What To Do When Your Man’s Friend Is In Love With Him
It’s a tricky situation when you start dating a guy, and you realize his best female friend is totally in love with him. You might try to ignore it at first, hoping you’re not seeing what you think you’re seeing and that your uneasy feeling will go away. It won’t. How you handle this so-called “friend” will either make or break your relationship. Here is what you should do when your man’s friend is in love with him.
Do, at first, try to be friends
You might be dealing with a good, honest woman. She may have feelings for your man, but she might also really want the best for him. If she sees you’re a great partner to him, she could just back off.
Don’t overdo it
If you just started dating your man, and you’re suddenly BFFs with one of his best friends, he could feel you’re encroaching on his space.
Don’t talk to her about it
You’re going to be tempted to have a woman-to-woman conversation. You’ll want to speak directly to your man’s friend, and talk some sense into her. Maybe you’ll want to say, “I’d love to set you up with somebody so you can stop waiting around for my man!” Don’t do it.
Do talk to him about it
If you approach the friend, and she really is in love with your partner, she’s going to spin it to your man like you threatened or disrespected her. Tell your partner you suspect his friend is into him. It’s his friendship and a problem that he should deal with.
Don’t tell her to, “Get your own man!”
Please, at all costs, avoid saying this. It makes it sound like you’re fighting over Ken dolls.
But you can help her get her own man
What’s the best way to get a woman away from your man? Find her another man! Try to set her up. In fact, make it a double date.
Don’t buy into her BS
She might think the best way to steal your man is by making you believe she adores you. She’ll pretend to be your best friend. Don’t accept all her lunch invitations or engage in funny text threads with her. If you suspect she’s trying to creep on your man, keep her at an arm’s length.
Do stay civil
You don’t want to cause drama for your man. So you will have to be at least civil with his friend (until this is all sorted out, that is). Say yes to the occasional hangout, so long as others will be around. Answer her texts, but keep your answers brief. Don’t let her get close like she wants to.
Don’t forbid your guy from seeing her
Nothing will drive your guy into the other woman’s arms more than forbidding him from hanging out with her. You cannot make this decision for him. He needs to decide if it’s appropriate for him to be friends with a woman who feels the way she does when he has a girlfriend (hint: it’s not appropriate).
Do insist that he address the issue
Don’t let him be Switzerland here. He doesn’t get to be neutral. He’s putting you in a bad position by keeping that friend around. Insist he talk to her, tell her things will never happen between them, and that she needs to either let it go or stop hanging around him.
Don’t take her comments personally
She might say things to make you look bad. She is going to be in your man’s ear about how you’re the wrong partner for him. Don’t lash out at her. Don’t get into a brawl with her. That’s exactly what she wants—to provoke you and make you look crazy.
If she does badmouth you, address her in front of your man
In front of your man, say to the other woman, “I understand you have some issues with me. That’s too bad. You’re my man’s friend, and I want us to get along. Is there something I can do that would help you like me better?” She’ll be totally stuck. If she keeps badmouthing you now, after your calm and mature approach, she’ll look downright mean and immature.
Don’t give him an ultimatum
You’ll feel tempted to say, “It’s her, or it’s me.” Don’t do it. No man would be with a woman who forces him to choose between her and his friends.
Get her to give him one
You can, however, manipulate the other woman into giving your partner an ultimatum. No man wants to be friends with somebody who won’t accept his partner. If you remain cool and don’t respond to any of her tactics, she’ll be forced to give him an ultimatum. Now she looks controlling and crazy.
And finally, don’t get stuck policing
Again, your partner needs to come to his own conclusion on this. But it has to be the right one. If his friend is really in love with him and trying to sabotage your relationship, he should see that she may not be the best friend to have around. He should respect you enough to stop hanging out with her. You shouldn’t be in a position where you’re checking his phone, or convincing him the woman is in love with him. Don’t let this situation go on for too long because that means A) your man doesn’t respect you or B) he likes the attention from the other woman. Uh oh.