This Is Why You’re Single… The Fellas Edition

June 7, 2011  |  
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“Man! Dumped over a voicemail again!?!”

We believe in equal opportunity so while had a few pieces of advice for the women who’ve found dating to be a bit of challenge, we also want to provide that same type of help to our brothers (Notice the “er”. It signifies all races.) in the single struggle. If you’re cuddling a little too close to your pillow at night, pretending it has breasts here a few potential problems you might need to fix.

1- Women Are Females

You know what
2- Ex Girlfriend Baggage

We know she hurt you. And it sucks. But how long are you going to carry that around? Will the rest of the women you meet throughout your pathetic existence be forced to listen to how much of a tramp she was and how all women are the same? Just like men don’t want to deal with a bitter woman, we don’t want to deal with a bitter man. If you need to take some time to get her out of your head and system, go ahead and do that. And express your frustrations to your friends and not the women you’re trying to get to know.

3- You still live with your parents

Please don’t misunderstand me. There are some instances in which living with your parents can’t be avoided. If you were recently laid off, you have a 6 month grace period. If you’re still in school summers are for raiding your parents’ fridge. There are a few others; but otherwise is not a good look. Aside from enduring the headache parents inevitably present, it makes you look lazy and apathetic as all hell. Don’t you want something of your own?

4- You have N-wordish Tendencies

We all do at least one of two things that are certifiably n-wordish. (Even white people. We know ya’ll love to hear about them.) But if your life centers around acting a fool no woman in her right man is gonna want you. Sorry dear. I know this can be a little tricky so here is a brief (this could be a post of it’s own) list of some behaviors that are n-wordish. If you see yourself in just one of these, you might still be good, with the exception of the third and fifth one.

– You cut middle schoolers standing in line to buy Jordan’s at 6 in the morning.

– You spent your lottery winnings on a Benz when you know good and well you’re still living with your moms

– You don’t pay child support. Not because you don’t have it, you just spent it on those Jordan’s.

-You cash your entire check so you can post Facebook pictures featuring your stacks of dough

– You hate knowledge

5- Mommy Baggage

Whether moms didn’t hug you enough when you were growing up or your mom would low key marry you if she could get away with it, issues with the mother spell disaster in all future relationships with other women. Work it out.

6- You’re allergic to work

True Story: One day I sat next to a man on the train who told me a lot about himself in a very short period of time. I don’t know if he was trying to come at me or he just wanted to share this little tidbit of information. Either way, dude, who had to be in his early to mid forties, told me he once stayed up all night playing video games and called in sick to work the next day so he could spend the rest of the day playing said video game. He told his job, he’d had an asthma attack. *blank stare*

I’m not even going to get into all the glaring red flags in that story. It makes me tired. What I will say is you need to take your behind to work…faithfully. Nobody wants to go to work every.single. day but I need to see that you’re a responsible productive citizen of the world.

7- You’re thirsty…

…parched…dehydrated. Yes, I want you to want me but I don’t need you to be on that thirsty-swag shorty tip. That means I don’t want you to call four times 1o minutes after I gave you my number. It’s a privilege to get the digits, don’t abuse it. Plus you do a disservice to the next man we’re considering giving our number to.

8- Baby Mama Baggage

What can I say that hasn’t already been said about this potentially treacherous individual? It’s quite sad really because while you did consciously decide to procreate with her, you probably had no idea she was going to bring the drama the way she does. Sadly it’s something you have to get situated before you bring a woman with some sense into the mix.

9- You’re Too Hard

I’m not saying you need to be trying to beat my numbers when it comes to tear production; but, a thug tear every once in a while never hurt anybody. If everything about you is emotionally walled off, it ain’t gonna work. Show me something real. Receive that. Those are words to live by.

Ladies, you’ll notice there is no number 10…what should it be?

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  • Fergie

    BOY bye!

  • What about the simple things like: You’re a bad communicator, you’re dishonest, you don’t prioritize your relationship.?

  • Rachel

    Whoa! These comments are too funny…but seriously some men have bad hygiene and if you have raggetty teeth and bad breath too…that will definately keep the real ladies away….

  • Yet another generalization to explain your lonely life…

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  • gman

    wow i know brothers everyday that does all of these things and still pull, this article is hella flawed, its not reality

  • Jay

    My vote for #10 is lack of hygiene. This can apply to both men and women. Can you please explain how it is possible for grown a** people to go around dirty, stinking and all together wrong when you have a CVS, Target, Wal-Mart on every block stocked with soap, deodorant and toothbrushes? Also, I can't tell you the number of men I have met with good dental insurance who neglect to go to the dentist!

  • Jacqui

    This is a list of things that guys do that gross out mature, intelligent women. If you want a ho, go buy one a Phatdog and take that home. If you aren't interested in an adult relationship (you guys know who you are), why are you reading relationship articles? This article was obviously written for guys who actually care what self-respecting women are looking for in a partner, not for guys who try to impress others with their chauvenism. No one is impressed; in fact, we are hoping we DON'T get hit on by you or anyone who shares your views. Ever.

  • Stephanie 'Miz Jenkins' Barnes

    Notice Picture of Dog… What is a FEMALE dog? Every time she said 'female' she's implying 'female dog'. Conversly, while use of the word female is not offensive please note female is mearly a gender not a species; thus the reason she stated it's dehumanizing. the word Female would hold the same if it was a Female Lion, Goat, or snake. So if your man introdues you as his FEMALE and not his Woman (the mature female human) or better yet Lady, he could be describing you more specifically around his friends as he truely feels who you are to him, a Bop, breezy, jumpoff… Bit@h. Got it?

  • Kila

    You have mommy/ girlfriend issues, don't you?

    And not every woman is the same. Actually, it sounds like the women you speak of are undignified and sleazy, someone perfect to infect you with something undesired by ANYONE. But with that attitude, I doubt you will ever dig yourself out of that social group you're living in any time soon, so continue having fun and make do with what you got, I guess. Be safe 🙂

  • AuntieKia

    We do have the same power!!!

  • AuntieKia

    I feel you menissance! Same goes for a woman! Dont act like men dont nag, accuse, snoop or question! Some men are worse than women! And most men couldn't handle a woman who'd treat them as you treat women!

