishes we may receive. Most important, I believe this behavior makes us believe we’ll only have one (or very) few moments in life to feel exceptional. This level of competition pushes brides to be overly dramatic. For example, one woman told other Wedding Bee users she became extremely angry when her friends got married before her although she decided to have a 28-month engagement. Because of this she found herself not celebrating her friends but becoming envious of them. Although other Wedding Bee users said her feelings were valid, sounds like she was just a green-eyed bride-to-be. Thoughts?
