“I’m So Tired”: Things Women Without Children Shouldn’t Say To Women With Them

August 3, 2015  |  
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If your friend is a new mom–or a mom at all, and her kids still live at home, she doesn’t appreciate when you say the following things. Here are things women without children probably shouldn’t say to women with kids.

 

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I’m so sleep-deprived

You’re sleep deprived? At least your sleep schedule is determined by your own schedule. A mom’s sleep schedule is determined by when her kids go to bed, when they wake up, and when they want breakfast at the crack of dawn. A mother’s work is never done.

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I’ve had no time to go to the gym

You probably haven’t had time to go to the gym because you’ve been too busy with work or simply haven’t felt like going. Your friend who is a mom has probably been too busy with kids to find time to exercise. The gym is a luxury for her.

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You’re glad you had kids, right?

Is that your way of asking if she would do things differently? Because um…the kids are sort of here now. There’s no going back at this point.

 

 

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The restaurant is not exactly kid-friendly…

Well, then why did you choose such a place for dinner? Now she has to waste time and money looking for a babysitter! Way to make your mom and her little ones feel left out.

 

 

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My dog does the same thing

Oh, really? Your dog does? Then you must know exactly what it’s like to be a parent, right?

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Dinner is at 9 p.m.

After putting her kids to sleep, your friend goes to bed at 9 p.m. So why are you setting up late times to hang out? That’s so cruel.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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You need to get your roots done

Oh, right. Because she just forgot. She didn’t realize her roots had grown out. Nope. Good thing you said something because she has all the time in the world to go to the salon…

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I’m getting vajazzled

Don’t tell your mom friend, whose vagina was put through the wringer during childbirth, about how you’re decorating your lady business.

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I never treat myself anymore

That’s because you spent all your extra money on your nice apartment. Your mom friend, on the other hand, spent it all on diapers and groceries.

 

 

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Can’t you just get a sitter?

They don’t just appear out of thin air! Especially not good, trustworthy, honest ones.

 

 

 

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You’re lucky! You don’t have to go to work.

Your mom friend would be glad just to clock in at 9 a.m. and clock out at 5 p.m. like she used to, especially if motherhood worked like that. She doesn’t even get a clock anymore.

 

 

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I have no time to myself

If your mom friend wants to be alone, she has to plan it with her equally busy partner or pay for a sitter.

 

 

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I feel like everybody wants something from me

Don’t. Even.

 

 

 

 

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When I have kids…

Your plans sound fine and dandy now but know that all that goes out the window when the kids actually show up. You never know what you will do or how you will be until you actually become a parent.

 

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You can get drunk because you have a babysitter

Yeah, but…she also still has kids who will wake her up at 6 a.m. and scream all day when she’s hung-over. Plus, she has too many responsibilities to waste time trying to nurse a hangover.

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  • CFandHappy

    Oh sweetie, the anger! Really?? You just had a “bundle of joy” and all this anger and bitterness and obvious jealousy is inside you? That can’t be good, take a chill pill, do some yoga with your snowflake and get back to us when you calm down and we’ll talk then… maybe!!!

  • Philip ‘Yuna’ Wester

    Sorry, you being tired does not mean I can’t be tired or that I have no right to complain about it. Also, who the heck doesn’t know how to do their own damn roots? Or at least get their partner or a friend to do them for them.

    I have never in my life had my hair done (besides cutting) at the salon and I haven’t had my natural hair colour for half of my lifespan.

  • oscardgrouch

    Very biased. #1 Sleep deprivation- How do you know this person isn’t caring for a sick relative or working night and day on a project, or has a health issue making it hard to sleep, or just a phucking loud as neighbor????

    #2. Gym – the above can be applied to this one.
    #3. Dining out – If I want to dine with you and kids I will select a kid-friendly place. If I want adult time and you choose to come, make arrangements for your child.
    #8 Roots done – Women with no children may not have the time or money to get there roots done either. It’s just a bad comment to make to anyone kid or no kid.

