Many of us love to hug our significant others. Whether it is in the morning, after work or before bed, hugs are a good way to express your appreciation and love for your partner. A hug helps increase intimacy and, most importantly, allows you to plant a few kisses on your boo, too.
And while most of us love to be squeezed by our main squeeze, there is one woman in America who hates to hug her husband. According to her, he is just doing way too much.
The woman wrote to Slate’s “Dear Prudence” column about her husband, whom she referred to as a “hug bully”:
My husband forces me to give him hugs. I know this sounds like a really stupid problem to have. He has created a “hug toll,” and he won’t let me leave the room until I give him a hug. Here are some examples. I am running late for work and need to rush out the door. He will physically block my exit until I give him a hug. He doesn’t do this in a way that will hurt me; he’ll just pick me up until I give him his hug then he’ll let me go. Another scenario is when we are downstairs and I have to use the bathroom. He will block the stairs until I hug him. It’s really annoying. Sometimes I just don’t feel like giving hugs. I have told him this, but he just laughed at me. The hug “tax” is really obnoxious. How do I make it stop? He is 100 pounds heavier than me and a foot taller, so I can’t push my way out. How can I make it stop, Prudence? I love hugging him, just not on command. He’s a hug bully.
Prudence responded swiftly, telling the woman that most people treat their pets better than her husband is currently treating her.
“Your very large husband manhandles you when you’re on your way out the door or even going to the bathroom. This is profoundly not OK. People treat their pets with more respect for their autonomy than he’s giving you. You need to tell him this has to stop—now. Explain that he is undermining the very basis of your marriage, and you cannot continue to feel as if your own home is the equivalent of Checkpoint Charlie.”
Auntie Prudence doesn’t mince words!
When I read the woman’s plea for advice, I began to think about the word I would give this woman if she were my friend. To be honest, I don’t think I would give sound advice because I wouldn’t react calmly to this situation, especially if I needed to go to the bathroom (somebody would get cursed out if they held me and my bladder back). Because of this, I wonder if the husband uses his “hug toll’ to trigger his wife’s anger, if he has always been this clingy, or if he feels unappreciated because they don’t physically touch each other more often. If I were this woman, I would not only communicate how immature this practice is to him, but I would also try to understand why he is desperately seeking out an embrace each time I desire to leave the room. Seriously, what is that about? What is he not saying verbally that he’s trying to communicate through such an invasive practice? If that doesn’t work, I’m sure my husband would be hugging a blow-up doll, and not me, very soon.
What advice would you give this woman and how would you deal with a partner who is a “hug bully”?
