Serious Question: Would You Participate In A Decoupling Ceremony With Your Ex?

October 13, 2015  |  


Breaking up is hard to do, but would formal ceremonies that offer closure make doing so a little easier? Reverend Gillian Harris of California sure thinks so.

The ordained minister, who holds a master’s degree in spiritual psychology, believes that decoupling ceremonies are a constructive way for people going through divorce to sort through feelings and the trauma that is frequently associated with ending a marriage.

“The decoupling ceremony enables people to shed feelings of victimization, to recognize shared history and to acknowledge and accept the journey into the future with no baggage,” said Rev. Harris.

The ceremonies facilitated by Harris and her team of ministers are designed with the  future ex couple in mind. The process usually begins with a consultation that allows the couple to share what led them to divorce in the first place. The actual ceremony is private and only lasts about twenty minutes. Couples are required to “declare their mutual forgiveness and release.” Candles may be used along with crystals for purification and rose quartz for heart chakra energy. Rings may be removed, and children from the marriage are also welcome to witness the service.

“I feel like our love is deeper and more fully expressed now than it ever was before. I’m newly single and going into it blissfully!” declared one of Harris’ clients a few days after her own decoupling ceremony.

The fees for ceremonies facilitated by Harris begin at $250, and while both partners are encouraged to partake in the function, it is not required.

“Often, the emotional toll of divorce weighs heavier on one party, and we accommodate them,” says Harris. “The decoupling ceremony benefits everyone who places equal significance on ending a marriage as they did when they entered it.”

While I was initially skeptical, I have to say that I wouldn’t be completely opposed to a decoupling ceremony. Considering that so many marriages end with one party grasping for closure, it seems that spiritually acknowledging the end of such a major chapter in one’s life would be helpful.

What about you? Would you be open to participating in a decoupling ceremony with your ex?

To learn more about Rev. Harris and the process of decoupling, visit

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  • Come on y’all, you are taking dating to a unreasonable level, if you were in that deep you should have been married, come on y’all something is amidst here maybe these people have a mental problem because it seem that they have made the dating process the “end all” their “ultimate goal” in relationship, where as the purpose of dating is to find a suitable mate a husband or a wife, not to date forever. Come on y’all wake up.

    • JustSaying

      What are you babbling about? Did I miss something or did it not mention that this was a decoupling DIVORCE ceremony?! stop rambling about grossly misinformed stereotypes regarding black relationships

      • babble to you but good common sense to the smart and well balance man or women, but of course it’s babble to you and other mental lite weights. Look “a hint to the wise is sufficient, but a sermon to the dumb won’t work”! You get that, can you comprehend that? I don’t care about so lite weight silly decoupling divorce ceremony cause make up and break up is not that important in the whole scheme of life. Peace out.

  • FallenAngel1722

    This is a bit extreme but I agree with the spirit of the idea. The hardest thing about breakups is not getting closure and often time the person doing the “breaking” doesn’t feel the need to provide closure for the other party which can be cruel and petty. I think that in some cases a formal setting to end the relationship could be beneficial. In the case of divorce I could see such a thing as a necessity, and not in a courtroom setting where legal things are determined. I mean in an office setting where feelings can be laid out on the table in a controlled environment.

  • LogicalLeopard

    I came in thinking this was dumb, but as I read it, I get the general idea. It’s good to have two people talk to a neutral party about why they broke up, and forgive and move on.
    The crystals and candles and all of that is garbage, tho.

  • Simone

    I know I am the type of person that needs closure but this seems silly to me. If I walked into the room with questions then chances are 20 minutes later I would still have those questions.

    • LogicalLeopard

      Well, that’s the thing….I don’t think you should have questions walking into a ceremony like that. You should know why you’re getting divorced, and if you don’t, I think the job of the ceremony would be to make peace with the fact that you’re not getting the answers, and move on.

    • you are right, this is childish and immature and give credence to what others say about us they say “black people are perpetual child’s” eternal child, although well trained [educated], never maturing, never growing up, and in this case we never move to the next level in relationships which is marriage, because the primary reason for dating is to find a suitable mate a husband or a wife, not endless dating. Come on y’all………..

  • illogical

    The perfect decoupling ceremony: meeting up to move your things out and doing away the lease. Why even waste the energy on this individual. Move on, kick rocks or maybe even one of those crystals mentioned in the article.

    • LogicalLeopard


  • David

    No because to me it’s unnecessary. If the relationship is over, them it’s over. No ceremony will change that.