    #9 Only childless women have thoughts of getting vajazzled????

    #10 Treat myself – I know a lot of women who don’t treat themselves because they can’t afford to, kid or no kid.

    #14 – Again, it could be family…i.e. Mary Jane on “Being Mary Jane.” Hell some folks think because you don’t have kids you have time to do every thing for everyone.

  • positivebeatsnegative

    The author of this seems a tad bitter, I have no children but all of my girlfriend’s do, if I say I’m tired, they agree and say tell me about it. As for outings, we keep it even sometimes we do things that are kid friendly and sometimes we don’t. I would think it quite selfish of the mothers to always want to include their kids, most times my girls don’t want to involve the kids because they want genuine adult time (kids are a distraction, can’t have a decent conversation with them around, they absorb all the attention “its all about the pookadoo’s when they are around) It all depends on your circle

    • Ang

      That’s the difference between real friends and people you keep at the “associate” level.

  • Ash

    Didn’t read them all.. But I can’t be tired or not have time for the gym? That has nothing to do with having kids or not having kids. Some mothers have all the time in the world to workout and they aren’t tired bc they have nannies or their husband/boyfriend/family watches the kids . Just bc i am child free doesn’t mean I try to be an Sshole to people with kids. What the title is implying is that women without kids can’t vent to their friends or associates with kids bc we have no right to. Sure we just travel , live on the beach and go to wine tastings all the time. Y’all mfs definitely can miss me w that bull… Kids are a choice and some women make that choice while others don’t.

    • elle D.

      BOOM.

  • hollyw

    Welp, I expected this article to be stupid, and it did not disappoint lol smh. Got to slide 8 and tapped out. Was either shxt that no one says, or no one gets offended by. Way to create yet another useless, divisive article, MN 🙂

  • Taz

    And thats when the so-called friend w/kids gets polietly curesed out in but so many words. Excuse me, you chose the mom route and all that comes with it so I can gripe just like you.

  • Joe Friday

    To all the women who do not have children:
    Please feel free to say whatever you like. Women with children made their choices and women without children made their’s.

  • WGB

    I refuse to click sides. MN needs to do better.

  • Proud Mama

    Oooooh MN!!! Screening comments. Why don’t I see my comment I just left?

  • Proud Mama

    This blog site must attract mostly selfish career driven women who feel the need to defend their stance as is evident in the majority of the comments left here. Furthermore absent of having had children one can not possibly know what that’s like and thus really have no right to speak on the issue or criticize it. However on the flip side of that every mother has been motherless before. Sidenote: Children are necessary for the continuation of life. I pity anyone who has bought into the elitists agenda ie. Planned Parenthood/ Abortions for the destruction of humanity. Have some children. It’s necessary, don’t be fooled into the hype thatiit’s a choice. Regardless of how you feel about that it is. Don’t believe me. Lets all stop having children and see what happens in the next 50-100 years. Unfortunately there will be no one here to report on the outcome. Food for thought!

    • Proud Mama

      Correction: I meant every mother has been childless

    • Guestest

      Not everyone has to think like you. Not everyone has to have children just for the “continuation of life”. Are you serious? There are women out there who cannot have children because of medical problems and there are women out there who just don’t need to have kids due to mental problems. And then there are women out there who just don’t want children and that’s fine. Excuse me, but i’m a firm believer in actually wanting to have children before having them and not because someone else is telling you that you should have them. Think about it, it wouldn’t be fair to the woman or the child. Grow up and let grown people have a mind of their own. Having children or not is a personal decision.

      • themeowster

        I’ve never said this, but she sounds like a straight up troll.

    • hollyw

      You seriously drank the Koolaid, smh sad. This article was straight dumb and meant for people like you to spout ignorance and bash women, and you did not disappoint. I’m sure many women, mothers and motherless, pity you, ma’am. Good luck.