  • Mary

    YOU ARE ON YOUR OWN! and helping others too. You didn't run back to moms, moms needed you. You are truly a mature man! A mature person accepts responsibility, not only because it is your responsibility, but because you accepted another man's responsibility…your father's. You are a very rare commodity. Some woman will be blessed when you settle down. Just be sure that it is a women that fully appreciates and respects you. You are a gem!

  • MzA

    Thank you, well said.

  • Roiee

    Its kinda funny to me, but the personalities of the guys in this article, at least where I live, rarely have problems getting women, If you have a degree its like Kryptonite, just fresh out of jail you're a local hero, i have seen professional women, dating guys with all of these problems, sometimes all at the same time. I really liked the article, because this is a snapshot of how society should react but the reality is that ignorance still rules.

  • dese_nutz

    I guess I missed the female edition of "This is Why You're Single!" Pray-tell, was that article also penned by the same superficial noveau sista with permmed out hair that's straighter than those white girls she's subconsciously mimicking?


    @menissance Why are you on here saying why you choose to be single? The article is about men who are singe and want to be in a relationship and if your not one of those men then fine. Who cares if you are having sex with multiple women or if women are trying to transfer their insecurities onto you and blah, blah, blah!. DO YOU! There are men out there that do want to be in a relationship and obviously this article doesnt pertain to you.

  • Linda Michelle

    I realize that many of the male comments stem from what is known as the 'ad hominem' argument; rather than address the issue, they berate the character of the messenger in an attempt to disqualify its foundation of truth. FAIL!

    Sadly enough, most men are broken from the cradle. It is a truth that, children live what they learn at home, and relationships are included. Many of them never witnessed a wholesome relationship in their home, so far be it from them to mimic one in their adulthood. Nothing applies to everyone, as many men who were raised in 'broken' homes have grasped the essence of what was missing and strive to make things better in their own relationships. Bitter is a word tossed around too loosely, when many of them were simply not raised to respect and honor others, unless there is something to gain. This is what they see as the 'task', and would much rather deprive themselves of a wholesome relationship, because they just don't know what it takes to have one.

    As Maya Angelou says, "when a person shows you who they are, believe them", and it is no different in this scenario. Broken men, until they acknowledge they are broken, deserve to bed down with other broken women (no self-respecting woman would), and for those 30 minutes to an hour, imagine themselves being loved.

    • jon

      "Most men are…" "Many of them never…" "Many of them are not raised to honor others…" "This is what they see as the 'task'…"

      Those are ad hominems. Instead of considering another person's perspective, you ahead and make all these asinine assumptions about their upbringing. That makes you the biggest hypocrite, and any man with a head on his shoulders could see right through these games.

      What you consider the "foundation of truth" is really just validation of your personal perspective, and anyone that falls outside that and challenges your value system is automatically placed within that small box of broken and bitter men who never grew up, for all of the reasons you've read in women's magazines. It never occurred to you that some people might want different things than you; while you may want a long-lasting relationship, others see no wrong with a nightly romp and gets on with their day with no other reason than that that's what they prefer.

      It is intellectual dishonesty to assume otherwise without specific evidence for your case.

  • Royal Siren

    This article forgot to include the man who has the house, car, and amazing job and thinks he's such a got commodity that he refuses to settle down with one woman.

    • You describe a guy who he has it all and he is not looking to be single. There is not a problem with him. Now in event that a women gets with him with intentions of changing who he is then its her fault for wasting her own time and that's why she is single (wasting her time getting with guys know they don't want to settle down with her)

  • Hailie

    #10 Drugs!

  • Kat

    You are going to wake up one morning and get dumped just like Hef did.

  • Mommy Z

    Another reason you are still single–
    Your lazy and put your financial and work duties aside or
    Your whipped and put your financial and work duties aside

  • Gimmeabreak78

    Number 10 should be:

    You're over 30, yet you still dress like a rapper. Platinum grilles, sagging pants, and jerseys (when not actually playing in or watching an athletic event) are a turnoff. Pull your pants up and get a button up already!

  • you say you don't want a guy with "mommy baggage" but want someone thats sensitive but not too sensitive…..again sigh
    you say you don't want a guy thats "thirsty" and call too much but complain when he calls too little, however many calls that is
    you say you don't want the baby momma baggage yet expect us to handle yours
    you say you don't want a guy thats soft but you don't want him to be emotionally walled off either
    basically you want a guy that fits perfectly into the median of all these things while you yourself(meaning women) are far cry from that image yourself.
    no ones perfect, so find that person you share that magic with. love their good, be patient with their bad, and grow into better individuals together.
    only black people have these kinds of discussions about each other which helps widen the gap between us.

  • aziza

    realest list ever!

  • Krazidawg

    I have a nice car, these cops get jealous and trump up charges sometimes on brothas, if got my license suspended because I refused to pay for a ticket that wasn't mine. Got a lawyer and the charge was thrown out. Understand that sista. #15 has applied to me before. The rest I don't know what your talking about. And please the man bra comment, I looked in my mothers year book from the 60's and black women were all bad, rarely a biggun like my dad says LOL yes they are still married but Brodie, you know damn well that black women have let themselves go, not ALL black women but visit Houston, TX them chics are majority BBW'S LOL. Don't fix your lips and lie, trying to wear spandex talkin bout "Im thick" GTFOH really Brodie

  • Krazidawg

    But its ok when Hugh Hefner does the same thing? He objectifies women, basically pimps women and he is heralded as a shrewd businessman. Once again your thinking like a woman, because you are a woman which is ok. But men don't think like you. Yes we like meaningless sex. Look at the tv show Two and a half men. Charlie Sheen gets a million an episode for basically being a single man bagging women in his bachelor pad and throwing them away. So all men who are single are insignificant? Lets not say black men, lets say men. Your trying to push how you feel as a woman on men and that is so wack. So we hide that we were hurt in a relationship so thats the reason for sexing various women? Absolutely not true in every case. Some men like me like variety. Period, plain and simple.

  • Krazidawg

    You got me laughing menissance because your saying some of the things me and my boys talk about when we go out for Happy Hour. Whats crazy is I have friends who are married and they envy me while honestly I'm not against being in a committed relationship. They say everything changes when you get married and not to do it. Just stay single and keeping bagging various chics with no committment. I can honestly say I do have more money in my checking and savings being single!!!! LOL

  • lovely

    GOSHDARNIT THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Latoya

    #10 could be that he lacks communication skills or he lacks patience… I know my boyfriend does and he's about to find himself single.

