The Mind Of A Married Man: What Makes A Woman Wife Material

October 30, 2014  |  

Unlike women, men are fairly simple. Whether we want to listen or not, they’ll usually tell us exactly what they need. Give them what they need and they’re happy. Most guys are fairly low maintenance and have a whole lot in common.

I’ve spoken with several men of all ages, races and backgrounds and oddly–or obviously–enough, they typically want the same thing in a wife. The key word here is wife. As one guy put it: “There are some things that you like because they’re exciting and fancy but that doesn’t mean you want to keep them forever…” He went on to use this analogy: “Just because you are dying to rent the red sports car doesn’t mean you want to own it.”

So, when it comes to wives–the woman a man chooses to be worthy of his last name–there are a few things most men (over 90 percent!) look for. On a recent episode of R.E.A.L. Single Wives TV, Charlie Ervin shared three characteristics of a woman who’s wife material:

She’s Ambitious… As one guy put it: “She doesn’t have to have a lot of money but she has to be working to get it…she has to be working toward something.” Believe it or not, men appreciate women who have found their passion and are pursuing their dreams. They appreciate a business-minded woman with financial sense, it puts them at ease to trusting you to manage their household. Plus, it’s very easy to lose yourself once you find someone. Give yourself a fair chance by always setting new goals, both personally and professionally.

What are you working toward that doesn’t involve a man?

Up your stock by starting a new venture, finding another stream of income or coming up with new ways to invest your money.

She’s Nurturing… Whether you think it’s unrealistic, disturbing or weird, men are attracted to women who give the same energy as their mother. Men need to be hugged, kissed and cared for just as much as we do. Although we like their tough exterior, we have to remember to stroke their egos and boost their confidence. They need us to be their number one cheerleader while they’re out taking over the world. If you are out werking just as hard (refer to the first point, above) then you understand the need for a solid support system when you are working toward your goals. Charlie shared that he had about 15 business ideas when he met his wife Rissy and she supported his ideas instead of killing his dreams! Being nurturing is a key quality that men look for in a wife.

She’s Easy to Love… She’s not playing games, making him “prove his love” by doing ridiculous things or creating arguments based on her insecurities. A confident woman who knows her worth, understands her flaws and accepts love and support from others is a woman that any smart man will want to keep around. One thing women often fail to realize is the same barriers we put up to protect our hearts often keep out the men who can help heal them. A marriage-minded man will appreciate a fair chance and won’t waste his time doing petty things to prove himself to you. One guy mentioned that he shouldn’t have to, “Start at zero and earn points with you based on your insecurities.”  Instead, he should start with all of the points and lose them based only on his own actions instead of your experiences with others.

How many times have you overreacted because your new guy reminded you of something your old guy did?

A woman who’s ready for marriage will be open to receiving real love and freely give it away.

So, how do you add up? Although there are hundreds of qualities men look for in a wife, mastering these three are sure to set you apart from the typical woman on the dating scene. Whether you want to accept it or not, we’re fighting a losing battle in the numbers game. There are far more eligible women than there are men which means men have more options than we do. Please get out of the mindset of thinking that a man should come along and accept you flaws and all, whether you are working to improve them or not. Men don’t mind being a part of your growth process as long as you are in progress. Your goal each day is to be better than the last and when you know better, you do better.

So, now you know!

For more information, visit the author Koereyelle, Founder and CEO of The Single Wives Club here.

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  • smdh

    Not at all, just that the lists are always for men well 98% of the time.

  • Nickel

    If I get your point, it’s fine for women to have requirements in a mate, but not the opposite?

  • Ling Ling


  • PolkaDots


  • PolkaDots

    This “list”/article is crap.

  • I would love to see a blog post about men, but lets be honest MEN DONT READ…and what I mean by that is what man is going to spend a hour or 2 searching the net to read blogs to stay up on gossip and read about what they need to do to better themselves….I’ll wait……Now what they will read about is finances and spirituality.

    I read the above and I’m like okay these 3 three things are pretty simple..what woman doesn’t grow to be nurturing? Isn’t that what makes a woman a woman? Ambition you can honestly sit back and say your 100% happy at where your at? To me this goes further then work & making money what about personal gains? I’m not even going to touch easy to love…some women’s attitudes are so far left all you can say is SINGLE, huh? Yeah I can tell by your attitude….

    We have to stop looking at everything and thinking that its geared towards men regardless of what the title says or the context of the post…You as a woman should want to be nurturing, ambitious, and easy to love…right? If you happen to be all these things and more and the men that come in and out of your life don’t respect that and or admire that…guess he isn’t husband material? Easy flip of this whole post

  • yuko

    realproductmusic dot com

  • smdh

    I don’t watch Oprah so what does that have to do with me? I am a African American woman who does feel all these one sided lists fully acknowledge what woman require in their mate. A man and woman should commit based on love and wanting a partner for life. All the contracts details needs to be sorted out prior to the “I do’s”.

