This is Why You’re Single

May 28, 2011  |  
1 of 11


Are you single and you don’t want to be single? There are reasons for that. Mmmhmmm. Sometimes it is your fault. Let’s just put that out there right now.  You can’t fix something if you don’t acknowledge that it’s broken, right? Right. So, let’s delve into these possible reasons why you’re single. Don’t be mad if a little mirror pops up on one of these reasons.

Let’s get it!

This picture is from May 15, 2011. This woman graduated in 2002.

1.You think men are intimidated by your education.

It is so friggin’ awesome that you graduated from college–double awesome that you got that good graduate degree too. Seriously, you rock. But nobody and I mean nobody wants to hear about that all the time. You think that guy you dated for a second who was on his fifth year of community college was “intimidated” by your degrees? Nah. He was just sick of you bringing it up all the time and especially sick of  your patronizing talks to him about the importance of education.  Real men are not intimidated by education. Real men are annoyed by chicks who talk about the stuff they were supposed to do anyway like it’s earth shattering. Put your degrees to better use than conversation litter. Use all that fancy education to make grammatically correct tweets and Facebook status updates.

2. You have a stank attitude.

Few things work better as man repellent than a stank attitude.  If you’re at happy hour looking and talking like the dragon lady, you’re not exactly sending out the “I’d love to have a conversation with a worthy gentleman” vibe.  Dudes see you, hear you and then try to holler at your girl who might not be as cute as you but damn it if she doesn’t know how to smile and make a man feel welcome. Take note.

3. You have a ridiculous “list.”

I’m not saying date any ol’ Tom, package or Ray  Ray, but chile does the man HAVE to be 6’3 and does he HAVE to wear Prada loafers? Just be reasonable, my dear. Some of the stuff on your list has absolutely nothing to do with how respectful he is, how affectionate he is, how committed he is to family or a slew of other traits that are actually important.  His desire/ability to drop a couple k on a suit? Not so much. Let’s have some solid priorities.

4. You have easy friends.

Birds of a feather flock together, so you should have a no-bird policy in your inner circle. Chicks that give up the goods quickly on the regular are not generally good folks to hang around all the time. Have some standards for relationships of all kinds, including friendships. Moral character matters.


5. You have a black men only policy.

Okay, real talk. Black men are beautiful (See Exhibit A), but they are not the only beautiful men on earth believe it or not. Masculine gorgeousness comes in all shades, baby–as does respect, loyalty, love and strong character. Why restrict yourself if there is no need to do that? If you have a preference for black men and you have committed yourself to black men only, that’s fine as long as you understand that you are greatly restricting your dating pool.   To check off so many available and solid men based on skin color alone while complaining about being single is just plain silly.

6. You don’t know how to just shut up sometimes.

Self explanatory. I am leading by example here.

7. You follow advice from your basic girlfriends.
I am not one of those people who believes that you have to have a man in order to give good relationship or dating advice. There are a lot of reasons why a person could be single. However, following advice from the girlfriend who never seems to get it right in the relationship department is not the biz. Stop. Listening. To. Her.


8. You have unresolved daddy issues.

Any daddy issue like not knowing your dad,  being abandoned by your dad, having to take care of your dad or having a dad who is an addict of any kind, has a big impact on what you seek and expect from men. It’s much easier said than done, but don’t put the daddy burden on the dude at the bar.



9. You actually pay attention to those stupid stats.

It’s kind of died down now, but for a while there, you couldn’t read a newspaper (online) or turn on the news without being assaulted with a new batch of sad statistics about single black women. As the saying goes, figures don’t lie, but liars figure. Those stats about the percentage of “available” black men and the marriage rates and all that crap really have no impact on whether or not you should stay in the house and sulk or get dressed, get out there and be open to meeting new people and having a good time.  That “woe is me” attitude is for the birds…the birds that you should no longer be hanging around with anyway.


10. You want Barack, but you are not Michelle.

As far as character, ethics, morals and all that good stuff–you and your mate should be neck and neck. How can you ask for a man with a washboard stomach (implying a serious gym commitment) and a good work/life balance if your exercise bike is essentially an overpriced panty catcher and your personal life has been completely swallowed up by work? Have something more than material things or social accomplishments to bring to the table.


Did you see yourself a little bit in any of these reasons?

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  • Thebest1963

    any brother that perfect would be with a white or latin woman anyway.

  • ana

    To some people it is. Let them be, their preferences are their preferences. Plenty of people of all types of racial, ethnic, class, caste, ses backgrounds prefer those 'within' the group over those 'outside' their group (however they define it)

    You can't force that on other individual humans though. If The One isn't what a person wants, then they obviously aren't The One, or even a good catch. People want what they want. What works for some doesn't for others. You think height, advanced education, finances are important, others find different physical characteristics more important, along with social, cultural, personality, class, SES background, etc criteria that you might not value or agree with.
    You probably had other criteria that you used to filter. EVERYONE has them. What doesn't matter to you matters to others, what matters to you doesn't to others.

    The idea that someone needs to be convinced or prodded into dating certain people is creepy. It is patronizing. Who wants to be someone's second choice, to know that if there were more X group of men/women they never would have been an option to that person, to wonder whether their date had to talk themselves into being attracted to them?

  • Sparkling Cyanide

    Is being single a bad thing?

  • Really?

    The problem is SOME men expect women to sleep with them with out marriage and the common reference for that is being easy and that does cause problems for women who choose to wait. And SOME men say the said woman does not care about them as the excuse for not sleeping with them.. (This also can be vice versa though) But once it happens there is a high chance (with all races) that the guy may play around with some one else (Unlike some people I don't lump everyone together). Being single and choosing to sleep with a single man or woman (depending on gender obviously or preference) is different than bouncing around from man to man or woman to woman. BTW don't get the wrong Idea Ive only been with one guy my entire life.

  • Really?

    That is a lie. If you met me and some friends of my you'd have to eat your words. STOP STEREOTYPING.

  • P Man

    Maybe you're single because you use ghetto hood terminology like that!

  • DMM

    This article is one of the most blatantly STUPID articles that I have EVER come across. I am SO tired or EVERY writer BLAMING the women for each and every reason as to WHY women are single and not married! It only takes a little bit of psychology/understanding the differences between HOW men and women think and bit of good "old fashion common sense" to realize that "once again" THIS writer, and others like her are part of the "blame the victim" in this case, women again! Does anyone one bring up the reasons as to WHY women PREFER to be single as compared to "serialized relationships that lead to nowhere but heartache?" Women are taught to believe from childhood on to "blame themselves" for each and every problem. You always hear this coming from women, "If only I did……It must be MY problem! Well! the writer of this article needs to see that there ARE some women out there that ACTUALLY believe and live the concept of self worth and having or NOT having a mate or husband has NOTHING to do with them but things that men commonly practice on women such as 1. blaming women for things going wrong in relationships 2. Compartmentalizing and rationalizing to suit their goals/needs 3. The "old fashion" concepts that are mostly gone, especially in relationships, of INTEGRITY and COMMITMENT! I have NOT seen from this author any indication that MEN are part of the problem! Nothing is more of a "turn off" to women then PRIDE and ARROGANCE and from the description of her reasons of one to ten…….YOU Could use these same ten reasons as an explanation as to WHY many college educated, self educated and professing Christians (or other religions!) prefer BEING single over "serial relationships" with NO basis of commitment! The "old adage" of "why buy the cow, when you can get the milk free" still holds even in today's society. You would think that "living together" would produce more solid relationships but the Stanford University's study that the majority of "live in couples" (60%) break up with five years and they marry someone else…….that cohabiting couples are more prone to divorce……that cohabiting couples are more prone to "domestic violence!" All I see is one writer who simplifies everything and again is "blaming the victim" for everything! Some of her observations are correct, ie "can't shut-up etc. But men want "brainless women" to stroke their ego CONSTANTLY but NEVER give back to their relationships. Hey! marriages are a process and it takes hard work. I never saw any mention of that in her reasons! Until women come across men who truly want to GIVE to their relationships and NOT blame their partners for not getting his way……until women meet men who show RESPECT for women, and that even means "sucking it up" when they are wrong!……until women meet men who are willing to commit themselves and put that attitude of commitment into practice I can see a lot of women who will live single lives without any reservation or regret! It is "disgusting" that in today's society you still see 60 year old men divorced or single still living out the "swinger philosophy". An old saying goes……"There is nothing worse than an OLD FOOL! Self Respect, Integrity, commitment are sorely missing in today's cultures and this has produced a nation of Men with "whiny" attitudes towards women and a nation of ME first attitude, be women or men in general!

    • P Man

      You obviously didn't read the article! The author made it clear that there is nothing wrong with being single. She was referring specifically to the "I can't find a good black man types" and you know that most of them are exactly as she describes! Most of what she offered was simple common sense and it can't see anybody being offended by it unless they're what she described! A hit dog will holler!

  • Lol. James u r hilarious..

  • True..

  • Queen

    Variations of the black race means hispanic, southern european, asian, etc.

  • Queen

    You know I am still single? I have had men of all variations of the black race tell me, "I will be with you, but I will sleep with others, I WONT be faithful".

  • getaclue

    There are plenty of men who have unrealistic standards for the women they seek, no doubt. As to your comment about the guy with the fantastic abs though, your reasoning is flawed. A guy with fantastic abs is unlikely to date a plus sized girl not because he thinks too highly of himself, but because he values physical fitness and the girl you mention clearly doesn't. Let's keep it honest here and not be biased for our particular gender because it keeps us from avoiding areas we need to work on.

  • getaclue

    Ever hear of an opinion piece? This is not information presented as fact, and it is very telling that you can't recognize that. Further, no article is going to repair the relationship between black men and women. That can only be done at the individual level.

  • kay

    Dumb slide show. I guess ignorance is the only real way too get a man. Miss understood is miss stupid!

    • getaclue

      So true. Well, either ignorance or actually being the type of person a person of the opposite sex would want to spend time around. But if your assessment of the article works for you, go with it.