  • ShoeQueen

    Well said from a SINGLE loser

  • ShoeQueen

    #10—- You WHINE too damn much. You're always COMPLAINING about "something"…uuggghhh
    Such a turn off

  • robin

    # 10 is you ask me for money.

    • ShoeQueen

      AMEN Robin!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
      A man asking a woman for money is a BIG turn off…. ESPECIALLY if he's not even "YOUR MAN"….. never will be.
      Because if you are asking me for money NOW, I already know this will not go ANYWHERE!!!

  • #8 Is natural for some guys. As for others, it occurs when you have older role models leading you back on track when your off course.

  • Eric McDaniel

    @MsFab_MIASocial- You definitely aren't included in the "strugllin" category. That may be part of the reason you've had some of the most level headed comments on the board.

  • honestfemale

    I'm lost, what's wrong with the word "females?". Is that an american thing? :S

    • Mr.Wing

      I have no clue why it's considered offensive either. If someone called me a "male" I wouldn't think twice about it. Pretty over sensitive.

  • Ciara Shante

    Wow! Just Wow! It hurts when people are called out on their "junk". No one likes that, but I am a firm believer in people taking responsibility for their actions and no one elses. If you found yourself in a few of these shameful categories, then so be it. Just work on changing you. Just like men have issues finding a partner, so do women. The truth is if you make finding a partner a mere star in your sky and not the entire sky I'm sure things would be better that way. Silly Rabbits!

  • I am interested in knowing your age, because it all goes with how you think. I've found that men want different things while they're in different stages in their life.

  • Aubrey

    10. You still wear Jordans everday & sag your pants.

    • thedivaxoxo

      That just made me laugh out loud at work. Hilarious! But true

  • BigMitch

    Some of you are so stupid that it's almost funny. When women are single, they try to make others believe that they don't want to be in a relationship and that they are sooo happy. On the other hand when they start to talk about single men, they speak as if every single man is just dying to be in a relationship and the fact that he is not in a relationship is proof of his flawed character, but we all know that this is simply not true. There are many more married men who wish that they were single than there are single men who wish that they were married. Generally speaking, men don't have the issues that women have, they definitely have issues but not the same ones that women have. So it seems that the new way for single women to deal with their inablity to have healthy relationships is to pretend that they don't want to be in a relationship, that's cool, but just know that the only person that you are fooling is yourself.

    • que?

      Where do you guys get this stuff…? Do you really believe this? I can't think of a single woman I know that fits this complete description.

      People need to stop generalizing. Who said that the women that are single and claim to be happy are the same women claiming men are dying to be in relationships…?!?! I know quite a few women who are genuinely happy to be single because of horrible past relationship experiences (like abuse)…they could care less about why men are single because they aren't interested. There are women who are openly and desperately seeking a man and will probably do anything to get one and then theres everyone else that falls somewhere in between or is already in a relationship.
      We're all individuals with different opinions based on different life experiences. So why do you feel the need to treat every female voice you hear/read as part of one collective mind?

  • Kay

    You are funny. No seriously, because I believe you are being honest. I've heard that sentiment before. I don't agree with it, but its funny.

    Men like you should find women who are okay with that sort of arrangement, and leave women who want more alone. Stop chasing women who are looking for a commitment and misleading them to believe that you offering more than an empty stomach and erect Johnson. I don't hate the sentiment. It's real. I just hate the way it plays out in real life.

  • Kay

    Man! Wow. I truly love your line of thinking. Stuck in the root chackra? Amen to that. No, they won't becoming out of that anytime soon.

  • bhillboy37

    I'm looking at some of you "women's" facebook profiles and pics and I can see why you all are sooooo pissed off.

    • bhillboy37

      The men on here should probably cut these chicks some slack because the dating market is tough and looking at some of these profiles, these women must be strugglin for real.

      • RandomUKguy

        This is probably harsh… Frank advice: facebook ladies, look after you bodies. Lose some pounds.

        sorry, first impressions really count.

  • bhillboy37

    @ucant- what does that say about you since you always in the house "campaigning" to get chose by one of these guys?

  • "Either way, dude, who had to be in his early to mid forties, told me he once stayed up all night playing video games and called in sick to work the next day so he could spend the rest of the day playing said video game. He told his job, he’d had an asthma attack. *blank stare*" <–THIS unexpected jewel inspired a minute long laugh attack that made this well worth my read. Thank you!

    Didn't get a chance to read all the comments but I pose this for number 10:
    Deep, deep down you want to be. This sucks and is not the same as the men who own their singledom. Not all men want to admit they truly aren't ready to be in a committed relationship and will hunt anyway. This shows up in ways that'll tank a good thing every time.

  • ambie

    Anab said it best…you need to be complete yourself…and find someone else that is complete…then it would be a wonderful thing….please please…stob

  • ucantbeserious


    thank you for your confession, yo. i believe this is what therapists call "a breakthrough."

    so now that you have admitted to yourself and to us that you and men like you are really just mad and whiny about the fact that the hot chick in 8th grade didn't like your nerdy, wimpy, not-so-cute behind and the hot chicks at the bar still don't, i hope you will realize that the common factor in that is *you.*

    you, sir, are the bitter broad you lament. now, be the change you seek.

  • kyra

    some are skipped:
    1) the ones looking for a girl with long hair , pretty eyes, a fat ass, a freak…. pretty much the "perfect" women
    2) some expect a woman to take care of them
    3) they wanna fuxk every and any thhing
    4) no standards
    5) past 25 years old and still not willing to commmit
    6) wanna be like hugh hefner… old with lots of pretty women chasing after him
    7) has no goals in life
    8) some of the good guys go for those no good females
    9) others look at lil wayne, wacka floacka, and gucci man as their influence

    the list goes on…did i miss any?

    • ShoeQueen

      (HIGH FIVE) KYRA……. ***NO STANDARDS !!!!!

      Just GROW up "men"

  • Thank- GOD, I'm single.

