Being a forward thinker comes in handy at several points in adult life. You’ll never or hardly ever run into a complex financial situation that you can’t strategize your way out of. You’ll be able to make decisions based off of sound judgment. But what happens when being a forward thinker begins to do more harm than good when it comes to your love life? It seems like you’re just at the beginning of the tunnel and trying to see what’s on the other side instead of enjoying the journey.
For most women, when we hit 25 we start to think obsessively about things such as career stability, financial security, and who we’re going to spend the rest of our lives with. If you’re single and have been for some time, one of your deepest desires can turn into an obsessive goal—to meet a guy. So you start to look for the qualities you deem a must-have in every man you come across and quickly move on to the next if they don’t add up. Dating takes on an entirely different meaning for you. Sure, you might entertain a few flings here and there, but what you really want is someone who’s going to stick around and put a ring on it. You’re not just dating for the hell of it, to kill some time, or so you won’t be lonely. If you’re giving of your time, it’s because you see something in a man that interests you. However, you can be a little high strung and too hung up on what the end result could and will be. I can relate because this is a major issue for me.
Long story short, I started dating a guy who was a year younger than me in age, and, it seemed, a lot younger in terms of his wants and needs. I was interested, but I couldn’t ignore that, so things didn’t work out. I shut it down quickly.
Now, I’ll admit, sometimes I do expect things to just happen overnight, but I know realistically that they won’t. However, whenever I meet a guy that I’m really interested in and like, my mind is already daydreaming about us having a beautiful brownstone in Harlem, or a fancy loft in the Lower East Side with great careers and children. I start to see possibilities that begin to obscure reality.
Some days I see what I’m looking for and some days it’s hard to tell. My friends have told me countless times to be in the moment and enjoy the guys I date. Others say that if I can’t see it, as in a future with a guy, I shouldn’t waste my time.
I know my biggest issue is patience. In retrospect, being a forward thinker seems to be the reason a lot of my relationships have ended before they’ve even taken off anywhere. I come into a dating situation knowing full well what I want and expecting it just to click right away. Being a forward thinker means that you’re always one step ahead of the game, but sometimes being so far ahead also means missing what’s right in front of you.
I think it’s okay to be a forward thinker and have expectations for yourself in building a relationship. But it can be unnecessarily stressful when you start creating expectations for someone else before you even get to know them well. I know I need to slow down my mind, but it’s difficult when my biological clock is on warp speed…
Any other women in a quarter-life or mid-life love crisis having this problem?