  • Really?

    So basically. You're racist against black women. Lumped them all together to justify what you are saying and speaking with pure hate(and honestly a little malice). In every race there are good and bad, mean and nice. So many people try to pin it all on black women or (American women with African descent if you want to be correct) as the only people who have some bad habits and it is only a portion not all, but that goes for every race. I'm sorry if some people were rude to you because you a pretty mixed woman (which is something you should be proud of), but do not degrade all black women down to your bad experiences with only SOME of them. Every race has women of all different kinds of personalities you can't group them all together. All races have women of different sizes and looks. How dare you say something so racist just because of your experiences. I am a Black woman with a college degree. I'm 25, 5'5 with long black hair(no I choose not to wear weave) and i weigh 155. I am engaged and have been together with the love of my life for almost six years. I have a nice apartment and I am considering purchasing a home. So where do i factor in to your racist and degrading comment?……Don't worry…..I'll wait.

  • Chris

    Miss Understood wrote a nice story, but as a man I can make it shorter and more memorable:
    -stay slim
    -take care of yourself
    -be nice
    Same applies for men I suppose.

  • GroundZeroBlast

    And THAT is why a lot of black women are single and will continue to be single until the end of time. Too stubborn, too unwilling to listen to sound advice, too abrasive, attitudinal and bullheaded, and you know too damn much. If you all are so damned "Smart" why are most of you single and angry about it, and hating on the next woman who has a good relationship and is enjoying life. Look, nobody says you have to take ANY of the advice given from the article. All we s men ask is to stop moaning and complaining about why you don't have a man, when you're clearly unwilling to do the things that would put you into the "Long Term Relationship and Wifey" Zone. Just get a good bottle of wine, go adopt some cats from the humane society, and be a spinster and that "Great Auntie" and for the rest of your life!!!

    • P Man

      GZB you said a mouthful!

    • Really?

      Grow up and gain some knowledge and then come back and say something that makes sense. Its suppose to be mutual. Has any one done ' Black men…this is why you are single?' Lets see how you would respond. And what things are black women unwilling to do? It's suppose to be a mutual thing not a what a man wants or what a woman wants. Its what you both want together. you are doing quite a bite of moaning yourself right now. Are you single? Or is it that you are having a hard time keeping a woman due to your behavior? There are two stories and truth somewhere in between when it comes to men and women.

  • historia34

    Love YOUR list!

  • Scott

    From a white male:

    1. Put down the cell phone. Use it even once while we're in the car together between the time of picking you up at your place until we get to "whereever" and there (probably) won't be a second date. If shows character and respect if you spend your time talking to me.
    2. Stop the "you go girl" and other slang BS. If you're educated, then talk like you're educated. I am not marrying a big mouthed, verbally slanged, deliquent. and no anti-man talk. You're not perfect either. Trust me in this. Men size up women faster than you give us credit.
    3. Stay in shape. I am so you can do it too so put down the donuts.
    4. I don't care what your friends say.
    5. Black women have endearing qualities that white women do not so act like them, please. There is a reason I am on a date with you instead of "whitie".

  • 4thepeople

    wow…thats messed up to say that a whole race of people are ugly…i understand if you are personally not attracted to black women, but i know white dudes (and a couple asians) that prefer a black woman to other races. im not saying it is right to prefer one over another, but to call these women ugly seems insensitive and racist to an extent. i mean, what exactly is your definition of beauty?

    • getaclue

      Going by his statement that "#` and #2 should be changed to You're Black and You're Ugly, respectively…", I think it's fair to say that he's either attracted to white women or white men. Probably both.

  • Yess!!

    Finally someone is telling the honest truth!!!

  • bhillboy37

    Way better list by someone we all know and some of you love.

  • sacbsucks


  • sacbsucks

    you need some anger theraphy to heal your racist mind

  • Claire M.

    Uh… in my experience, you're single because if you're a Black woman, you are competing with women of other races, all of whom are percieved as being more attractive than you are. This article puts 'blame' on Black women, as is popular, so as to make believe all things are equal on the playing field: they are not. I've known women of other races who have most if not all of the listed 'faults', yet men still vigourously go after them because men don't care about any percieved faults in women they find most attractive. If a guy finds a woman attractive there is nothing you can do to dissuade him, and if he doesn't find a woman attractive there is nothing to be done to persuade him. If you are a Black woman, finding a mate with the odds stacked against you is difficult. I consider this article to be discouraging and if a woman is other than Black, all other things being equal, such recommendations would be unnecessary.

  • ithinkshesgotit

    First time reader of this site and its articles. Miss Understood, job well done. I am married, but read it to give some advice to some of my single friends……still laughing 30 minutes later.

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  • Usagi

    Ever though I'm not into bm, I don't see a problem with a bm only wating to date bm. The only thing I had a problem getting dates is when I was overweight.I wouldn't date anyone outside my subculture and interests. I don't like urban/hip-hop stuff and ebonics sounds so ugly to me. It's easy to find your type if you have a good personailty/decent looking and go to the hard places. Just try to the place that you've never been before. You never know. That's know I met my boyfriend. I went to a rock show tih my bff and ending up being the lead singer's gurlfriend in a week. Also, don't try too hard.

  • Kate

    Maybe some of us are single because we want to be.

  • Moi

    Number 1 is ridiculous–yes, he *is* intimidated by my PhD. I worked very hard to earn my degrees, to earn my position at my univeristy, and to earn the respect and support of my colleagues and students. My education *is* my career, and my high achievement *is* intimidating. You want me not to talk about my education?! It's my career, it's my life, it's my philosophy of living! I'm not settling for an ignorant fool who expects me to shut my mouth and play dumb just because he hasn't done as well as me. How about more either men step it up so that we're equals, or accept that women like me *have* achieved more and give us the acknowledgment (instead of just irritation) that we deserve?

    • 4thepeople

      be proud of your accomplishments, but remember that pride can also be one's downfall. i find myself attracted more to educated woman, but there is more to a person than a degree. you dont need a piece of paper to validate you and your ideals or personal philosophy. you were a smart person before you graduated, so sometimes you just have to assume that people will understand that without constantly talking about your education. because if you are truly educated, the topic of accomplishments probably wont come up that much unless you force it. i think that is who the article is talking to, people to constantly talk about material things.

      also, any guy who is intimidated by a woman's intellect is definitely not worth talking too. you never want to leave a conversation feeling up and keep that good head on your shoulders

    • getaclue

      The last woman I dated had her Ph.D. and later swore to all and sundry that the reason we broke up was because her education intimidated me. I'm sure she wants other people to believe that and may want to believe it herself, but my problems with her had nothing to do with intimidation on any level. That said, constantly finding a reason to bring up your Ph.D. (as she did) is annoying as hell… Okay, so you've got your degree and it's your career and your life, as you've said. Congratulations and much success, but would you want a man who constantly talked about his job and all things related thereto? Would he be right to later say when things didn't work out that you were intimidated by his being a certified Honda mechanic? I hope you get my point. Being equals with regard to educational achievement is highly overrated, and is NOT what being equally yoked is about at all. I have no degree, but don't know anyone personally, even those with Ph.Ds, who earn as much as I do. And yes, I earn my income legally.

  • LadyLove1776

    I'm single because I'm divorced with seven children. Men are NOT this crazy. I've been divorced for 15 years, so of course I've dated; however, what sane man wants to raise someone else's seven children? Nonetheless, five of my children are now in college: that leaves two at home…maybe there's still hope…NOT!!

  • Sandy

    This article is interesting. However, why is world so worried why black women are single? The deal is some black women are single by choice and don't want to be married or have children. I'm 40 years old and have yet to have met that men who only looked at me as a piece of ass. I don't hang out in the club, sleep with different men, use people,etc. So you tell what the issue is. My reality is that some black men or any man at that don't take some of us ready to love black women serious. They are looking for a ride….someone to use or just some one to have sex.

  • The truth is, some with the very things you've warned against can still find a man. All you need is one. Just be patient ladies.

  • BigMitch

    thats the only type of man you're worhty of, a good man wouldn't waste his time with you

  • Twoifbytea

    Everytime I turn around there ia another list or label being put on women of color mainly black women. the majority of the items listed on this list are unfounded as to why a woman may be single and last I checked it takes two to tango so there may be just as many single black men out there as well. To say a woman is single because she won't date a white man or outside her race for that matter is rediculous. Personally for me, there are two things I don't like. I don't like nothing old but money and I don't like nothing white but my sheets. I have way too much love for my black brothers and my father who raised me to bring a white man home to my brothers and father and say to them that after all of their sacrafice and hard work I see this white man as my provider and protector. Don't get me wrong I have seen many handsome white men around but I am only attracted to brothers. I am a QUEEn and the only equal to this queen is a black KING.

    The bottom line there is there are a lot of single women available today for a myriad of reasons and they are more complex that this simple minded list.

  • ROSE

    Not on the "list" but I didn't know that being single was a something to ashamed of. Is it just me? I am on the only one that doesn't think that being single is the end of the world? Sometimes it is a choice – we all aren't desperate to find a husband. Believe or not, some of us have actually turned down proposals and not being married is a choice.

    I thought it was 2011…guess all that equality crap is just crap.

  • AJC

    We know why you're single. Perpetuating myths and ignorant stereotypes. What makes you think Black men don't have cars ( I have 3) , maybe you're dating the wrong kind of men, a.k.a. Gangsters and mistaking them for men. Black women seem to have issues when it comes to defining what a man is and isn't. A Thug is a thug. Not a man, and you can't reform him.

    • Brodie

      Sorry kiddo/ My father wasn't some slouch who couldn't hold his family and responsibilities down (which is why I CAN care for my auto and home efficiently).
      I know is this, if I see you and you don't come close to his (and the men who TAUGHT him) example of virtue, honesty, stability, and pride then you are NOT what defines a man by any standard.

      Your lack of trim isn't going to make your position stronger than mine either. I suggest you figure why you're comparing yourself to men of low moral fiber instead of the universal standard of manhood. Maybe then you'll know where you stand.