  • LuvleyChoc

    menissance just doesnt fit in with the men this article is referring to. He's not really wrong in what he's saying about a LOT of men, however, men only get away with what women LET them get away with. So if you are looking for something meaningful, then you would just need to steer clear of men with the mentality of menissance. Find somebody that does want a relationship…those men are out there. Ladies overlook them because of silly things…nice guys do finish last unfortunately

  • I can't stop laughing!!! Good article, SOME good comments. I swear . . . there are more frogs in the pond than ever before; this list can't begin to highlight the non-sense. As pointed out by a previous poster, no matter what these same frogs will always find some desperate chick to keep intimate company with. Sad, sad, sad.

  • Sha Sha

    There are a lot of decent men out there but sadly a lot of men were raised or grew up around men just like the ones in the article. Just think about all of the grown a** men running around acting like little boys trying to f**k anything that breaths. Then they get old and can't pull the quantity of a** they used to and now their crusty, old ugly a**es want somebody decent to settle down with them. And that's when they end up with that "sure piece of a**, that bitter, "I'll settle for any man now that I'm older" woman who they have sitting at home putting up with their bs while they're still running the streets trying to act like they still got it going on. The pickings are getting slimmer and slimmer for the real ladies.

    • guest

      AMEN !!

  • meisha

    what about men being too picky? some want light skin females, some want a woman with a fat ass, some want nicki minaj or beyonces

    • LuvleyChoc

      That could be a true at times but i think when they are looking for that they are being driven by their sexual urges. most men i know, when it comes to finding a woman that they really want to connect with, don't really prioritize looks at the top of the list

  • TrulyHappy

    You hit the nail on the head. Not all men are the same, not all women are the same. Some people DO want a working relationship with another person and are willing to make sacrifices and learn about their issues to make the relationship work. Those people need to find each other. Leave all the drama-filled, immature, not grown a*& people to wallow in their ridiculousness. That's what I had to do. My ex-boyfriend had almost ALL of the traits the article mentioned. He also tried to bring me down in the process. I had to learn that HELL NAW was I going to deal with any of that mess, because that's not what I was bringing, and not want I wanted or deserved. Now I'm in a relationship that is perfect for me. And I couldn't be happier!!!

  • Anab

    LMAO at these comments! Both men and women need to stop the foolishness. Why are we preputating traditional gender roles and stereotypes? “Me caveman. Me have to sleep with all women me see to make more cavemen” “Me cavewoman. Me have to have caveman to complete me!” Want to really know why you’re single? You are arguing online with crazies who you don’t know and don’t know you instead of spending time being productive and meeting people in REAL LIFE. Now I have to go back to work in an attempt to get all those things men use to pull chicks so that I can laugh at you when you try to buy a one way ticket to my bedroom with a $12 drink, mentioning you drive a Benz and flashing your Rolex…only goldiggers and little girls fall for that mess. xo

  • mzjaye

    I keep hearing the term “deserve”. A man once told me never settle for what you deserve, get exactly what you’re worth. If a man or woman feels the need to play God and judge you, leave their pompous tails alone and reevaluate your worth….that is all

  • Keep it Real

    @Demetria Irwin Managing Editor of

    I've seen menissance comments. The brother is pretty accurate. It's harsh but accurate. I think if the 42% of African American women who will never marry read his comments instead of listening to their girlfriends there would be a hell of a lot less never married African American women. Once again, I've come to the realization that black women live in a make believe reality when it comes to relationships and what men "All Men" want, need and desire.

    • queenbri

      Is that the reality you want for black women in AAmerica and theoretically your daughter if u have one or ever have one?

  • Keep it Real

    That certainly got my attention… I even went to your twitter page. 😉 Here's a woman who I bet has never complained about there being a shortage of men a day in her life. Short term, I guess your perspective is empowering and I think it has longterm rewards as long as you're open to a commmitted relationship. The older women get their views on relationships change dramatically. Unfortunately, most don't get it all figured out until their selections are limited. Good luck

  • Keep it Real

    I couldn't find one item on that list except maybe 9 that didn't revert back to my questioning whether or not it would have been an issue if a boy was raised by a "real" man in the home. They all seem to be issues with boys being raised by women. "shrugs"

  • bhillboy37

    I don't know about many other people but my relationship is based on what I deserve that's why I cut off a prime chick the other day. I know there are some mean that would go hard for her but she just isn't live enough for me to waste my time on. HAHA.

    • Brodie

      Prime chick? Is that a new slang term or something?
      Dude what you do on your time is your business.

      • TrulyHappy

        Really…WTF is a prime chick? Sounds more like a cut of meat.

  • bhillboy37

    Me taking it personal? I wasn't talking to "You"- i don't know "You" I was rebutting the statements in a general sense. There you go thinking again.

    • Brodie

      Um yes you were. I didn't ask about your family or your job but for some reason you felt the need to prove that you were "different"…LOL.
      "There you go thinking again". Yeah, that line would've worked if you didn't try so hard to be da man. Nah kiddo.

  • robbied

    number 10 is that you're GAY.

  • robbied

    women are broads.

  • Nki

    Well I thought that mennisance character was something else but you are breed all on your own aren't you. Your right a woman probably did turn you and him into what we see here today, but thats not a good excuse or a stamp of plausibility. You don't have right to talk, treat a woman in any manner that is demeaning or degrading to her person. But if you and mennisance are always in constant contact with women who are so easily giving of her virtues to you then it comes as no suprise to me of that the ole' saying MISERY LOVES COMPANY. She cares NOTHING about her self or her body and you don't either so that is a PERFECT match, she's fustrated and broken and your weak and OUT of ORDER. (I don't time to explain that last statement to you, so do feel free to allow that to just "CAT DADDY" over your head)

    Oh..Yeah a lady or a woman wouldn't have either one of you, so that being said it is clear if nothing else that your delights are that of RATS, PIGEONS,CHICKENS or as the late Tupac Shakur put it in Poetic Justic a "Yamp"

    Keep Slummin Brothas

  • nursedred

    Amazingly I agree with menisance today. I have met very few men who have the complaint that they can’t find a woman either as a bed warmer or caretaker. When a man can’t find a woman it usually has nothing to do with any of these things listed. However I have met a lot of men who are basically a shattered mess inside because the woman they want more than any other doesn’t want them. That experience seems to leave a lot of men bitter and angry and unwilling to commit. Maybe this article.should be addressed to those guys to avoid that heartache that ruins you for all subsequent women

  • Nki

    So true…my SENTIMENTS exactly.