  • Nickel

    I’m tired of what men want ===> Single black women on Oprah…

  • Nickel

    Isnot that one enough?

  • Nickel

    Pff… Man asks his wife sex “he is not entitled to anything” and she post the Feed on internet…
    No interest for a man to commit. None. This is the stupidest thing a man can do.

    Oh, and by, stop feeding the male ago, please, look that video of single black women on Oprah (yeah, I bet you’re a sista)

  • Kibble Bits

    Well I want 9 inches, six figures and for him to be at least six feet tall. It would help if he looked like Idris Elba or Jesse Williams with Barack Obama’s intelligence, Jay-Z’s ambition, and Maxwell’s singing skills. And I want him to cook, buy me a house and know how to fix things where they are broken. Oh and I need him to be heterosexual and HIV free….Can the men of the world make this happen? Now can we please stop with the BS lists? They’re played out.

  • Guest

    How’s the single life treating you? Get comfortable with that attitude!

  • Judge Judy

    Ling Ling, you fo’got yo’ lunch.

  • EbonyLolita

    The first thing you need to do si find a man who is READY and WILLING to get married. If he hasn’t reached that stage in life then this means NOTHING b/c Men go through women who encompass all these things and STILL leave them. *Tuh* As a woman don’t give a man any more then 2yrs to make a decision. Then LEAVE!!

  • black men don’t marry

    Well since most black men don’t get marry, we don’t need this list.

  • Youknowwhatiitis

    I don’t want to get married soooo… fvck this list. lol

  • Ayisha

    Girl bye!!

  • keisha

    bogus list – I mean, i’m working and financially stable for MYSELF – as soon as you wife me, that’s it – you’re the breadwinner – i’m not working to support the house – that’s your job – my main job becomes caring for you and any future children – being your helpmeat is work enough – so, you can dead that one with the goals crap – i’ll go to school and get a degree – but mama aint using it for any man .. nope

  • Ling Ling


  • Ling Ling

    YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! When are we going to see a list stating what a woman wants in a husband?


    The worst thing you can do for yourself is play victim and build up anger..nobody wants a bitter woman. Find something to smile about and maybe someone will come along and add to that.


    Have you ever considered that maybe you’re choosing the wrong men? After all, if you’re displaying ALL of these characteristics and he still doesn’t appreciate you then he’s obviously not the one anyway. If you’ve never experienced a good man, it’s understandable that you’d assume they don’t exist. The best thing you can do for yourself is be your BEST so that you can begin to attract the best in others. Instead of placing blame on men for being “no good” accept the fact you are responsible for your actions, your intentions and what you accept from men. The worst thing you can do for yourself is play victim and build up anger..nobody wants a bitter woman. Find something to smile about and maybe someone will come along and add to that.

  • Lol I gotcha

  • smdh

    I wanted one but nah I am bitter because I did it on my own. I wouldnt trust it.

  • DeepThinker

    I always thought what a guy wants as a wife is tailored to the kind of lifestyle he has and what is important to him. To some guys the ability to be a good homemaker is important but to others a woman’s looks trumps a lot of other qualities. It’s naive to assume that every man wants the same thing.

  • Aww have a girl lol.

  • smdh

    Hmm as a mother of a child who is 12 I disagree. But to each their own. My fiance does not have kids and he is okay with my child and even the notion that I do not want anymore. When we got together I made him aware that I didnt not want any kids after 35. I am 34 and we had a mutual agreement from jump he is more than welcome to leave. Lol but we did get a cat well two I had to get a daughter somehow.

  • Lilacbenson

    Im so sorry i said it in spanish in my head i meant childless,i think it’s important for couples to have their first kids together and so forth.

  • Ayisha

    I am so sick and tired of these list glorifying men and what they want! How the hell cares. I WILL TELL YOU WANT WOMEN WHAT!!! A FAITHFUL MAN….if you cannot be faithful then close your mouth and stop telling women how and what to be.

  • smdh

    Fatherless please elaborate?
    Cultured is a hard one being not all men have been introduced to different things but that can be worked on.
    Able to cook

  • Lilacbenson

    I agree with all of it.
    For me on top of what you said i would add , he needs to be fatherless,faithful,and cultured enough to be able to live in another country.

  • smdh

    MOrally grounded
    Willing to attempt to provide eventhough his counterpart brings home more bacon
    Supportive of his parnter
    Able to take critisim and encouragement from his partner

  • bozack69

    A woman could be ALL these things and still not get wifed. Whoever puts any credence into a man’s ‘wants’ list is a fool. A lot of us have no idea what we want.

  • Lilacbenson

    I agree Sheet lets do it now so other readers can add to the list,we can start a conversation our gdmn self.

  • smdh

    So sick of these male pleasing lists people create. Our society needs to stop feeding the male ego what does it take to be a worthy husband. Never a list always one pitted against the woman conforming to a mans desires and wants. End rant.