    • Ajavee

      Your post is short-sighted and judgmental. Having children is choice not a demand. Like Guestest mentioned what if someone cannot have children. Why pity anyone who does not share your thoughts?

    • themeowster

      LOL at “have some children. It’s necessary.”

      You do realize we have an overpopulation problem on earth, right? Therefore, not everyone HAS to have children, right?

      Too much common sense and logic for you, I think. Too much. Congrats on motherhood!

    • Proud Mama

      By the looks of all the relpys to mycomments I must’ve been spot on wit my analysis of who most frequents this site. Anywho carry on… Y’all got it all figured out.

      • CFandHappy

        Nope, you’re wrong. I have a multitude of health problems (one reason I wouldn’t have a kid, don’t want to pass this crap down to my potential offspring) and I can’t work. So yeah, not exactly the “selfish, career-driven woman who needs to defend her stance”, huh?!

    • CFandHappy

      Aww, I feel sorry for you! Breeding because you thought it was “necessary”, when you could’ve had a much better life if you’d just thought for yourself! Ah well, bed, made, lie as they say. 😀

  • PSTREET

    Stupid Article.

  • Andrea

    This is exactly the kid of thing that makes us parents look like assholes to the rest of the world.

    • hollyw

      I don’t think you’re an azzhole! Lol this writer is just lazy, and MN typically turns to shxt-starting articles when they’re getting low readership. It’s really pathetic…if you look through the thread, though, you’ll see that not most bought what they were trying to sell lol…

      • Ajavee

        Exactly Holly what they were trying to do backfired.

  • STERLING ARCHER

    So I guess mothers are the only ones who get tired, right? Yes you are a mother and have additional responsibilities that others may not have, but you chose that life. Deal with it. Back in the day mothers also went to work outside the home as well. I wonder how they did it?

  • Ajavee

    MN what really was the point of this article?

    • hollyw

      Exactly.

  • Rebelyell757

    I mean well she choose to have kids. Im sorry. I have noooooooooo sympathy.

  • Blu

    This article makes me mad at people who have kids cause if life is like that then why the hell did you have kids? Smh. Don’t shame my life becauss I wanna wait.

    But then again this is madamenoire and their writers usually have hit and miss articles. So I know motherhood isn’t like this but gosh. Smh

  • Trisha_B

    Some of my friends have kids…& I vent to them lol. & never once have a gotten a response like this from them. This list is just too bitter. If you chose to have kids, what is with the guilt trip? Ok, you mad you didn’t get enough sleep last night b/c baby was crying. Well newsflash, that’s what babies been doing since the birth of Jesus. You knew that before having kids, it’s apart of the job! There’s time when me & my friends want to go out to eat, depending on the time of day they already know it’s not going to be kid friendly so they make arrangements. As some one with no kids, sometimes I don’t want to hear you complaining about motherhood. But if we are friends, we should be able to vent to each other regardless of our differing situations

    The only one I agree with is the dog one lol. Don’t compare animals to kids ever ! Haha

    • LogicalLeopard

      *LOL* Say that!

  • Ang

    Sigh. The first few were so silly I didn’t bother clicking on all 16 slides. I understand being a parent is hard, but sometimes people need to step outside their own bubble and not rank everyone else’s life and issues in relation to their own. So, I can’t mention to a friend that I’m exhausted because my sleep deprivation is due to working late every night, running errands and dealing with extended family issues rather than listening to a baby cry? Doesn’t everyone go out to eat without their kid at some point? This type of stuff is what makes people call parents judgmental. You didn’t always have kids. There’s no need belittle other people for dealing with the same stuff you dealt with before you had kids. It makes you look like youre searching for validation. But I’m never going to pretend like I’m not tired or I dont want to go out withoht kids around to make other people happy.

  • ReallyMN!!

