There are so many ways in which we have come to make Black men seem pathological, and sexuality is not excluded.
Take the down low culture for example. It’s the often gossiped about intersection of human sexuality where allegedly straight Black men meet to have gay sex before returning to their supposed heterosexual lives. It was a term popularized by author J.L. King who penned a book on the subject. He then went on Oprah to scare the bejeezus out of housewives everywhere with his tales of a secret fraternity of Black men across America living this double life.
Ever since then, guys who sleep with both men and women have become sort of a boogeyman in the Black community. We see and hear about them everywhere in pop culture: On television and in film, in hip-hop and even sports. A sneaky little troll-like character, waiting to give Black women HIV/AIDS. That’s what Lee Daniels told us anyway. Although most public health research has found little evidence to support this theory, that has not stopped the idea of down low men from being used to alienate and marginalize both Black gay and bisexual men. Nor has it helped to liberate Black men in their quest to define their own sexuality.
What’s interesting to note is who is often excluded from the down low. And I am talking about White men. While Black men are more likely to identify as gay, White men are too not always so upfront or clear about their sexual identification. In an essay entitled “Why can straight white men have sex with men without social consequences?” Zach Stafford talks about the leeway we give to White men to push sexual boundaries while also maintaining their heterosexuality. Stafford writes about the White man’s boundless sexuality that he’s noticed since his days at a predominately White elementary school. According to him, it was a time “when boys would roughhouse and grope each other on the playground while always making sure to punctuate their grabs with gay slurs that called the receiver of that grab a homosexual.”
He also writes:
“As I got older, those grabs evolved. And over time – especially once I got to my very white college – the grabs from straight men became caressing or kissing or, for the bold, sex. And during all of this, these men, these straight men who were always my bully growing up or even in college classrooms, maintained their straightness while I was constantly reminded of how they despised my gayness even as I entertained their episodic gay-interests.”
Stafford spoke to Jane Ward, a professor at the University of California, Riverside, and author of the book, Not Gay: Sex Between Straight White Men. She believes that “homosexual desire and homosexual contact are staples of the human experience.” She also believes that when it comes to this perfectly natural expression of sexuality, White men have it easier than the rest of us.
As Stafford writes:
From her research, she has arrived at an interesting conclusion: straight men – specifically white men – are having sex with other men to affirm just how straight they are, because to be straight and still be able to perform ‘gay sex’ – while always remaining uninterested – is the height of white masculinity. And they are the primary group doing this, because they can.
“Sometimes white people, and men in particular, bristle at the concept of ‘privilege,’” she says, speaking more broadly about the term that many use to describe inherent advantages white people have due to skin color.
“But in the context of [my] book, recognizing privilege isn’t about denying what is unique about individual straight white men; it’s about recognizing that straight white men have some unique cultural resources they can draw on to explain away and justify their presumably discordant sex practices.”
Stafford goes on to talk about how unfair it is for White men to be able to move between labels with ease, as well as commit acts of violence against the LGBTQ community, while being barred from any of the struggles that come with said lifestyles. In particular, the violence. As noted by Stafford, there has been record-breaking violence against LGBTQ people of color – especially transgender women of color – this year alone.
I share his frustrations. I often find it disturbing to see how much homoantagonism, and straight out homophobia, exists in mainstream television, particularly on shows and film where very few people of color are present. For instance, I’ve recently finished a Supernatural binge on Netflix. I am amazed at how this show, which has been on for 10 seasons, has gotten away with making so many “eww the gays” jokes. As do many other programs.
Still, White people, gay and straight, continue to be the face of progressive ideas and thinking on gay rights while the Black community, in particular, has become the antithesis. That double standard is violence in itself. And it also makes it harder for Black men in the middle, in particular, who are struggling between protecting regressive parts of Blackness or the ever-encroaching part of the White gaze, which seeks to put them into neat little sexual categories that Whites themselves are not bounded by.
It also brings up a point about how we need to do more to acknowledge and recognize bisexuality in people in our own community. The truth is that White men get to bend the rules of gender and sexuality because they are in full control of defining themselves (plus the rest of society honors their choices as well). More than anyone else, it is our people who condemn and even hurt other LGBTQ communities. To free ourselves from this oppression, we must be brave enough to define ourselves, including our sexuality, on our own terms.