  • ilovememore

    How about everyone just live their damn lives, and stop worrying about blk women..???ugh soooo annoying how there are countless articles like why black women are single…why black women dont wear their own hair, why black women have attitudes..etc.. I guess if blk women, or blk men didnt exist, everyone would just commit suicide, because they would be bored out of their damn minds!! Blacks are always the topic of discussion. give it a f ing break!!

  • 4thepeople

    wow, these comments have been pretty entertaining. i personally believe your attraction can stem from where you were raised and how you were raised.. I am a 6'5" 24 yr old black man that has been raised in the country around many white "proud" racists, yet my attraction for white girls is just as strong as for any other race. I have only had 2 real relationships and they were both white. thats because it is mainly white girls around. the black girls that move here are usually from the city, and have a different style. i'm a simple, non-materialistic kind of guy. and i want the same. but its hard to find that anywhere in the american culture.

    if i dated a black girl, i would want her to be intelligent and well-educated in their own culture.f*** mainstream knowledge, i want my ebony queen to have a lil bit of a black panther growl!!! lol and if i dated a white woman, I would want her to be proud of who she is while still being educated and respectful of my black culture. if there is one thing i cant stand, its a ghetto acting chick, no matter what color!!!! although white ghetto girls are pretty annoying, especially when you know they have never been to the ghetto, and they only do it to scare other white people and hope that black guys like that ish so they can piss off daddy and sleep with a couple of us black guys. we all need to make smarter decisions. sorry if this comment is kind of lengthy, love the comments so far!!!

  • Micheal

    Question: Why is it that black women focus on white men when dating outside the race?

    There are so many races to investigate. Believe it or not, black men talk about black, latino and asian women far more than we talk about white women. Could it be that it's about money, power and the appearance of social acceptance. Oh, and the lighter skinned offspring who won't be black like you.

  • sci1045

    @Lyndon…you are very right. I too am a victim of this and for a long time i wondered why i was still single. It is because i gave my power away in past relationships. At 31 i have decided to stay single, keep God first, pray for what i want out of a man in my singleness and i know that GOD will bring my HUSBAND to me.

  • BBGibbous

    Why didn't your mother teach your brother? That is her job too.

  • Nki

    That was right on, it is a problem for a lot of women. But not giving in to it is the greatest reward.

  • Nki

    This is true…I must agree with you, it's like there is this meeting the young men attend at some point in their lives that tells them not to be serious about women in the early stages of life, just have fun and KICK-IT then later on after you have sampled the delights of your youth then go and find a wife. It's very interesting to see.

  • Nki

    I loved this list and it is soooo true…but they forgot 1 more vital peace of information and that is being a gold-digging female. Always in a mans pocket and never searching for his heart.Tisk Tisk ladies.

    • Really?

      Will you all please start fully explaining yourselves. Also there are gold diggers in all races male and female.

  • Analyst


  • mumu

    i've realized i'm not as attractive as i usually think i am but for the most part, it's my stank attitude in public that comes from a place of anxiety and low self esteem…working on it~

  • There are a lot of men who refuse to believe that women want to be single. I do not understand this. Why would anyone doubt this? Half the women in this country want out of the marriages they already have. Why do men doubt when a woman says she wants to be single. ??

    • getaclue

      Again, because of the prevalence of black women crying about being single in the media. I believe you if you say you want to be single, but I don't believe that the overwhelming majority of single black women want to be single. If that was true, there wouldn't be so many televison shows and books about the issue.

  • GREG J


  • Chi Girl

    For those of you who comment with ugly trash spewing from your mouths… all I have to say is "you will be dealt with". Ms. Honey, you are so beautiful with your mixed race self because your mother is what? Well, God don't like ugly. What if you get burned in a fire? What happens if you wake up with cancer and your hair fall out? What happens if you wake up with some disease that disfigures your face or body? Where is your beauty then? Think about the ugly mess that is spewing out of your mouth. I refuse to argue with and about ignorance. All I have to say is "revenge is his". Be careful with the things that you say to and about people because you never know what is around the corner for you, the lesson that will teach you. Maybe one of these ugly black, fat, no man want them black women might have to save your life one day.

  • JG7

    Reading that article cheered me up and I'm a brother! ha ha lol

    • Really?

      I doubt that highly or if you are you should at least attempt to justify your reason for saying what you just said.

  • blacks rape whites

    why is 83% of the prison population black or hispanic ?
    a) Blacks are not intellegent (came from Africa)
    b) Blacks are biologically born to be robbers, murderours, rapists
    c) Rick on Hispanics, give me cheaper coke bro !

    • Nki

      You are ignorant and white men are rapist too DUM DUM. Don't reply back just go away and take that foolishness with right along with you. Be gone now…go fly away.

    • getaclue

      Why is 83 percent of the prison population black or hispanic? Because the source of your data is wrong. True, most people here (I hope) are smart enough to have known that statistic is wrong, but most black people continue to believe other stats about us that are wrong. Like the one about more black men being in jail than in college. Yep! False. However, most black people, especially black women, quote it like they did the research themselves.

    • Really?

      Okay this is really getting ridiculous. Number one…gain some actual knowledge, then you are allowed to speak on it. Number two i'm pretty sure white men have been raping women for quiet a long time if you track back through history and not just black women. Number for ignorant stereo types doesn't make it true. Lets point out some more. Who are most likely to be serial killers, who are the most common but overlooked rapist, who became vindictive, stereo typical, condescending and down right racist because some on of another Race wanted to be president. Stop following the media and listening to passed down stereo types and search out the truth. You may gain some knowledge because only a small percentage of the workings of the world is publicized….think on that ignoramus.

  • monkey man

    please, not all "BLACK' people are uglie.
    IT's a fact that at least 0.003% of apes find BLACK people attractive.

  • khunte

    why is she single ?

    Simple answer, she;s pigg uglie

  • Andie Steward

    L-O-V-E-D this article! I have to admit I am # 3 & #5…lol. But hey, once you've had the best you can't go back to bullsh*t! Will definitely widen my horizons & pursue other options. Thanks for the well writtne article filled w/ truth, braised with humor!

  • Drew

    White men may be YOUR gold standard but they are not THE gold standard. If your self esteem, self hate and worship of white people is to such a level that you feel the need to date the ugliest of hillbilly trailer king…go for it.

    I refuse to belive that a man of the same intelligence, income, backround is better than me because he is white…or Asian or Hispanic.

    There are plenty of reasons that black women are single that have nothing to do with white people.

  • James Thomas

    21. You don't or can't give oral really well

    • Brodie

      Make 21. Sense of entitlement is a turn off.

  • For myself, I want to date Black men and I work too much. If I had someone it would be so easy for them to cheat on me because I'm at work 9, 10, and sometime 12 hours a day. In some cases I'm gone all night long. They could invite over the jumpoff and as long as she's gone by 7am I would never know. I also been told I don't know when to shut up but I don't agree with that one.

    • getaclue

      Clearly you work too much to date successfully, and that's an issue if you'd like to have a man in your life. Bigger than that for me though is that you've been told you don't know when to shut up but "don't agree with that one". Why would someone lie to you about that? Speaking as a man, that is a major turnoff, just as big as never having time for the other person in the relationship.

  • Drew

    Another reason…you are addicted to BS.

    The in-shape college educated man that approaches you with his name and a compliment is disqualified because he didnt come up with the most original pick up line in the world.

    Or the women that go to clubs and refuse to accept a dance with anyone that asks, "would you like to dance?" because that line is boring. (Its a night club sweetie)

    Now the guy with five kids, smelling like weed…that pick up line was awesome! Sure, lets try to make it work!

    I'm not saying date every boring guy that approaches you, but look a little deeper honey.

    • BBGibbous


      I promise to agree to a date with the first in-shape college educated black (or any) man that approaches me with his name and a handshake !!! Compliment not required! All I get is hey baby, are you married? Do you want to be? Do you have a man?

      What ever happened to conversation? "Hi, how are you? My name is . . . "

    • Nki

      You are so right lol…but there are us women who don't care as long as you come correct. Meaning don't come to me with weed breathe or clothes, pants hanging off your butt, just thugged out or looking at our breats or hips and not our faces. I'll dance with if you, sure will. lol

  • anon

    Black women need to stop pretending that they are not marrying white men by choice. 99 percent of white men have no interest in a serious relationship with a black woman. Check out the 2010 census numbers.

    • Shay-Hey

      i don't know where you are, but the non-black are scooping up the sistas where i am.

      • Guest7201

        99% is hyperbolic. Some white guys don't date black women, but plenty do. And even if only 10% of white guys were into black girls, that's still like 10 million guys.

        • getaclue

          Now what percentage of that hypothetical 10 percent would be acceptable to the black women who would be open to dating white guys? And there's the problem. Very few of those white men would be the type of men, race aside, who those black women would be interested in. Not every white man interested in black women is Robert DeNiro.

  • fvbv

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    My boyfriend and i , .we met at M ixed Sin gle. C óM — 😉 ;).
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  • guest

    Most black women are only interested in thugs or white boys. An educated brother with values has no choice but to go outside his race.

    • wise one


      most black women don't date out , they have a BMOP, Black Man Only Policy.the ones that do date out do so because the educated brothers are either dating out exclusively or too busy racking up their numbers and don't want to be in relationships, try again sir.

      • wise one

        couldn't have said it better myself!!

    • Nki

      you sound sad…don't give up you will find what you're looking for though.

    • BigMitch

      go outside of America find you a good woman and chill with her……. that's real talk

    • P Man

      That's just as bad as the bitter black women who generalize black men. don't generalize like that.

  • Marsha

    I'm a female baby boommer also and have found myself unexpectantly single. None and I do mean none of my friends are sedentary, 50 pounds overweight (though certain body parts have fallen a bit), revolve their lives around grandchildren and church.

  • Almost Doesn’t Count

    My waist is small. I don’t have a spare tire. Now maybe you are used to seeing women my height and weight with bellies and muffin tops but I’m not one of those.