    Mother or not, no one is going to dictate how i feel or what i should say. The person who wrote this article( cant even care to check it) needs to take SEVERAL SEATS

  • LogicalLeopard

    Fair warning: I’m a father, not a mother. But it seems like a lot of these things are kind of petty. What? People without kids cant’ be sleep deprived? They can’t be busy? It might prompt a response from me like, “Wait till you have kids,” but seriously, your friends shouldn’t have to pick and choose what they say about their own lives because of your children. Neither do they have to alter group outings to suit your schedule. You had the kids, they’re your responsibility. And also, a lot of these things presuppose there’s not a father in the house. 9:00PM dinner? Okay, then daddy watches the kids! Like I said, I’m not a woman, I’m a man. But a bit of advice, when you have children with someone, you better have them man up quick! Any man should be able to watch his own children, no matter what age they are. If he cant, well, what happens to the kids if something happens to you? They go up for adoption?

    • themeowster

      Without sharing too much of my professional life, I work a good 60-70 hours per week, around the clock, because my job’s pretty demanding. To say I’m exhausted sometimes means I’m freakin’ exhausted. I don’t have children (and don’t plan on having any) but my exhaustion is no less important than a mother’s. I hate that the writer is aiding in pitting us against each other.

      You know why women can’t get along? Because of stuff like this. Ugh.

      • LogicalLeopard

        Exactly! Although parents always feel that things were easier when they were single (because they were, usually *L*), just because MY life was simpler when I was single, doesn’t mean that YOUR life is simpler because YOU’RE single. And I think most people grasp that concept.

        • themeowster

          Yes, exactly. Every person’s path in life is different, and everyone’s struggle is different. It really grinds my gears that a fellow woman would have the nerve to post something like this. I never use the word “shaming” but this is shaming women without children to the tenth degree.

          • LogicalLeopard

            Yes, it does assume that they’re all airheads that skip through life without a care in the world.

            • themeowster

              Or better yet, would this imply that the women (aka this writer) who DO feel this way weren’t doing anything productive or valuable with their lives before their baby? Maybe she thinks all childless women still mooch off their parents while working part time at some retail store?

              • LogicalLeopard

                That too! *L* Great point!

              • Ang

                Not that you asked me….but, I know women who were living busy, productive lives before having kids who still get that judgmental stance once they become mothers. Some people are just so self-absorbed that no matter what phase of life they are in they believe their life and issues trump everyone else’s. If you aren’t doing what they are doing then you are beneath them in one way or another. It’s insecurity IMO. I side-eye them and keep right on moving.

                • themeowster

                  That sucks! I don’t know many mothers but the ones I do know aren’t like that. I see it from acquaintances, though…ohhhh I had a baby so now my life REALLY matters! How self-righteous.

                  • Ang

                    I think it has more to do with their personality than motherhood. The mothers who judge single people were usually self-centered, judgmental people before the kids.

      • Ajavee

        Exactly seems like MN is becoming like the other sites very combative. More of an us.vs them.

        • themeowster

          Yeah. I also think THEY think this will spark discussions, but they always delete the comments that go against their opinion, so it dilutes the thread.

          • Ajavee

            They almost always delete comments they do not agree. It is immature and petty to me and not becoming of mature women.

            • themeowster

              It’s no wonder they don’t have a ton of comments. I can’t even use a curse word here. Blah.

              • Clapback central

                I agreewith both of you on everything! Mn is another brownsista in the making when they started taking things personal and deleting comments,their audience dwindle out completely.

                • themeowster

                  I get that they probably don’t want it to turn into another Bossip or TMZ, but judging by all the regular posters here, I highly doubt it would ever get that ignorant. I mean geez we can’t even post pictures or gifs! lol

                • Ajavee

                  I remember brownsista.com I have not visited that website in a long time.

    • Ang

      “a lot of these things presuppose there’s not a father in the house.”

      I’m glad you mentioned this. I didn’t want to go there because that usually propmts the “shaming” comments and Im not having that conversation today. But some of this had me wondering what the father was doing to help out? Whether the father lives in the home or not, why do I have to assume he can’t keep the child while the mother goes out with girlfriends for lunch? I agree too many women give their husbands/bf the “he’s a man” pass when it comes to taking care of the kids. Any man who WANTS to take care of his kids can. If the father isn’t involved at all, well that’s a different topic for a different day….