  • Choc

    Actually, there are many men who are concerned about finding someone to settle down with but for the obvious reasons you won’t find many men fessing up to it……ESPECIALLY not to other men! But if you’re a man happily living the single life then great, this article doesn’t apply to you…so why are you so vehemently arguing that fact? Shouldn’t you be busy chick hopping? What made u click the link? usually men who complain about women with such vigor are just frustrated in their own experiences with women. They feel because they have yet to find a woman who captures their hearts (or were hurt by one) then no good women must exist…then they proclaim themselves “happy” to be single when the truth is alot of them are just as bitter about women as many women are about men.

    • Kay

      So true. The arrogance belies their hurt. Most humans feel and therefore all the bravado in the world won't cover the emptiness that eventually emerges from hopping from bed-to-bed. I think the most authentic men (besides those that can truly handle a commitment with full integrity) recognize their need for stable companionship, marry, and then cheat for all the many reasons that motivate them to do so. Do I support the cheating? No, but realistically the smarter men who ho around realize the value of commitment and partnership with a quality woman.

  • bhillboy37

    Yeah. "Tell the men to shut up and stop making sense."- Women do a lot of complaining about us being here and on messing up the experience but the fact of the matter is we're on women's sites to gain insight on how women think. Problem is, we get here and find out that women don't use much logic and like to be mean and argumentative. Men with a pair of between their legs will speak up and call you out on some of your idiotic behavior and you all hate it but really can't do anything to stop it.

    • NoThanksKBye

      If you're here to gain experience on how women think, then why are you so quick to shout them down? Why try to dominate a conversation rather than engage in it? Same thing happens when white people flock to an article just to try to belittle the Black experience.

      Comment above: "Silly women, always thinking men are the same or want the same things as FEMALES ."

      Way to learn about the female experience. I can hear that kind of mess walking down the street.

    • I so agree with you. I love that men read these blogs and to chime in and give your point of views because we definitely need it. In our minds, we think you think one way and that's almost always wrong.

  • bhillboy37

    You ought to read the article. It is hilarious in a "Who the f–k is this chick dating?" kind of way.

  • therealcherish

    Tried to post earlier and it didn't show…
    #10 should be "Posting ignorant, stupid or insecure comments on blogs/articles, in a failed attempt to convince the world (and themselves) that they are single by choice".

    • MissRae


  • Queen

    Menissance so how long can you keep it up jumping chick 2 chick there is a time to grow up.I understand that you donot what a relationship but come on you must be sexing gurls not ladys.That why I love Friends With Benefits 🙂 its allgood.Leave those gurls alone and get a real grown women Im just saying…(Queen)..

    • Lady Swag

      Queen, it kinda makes me wonder about the quality (and mindset) of the women he's sexing. No woman worth her salt would fall for that bullsh*t. A woman who has her sh*t together would laugh at clowns like him.

  • Kim

    #10 Men with Kanye Syndrome

    They think they are never wrong.
    They are arrogant and walk around with inflated egos about all the wrong things in life (money, sex, etc.) yet have horrible character.
    They were likely raised by hip hop music videos.
    They can't handle the truth and are incapable of introspection.
    They have no humility or genuine human relatability.
    Their emotional maturity is severely stunted.

    It seems to be a growing epidemic…. These men may get women (likely those with low self esteem or with ulterior motives), but it never lasts. They will likely die bitter and alone cursing every women that walked this planet. They may claim to be single by choice because all women are "gold digging hoes" that aren't worthy of respect, but they fail to see the the problem is them and has always been them.

    • BigMitch

      the man you described sounds like a typical woman..

      • revel

        Funny that we refer to the man I know who fits the description as a bytch a** and a drama king because he is overly dramatic like a woman Lol.

    • revel

      I know someone very well who fits this description to a tee. He is so revolting, but doesn't have a clue because chicken heads butter him up 🙁

    • Likewater4choc

      I was with everyone who said hygiene (because that is a problem with dudes these days), but this one definitely trumps that one. I also know a guy who posesses all of these qualities and he claims to be looking for a serious relationship and wonders why I am not interested. He describes himself as being mature when in reality he is quite childish. Every moment spent talking to him is like a trip to Idiot Island because he fits the "n-wordish behavior" on this list.

  • menissance

    There will be plenty of black women right there with me because you guys are #1 in damn near everyone of the negative statistics right with us black men, so dont get to high and mighty or you might get hurt when your knocked off or fall off your high horse. And getting sex is what makes us men do the things we do in life, yes we live for sex. We do other things but usually it's also in an attempt to get sex. Nice clothes, cars, careers, houses etc. We get those things because women like those things and will have sex with the men who have them, so we get them because we want sex. Once you stop trying to compare women and men to the same degree, identify, accept and understand our differences, singlehood for most women and the unhappiness so many women create for themselves will be a thing of the past. The hardest part women have to overcome is their own denial. Y'all are too PC and PC is another name for "lies" =)

    • bhillboy37

      I hate the condescending "I hope one day you find peace" comments women throw out there usually after they just called you all sorts of mean stuff. But, as I see it, Menaissance has found peace. He has found that at this time he doesn't require a woman's presence for anything more than an occasional sexual romp. Women want to feel like we should pursue them and overcome them with our acts of chivalry but a new breed of man is saying to you "You and your wants and needs are no more important than me and my wants and needs." You wanted equality, here it is. We aren't going to pursue you. Forget that nonsense. I'll let you know I'm interested in you one time but if you think you're going to turn down my advances more than once you can keep dreaming. You won't get that opportunity. A woman gotta want me and give me the same type of respect that she expects to receive and I don't see women even trying to do that these days. All you want is your "purse free" nights out and free dinner dates. Forget that. Men have finally figured out that women make no logical sense. LADIES- we have figured out that the easiest way to get dogged out by a woman is to act like you have sense. That's why we do whatever we want because if we didn't you wouldn't give us any play anyway. Why pin all your hopes on one flaky girl when you can have multiple women beating your door down by HAVING OTHER WOMEN, being unavailable, taking their money, and using you all for sex? Why would we cupcake you when it doesn't even lead to anything but you sexing some dude that's playing the game we should be playing. I'[m not dealing with any women based on logic again. I just ain't worth it.

      • Go on sister, preach on let these brothers know what's up!!!!!!!!!!