  • LJJ

    #10 has so many undertones to it talk about a way to say what you want tos ay without saying it- #10 is aperfect example. I'm not sure articles like this are any better than the dooms day articles with the stats that black women wont ever get a man. I never see any of these list for men…..

  • Chieflonghairs

    This has been true for sure but by no means absolute.

  • Chieflonghair

    I definitively agree with you Miss Underwood, especially with numbers 1, 5, and 11. Regarding reason number 1, it is good that there are women who are not apathetic toward education but some must realize that they are not there to be a mother but as a lover and a partner. Regarding reason number 5, I have a Korean father and a African American mother and as a result of their teachings I have learned that if you intentionally limit yourself in anything, you leave yourself vulnerable. This vulnerability could mean you miss love that would matter and could foster unwarranted hatred. As for number 11, look at your life and how you live it. If you can not take care of something as important as your body, how do you expect to avoid preventable things such as heart disease and diabetes. Same thing for your education, doesn't matter what you want to do in life education will only help. Street smarts are necessary but not enough in this world. "Have something more than material things or social accomplishments" Show that you can handle the journey of life not just the "high points" and rewards, this is what real men look for.

    • wise one

      very good points!

  • Almost Doesn’t Count

    I would loooove to see all these people on here talking about being 5’10” and 165lbs is fat or borderline fat. That is not fat. But I guess if you live your life based off of your BMI then it all makes sense. Truth be told, if you want to use BMI as the standard, pretty much the whole damn country: white, black, Hispanic, Asian, male and/or female and anything in between are all fat or almost fat. Some people carry their weight better than others and the fact that y’all can sit up here and deem somebody fat because they’re 5’10” and 160/165lbs is pathetic.

    • confused guy

      im a male, 5'10" and 170lbs. i know that females have a higher percentage of fat in their bodies, naturally, but it just weirds you out physiologically if youre dating a girl with a larger waist than you. its just not what your chemical/god/whatever you believe nature told you to look for as a male. its not fat but its far from any sort of athletic norm.

  • Alicia

    Ok, so what if none of these apply? I'm not ugly (so I'm told), fat, bitter, lazy, or unrealistic. I have a great relationship with my father, and genuinely like men. I've been divorced for almost 10 years and raising my daughter on my own. While I'm on the dark side of 40, I would like to still have more children. I'm open, honest, active, attractive, good cook, loving, kind to kids and animals. I'm trusting the creator has me in the right time and place and living my life to the fullest WITHOUT a man in my life. But let's be honest, where the hell are the men that actually want a good woman like me?

    • P Man

      That's what a lot of good, hardworking, intelligent black men who live right want to know about their female counterparts. They're out there are so are good black men.

  • Leah

    i'm single but not by choice 🙁

    Life is so unfair. gave all my friends their boyfriends/boy toys while i'm all alone

  • Deja Vu

    How about single women are single because they have othr things to worry about or they choose to be single! this is total sexism!!!

    • getaclue

      If single black women have other things to worry about, why are they constantly crying about being single then? You talk about how there's no articles about single black men, but have you considered for one moment that this is because we're not going to the media crying about being single? If you all chose to be single, Steve Harvey wouldn't be selling books right now.

      • P Man

        thank you getaclue!

  • Deja Vu

    This article pisses me off! why is it that there are always articles on why black women are angry or single or blah blah. What about the world of black men! when will there be an article on their dating habits and why they end up alone at the end of their lives. geez this is such sexism!!! How about alot of black women are single becasue a lot of black men are in jail or not in school or gay or well just not on our level or how in many states there are 10-12 women to every 1 man!!! how about that!

    • getaclue

      How many black women are single because a lot of black men are NOT IN SCHOOL? I ask because we all know there are whole bunch of black women who are high school dropouts, so I tend to doubt black males not being in school is a reason for any black woman being single. And would you please define "not on our level"? I ask because the women I just mentioned for instance usually deal with men who are on their level educationally and financially, but want a more educated and financially successful man despite still being at a lower level. And this isn't a rare situation, which you'll acknowledge if you're honest. So again, it comes down to the same old black women refusing to acknowledge the truth… Many of you are single because you don't recognize a man when you see one and/or don't know how to treat one when you have him. Cased closed.

  • Thanos

    Great article. #10 is thrreal deal killer since many women feel that having a good job and an education should be enough for a man to want them. Here's an important #11. Learn how to accept criticism without getting defensive. I voiced some of these same points on a Black male/female dating forum and the moderator(a woman) booted me off of the forum for being a Woman Hater!! That couldn't be further from the truth but some women can't handle the truth.

    • bbGibbous

      Why would you critisize? That is surely not the sign of a healthy relationship. Who are you to critisize? What makes you more knowledgable, smarter, better etc.? Critisim is never healthy, however, expresing your concerns about . . . is much more reasonable and acceptable.

    • The thing is are u really being constructive or are you being mean. Trust there have been some really mean ignorant and racist comments on here and people swear it is constructive.

  • Redbonelicious

    Its a lot more simple than this list. There isnt to many relationship material to work with out there. Thats basically it so I stay single and happy.

  • london

    And what if neither of the 10 applies to me…where am I going wrong?

    • africanviolet


  • Fat people deserve love. Just because a person's big, doesn't mean they deserve less. Everyone is entitled to their preferences, but you can have that without disrespected others.

    • Thanos

      Sorry but no one deserves love. Love is something you have to earn and work for. Its not an automatic that everyone is entitled to. That's fairy tale thinking.

      • I'm not saying you don't have to work for love – that's far from the case. I think you're misunderstanding where I'm coming from.

  • Cookiepuss

    I liked this article better when it was written just last week by Tracy McMillan for the Huffington Post! ARE YOU SERIOUSLY SO HARD UP FOR IDEAS THAT YOU NEED TO STEAL? Disgraceful.

    Ladies,if you want to read some hard (and debatable) truths from a REAL writer with actual talent and the integrity to write her unique ideas in a less than hospitable environment. check out Miss Tracy. I hated to admit that I saw some of myself there.

    This is beyond shameful; it's criminal

    • Nki

      You are right this other article is right on, thanks.

  • Most women are single cause they havent found their match as men havent. Some have these unrealistic standards that are impossible to keep. For example, you cant be 200 plus pounds and expect your man to have a six pack.

  • Sabrina

    Oh and by the way there's no need to prove this list does not apply to you. Telling the author how she's wrong defeats the purpose. If this is not you it's not you, that does not make the article invalid. Some of you need to stop tripping and not take it personal. Again….look in the mirror she said.

  • Sabrina

    I think there is one more missing or maybe I am just not seeing it and that's "You are dating men who are unavailable" by unavailable I mean he is not interested in you the way you deserve or not on the same wave length emotionally physically or in some other way but you still see him; he does not have the same interest as you but you still see him, he's married but 'separated' but you still see him, he has three kids by two different women 'but you still see him'. The list goes on and on and on. We settle. Well not me. I married my best friend. But I am surrounded by single women who really don't make good choices. I mean it's fine at 25 to miss the mark but damn by 35 you should no better.

  • Zoe

    Go to THERAPY! You are having a nervous breakdown. Your ranting is not insulting, it sounds like the delusions of a schizophrenic. Check yourself into the ER or book an appointment with a therapist. Your situation sounds dire.

  • Derisive One

    @honey: okay, alright already we get your point. You’re ashamed of black/African heritage. That’s no reason to get on MadameNoire and berate black woman because NEWSFLASH: You are one us too. Whether you like it or not. So, your mom is white. Good for you, but rest assured if a group of white folks decided to start lynching “n_ggers” you’d be lynched too. They don’t care that your mother is white, they’re not going to take the time to figure all that out. As bad as your on here talking about Black women, at the end of the day: You are one. And you’re proving your own point by some of the ignorant comments you’ve written. I know you wish you didn’t have the black/African blood coursing through your veins but fact is, you do. I wish you were white too. Then you wouldn’t be just another self-hating mixed girl with color issues who thinks she’s better just because her mammy is white.

  • honey

    This is the list BW should use.

    Gabrielle Union
    Kelly Rowland
    Naomi Campell
    Garcelle Beuvias
    NatuarI Naughton
    Rashida and Malika from Keeping up with Kardashian
    India Arie
    Laren Hill
    Rutina Wesley
    Lil Kim
    Sherri Shepard

    How comes BW never use these women, when it comes to beauty? Why do they hide behind Halle and Kat Graham.? You never see BM truing to claim Derek Jeter ot Kiris Humphries, but BW would if they were female. Halle's moM IS A PURE WHITE ENLISH WOMAN FROM LIVERPOOL.

    LOL, all these women have fake hair. Not one pretty haired one in the bunch.

    • honey

      We can see why BW do not want to cling to this list. Not one woman on this list that can go head to head with a mixed chick. Even Naomi can't touch Halle or Thandie. The mixed chicks can walk around with messy hair in a ponytail and look HOT. The black women cannot be seen without buckets of weave. add Ciara to the list.

      Mixed race women are NOT black.

      • THEWIFE

        you are starting to sound like a nut… a single lonely nut at that !!!

      • caddieb

        There are plenty of BW that are natural or prefer not to wear a weave. It is simply a personal preference. I have seen ppl of all races who were beautiful on the outside, but once they opened their mouths to speak, were illiterate and irrationally diluded. Just because someone does not possess the same physical features or attributes as you does not make them any less of a person. They are simply different, as in God decided to create a multitude of individuals that compose the human race. It is unfortunate that you feel ALL black women are jealous, uneducated, disinfranchised or low-income. I have seen these flaws in women and men of ALL races. Last time i checked, no one race or ethnic group bled anything other than RED BLOOD! When its all over, your hair and skin can no more redeem you than your social economic status or education. If you are as beautiful as you have described, you must know that you are worth more than material and face-value entities. Odds are that EVERYONE has crossed paths and bloodlines with SOME foreign origin in order to produce the offspring that walk the earth today…… We are the offspring…regardless to whether or not you are willing to ACCEPT a specific part of yourself.