      • LogicalLeopard

        *LOL* Right!
        But yeah! I think that a lot of times men aren’t credited with having the ability to be an equal parent, and that is why they don’t turn out to be parents of equal ability. If you give a person a pass, they have no incentive to learn. If you’re a parent, you should be able to do certain things. You might not be the best at them, but you should still be able to do them. And if you can’t do them for a few HOURS, then that’s sad.

        • Ang

          True. But some men don’t want to be involved. That goes back to being selective about who you have kids with.

          • LogicalLeopard

            Very true. And I think there’s a societal aspect of it that we have to work on. We have to expect more out of men when it comes to raising children. To give an off-topic example, I was involved in my wedding planning to a greater degree than many guys. Why? Because I was ALLOWED to be. *L* When the conversation first started between me and my then fiancée, my input wasn’t immediately dismissed, and the “This is the day I’ve been looking forward to for all of my life” card wasn’t played. Many men are told by everyone around them, “This is her day, you just show up and wear what she wants you to,” and they don’t take part. In the same fashion, men are told by their mothers, fathers, friends, everyone, that they don’t have to take an equal part in their children’s lives. It may not be straight out, but you get the hint. Men will get asked questions like, “Do you change diapers?” And if they say yes, people look at them like they just said they could play the piano with their toes. *LOL* We get the hint pretty early that hands-on fatherhood is exceptional, and when something is exceptional, that means you really don’t have to do it.

            • Ang

              Very true! Societal standards for fatherhood absolutely need to change. But I’m also big on personal accountability. Regardless of what outside messages exist, we all do what we want to do. To use your wedding example, I saw my cousin go through the same thing when we were planning his wedding. His then fiancée and mother in law did initially give him the “this is my day, the women got this” routine. But he said no this wedding is for the both of us and were both paying so I have a say. That was the end of that and they ended up planning everything together. Dont get me wrong, the things people say based on societal standards are a trip sometimes. But ultimately, no one decides what we do in our daily lives but us. If a man really believes he should split the duties with his wife/gf, who is really going to say “no honey I want to change every single diaper and make every bottle and I never want to be able to leave the kids with you while I go out for an hour?” If a man is waiting to see what is expected of him before he helps with his kids that says something about his own views of fatherhood (much like men who take part in their wedding do so because they don’t view weddings as just the woman’s day regardless of what anyone else thinks).

    • oscardgrouch

      Thank you. As my father says “Fathers don’t babysit their own kids, their his kids 24/7.”

      • LogicalLeopard

        Exactly!

  • themeowster

    Ever hear of the saying, “It’s all relative”? Why does one struggle matter more than the other? Why would the writer want to pit women against each other like that? If I’m stressed out or tired, I have the right to say so and my friends with children don’t get angry or bothered. I don’t understand this twisted logic that women without children are somehow carefree.

    What kind of petty stuff is this?

    • hollyw

      The writers are petty. They know what they’re doing (or trying to do).

      • roxy

        Did you see the article on should your date pay for a babysitter if he want to take you out? Just pure stupidity……journalism is not required here, just lazy blogging.

        • hollyw

          Looooool yes, that shxt show! UGH it went on forever, with those male trolls! MN is so ratchet nowadays, they know what they’re doing!

  • Lisa Siegal

    I hate when people who have kids look at me sideways when I say I’m tired or busy. If the only time you were busy or tired was with kids then you’re boring as hell. Probably one of those people who decided to have a kid because your marriage sucks and you needed something to do. I am busy and have the right to be tired and I don’t have a kid

    • themeowster

      The ones who say their lives were meaningless before having a kid are the WORST.