    • NEWHAIR 5000

      yes that might be true for SOME/MOST black men and women BUT NOT ALL.the sooner that you understand that the better.

    • I can respect your point of view because a lot of our struggles with men is due to the fact that sometimes we just don't accept the realness in what it is and for what it is nor do we accept the differences in men especially depending on what stage in life they're in.

      I also agree with some of the previous comments that men will do what women allow and women go thru BS with men b/c we're too in love with the fantasy and can't take our blinders off.

      As for the list in this article, it's all relative to the type of men we're talking about and what that man wants at that particular moment in his life. Ladies, we have to hear what men say and then form our own strategies around it. The truth is that there are tons of men who think like Menaissance does because that's the reality of it. Unfortunately, we usually hear them say this but think that it'll be different this time with us. If only we really heard him when he said that he's just trying to have fun, have sex, and not have real commitments if he doesn't want to.

  • Crynieka

    Wait…you forgot about the uber feminine men. If you ask me where I got my eyebrows done because yours are in need of threading, don't talk to me. If you wanna get manis and pedis…together, go away. If we're both wearing jeggings, that's a problem.

  • Juliemango

    …#10 you go to women’s house empty-handed. In the beginning of a relationship as u get to kno what yr love interest likes, Please bring something simple and reflective of those likes. I.e a gossip mag. When she reads it it will remind her of u. A choclate bar when it melts in her mouf she’ll anticipate….in her mouf. Keep being considerate with the gifts when u visit her even a simple single rose is sufficient. Re: hate knowledge – i’d like to meet such a man!!!

    • Deborah

      The way you write makes you appear uneducated.

  • HappilyMarried

    I believe what you were trying to say is you "couldn't care less". Not even touching the rest of this ignorant post…

  • Elle

    Menaissance…or however you spell your name. I frequently see your negative, misogynistic comments on here. I have to ask. Are you homosexual? Did your mother hurt you? Or an ex-girlfriend? Were there only men in your life? You seem to hold a general disdain for women. I hope that all goes well & you get the help that you need. Have a good one.

    • bhillboy37

      Anytime you can't argue on the facts a woman will accuse a black man of being homosexual or hating women. Never fails.

      • bhillboy37

        Rhetorically- "What are the facts?- That's my point, she isn't talking about any she just chalked it up and said that since he doesn't agree with her world view he must have some socio/psychological issue that made him turn into a homosexual or a woman hater. She's not talking about the issues.

        Yes you are lucky you married the love of your life but if you had to be a MAN out here navigating these flaky a$$ single women you'd be calling them on their bullcrap too.

      • I'm a woman and I don't do that.

    • Nki

      I see you failed to answer the question of whether or not you were hurt by a FEMALE or not, because NO real woman worth the beauty of her spirit would lay down with you…so, again did an EX-FEMALE hurt you lad? Oh yeah learn how to read she wasn't calling homosexual men misogynistic….JUST YOU BOO! 😉

      • Nki

        @bhillboy37- Of course my heart too has been thrown away by an Ex-MALE, but never by a MAN! And I've never shared my company with any female sexually. Menaissance is not on this site to try and understand women or pursue something that would be lasting for him, he justs BARKING like that dog in your neighborhood that just keeps on and on without silence. And so after awhile you stop listening or you go to IT and you LOOK IT straight in the face and you tell IT to SHUT THE HELL UP! All that NOISE you keeping up and FOR WHAT. We see you, isn't that enough? Do you have to keep this up everytime someone see's a post from you, SERIOUSLY?
        And for you to come so valiantly at his aid calls into QUESTION that of your own SEXUAL activities SIR! …Well, I waiting, do you too know each other? Men who either have had their hearts broken in the passed or just really don't care about women at all can be just as JADED as any woman. And you and Menaissance and few others on this site doing all this LOUD and ANNOYING BARKING are VERY clear DEMONSTRATIONS and DISPLAYS on that truth.

        • NEWHAIR 5000

          there's nothing wrong for sticking up for people but the point is menissance ALWAYS has something bad to say about women.even when the article is uplifting and kind he comes along and starts to open his mouth claiming that what he's saying is smart and true,when really it's just disrespectful and he answer a question with a question so…

        • Nki

          @Mr. Daniels…Well yet again another minion from the CAMP of Menaissance. What is it about this person that stirs you all to run to his aid like damsels in destress. I adore men…the smell of him, his physical structure, the touch of his hands…EVERYTHING. Women don't interest me…SORRY.

          My mother and my father were married until my father past away a few years back. So, your reference to my up bringing was not okay because you don't know what you are TALKING about! You insolent FOOL. (I know your gonna have to look that up so I'll wait)

          • Eric McDaniel

            I was just pointing your rant at Menaissance and bhillboy back at you using the same tone and themes you used to degrade both of them. See how that works or doesn't work?

            • Eric McDaniel

              In plain English- I wasn't being serious about your upbringing because I don't know you but you don't know bhill and Menaissance either. That's why I threw you insults back in your face like you threw it in theirs- without cause, knowledge, or justification.

              • bishop

                Lol at Niki throwing around the gay word…Typical female usage of the the word when their little feelings have been hurt and they have been rejected by a man…uhhh..He's just not into you. Get it.

                • twosidestoeverytale

                  im confused with this string of comments…… the poster Nki never called menissance gay or anyone else gay, the poster Elle asked a question about menissance being gay, just a question, it could be viewed as an accusation but either way menissance answered No. Nki was just making a correction as to what Elle was saying that the menissance had gotten wrong. The only person i came across calling someone gay ( even if in a joking, making a point manner) was Mr. McDaniel.

                  Even in anger, i think one can re-read and get the facts. If i am mistaken my apologies.

                • Nki

                  @Bishop & Twosidestoeverytale… Bishop first off learn to spell brotha my name is not Niki it's Nki. And you obviously did not read each of these post cause I wasn't calling him gay.
                  To Twosidestoeverytale…Thank you;)

        • Kahill

          Where is the moderator to chastise women for calling men males? lol what a biased site.

    • bhillboy37

      I don't know why you women are fronting. You know good and well that alot of your friends are crazy as hell. You call me up all the time and tell me how your friends are nutz. Then you slip and start telling me how YOU are nutz. Like Menaissance said 'if the shoe fits, wear it. but if it doesn't keep it moving' he said he isn't talking about all of you just the crazy ones but it seems as if most of you see yourself in his observations so maybe he's right in the first place.