    • .India Irie does not wear a weave..Thank u and good night. Pretty hair or good hair is strong healthy hair usually that is not processed chemically. India Irie wins that battle.

  • honey

    Beautiful women who have a white parent….making them mixed race and NOT black women.
    Halle Berry
    Paula Patton
    Kat Graham
    Rashida Jones
    Leona Lewis
    Thandie Newton
    Rhian Benson
    Cassie ( Asian / Latin )
    Lauen London
    Claudia Jordan
    Sophie Okendo

    Beyonce mom is creole; Rihanna's dad is mixed race. BW 100% PURE use us as crutches to fight their lame fight for validation. These women are famous because they do NOT look like your everyday black woman like Ciara or Kelly Rowland.

    • honey

      All these women are considered certified beauties. With Halle being dubbed thee most beautiful in the world.

      • caddieb

        Yet with Halle Berry's fame and fortune and swelling career, she can't secure an active and stable relationship with white or black men! Beauty isn't everything. I am a huge Halle fan but sometimes looks, money and fame aren't enough to mask a person battling personal issues.

  • ironic…

    You seem to have the worst attitude of anyone that has posted so far.



      ANd you are not married.!!! hahahahahahah

      I'm black and nappy headed married to a good man for almost 19 yrs….. get a life honey!!!!

  • wise one

    too true Lyndon, too true…


    • honey

      Gabriel Aubry ( Halle's ex ) dated a mixed race woman, with fake features looking more white. He cheated on his white GF with Latin chicks and dated Kim Kardashian. He does not date black women….Just white, Latin, Armenian 7 exotica and mixed race. BW are not on the radar.


  • honey

    I feel like it is unfair and race card playing to expect white men to have to exclusively date black women, so they an avid being alone. My mom is white and NONE of the males in her family are with black women. Does not mean they are racist.

    Garcelle Beuvias and Stacey Dash are both divorced from their white men. What white men ( of substance ) are chasing them down? They both are single. According to what they say on twitter.

  • honey

    Even if black women want white men, white men may not want them. Unfortunately, that seems to be the case. I am from LA. I see more black men with black women, than I do with white men. I always see asian women and white men in LA. It is becoming an epidemic. Now that Asian women are having surgery to remove their slant eyes to look white, it is really paying off. I knew this desperate list would hide behind the white man myth. That is what BW magazine and blogs are now. Kerry Washington in in Hollyowood…..How many eligible white actors are beating on her door? yet Paris '' Sleazy '' Hilton is never single.
    Asian women are lucky. They are respected as a race and seen as Tiger moms. Of course white men will choose them after white women. BW are not respected in society.


      • Nki

        You keep on Talking , don't you…just remember what I said.

      • buyaclue

        You're not even trying to understand. Oprah is indeed respected… BY BLACK WOMEN. Connie Chung would find it easier to get a white man than Oprah, because white men view Asian women as more attractive than black women by light years. You also need to recognize the difference between white men (or men of any race) who are looking to get laid versus looking for an actual relationship. There are women of all races who have men "checking for them" because they are perceived as being "easy" relative to other races of women, but this isn't something those women should be proud of or misinterpret as a sign of being "respected".

  • love your list, wish you wrote this article

    • Whyvet

      this is plain stupid

  • #5 befuddles me. Should we be focusing on fine men regardless of color? How about we put a little less emphasis on how a man looks.

  • homie

    Everyone wants to put their 2 cents in why a female is single, when no one truly knows for sure. I would date a janitor if he had character. The ugly truth is that it's just not enough black men to go around. Why must we blame the woman? A close friend of mine said she married just to get out of the house, people settle and marry for different reasons. Who am I to judge?

  • Tracy Cousins

    Ok I think people are single cause they can't find who fits them, or wont settle for an assh#le, people don't want to respect one another these days, people are just about what looks good together and settling for not being really and truly loved and respected, and just knowing your trust will be taken for granted, it's kind of a waste of time.

  • kayla


    • honey

      But white men hold the highest status. They can judge, without being judge, by any one on their level. Even Asian men are not on the level of white men…….yet.

      White men may not be the god standard to white women, but to ethnic women, desperate to know what is like to be seen as the best ( ala white women) White MEN ARE THE GOLD STANDARD. BW in cooperate america thought working with a white man, entitled them to a relationship with white men. It has not, hence why BW are single in higher numbers than uneducated white women. A white man will NEVER Chase a BW down, in the same desperate way BM chase white women.

      Dating a white woman means you have arrived. If white man date black women… screams everything BUT success. And I don't care about Naomi Campell BF or Rob Deniro, or any other showbiz list you repeatedly bring. BW are not single because they turn down throngs of white men…………they single because throngs of men – black and white, are do not care about BW.

      A Japanese Professor said BW are least most attractive, where are the white men speaking out?

      • Wellthen

        Actually I know several that did speak against the article personally and in the blogosphere.

        You are wrong and even if your theory was right, your logic makes no sense. Even if say only 5% of White men were interested in Black women thats still a lot of White men relative to the number of Black women… because they out number Black women by several fold in this country. Women who limit their options to Black are excluding a lot of men There are also other men besides Black and White men Asian, Hispanic etc..

        At the end the day the limiting factor is Black women who limit their options by not frequenting places where interactions could occur with men that aren't all Black. I go out all the time and you don't as often see Black women in mainstream bars and lounges. I'm not pushing for interracial relationships but #5 is a very valid point.

      • Zoe

        Please go and get therapy. I am engaged to a white man, but it has nothing to do with his whiteness and everything to do with his personality. No man is the gold standard based on race, a man is a gold standard to a woman if they have mutual love and respect, and he is her biggest champion and supporter.

        I love my man, but even he will agree, on average, white men are the weirdest and most awkward of all men, hands down. I think even they will balk at being considered the gold standard.

        Well since it is important to you that white men speak out, you may want to go and look at all the white scientists that wrote articles debunking the methodology in the study. The question should be where are the BLACK men that should be speaking out to defend their mothers/sisters/aunts.

        Every single racial group prefers their own. The highest marriage out rates are Asian women, and the majority still marry Asian men. Since we are using white people as an example, if a white man wants to only marry/date a white woman, he can be considered pro-white. Being pro-white doesn't necessarily mean he is anti-black/Asian/Hispanic; it quite frankly has nothing to do with black/Asian/Hispanic women.

        I'm not sure why people are determined to cast us as victims all the time or why they feel the need to constantly seek a group of people they hate. I don't like white supremacists so I don't go to stormfront or fox news. How is this difficult to grasp?

  • honey


  • Keep it Real

    A guy like Obama rarely marries a woman who looks like Michelle. Unless you're a woman who is a 9 or 10. Which means you look and have a body like Beyonce, Christina Milian or Ashanti and strangers tell you how beautiful you are for no reason take male looks out of your list because most men probably aren't all that impressed with your looks. Above average looking women is not a positive is just not a negative. Women should replace men looks with income, career ect. YOUNG high income men with great careers who look good want bangers. Hell, even the average looking young ones want bangers.

    • Keepin' it Fake

      Wow…I think men may be more confused than women. We live in the real world not hip hop celebrity land. So average looking guys think they deserve a "banger" because they went to college and aren't dealing crack on the street (hooray!). So why can't bangers say they deserve a man with a lot of money? Men complain all the time about gold diggers and materialistic women…but play right into it.
      Contrary to what Lil Wayne may tell you it isn't all about looks and money. You mentioned nothing about character, class, shared goals and beliefs, and compatibility…things that men like Obama actually care about.

    • Zoe

      Since Obama did marry Michelle, your theory doesn't make any sense. I mean, it is not like when they met he was a 10, and she is definitely a 10 – looks, body, intelligence, personality. He is where he is today, because of her and her Chicago network.

  • craig

    I don`t know why brothers won`t just tell the truth when asking the question of why are most black women single. The main reason are that black women are fat, loud, already have kids or a kid, luv thuggs, hate good brothers etc……. But with many men the defining reasons they don`t want sisters is that most sisters are mothers already and the kids aint theirs.


  • Lis

    I'm with Brodie. The things that white men see as assertiveness and self-respect in women, black men see as being stuck-up or cold. Here's an example.
    I dated a blue collar guy (actually my preference for many years) and things were going well until he asked me for a $1000 investment in a business he wanted to start. I didn't want to say no on principle so I asked him the questions I'd ask anyone who wanted an investment from me: Can I see your business plan? Why do you think this is the right market for your product/service? Who else is investing?" I might as well have thrown him into an ice-cold shower!
    He refused to answer the questions and I refused to invest. He accused me of not having faith in him and wanting to keep him down. I couldn't not reason with him. He insisted I put my money where my mouth was. The relationship ended within days. 3 years later, he still doesn't have the business. I have my $1000 and some extra (yay, compund interest!)

    • SL23

      This is the only post I am responding to. I completely agree with everything you just said. Have a good day.

    • Jessica

      Oh my. Totally agree. Those were questions ANY financial institution would ask. They are not outlandish or unreasonable.

      This is the problem I have with the "brothers". There seems to be an entitlement when it comes to black women. Should they approach any other race, suddenly their "requirements" take a back seat. Lil' fishy if you ask me.

  • chaka1

    This was a good list. I got married at 40 because I finally dealt with some issues. This is the happiest I have ever been even when I was solely focused on my career. To quote Billy Dee Williams in Mahogany, "success is nothing without someone to share it with."

  • LovingLife

    Just because a woman is doing all these things doesn't mean that she is not open to going out. You'd be surprised if you would just ask her out. More than likely, she will say yes.

  • U junk

    Spot on article

  • Miss independent

    I don’t depend on a man to keep me happy it’s about knowing ur self worth and being a good respectable lady. There are gentleman out here but if ur trash u only attract trash. My mom taught me to go get an education be a hard worker and you’ll reap the benefits. It’s 50/50 I thank god I found my equal. It’s 2011 ladies step your game up!


