If a Man Fails as a Husband Can He Still Succeed as a Father?

June 18th, 2011 - By Rashana A. Hooks

It’s easy to assume that if a man is a great father he is also a good husband, as they should be one in the same. But unfortunately not all men can walk in the shoes of Heathcliff Huxtable, leaving us to wonder – Can a man be a good dad but a bad husband? Are they equally important? Uptown Magazine writer Nancy Daniels explores this topic further. Check it out!

Is it possible to be bad a husband but a good father? Does one affect the other?

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  • Rastaman

    I would say it is more likely a bad father would be a bad husband than vice versa.

  • http://majestickhare.ning.com/ Majestic khare

    I think so.Sometimes relationships don't work out.But it doesn't mean a father shouldn't be in his childs/children life.

  • Hello….

    Check out this article Lessons from Reality Couples Relationships http://t.co/p02lq39

  • Georgia

    I'm going to be the first to say NO, it does not make him a good father.

    I wish I could say that this was only my personal experience, but I unfortunately I come from a LONG line of bad husbands & fathers.

    The author did not included this, but this is imp. psychological info men should know about their relationships with their children.

    A son models and constructs his ideal of manhood and husbandry from his father, and it has been proven by many studies that boys who's father's were cheaters, grow up to cheat themselves.

    This was very evident in my Father's tree. After he died of cancer when I 18, I witnessed 7 different women come up to my mother and tell her that they had affairs with my father while he was alive–these 7 being the ones who willingly admitted their wrong-doing and there was also my father's mistress of 5 years that had a child with my father.

    My paternal grand-father has 15 children, that we know of, and their lives growing up were marred by many instances of abuse because multiple wives and baby-mama make women have to fight for the limited access and resources that my grand-father didn't provide for them.

    He learned this from his father, my paternal great-grand father had 32 children. Yes 32 CHILDREN! How can you be a good father to that many children from that many women, the answer is YOUR NOT.

    For father's and their daughter's–Daughter's model and measure the men they date/marry against the construct of their father's –"SHE MARRIED HER FATHER"–AND they formulate the amount of trust they can have in men, based on the relationship construct these daughter's see that their father's have with their mother's: THIS IS EXPLAINS OUR COMMUNITY TO A T!

    Using myself as an example here, so my great-grand father was not a good father or husband, his son-my grand father was not a good father or husband, so big surprise–my father was not a good father and husband.

    And now I'm here, 27 and at the age where i am looking for my own husband now, but I honestly don't trust men.

    My father, and his father, and his father's father have built this strong construct/ model for me. And all my father's brother's too, not good husband's to their wives.

    The women of my family have been burdened for generations with raising their children on their own, and when everyone was grown, then dad decided to become a "father" to them–half my grand-father's children, don't talk to him.

    So I say no, from multiple examples in my very real life, no — BAD HUSBAND, BAD FATHER'S, sorry.

    • http://diaryofabmsm.blogspot.com BMSM

      Gonna have to agree with Georgia. I had a great dad in terms of his taking care of me financially and doing things with me when he could but I have grown up with some relationship issues which stem from my own parents' relationship. http://diaryofabmsm.blogspot.com/2011/06/daddy-sy…

  • ladyscholar

    I guess you can be one and not the other. But I find that you work at something that’s important to you. People work to get post graduate degrees, homes, cars. They nurture relationships with friends, siblings, parents, their own children. They are highly motivated at work to excel and achieve. But can’t keep a marriage. I hope and pray people wake up and learn to commit to love.

  • HeadSmackeroni

    Depends on if he was a bad husband in a he beat your ass and put you in the hospital, or simply you TWO don't get along kinda way.

  • Tommy J Curry

    Being a good husband is not a necessary condition for being a good father. The love a father has for a child can be nurtured, maintained, and grow throughout that child's life, even if the relationship between the mother and father falter. Because we have preconceived notions of "family" that are still closely linked to the nuclear family, many men, especially men of color, are judged along those lines. We are told that if we cannot provide "as the bible" says, then we are less than men and as such not capable of being fathers. I think this myth is false, and a man can love his child with as much fortitude and commitment to that child as a mother who failed to be an adequate wife.

  • L-Boogie

    Yes, it is possible. However, one would hope that you can find both those traits in a mate.

  • Brodie

    My parents are still together. But my father being a good husband and a good father are 2 different things. Which is why you can cheat on your wife but you can't cheat on your children. If my parents had split up when I was younger and my mother tried to make her relationship with my father a reflection of my father's love and support for me, I wouldn't forgive her for it. At that point it would look like she was using me (her kid) as a means to vengeance.

  • manc

    Just because he's not right for you doesn't make him a bad person, love for a child is unconditional