      • NEWHAIR 5000

        well you've proven every woman's point,just because you know some crazy women doesn't mean we're all crazy.menaissance loves to group us together.he says that more then once,that's why people are angry,not because we see ourselves in his observation.if your going to open your mouth and talk about a group of women then say some or most but don't bunch us all together and say your right.

        • Eric McDaniel

          He didn't say "all" he said "alot". Women on this board are having a hard time differentiating between some, a lot, most and all. Generally speaking Some=30%, a lot : =<50%, Most over 50%, all 90-100%. This should help you in understanding what men are trying to say when we generalize.

          • revel

            Sarcastic but Lol.

  • Cream Bmp

    luckily i didn't see myself on this list. On top of all that I have my own successful business and no kids. Plus my mama say I'm handsome 🙂

    Learn How I Made $40,000 in a Month, Went Broke & Bounced Right Back! (Audio Blog)

    • Jess

      "my mama say I'm handsome" LOL for some reason that killed me..

      • Jenny C Brown

        he is cute

  • umm…yea.

    People are SCARED of the truth. I needed to add the capitalization even though the point is obvious. However, that is not the point of my comment. I actually found this website by bouncing around and this article seems very interesting. First, excuse me for speaking with some intellect, but I think that this article highlighted some important, truthful things. Nothing against Menassaince as a person but his words resignate with me because I believe that represents a large majority of men today. Ladies, all men are not like that but your not going to meet them by sleeping around with different dudes. Now that I have made it clear that it goes both ways, I think it’s safe to say we know what the problem is and it’s up to us to fix it individually. Coming up with the right things to say can be hard but that’s why they are labeled as the right things to say. I believe what I said was right but more importantly, I need to do those things as well. It’s more than just talking about it. It’s actually doing it. Good article.

    • bellusfemina

      Wow…one of the few intelligent responses yet.

  • Black/White

    I agree that #10 should be hygiene. No man would want to date a musty, crusty, dusty woman so why the hell would men think we want someone who has skid marks in their draws, razor sharp toenails, and fried onion armpits?

    • LOL—fried onion arm pits ____________Dead

    • Preach on…You're too funny!!! It's just using plain common sense. I don't understand about how some people just don't or WON'T pay attention to their hygeine!!!UGH!!!

  • menissance

    ain't it grand 😉

    • kayla

      Lol. No. Us women need to be respected, and the hoes out there is making us real women look bad

      • GAVarsity

        But if you don't carry yourself like those whom you despise, then you won't have that problem.

        Why would a man disrespect you if you don't carry yourself like that, unless it's the company that you keep. You may need to seek other surroundings if that's the case.

        • Jenny C Brown

          but in the end of the day you should only care about what you do, I don't care if all my friends are sleeping around that is not my issue I will not make my issue, only person I willing to answer is ME.

  • wateva

    Sure, girls will f**k with you if you're hot, but sex doesn't always mean relationship……..if you aren't relationship material, you'll just be the guy they sleep with when they get bored or lonely…

    • menissance

      You promise =)

      • GUEST

        Shut up! You are the dumbest m-fer on this blog. Your comments are rude and barely contribute to gaining a better understanding of the male psyche. You need help. I have a suggestion for #10 — Kick Menissance off Madame Noire. Thank you.

        • emac

          I wish I could give you 100 thumbs up for that comment.

    • bhillboy37

      I can deal with that type of relationship as long as you promise to leave within 1 hour of me finishing.

    • Cjacques

      Guys do it.. so we are the bad guys when we do it too.. very interesting..

  • #10 should be a man who has a college degree and keeps talking about as if a woman is supposed to be with him just because of that, it takes more than a college degree to be a man and know how to treat a woman.

    • Harry

      More projection. Again, it's the women (sisters in particular) who like to talk about outpacing men in earning college degrees, as if they deserve a medal for doing something they're supposed to do. It was even brought up in the Ladies edition of this is why you're single.

    • Once again I have to play the bad side because I am a woman that looks at it from a rational point of view even if it is against our normal thinking. Now, in response to your comment, women have let their education, pedigrees, success be their platform for why we should be taken seriously and why we're such a good woman, when the truth is that none of that really matters in love.

  • Sally

    10th should be: A man who is not educated and does not intend to get educated either.

    • NEWHAIR 5000

      i think that should be #1 or at least the top 5.

  • lee

    #10 You have bad hygiene

  • Harry

    Wow! Steve Harvey is making a KILLING off of black men complaining about being single.

    • Simone

      Go figure with all of single black women out here.

    • Krazidawg

      Steve Harvey is an opportunist. He treats his ex-wife bad. I honestly can't believe women take any stock in what that back stabber says. I have a cousin who is a famous actor who will remain nameless who told me how Steve contacted the producers of Ocean's Eleven and attempted to take Bernie Mac's gig from underneath him claiming he was a better actor than Bernie. Straight stabbed Bernie in the back and this was well after they worked together on the Kings of Comedy. Dude is lame and wack with that fake wig he used to wear.

    • didi

      they didnt get the joke lol

  • StungByTheTruth?

    Damn, there is some serious hate on this board. This article must have touched a nerve. Perhaps the truth stings a little? All this article is asking is for some immature men to grow up. If you're a grown up who can fully support yourself and you're stable financially, spiritually, physically, and mentally this article shouldn't matter to you anyway and, thus, not cause you any concern. But, instead, it has elicited the same blather you hear all the time: "it's her fault/problem not mine." Check yourself, baby, and have a nice day.

    • ibart

      I think you just keep picking the wrong horses lady ? I thought women don`t have moustaches though ? hahahaha I make myself laugh!

  • Eugenia

    Looks like some the men on this thread need some therapy, maybe that need number 10 on the list, get some therapy for your misogyny. SMDH

  • truthbtold

    Its a shame that every picture in this article that included a man…was a black man 🙁

    • Sally

      Yeah, this site can really be a tid racist sometimes. I sometimes am quite shocked- I used to believe all races are equal and important, and nobody should be treated differently because of things that are not relevant to the issue at hand (race may be important when I try to buy sunscreen, but not when I share relationship advice).

    • TeeJay

      THIS IS AN AFRICAN AMERICAN THEMED WEBSITE!! WTF?!?! You gotta be kidding….