    Speaking as a man in his 30's, at this point in my life, a woman has to bring more to the table than smiles & affection. I want to know that you'll take care of yourself and me too; cause I'll do the same. You can smile & say you love me all day. But if you took the time to learn how to Facebook, but can't get on that computer and pay a bill on time, or get recipe, our relationship will be cut short quick. Or if you can rearrange your schedule for a hair appointment or happy hour but can't make it to your kid's school play…deuces! A woman needs to realize that if we can do for each other, looks really won't matter in the long run. I know a few couples where looks are definitely not a priority. Cause when you know you can count on each other at anytime, that supersedes anything. And bad attitudes make any person look ugly.

    • Nki

      Well said young man, well said indeed. 🙂

  • meko

    thanks brodie. so sick of the non sense about "sisters you have bad attitudes," and "you think you're so much with your education" lets just forget the fact people don't know how to maintain relationships anymore and there are more black men in jail than in college.

    • TruthHurts

      there are not more black men in jail than in college, you dont know what the f**k you're talkign about.


    This article is Geared towards women who are this way. NOW, WHY IS THE AVERAGE NON-COLLEGE EDUCATED WOMAN SINGLE????

  • DJ1969

    That's true. In some cases, it's like what Chris Rock said " a man is as faithful as his options", meaning that if a man knows there are 5 or 6 different woman he can have, he'll take them. Some men are just career playa's and will never change (and honey it's sad to see 45, 50, and 55- year-old grown men acting like this).

    But also, there are men who will not commit until he has his stuff together. Unlike women, a lot men believe they have to have all of their ducks in row (car, education, job, house, etc…) before committing. Real men have to feel good about themselves and what they are bringing to the table before they can even begin to get serious with a woman.

  • Syreeta

    My mom says, there's a drip for every drop. Keep ya head up!


    wow kala you seem bitter, mean, and ready to fight.

    you must be single and lonely. 🙁 i do have one question. how do you know whats between the legs of a black woman????

  • HarlemWorld4eva

    LOVE IT!!!!!

    • HarlemWorld4eva

      Women these days actually want to be US. They want to work and make $$$$ to spend on themselves (which is something they think WE do) and have us home raising the kids while they "work" late screwing their long-legged boy toys. We men aren't stupid. It's quite hysterical actually.

  • TheE

    #2 should be #1, #5. You have a black men only policy. Black women have this policy and get mad because 95% of black man don't we don't care for a women race if she bad, she's bad..

  • ladyH

    what are you mixed with.. you seem to know so much about black women even down to the hair type on the coochie, u are a sick… and if u have any black in you then some of this must apply to u? crazy azz broad!

  • Lila

    I didn’t mean u kala ps congrats with ur degrees! That’s commendable unlike sum moldy peach

  • Da realest

    Peaches where’s ur date? U stay on hea. Lmfaoo

  • Lila

    Wow u negative. I’m all about positivity spread the love 🙂

    • kala

      No Im NOT negative: Just honest and seeing things for WHAT they are. I DONT want to go through life in DENIAL, like most Blacks do, its sad, wake-up and you'll want to chenge somethings too! Ugghh!! Who cares, thats ya'll, be ignant, be mamma said, whoes! I HATE to say it, BUT my white friends talk about you all day, and even Hispanics laugh and talk shyte about nyggers!!! Why??? They just got here, BUT EVEN THEY THINK YOURE SAD!!! Whatever

      • kayla

        Why are you calling black people ignorant, when your spelling in that paragraph is atrocious

  • just another guy

    Congrats!! I am also going for my engineering degree graduating next year. If only other women had the mindset of dismissing these bums maybe they would get better aspirations in life. On another I kind of do expect to meet a woman that has her own(Doctor, nurse, etc.) Why? because their are women and in your case men out there who would use you.

    • peaches

      Now you and kay-kay can be in the unemployment line together! Oh Joy!

    • kayla

      true but im not going to wait for a doctor that makes a gazillion dollars a year. as long as he has a good paying job, and a good head on his shoulders and you know the qualifications a girl is looking for in a guy then i say why not

  • Lila

    Sum ppl trust each other and actually love each other why u so mad boo?

    • peaches

      Sorry, but your man keep blowing up my phone. You know how he is, always wanting attention 😉

  • U mad? Lol ty @ Kayla . Peaches u sound single or bitter. Not everyone cheats be real. If u know how to keep em u won’t end up weepin’

    • peaches

      Shouldn't you be checking your husband's phone instead of worrying about moi?

      Go see about that, and keep kay kay on a leash.

      • kayla

        She doesn't have to because she has a man who loves her. Go fill out an application at e-harmony, there's tons of single, bitter women up there, you'll fit in nicely

  • peaches

    When you get out of school, you'll be in the unemployment line like everybody else.

    Chew on that for a bit…

    • peaches

      Hmmmmm, just another guy sounds like he need to go back to the unemployment line instead of being online. You know, I fire dudes like you for talking on the clock. Oops, you're not working are ya?

      So sad… 🙁

    • kayla

      Ok if you say so. Just know that my major is in demand and always will be. You sound bitter. It's not cute i suggest you stop

  • jen

    That's why I date outside the black race….White men

    • Mad Trucker

      Don't think by dating a white man you are escaping anything just ask Maria Shriver,Hilary Clinton

    • just another guy

      Ha as if white guys don't cheat and many are actually out to get as much punani as they can also. I truly can't stand black people with inferior mentality like yours. Black men and black women who put the white race on the pedestal are borderline pathetic and lame. BTW I have zero problem with interracial dating but one bashes its own race and uplifts another IT IS PATHETIC!!!

      • wise one

        but you gotta admit there are more white guys willing to settle down and be faithful, if not by sheer numbers alone, plus also because of the fact that they were at least taught stability because dad was and is present in the home…

        yes they cheat too, but finding a faithful one is somewhat easier than finding a faithful black man…

      • HarlemWorld4eva

        Thank you @just another guy

      • Justdon'twannadatem!

        I couldn't have said it better myself!!!

        • Justdon'twannadatem!

          @ just another Guy

      • Hope

        As a black woman I can honestly say that I have found men from all races and ethnicities attractive. But if I'm dating a man who isn't black I'm not doing it to escape black men. That's ridiculous! White men are NOT better than Black men are NOT better than Hispanic men are NOT better than… you get my point.

        Thanks just another guy.

  • jen


  • @pegg

    again there are more white women obese then black idiot … apparently other races do i see out of shape white women all day every day! and black women carry there weight alot better pathetic black men need to be exterminated

    • wise one

      if anything YOU are the idiot!!!!!!! deflecting all day everyday to avoid dealing with issues!!

  • peaches

    As if putting a ring on it will deter him from cheating on you. Congrats, but be real.

    • kayla

      sounds like your single. Quit hatin on Lila

      • peaches

        LOL I'm far from single. Just keepin' it 100.

        Just because he put a ring on it don't mean he's faithful. Marriage rarely stops infidelity, so don't fool yourself.

        Grow up before you choose to spar with me.

        • wise one

          we know, but why you hatin? jealous? can't find some way to 'trick' yours into puttin a ring on it?


          • peaches

            Never jealous, oh dumb one. LOL!

            A ring is not the be all end, especially when it comes to today's marriages.

            'Tricking' people to get with you sounds like your game 🙂 What's the going rate for you to pay someone to even piss on you?

        • kayla

          quit with the "every man in the world is a cheater" mentality. I know quite a few men who aren't like that. For example, just because there is a chance i might get into a car accident doesn't mean i wont get my license. Women with your attitude are single for a reason, True it doesn't mean 100% faithfulness, but it doesn't mean he will cheat either. why go into a marriage, already doomed for failure. Your too beautiful (i assume) of a women to be bitter.

    • Major

      You're a hater.

  • Thank god i dnt have to worry about singleness he put a ring on it

  • Daisy

    @Menissance, if you hate women so much maybe you should date men. Lets how much you have to complaing about then..

    • Nki

      @menissance, if that is your thinking then you are correct you don't hate women. Your just a user which makes you SAD and TRULY lonely. And any female that does lay with is of low self-esteem which in turns makes you preditor. Hmmm interesting.

  • #5 is the only one I think sisters should hold on to. Sisters, CONTINUE your "black man only" policy.

    • Chee

      Not when black women outnumber black men easily. Why settle for one type when there's a smorgasbord of other men out there to get to know? And why even fight another chick for the same ol' scraps when there's more to choose from?

      You're always gonna have the black women that won't date outside the race and that's fine, because it's their decision to do so, but there's plenty of sistas that don't subscribe to this 'black man only' policy.

      It would behoove black women to branch out and get in where they fit in instead of waiting for a brotha to 'act right.'

      Life is too short for all that….

    • kayla

      why, black women have no problem dating outside their race, so why not us black women. at the end of the day im attracted to black men the most. but if a white guy fits all of my criterias vs. a black guy who doesn't en im going for the white guy

  • BlackFlagg

    I think its as simple as traditional values of relationships is lost primarily among blacks! Both men and woman are too occupied with other aspects of life!

    Men are too influenced by popular culture I.e. Cars, clothes, jewels and racking up the most pu**y!

    Women are either too independent “I don’t need a man!” or very unrealistic “perfection that don’t exist!”(See no.3) Even ur dream man has flaws!

  • Maxine Johnson

    Wow! Lyndon/On Point, as a member of the target audience for this piece, who also happens to be single, I wonder what is really happening. Society, family values, education, television, what have we become and where are we headed? I know I opened my heart (and other parts) for a man I thought truly mine (self-taught, industrious, childless, etc.) only to find out after almost 2 years of "dating", all of my adoring qualities didn't equate to more than friendship with great benefits – for him. I say all of this to say, I would be denying my true feelings if I did not share how much I still ache for this person, but I realized,and only after reading his last, thoughtful text, that in freeing myself from this I could be allowing for a truer self. I say it starts with a self-love that gets paid forward. Brava Madame Noire!

    • HarlemWorld4eva

      Good for you!