  • African Woman

    Wow -bitter much. So according to this post all women who aren’t mothers are doing nothing of value with their time – so they should not be tired, have all the time in the world. They should also not share anything about their lives with their friends who are mothers – because what they say does not matter, and just a source of amusement for mothers. So the take out from this if you do not have kids – you have nothing of value to say, nothing of value to do, so just keep your mouth sealed until you become a mother, then and only then will you be something important in life

  • Clapback central

    Hm,i can say what i want but i am definitively avoiding mothers or mothers to be unless they’re family,i want no parts of that life at all.

    • LogicalLeopard

      And that’s kind of sad….not on your part, but it seems like this article is making mothers all look like frazzled crazy people. And I don’t think that’s the case at all.

      • Clapback central

        Unfortunately the mothers i do know,sorry the single mothers i know act that way,as if the rest of us have to march to the beat of their drims and if you can’t or won’t then you don’t understand,it takes a strong women to blah blahblah like whoa girl no.

        • LogicalLeopard

          Well, then on that end, it just requires evaluating friendships. Childless women aren’t required to change their lives around to accommodate friends with children. But if a friend cant honor a reasonable request, then it’s time to evaluate that friendship. What I mean is, if a childless friend says, “Hey, we’re all going out this weekend, do you want to go?” And you can’t go because of your child, then okay, fine. It’s your child, not theirs. But if you ask your friend, “Hey, I miss going out with you all. Do you think when you plan the next outing you can shoot for this time?” Then if they roll their eyes and say they aren’t interested in doing that, then that’s not a friend.

      • hollyw

        No, this article ain’t do ish lol. Most of us have common sense enough to know that MN is full of crap, as usual. I’m childless, have MANY friends with babies and toddlers, and I think we’d all agree this piece was straight garbage.

        • LogicalLeopard

          *LOL* Well, there you go!

        • roxy

          Que the benediction music……lol. This basically says it all…..

    • elle D.

      L.M.A.O @ your username!

      • Clapback central

        Lool thank you

  • This seems oddly bitter and just using stereotypes of the carefree childless woman vs. the frazzled mother. If you’re truly friends with someone you don’t have to edit your life woes around someone else’s. You can be childless and tired or busy etc. And everything doesn’t revolve around that person’s kid. Like why would I pick a child-friendly place for one person? Just sounds like someone is venting personal issues here.

    • Clapback central

      And trying to make people make plans around their circumstances,tuh

  • Bits

    Que the motherhood bashers. I hate it when people especially other mother’s add fuel to the stereotype that motherhood is more of an annoyance than an honor. This read-through came off very bitter and antagonizing from the mother’s pov. Not all mothers are miserable and not all women without children are judgmental and shallow.

    • Ajavee

      Bits I could not agree more with your post. I did not even bother to read through the 15 slides. MN really?

      • Girliusmaximus

        Aren’t you getting sick of these slides? MN is running amok with them.

        • Ajavee

          It’s too many slides Girlusmaxiums.

        • WGB

          Its ridiculous!

        • hollyw

          No, their POP-UPS are running amok! I can’t tell you how many articles I just close out of without reading b/c of the aggressive redirects and malware pop-ups. It’s getting so ridiculous, like, clearly whoever their web designer is has lost all integrity for the almighty dollar, and don’t care if it loses readership. Most folks don’t even get to slide 15 lol smh!

      • WGB

        Girl I didn’t click one.

    • hollyw

      Actually, I think this was just a lazy, cliche article meant to be divisive and for clicks, aaand you might’ve fed into it, ijs.

      • Bits

        Yep. I agree.

    • A. V. Green

      i just dont get it. why is it i have to sensor myself because you chose to have kids. i didnt finish the slides, so i’m not really gonna say anything but

      GET RID OF ALL THESE DAMN POP-UPS! I AINT GOT TIME FOR THAT!

    • tearcollector

      It’s “cue.”

      • Bits

        Didn’t know this was a spelling test. Pretty sure everyone got the point but, thanks spell check po po.