Is It Okay For Your Man To Have Female Friends ?
Mary J. Blige hasn’t been getting too much media attention within the past few years, but all that changed when she recently snatched headlines with her controversial secret to keeping her 11-year marriage in tact. According to the Queen of Hip Hop Soul, she and hubby Kendu Isaacs have held it tight by prohibiting one another from having friends of the opposite sex. “Wait, what?” was the immediate response from most, but Glee star Naya Rivera (who was recently hitched to long-time friend and actor Ryan Dorsey) agreed that married couples shouldn’t associate with individuals that don’t use the same motion when they tinkle on the Johnny during a fresh stint as guest co-host on The View.
Although they were speaking in regard to wedded pairs, Mary’s comments and Naya’s endorsement have sparked multiple conversations about the rules of friends in relationships when it comes to both married and unmarried couples.
Is it healthier for a union when your man can’t have female acquaintances, and you stay away from the fellas? Is this really a key element in making a relationship last?
Some may disagree, but personally, I don’t see anything wrong with someone I’m dating having female friends, as long as I know that they’re really just friends. Now, it’s not always easy to tell if the female in question, or your man (or both) really have more than just friendly feelings; but when you’re able to meet this woman, spend time with her, read ol’ girl and feel her out, then you can make the assessment of whether or not you feel like she has true platonic feelings only (or if Miss Homewrecker is scheming on your man on the low).
However, there’s really no true way to know what’s going through that “friend’s” head. Some people are experts at hiding their true intentions, so she may seem cool, but it’s always possible that the girl who’s been “besties” with your man since they were two tots playing beach ball in the sandbox really wants to knock his block. So if you feel like there is something there that’s a little more than just innocent donuts and coffee at the local hang out spot, then it’s up to you to address that with your partner and go from there.
Now on the other hand, if your man is skeptical about you meeting or being around this so-called “friend,” chances are, there’s something else going on. Hesitance in introducing you to someone who’s supposed to be nothing more than a female acquaintance is an immediate red flag because why would your man feel uncomfortable letting you meet anyone who he’s just cool with? (Be especially careful with the one’s who like to call your dude her “brother.” Those are usually the little slicksters who are plotting on his belt buckle and his heart. And most times, they’ve already gotten to his belt buckle.)
Ask most people you know, and they will probably tell you that this is the nature of most male-female “friendships” because they feel as though men and women cannot be just friends. I’ve heard male acquaintances say that any man who says he has a woman who is just a “friend” is lying because any woman (who’s not family) that a man is around on a consistent basis is someone he has smashed, or secretly wants to. And a lot of women out there feel the same. I believe in most cases, this is true. But not always. I’m familiar with a few male-female friendships that are authentically just that—friendships. As I said, I know of a few. (And when I say a “few,” I mean very little.) Because again, my experiences have shown that one person (or both) is catching those butterflies and hot drawers every time their “friend” comes around.
So, do you take that chance? Do you open up your relationship to friends of the opposite sex and risk something more developing between that person and your partner? Or do we just need more trust in relationships?