  • On Point

    I have a man, so this list does not apply to me. The biggest issue in the single black female community is physical/mental health, humility, and kindness. If a single black female has all those intact, she will have no problem finding good mates.

    • Lyndon

      right on

    • jimmy

      thank you, some common sense and logic for a change

      • HarlemWorld4eva

        You are right though!

  • southern twist

    ummm whites out number blacks idiot so your going to see more fat whites! and everyone body build is bot the same you can take someone 5,2 130 and someone 5;6 150 and the taller person wear a smaller size clothing black men are so pathetic they lust for white males nuttt


    Some women are soo independent to the point that they are dating themselves. They take themselves to the movies, dinner, shopping, drinks, and etc. They brag about being independant, but dont realize that the reason they are single is because they are arleady in a commited relationship with themselves. They need to first break out of that independent menatality and become sociable before they could be on the road to meeting a lifemate.

    • LovingLife

      Just because a woman is doing all these things doesn't mean that she is not open to going out with you. She does these things because she enjoys them. Find out what she likes and then join her. You'd be surprised if you would just ask her out. More than likely, she will say yes.

      Also keep in mind that just like men, women want to be respected too. So if you are approaching her with an attitude or you are negative about what she does then she will not go out with you.

  • well………..

    Its always the fat black men that bring up the weight issues. F.Y.I half of America is overweight not just black women,its also more black men too.This weight issue is an epidemic in our country especially with our young people.Why fruits and vegetables are more expensive than half of the crap on McDonald menu is beyond me

  • jimmy

    Lol no.# 3 is rite on point. If a woman has a list 25 lines long and he has that much going on for hisself, then he'll only want a woman who is a 10+.

  • Rosanna

    Good article! I have a close friend who can't seem to figure out why she's single, but her personality is very abrasive. She could easily be described as a "man-eater". She has many, many qualities men would love to have (pretty, educated, caring, etc…) But, she can also be very negative- aggressively disagreeing with every other opinion the other person in the conversation has. Granted, she has lived a hard life, but if she would just "soften" up a little bit, you could have been lined up. Great article!

  • Intrinsic Beauty

    Actually, I have kids already so there goes your whole theory right out the window. And, in addition to going to the gym at least 3 times a week (as I stated earlier) I also have a physically demanding job so I’m not lazy nor do I over eat. Damn you are forever trying to start some shxt. Maybe you should be worried about depression and binge eating because for you to be such a “man” you are ALWAYS on madamenoire displaying bxtch tendencies. What happened to you? Were you abused by women as a child? Or are you really a woman yourself?

    • menissance

      Nope never been abused. If you goto the gym and your still 165lbs, you need to go more often. Your weight is that of a full grown man smh. Nothing I stated was a theory, those are generally true statements. Hope you know what the word "generally" means and dont respond with the word "all". Just because YOU feel what I said doesn't apply to YOU, doesn't mean it does not apply to MOST women. There is a reason why America is the most obese country in the world. Anyway, nothing I've said can be tossed out the window because its still a fact you're 10lbs away from being overweight, I never said you didn't have children, I asked if you did and if you didn't, I mentioned what you would weigh with a minimum weight gain of 40lbs. I'm not starting sh!t just because I make statements you dont agree with, that's what a debate is. It's not b!tch tendencies to disagree with you, you're just spoiled and want people to agree with whatever you say no matter how stupid like most women do for each other.

    • Nki

      @Intrinsic Beauty,chile lololololol all I could do was laugh…you are a woman after my own heart! lolol Whoa you got'em girl.

  • Intrinsic Beauty

    Ok, I know that we, as Black women (all women for that matter), come in different shapes and sizes but where do you people who claim that the majority of us are fat/obese/out of shape live? I am not claiming to know or have seen EVERY Black woman but most of the ones I see or know are in decent shape and are no fatter than anybody else. I have seen fat/obese/out of shape women in ALL races. I go to the gym at least three times a week and while I’m not in my ideal shape, I am far from fat or obese. I’m 5’10” and 165lbs. I fit in all my clothes well and I take care of my body.

    • menissance

      We live in the most obese country in the world: AMERICA. Where do you live? Your 5'10 and 165lbs? Your borderline overweight. If you gain another 9 or 10 pounds you'll be clinically overweight. How old are you? Have you had any children yet and if not, if you add a minimum of 40lbs of pregnancy weight your over 200lbs. Women put on weight from stress, depression, over-eating and being lazy. So, putting on 10lbs isn't hard for a woman being that majority of women are stresed out or depressed about something which usually they use as an excuse to go on an eating binge. So, your not far from obese or overweight, you're actually 10lbs from being overweight and 45lbs from obesity. And we all know its easier for a woman to gain weight than lose weight. Hit the gym.

      • Roe

        @menissance..You are sadly mistaken! I'm 5'10 160 myself. I am slim,and wear a size 6. Nowhere near overweight. When you are that tall, you can carry weight VERY well. "Menissance" are probably short and stumpy.

    • jimmy

      Com' ON!!! I cant believe when a see a blk woman post/say this! You can't be serious. When Im in a gym, it pisses me off that I rarely see a blk woman in there. But every other race of women and blk men are in abundance. We're talking about percentages….it would be stupid of me to answer the charge of "too many blk men being in gangs/jail" with well wm are in gangs/jail too.

      • Lisa

        Black male obesity rate – 72%. You are not in any position to judge.

        At my gym, I see black women, I don't see black men.

      • Lis

        It depends on where you live. At my gym, I see a lot of black women. Black women also may work out at Curves (a women's only gym) or exercise in non-traditional ways such as belly-dancing. I took belly-dancing for 4 weeks and it was more challenging than the circuit at my gym.
        At my gym, I'm barely on the elliptical for 15 minutes before a black guy comes over to strike up a conversation. Typically, he doesn't have anything to offer other than a fit body (no ability to converse about politics, culture, etc.)

    • Lisa

      You are not fat at all. You squarely in the normal range of BMI, a problematic metric on its own. You must be a size 4-6. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Black men (72%) are just as fat as black women (75%), they are not in any position to be criticizing anyone.

      • Thanos

        The article is about why Black women are single and the fact that you stated that 75% of Black woman are fat doesn't leave alot of attractive, slim women around. That's 3 out of every 4 Black women are fat. That's A LOT!!!
        5'10 and 165 is almost FAT unless that woman is pretty toned. I can almost guarantee she's carrying at least 30% body fat. Its not only about how much weight you're carrying. Its about the condition of that weight. A woman can be 130 and be sloppy because women hold more water and their fat tends to settle in different areas of the body than men's fat.

    • betty

      Althought I agree with mostly everythin you stated here, I have to say that i think that different races have different 'standards' for what's obese or not. In my culture (hispanic) you are not obese at your actual weight and actually a lot of men would think of you as 'ideal'. I think the black men is the same, but what would I know, am not a men. Now Asians, oriental, germans, white or the like would think you are 'really obese'. That happened to me at the doctor's office years ago and I was around 165 lbs, in a 5'6' frame. EVERYONE!, I mean, including my (white) ex though I was 'heavy' and kept urging me to lose weight. Ridiculuos, nowadays unfortunately i weight more because of illnesses and physical dissabilities due to injuries. 'Go figure', I wish I was your weight or the one I had before. So actually I think it depends on the guy or partner, and their individual race.

  • Pegg

    WEIGHT, WEIGHT, WEIGHT! My single male friends tell me that all the time. They can't stand how black women just let themselves go. They will be at the club in a outfit for a size woman under size 8 but will be a size 20. It's hard to tell black women to cross over the color lines when other races don't find it obesity attractive. If black women were more in shape they would be less single.

    • Not for anything your name is PEGG. I have never met any SLIM caucasian chick named Pegg so how in the hell are you on this website giving advice on a sister's weight and you are not one. Please look in the mirror and slap your yourself repeatedly. SISTERS CARRY THEIR WEIGHT WELL. Now kick rocks in gators and socks.

      • just another guy

        Haha you are not doing anything to prove them wrong!! Obesity is an American problem! and it is completely B.S that black women carry their weight well. If a woman is coming up with excuses such as "She carries her weight well", she knows deep inside that she is fat. I prefer a girl that is in shape, why? because I don't want to end up with a beach whale after I get married.

    • Thanos

      Pegg you have hit the nail on the head. Sisters are overweight. Its been documented in hundreds of medical journals and articles. There is an obesity epedemic in America and sadly Sisters are leading the parade. Call it the Oprah syndrome. Sisters think that if they aquire material things like homes,cars and good jobs they can balloon up in weight and still be attractive. They aren't. Sisters have brainwashed themselves into thinking that 120-140lbs is skinny and that 150-200 is fine. Sisters need to stop waiting til they are 30 pounds overweight to hit the gym. Stop making excuses for being FAT. You are not big boned. You don't have a thyroid problem. You have a fried food problem.

      • Savannah

        Oh heeeeeelllllllll naw! I am 170-180ish pounds, but can run circles around you! I dance (almost everyday of the week!), run (run track, actually!) and eat right, but i'm still the weight i am. Now, i'm not gonna say i'm ALL muscles (yes, i'm still THICK!), but i do give my all at the gym almost everyday!

        • nikkiE

          Funny, how out of shape Black women are, yet we live longer than the average Black by almost a decade. Hmmm. Interesting. I am sorry for some people 140- 150lbs is too skinny. Contrary to popular belief not everyone is meant to be that size, esp the average black woman who tends to carry 2-3 % more muscle on her body than the average white women and oftentimes have greater bone density (big bones). I am so tired of Black men wanting or thinking every Black chick should look like White starlets. Just because someone is thin doesn"t mean that they are healthy. It is frightening how high the level of eating disorders are in white communities and even more disturbing is that the rates of anorexia and bulima are increasing in the Black community as girls try to mimic the mainstream ideal. But I guess that is fine as long as they look good, right?

          I wish some Black men would think long and hard before they speak. I guarantee you most if your mothers weren't "thin" women. Yet, would you be so quick to belittle them as u are other Black women? I doubt it.