  • kay

    Lol at a thug tear never hurt

  • Anonymous

    She was using irony.

    • bhillboy37


  • InnocentTruthIsBack

    Damn, this article is all over the place. First and foremost, men do not fear being old and single. This idea that men fear being single is a myth. There are numerous men in my family who are older and single by choice. At one time or another most of these men were married or had long term girlfriends. But once those relationships crumbled they chose to remain single. Remaining single doesn't mean they don't date. It only means they avoid getting into exclusive relationships. By definition I can be considered single. Though I date numerous women, I usually avoid getting into serious relationships. There are several reasons why I avoid serious relationships, but I can assure you that those reasons on the list are not one of them. The author needs to widen her perspective on this issue. If a man is 35 and single. it is usually by choice. On the other hand, because women require levels of companionships far beyond the needs of your average man. I would argue that at 35 if a woman is single it is usually not by choice. Usually it's by lack of interest or opportunity.

    • Harry

      Yeah, you can tell the author is a woman because of the insistence that men and women think alike. Women complain about being single. Men complain about not getting laid! Big difference.

    • DemetriaIrwin


      We so love that people take the time to regularly comment on our articles and a man's perspective on these topics is very much appreciated, but I need you to take it down a notch. Feel free to voice an opinion that may not be popular with other readers, but do so in a respectful manner. Name-calling and deliberate jabs ("FEMALES") are not only immature actions, but completely unnecessary and do not contribute to a healthy debate.This comment that I'm replying to is actually a lot tamer than some of your other comments, but I'm taking the time now to send you a note. Please continue to read our site and participate in discussions, but have some manners, my dear.

      -Demetria Irwin
      Managing Editor of

      • WOW!! you have got to be kidding .i just discovered this site and was gona visit regularly, but if this is how you want to control things something is wrong somewhere else. really, female is now a derogatory term. seems anything to find a way to say we're being disrepectful. this really takes it. wow

        • menissance

          ROTFLMAO. So your staff has a hard time handling some raw truth, huh. I'm not the only one saying disrespectful things, I guess if you dont claim or sound like you have a vagina you dont get the same level of freedom of speech on this bias site. It's all good for women to call men stupid, worthless, deadbeats, say whats wrong with us that women dont like, huh. There is a lot of immaturity on this site and im not the only one creating it. Why not say what you really mean MN: "menissance, your destroying the fantasy of women who frequent this site that hope to change bad men good and make wrong decisions in life but still get the results of the making the right decisions when that is logically not possible, stop being so truthful". Im sure you will restrict this post like others in the past because it doesn't have any lies and false ideals & hope like the articles this site likes posting. You're doing more harm to these women on this site psychologically than i can ever inflict in a million years.

          • Lynae Eakett Greene

            FYI I know some amazing women that have also chosen to remain single. Not all women NEED to have a man. I’m perfectly happy without one, and if I remain single I am good with it! The above article was written from the perspective of women and particular traits we find unattractive. It was intended for men that want a relationship and are frustrated with their outcomes to date. Not for men that are happy with their single lifestyle. If being single makes you happy, then by all means enjoy it! But if you aren’t getting what you want out of dating there just might be a legitimate reason why. It could have absolutely nothing to do with this list. And as far as the term Females being respectful or not, it really depends on context and tone. And really with the right/wrong context or tone anything can be disrespectful or insulting.

      • Nki

        Thank you…so much I am a new reader to this site and HE was getting on my nerves so I thank you for stating the fact to the young man. Thanks again.

      • Keep it Real

        I've seen menissance comments. The brother is pretty accurate. It's harsh but accurate. I think if the 42% of African American women who will never marry read his comments instead of listening to their girlfriends there would be a hell of a lot less never married African American women. Once again, I've come to the realization that black women live in a make believe reality when it comes to relationships and what men "All Men" want, need and desire.

        • Krazidawg

          To clarify what i mean is lets look at vagina as a stock. If you limit men from getting access to vagina then the value of it will go up, but if you let every man have access to it without much work then the value of it will go down, and thats whats going on in 2011. The value of it is way down and if your a single man your in a space that has never ever been available to men in the past. Single men are in the Golden Age right now. I'm not trying to be harsh Demetria I'm just being totally honest with you. Please don't look at my comments as degrading to women its just a very true fact.

        • Lynae Eakett Greene

          KIR12, are you sure it’s just black women? It seems to me that there are many misconceptions about dating and most important things in life really. They idea that there is a special master list to know exactly what someone is going to want from you, or how you should be or what you should do is ridiculous. In reality the only way to know what someone wants or what is important to them is to get to know them. Gee, how much simpler can you get? And there is a difference between being blunt and being rude. Rudeness is exceptionally unattractive, in my opinion of course.

    • Star

      Clearly you missed the point of this article. The author was not saying that men fear being old and single. This article was in reference to those men, who do not want to be single. It's evident that you can't relate (or comprehend), but I know plenty of men that want to be in serious relationships. These are (some) valid reasons that could deter a woman from wanted to be in a relationship with a man in this particular situation.

      Good article.

    • Mandisa

      I don't know about anyone else but I wouldn't mind being 35 and not in an exclusive relationship. The reason why women usually worry about these things and men don't is because society and the media promotes this image of women HAVING to settle down or being deemed undesirable and men not needing to get as many women as possible (i.e multiple girlfriends or sexual partners). Btw this article isn't implying that ALL men don't want to be single, its telling men that don't want to be single some reasons why they may still be single. Question: if you aren't concerned with being single, why did you click the link in the first place?

    • nvilakazi

      ummm no, that is another myth – women do not 'naturally' need more companionship – we get to choose, just like you…

    • Krazidawg

      I totally agree with this brotha. I am single by choice, and its not from sadness, ex-girlfriend drama, loneliness, or anything of the sort. I personally have been in long term relationships and I decided that at 34 I want to take the time to focus on me and my life. I currently have my own successful business and my day is so full I honestly don't have the time to dedicate myself fully to a relationship. I love women, I love to date women, but I don't want to put all my time and energy into catering to a woman. Sooner or later she will want more attention from me and currently I can't. Thats not to say if that certain special lady comes along I won't recogonize she is worth me putting some of my business to the side, I just very focused on my goals. For me being single is definitely by choice and I must say its rather nice. Just my two cents.