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On my journey through celibacy I’ve met some pretty interesting men. Some have been great conversationalists, others have been cool to hang out with and many quickly proved to be strictly entertainment. While dating, I wasn’t expecting to meet “Mr. Right” right away, but I did meet someone who surprisingly piqued my curiosity for a brief moment. We met on a popular dating website, which was a bit uncomfortable for me initially as it was my first time using the Internet as an aid in finding the right guy. But then I thought to myself, “What could it hurt?”

He made the first move by sending a very subtle message inquiring more about myself. I replied, answering his questions and following up with a few of my own. This Internet-based pattern of conversation continued for a couple of weeks. Before we actually made a voice to voice connection, we continued emailing just to get a little more comfortable with each other. After about another week we swapped numbers, called each other and started down a path on what I thought would be the beginning of a great relationship.

Night after night and day after day, we talked and had some of the greatest conversations about any and everything we could think of. We even discovered we had a lot of things in common from beliefs to food to hobbies. As time passed our discussions became longer and more in-depth; we found ourselves liking one another more and more. With each conversation, thoughts of how I would break the news of my celibacy to him lingered in the back of my mind. Once again, I had no idea how I would approach the topic. I often wondered if I should bring it up like I did with my son’s father or wait until he brings up sex.  But no matter how it would come about, I had to fill him in on my decision and deal with his reaction sooner or later. One night it happened – we had the “talk.”  While partaking in our usual chat, laughing and enjoying the moment – the subject of sex came up. He asked when was the last time I had sex, and I told him that it had been a while because I was practicing celibacy.

As I expected, there was a long pause. “You’re doing what? Oh yeah, we’re just gonna be friends because I don’t think you can have a good relationship without having sex,” he replied. After hearing his response I thought, “Wow, you should have just hung up on me!” Instead I told him, “Okay that’s fine.” After dropping the celibacy bomb, the flow and feel of the conversation drastically changed. Things suddenly became stiff. I could tell he wasn’t expecting to hear my news and didn’t quite know how to handle it. We struggled to keep the conversation flowing and it ended shortly after. When we hung up I wondered if I would ever hear from him again. How would he would react if we did keep in contact? I sat in deep meditation for a while pondering my decision. “If we speak again, great, but if we don’t that’s fine too,” I said to myself.

The next day I was expecting him to call at the time he normally would on any other day. To my dismay – but not surprise – I didn’t hear from him. I decided to give him a call, and his phone went straight to voicemail. That was the last time I heard his voice. I was a little disturbed by this, but I then I realized this was a good thing for me. Why, you may ask? Because I found out early on what he truly wanted from me and my time wasn’t wasted. Am I saying that he didn’t want a monogamous relationship with me? Not at all. However, one thing is for sure: sex was a major factor and he would have been expecting it sooner than later. Oh well, another one bites the dust.

Liz Lampkin is the Author of Are You a Reflection of the Man You Pray For? a motivational speaker, and an advocate for single women who encourages them to live their best single lives God’s way! Follow her on Twitter @Liz_Lampkin, and ask her any question you want to know about her journey through celibacy.

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