Tell Your Business Tuesdays: What I Wish I Knew Before Having Sex
Yesterday, we asked you all to share some of the things that you wish you knew before having sex for the first time. Some of your responses spoke to the emotional challenges that sexual intercourse can sometimes bring. Some of you addressed the unrealistic expectations you had about the horizontal mambo, courtesy of Hollywood. Others addressed the physical act and all of the pain and awkwardness associated with doing “it” for the first time. All of you were open and honest, which is what “Tell Your Business Tuesdays” is all about, so thank you.
Marcie: That is was going to hurt like hell.
SpaceManAndy: I wish everyone knew that it isn’t like in movies and TV. The lights don’t dim unless you interrupt everything and go dim them. You also have to interrupt everything to make sure you have protection. Changing positions doesn’t happen when the camera cuts away, it happens when you shift around uncomfortably on the couch trying not to fall off. Oh, and your animals don’t always know to stay away. The world might be a better place if people didn’t expect movie sex.
Taneesha Culture Clash Thomas: I wish I knew about soul ties. People always focus on the physical act, but sex involves all senses and all realms. It is spiritual bonding.
As a young man, I wish I had known that most of the time, a woman’s heart is attached to her vagina, in a sense. In my teenage/early adulthood years, I unintentionally broke several hearts without knowing it because I was too affectionate and passionate during relations.
My friends could have relations with girls, and they would still be cool down the line. Me? The girl would see me and give me the death stare, and I couldn’t understand why, especially when the girl herself told me not to “fall in love” before hooking up.
The reason: my friends would literally “hit it and quit it,” so the girls knew it was just a good time. Me, with my sappy self, did too much kissing, caressing, and other “sentimental” things during my hookups…all in the name of trying not make the girl happy and leave her with a good impression. Oh, the irony.
1. That it’s not always pleasurable. In fact, most times it’s not pleasurable, and it can easily become something you do “just because.”
2. Not to let a man’s sex talk, size, etc. influence my decision on whether or not to have sex with him, lest I be disappointed.
3. Prostitution- accepting money for sex- comes in many legal forms. Know the price of your body.
Cinnamon71: That the “dynamic” was going to change dramatically and it was mostly going to be on my end. He was hardly “fazed” at all, and toyed with my heartstrings over and over again for years because I allowed it. Hindsight is 20/20. Ladies, please pay attention to a man’s actions more than his words because it will get you each and every time if you’re not careful. Know your worth.
Ok: That it is often painful for a female, and like someone said, it might not even be pleasurable. Most women can’t “O” by penetration alone. Also, men don’t know what they are doing so make sure you know how to navigate your own body.
Jacqueline: It’s not all that it’s pumped up to be! Wait a while young girl!
Anonymous: What I wish I knew was that I’d NEVER even feel fulfilled or satisfied doing it, and I’d even somehow feel convicted, because none of these men—not the first, nor the last—is my husband.
The final submission was a poem composed by an anonymous MadameNoire reader.
I WISH I KNEW WHAT I KNOW NOW
MINUTES OF PRESSURE TURNED INTO FOREVA
STARTED OUT WITH AN AGGRESSOR
TURNED promiscuous POOR DECISION
MOTHER, I WISH I WOULD HAVE JUST LISTENED & PAID ATTENTION
ALL THE MEN THAT PREYED ON ME WERE ON A MISSION
NOW I’M WISHING & PRAYING MY DAUGHTER DOESN’T MAKE THE SAME MISTAKES
ONCE IT’S GONE, IT CAN NEVER BE REPLACED
NOW STUCK WITH 4 BABIES TO RAISE
WORD OF ADVICE: CHECK THE RESUME AND MAKE HIM SUBMIT AN APPLICATION, AND BACKGROUND CHECK, TOO
Make sure he is qualified to work for you
BE THE BOSS, MAKE SURE IT’S YOUR CHOICE
YOU DON’T WANT TO BE THE NEXT ONE WISHING WHAT YOU KNEW
TO ALL MY SINGLE MOTHERS, DREAMS STILL COME TRUE