How important is one’s outward appearance to you when it comes to the people you choose to date? Could you give someone who is legitimately struggling with their weight a chance?
There is one friend in my inner circle who everyone knows is single and looking for Mr. Right. Because we know this, we often try to set her up with the first cute or sane guy we see. Yes, I admit that I’m guilty of being one of those pseudo matchmakers. From the cute bartender at the lounge to the guy just chilling at the bar trying to enjoy a drink, my friends and I are quick to attempt to make a love connection happen. Yes, we need to do better.
But in the hopes of connecting her with someone we actually know and who has proven himself to be a pretty decent guy, my fiancé has tried to encourage my friend, *Ade, to give one particular guy a chance. He’s intelligent, has a good job and is very nice. The only problem is that Ade is not feeling him at all.
“He’s just not my type.”
Why? Because he’s a big guy. And when I say “big,” I don’t mean tall with a wide frame.
No. This guy is about 5’7″ and looks to be above 300-325 pounds. His weight is an issue at this point. Mainly because he has had (and still has) a few health problems that were brought on because of his obesity. One of the friends in my inner circle, a doctor, has even tried to sternly tell him to get it together. You know, tough love.
But this intelligent man with a good job and a nice personality is struggling to get the weight off, so all those great qualities and characteristics fail to shine through when you see him. This is the case for Ade. Despite his different attempts to get her to go on a date with him, she stalls. She won’t tell him why she can’t seem to make herself available, but she won’t outright shut him down either. He’s a good guy, so she doesn’t want to hurt his feelings. Still, she’s not feeling him because she’s not physically attracted to him. At all. So try as he may, she won’t give him the time of day. This baffles our male friends, including my partner: “He’s a good dude! C’mon now. You have all this to say about the guys out here, but you won’t give my boy a chance! He would treat you right.” But it’s just not going to happen.
I can’t blame her. It’s easy to tell someone else that they should give a person a chance because you like them, but if the tables were turned, I know I would be dragging my feet too. While this guy is nice, it’s not as though his personality is so vibrant as to take precedence over his size. If it was, I honestly believe that Ade would budge and take him up on his offer to go out. But he’s soft-spoken and, at times, unassuming. Plus, you just can’t force chemistry that’s not there.
So no, I don’t think my friend is petty for failing to give this guy a chance because of his size. She’s not attracted to him, and it’s okay to have a preference when it comes to who you date–we all do. Besides, with this guy struggling with health issues because of his weight, I would say he has greater things to worry about than trying to get Ade to concede and go out with him…
But as always, that’s just my opinion. What do you think? Is she petty for passing up on a good guy because he’s heavy? Or would you struggle to give him a chance too because of his weight?
