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In an emotional Instagram post shared on Tuesday, Chris Brown expressed that he finally heard God’s voice for the first time. According to Brown, who has experienced his share of turmoil, the turning point came when he grew weary with sitting back and allowing “the f-cking devil” to ruin his life.

The “Don’t Judge Me” singer went on to say that many men in his particular situation would not hesitate to commit suicide and that he sincerely desires to avoid self-destruction. Read his full post below.

When u tired of the fucking devil ruining your life and u hear God speak for the first time. No one knows what I deal with on a day to day. The average man wouldn’t hesitate to blow his fucking brains out but that’s the cowards way out… Most won’t understand the genius and beauty in change and learning and the people who have devilish intentions will win in the short term. My soul will always be pure of heart.

What’s on the surface always looks like one big party but inside there is a little boy looking for help and guidance. People say “be a man.” Yeah, that’s right but it doesn’t take away any pain you really go through. I just wanna stay out the way and do music. Most importantly and great father. I don’t have any more patience for anything that will cause me to self-destruct!!

It’s quite obvious that Chris has been suffering from some personal demons for a long time now. It’s great to hear that he has experienced this breakthrough he’s speaking about; and hopefully, he is able to stick with his decision to leave the harmful habits, behaviors and people behind.

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