Common Dating Mistakes Women Make In Their 20s

July 1, 2011  |  

Dating during the “me years” can be difficult. In your early 20s, you’ve got one foot in adulthood, but you are just barely removed from teenage silliness. As you get a little older, you may find yourself trapped between your relative youth and the increased pressure to “settle down.” Meanwhile, the men in your world are growing and changing in ways that might not always match up with what you need or want.  Check our list of some of the common romantic missteps young women make; laugh, cry, reminisce…and try to avoid them if it isn’t too late!

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  • C.C.

    This article could not be more true. Being in my early twenties and having gotten to know men in their very late to early thirties, I really see that I am still exploring what I want and learning to accept that it is ok. Plus just putting into practice the things thing that I want for myself and being able to orally communicate that as well. Although it can get discouraging at times… this is just the beginning and I know that God has to make me better before I can be ready for my husband.

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  • Neenee

    Hey I am in my early twenties with a toddler and still trying to look for a long term relationship. Currently I drive and go to college but unfortunately I can’t find Mr. Right. I’m saying this because I was wondering if I should be pressured into getting married so soon since I already have a child. Initially I thought my child’s dad and I would get married since we lived together and talked about it but things Didn’t go as planned.I am so eager to find that right one for me and one who my child will feel comfortable with as well. I am in desparate need of answers please help Anna!

  • Neenee

    Hey what if u r already in ur early twenties but with a toddler already then what. How should we date or should we at all?


  • Queen

    It seems as if the women who have high expectations or standards, we always remain single. I was one of those 20 somethings that didn't try to change a man, but I can tell you that I was ready for a committed relationship, they pretended like they did, This is a good article but it doesn't speak for all of us, Now that I am 33 yrs. of age I am very glad I am totally single (haven't even kissed a man in about 6 1/2 years).

  • It depends, all rules and expectations are not horrible. I neglected some of my reasonable rules and expectations and got badly burned. It definitely made me build up even more walls. So yes, you should have expectations.

  • Fefe700

    I wish there could be more elaboration on the rules point because there is so much debate about settling/ sticking to your standards. Perhaps that would take a new article, but still, as a 20-something (22), I think it'd be helpful to have some guidance. Because right now I feel like I can ask for what I have: education, income, vehicle, etc. but is this too much? If so my 22 year old self is still immature lol. I'm building a life for myself, and I want to do so carefully BUT I am starting to think (as my male friends have indicated) that I may be too critical- then again, there is a reason why those men are only my friends. *Hilarious statement about trying to salvage old relationships- that's where I am right now- spending time with a jr high sweet heart and a friend from high school but I know that I haven't met the guy, I want something NEW. First time here, loving the articles!

  • Jai

    I have to really cosign this article hard, harder than anything I could ever cosign in my life. I spent 4 and a half years committed to the totally wrong man and lying to myself because I was too young and dumb to realize otherwise. I have definitely broken a few of these rules…but I do know more now. And even though I lost so much time and sacrificed my own wants, needs, and dreams…I guess that's really all that matters in end.

  • Just sayin. . .

    This article was like reading about myself. . . so true all of it. . .

  • Reeree

    @NappyCentric I totally agree with you. I’m early 20s too never had a bf so I know what your referring to. As for the article great reminder!

  • smh@yu

    i know who u r Anna

    • Anna

      Is that right?

  • midnite_flwr

    At 23 years young I needed to read this….Thank You Madame Noire!

  • Kainly

    i like some of these…especially number 2..
    …Uggs Giving Away Stuff After PETA called them out.. to Get Consumers to Support them….haha got 2 pair!

  • Anna

    Where's the article "Common Dating Mistakes MEN make in their 20s?"

    Matter of fact, where the articles talking about what MEN should do to assure a long-lasting and healthy relationship? Why is it that women are the only beings that have to go through constant gentrification? Men get to carry on the flaws into the next relationship… Why are we the only ones that have to change.

    • Raw1

      Dear Anna,
      First of all this site is aimed at women. We as men dont get to carry our flaws into our next relationship any more than you do. We either don't recognize the flaw or CHOOSE to ignore it, and that goes for women too. I think you may be alluding to a double standard that although may exist, It doesn't serve you to acknowledge. WHEN YOU KNOW BETTER, WE SHOULD DO BETTER. ITS JUST THAT SIMPLE.

    • auggy

      @Anna,this is the second time i've seen u commenting on Madam noire.."get it over and done with"comment about sex in the morning and now this,i dont know u,but i think the frame in which u see the world should be shifted..whether the message was for women or men,did u get the message?..if u dont want to change ur mindset cus men arent been told to do same,thats just pitiful…..

      • Anna

        1. I GOT the article. I read it and understood the author their points. I was just making an observation. That is the reason for the comments section is it not?
        2. You're absolutely right. You do not know me. Just because I am not a sheeple and will outright agree just to agree my opinion should be shifted? Because I thought about the article, noticed a pattern and spoke out on it? If it was really that bothersome, more people would have answered… Only, what? Three people answered. If it really got on people's nerves 33 people would have answered.
        3. If it really bothers you, that's your biz. And the only pitiful thing is for you to not try to understand why I don't necessarily agree. I have a right to question and point something out.
        4. Who said anything about my mindset? What does it matter to you? It's my thought, my opinion. Sorry I can't be a sheeple like some people and say "Yeah, that's the truth," because guess what? There are a hundred other people on this site already doing that.

  • NappyCentric

    Very good article! I especially like #1… I never had a BF and was always and still is the only one out of my group of friends to not have one, so I've always felt pressure to hurry up and be in a committed relationship. But I now know that I'm in my early 20s and have plenty of time to find that particular somebody for me. Not to rush it, but let it come naturally 🙂

  • Just Another 20+

    I really dont know about this list. Because; this applies to plenty of older women that have bypassed their twenties and are still with the "wrong" man, setting up rules (how old was Vicka Fox in "Two Can Play That Game?") This applies to more of a maturity level then anything else. Most women now and days don't settle for too much vs. making mistakes and dealing with them. Those who think they are to old to learn something or those who think they are too mature that they know everything… both need to realize that life throws curves balls in everybody's lives. Age has never created a set limit to the amount of maturity someone gets. Keep in mind… that America is the only country where a man can drink, smoke, and vote before the age where it is "okay" for him to be settled and married.

  • This is a good post this is so true


    >.> Where were y'all 5 years ago, lol. A sista could have used a reminded. But this is a great article.

  • Magister Veritatis

    Numbers 5, 6, and 7 were the best.

    Unrealistic expectations can get the best of us all sometimes. You can always strive for a ten but that doesn't mean you will get it.

  • Lady V

    I'm a 17 year old female(soon to be 18) & I agree with everything. I'm in the process now of starting to take myself serious enough so I don't keep stringing along random guys(playing games), having unrealistic expectations & being in unnecessary relationships that I know won't be worth my while. To me, everything in this article is about growing up(mentally, emotionally) & being honest with yourself. Kudos to whoever wrote this! 🙂

  • Toya Sharee

    I don't think it's age as much as it's maturity and experience. I know 17-year olds who are very much capable of everything on this list and thirty-year olds who still don't get it. But still awesome points…

  • LALA

    Great article, you're the truth!