        • Athletictype

          What does "eat right" mean to you? I had a black female school me on healthy eating at the clinic by pointing to her Hostess stash on her desk. Another black female in another medical facility, a young nurse, advised me on the importance of eating meat for protein and iron and that beans won't cut it. Both were clearly overweight :-/ I would suggest the book "Fit For Life" for you. It'll change the way you see food.

      • unlsweetie

        In the best shape of my life, I was 150 lbs. I was 13 when I weighed 120 lbs. From 13-18 I exercised at least 2 hours 6 days/week as I was a dedicated athlete. While I whole-heartedly agree that obesity is a serious problem in this country (and I know personally now that I am not a dedicated athlete), bodies really do vary in shape, size, and ability. Big props to sisters who are seeing a nutritionist, going to the gym, and trying to get things straight. In the end, healthy habits are what are important, and hopefully the weight, at whatever number that is, will follow.

    • sweetee

      Really its the weight huh? Why then do I keep seeing brothers with White women who resemble Rosanne Bar and Mimi from The Drew Carey show? I get sick of hearing/seeing this bogus bullcrap. A Black Male not a Man will tell and complain about a Black womans weight and then go out and run down a land whale of a white woman and adore her big ugly ass. So for all of you with the fat, flabby, unkept sisters syndrome. Think the same thing about them whalelphants you flaunt around.

  • saywhat?

    Omg! This list is so true! Although I’m happily married I see other women tht are just like this but yet try to act like its sum1 else fault they are single. Sumtimes u have to look at urself and ask questions. It’s not always about ur claims tht men just can’t handle a strong woman. Maybe tht overly aggressive strong woman attitude is what keeps men away.

    • HarlemWorld4eva

      Thank you.

      • Kendra

        Please.. I get so tired of married women acting like they are better than single women just because they were able to snag a man. Just because you are married doesn't mean that the single woman is doing something wrong. I am single because I have met men that I thought were something and turned out to be completely different, liars, cheaters, and the like. This isn't something I knew when I dated them. I also don't take responsibility for someone's need to cheat. I could be married if I accepted this behavior and forgave him for his cheating ways like one of my "married", girlfriends did with her now past cheating husband. However I didn't want to be like her as it is too much stress to be in a relationship with someone you can't trust. Women are expected to settle and men (especially black men) are taught not to marry a woman unless she is everything on their list and they typically will not marry him unless she fulfills all of the requirements on the list. I won't settle. I have a man now who adores me however I won't be with him. Why? He has too many kids, four to be exact and I am not being a stepmother to that many children and marrying someone who has to dish out this much child support.

        It is so frustrating to see articles like this for women. Why does society place so much on us that we have to be so much just to get a man to like us and want to marry us. I DON'T EVER SEE ARTICLES ENTITLED " Why you're single" for men. It is sad that when a woman does get married she starts acting like she is better than her friends because she has a man. This is too much pressure. I can only be me and I will not jump through all these hoops trying to be perfect just to attract a man. There is nothing wrong with me. I am college educated, accomplished woman, who works out and takes care of herself, and her home. I do not fault myself for being single and there is NOTHING wrong with me.

  • Zumba Queen

    and I REFUSE to settle……..again!

  • Zumba Queen

    This is why I’m single……. because I enjoy my freedom and trust me it’s by choice!

    • Happily Single

      Yep, exactly what was mentioned on the first page of the article. If you're happily single, this article is not for you. If you're unhappily single and looking, maybe you should work on your happiness before seeking a mate, lol.

    • BigMitch

      yeah right, stop lying to yourself, NOBODY WANTS YOU !

  • so what?

    @ William. If a woman had a problem with a guy not having an education then she wouldn’t even entertain a guy who said he didn’t have one. It would end before it started. There would be no date(s). No one talks about a college degree that got about ten years ago, but women will talk about their CAREERS. There’s a big difference. These men aren’t bored about listening to women talking about their education, they’re intimidated by a woman who is earning more and in a better job. Face facts.

    • menissance

      Men dont care about a womans job, career or earning potential. Majority of women plan on quitting those careers to get married, have kids and stay at home wanting the man to pay all the bills because she doesn't want to work. Women have no intention of working a career until the day they die like men do. Men aren't intimidated by women with good jobs or who make more money, its women who dont want a man that makes less than they do (women date/marry up, men date/marry down). Also, majority of women with high paying jobs that aren't entertainers or famous celebs usually are fat, homely, ugly and are ball busting bossy b!tches that are a pain in the azz. They also have no time for relationships because careers have DEMANDING WORK HOURS and no man gets into a relationship to be ignored or be low on a womans priority list, especially if its his girlfriend. That would defeat the purpose of being in a relationship if a mans woman isn't accessible to him whenever he needs her to be, especially when we want sex. Sex is like food, if there isn't food in the house, we're going to wendy's. =)

      • Lisa

        Not true. It depends on a person's career. I intend to work mine until the day I die. I enjoy my career. The opportunity cost of not working is more than the cost of full time nanny for a lot of women.

        • HarlemWorld4eva


        • Lisa

          I am sorry to bust your theory, but I am very attractive. My career is important to me. Quite frankly, most educated, career-oriented black women I know are very, very attractive. Step out of the hood and see the world beyond the 10 blocks of your hood.

          • bhillboy37

            Prove you are "very attractive". You can even sign up using FB or Twitter and I know you use at least one of them.

        • camille

          what! so r u saying that all attractive/beautiful women are stay at home moms, and ugly women have jobs because they have to work because no one will take care of them? R U stupid!!!!! Surely u must be a lonely little man with no life if you believe that mess. U are only here to stir the pot and get people to respond to you, well its working, but it only proves how pathetic you are..
          And by the way, im married, i work, and you can best believe im beautiful..
          You have so many negative things to say about black women, but what do you bring to the table? you sound bitter and busted and you probably live in your mom's basement…

          • Guest

            Wanna prove your beautiful cupcake

        • revel

          What world do you live in???? There are lots of very attractive women who are also very successful and single who love their careers and don't plan to give them up totally for a family.

  • Keep it Real

    The only one they missed was baby mamma and the last one hints on apperance. But yeah, weight and taking care of yourself are also very important. Which is why dam near every physcically fit non black woman in the gym also has a degree and career.

    • Major

      Good observation. I'm not trying to wife an out of shape hood hop with a bunch of kids. I'm not saying this is every black woman but in many cities around this country this is definitely the case for a lot of black women. The same goes for men. How about that for balance?

  • monique

    dont 4get ugly. which is why im single =/

    • JAsbury


    • wise one

      i don't think you are ugly, you just need to work with what you have…

    • kayla

      Work with what you got, the worlds most weirdest people, tatted, fattest people have mates.

      you know the women who is like 500 pounds she was on the news recently she has a bf i think, if she can find someone then you can.

    • moi

      thats why i am single

      but i bet your not ugly just need maintenance

      • Monique

        i bet u look much better than me…

        trust i am ugly. guys never give me the time of day. never notice me or anything. all my friends get attention and all have boyfriends so there must be something wrong with me

        • revel

          Your comments make me so sad for you Monique. You need to set a goal for yourself and work diligently and achieve it – that will build your self esteem and more guys will be attracted to you once you understand your self worth. God loves you and I'm sure that you are a wonderful person, but you need to believe that about yourself. Keeping your appearance up will also make you feel better about yourself. A nice hairstyle, get your eyebrows waxed, a mani/pedi and a nice outfit may uplift your spirits temporarily.

  • so what?

    Number 1 is a myth! I’ve never once brought my education up unless it was asked when dating a guy. THEY always have and felt unworthy. Let’s be honest here, do you really think Jason from Walmart is going to think he’s good enough for Nicole the Georgetown graduate, CEO of whatever. Clearly if a woman has got talking to a man who isn’t as academic as she is, then his lack of education ISN’T a big deal to her. Its the man’s ego that made it an issue.

    Then you say don’t go after Barack if you aren’t a Michelle. Pity you don’t apply this logic to men but just expect women to ‘settle’.

    And I also have a problem with ‘your single because you won’t date a white man’ too. How many black women would actually turn a white man down if he was decent in every kind of way? Get your head out the clouds author! White men do not chase black women at the same rate black men chase white women and most of us DO NOT CARE.

    • William

      You do realize this is a post meant for black WOMAN right ?

      and #1 is definitely not a myth, especially when the only prove you have is that you yourself has never experienced it.

    • Lisa

      Speak for yourself. I have been on 8 dates in the last 20 days; 4 white men, 1 Hispanic, 2 Asian, and 1 black guy. I only liked 3 of them so I am going on second dates with those three. Will continue to whittle them down as the dates progress.

      The world is my oyster. I don't exclude any man that treats me well and that I have things in common with from my dating pool.

      • Hope

        Go Lisa, Go Lisa!

    • HarlemWorld4eva

      That's why I my own degrees so I never would have t deal with a chick who "thinks" her education intimidates someone. Most females go to school and come out dumber, just more MATERIALISTIC.

      • JUNIE

        UNTRUE. The Author of this Article is Only a Contributor. Contributors are average everyday people who sign up to do Articles for Websites, Blogs and so on. NOT EXPERTS on any subject. They write based on their OPINION & EXPERIENCES. ***DO NOT TAKE ADVICE or BIAS VIEWS from an Online Article. Please people….

    • datacommander

      White guys don't pursue black women because we believe that you dislike us. That's been my experience, anyway. Even though we've come a long way since the beginning of the civil rights movement, racial tension still exists.

    • SAMUEL


    • jane

      My sisters and mother married men with less education. No issue for them or us but it was more of a one size down and they had equal things going. Jason at walmart is not going to marry a woman with a masters but a guy with his own business but no degree has no issue marrying a woman with a college education. A manager with a college degree has no issue to marry a lady with a masters. A guy with a higher ranking factory job has no issue to marry a lady with an associates degree etc. Equal marries equal. The sum total of looks, income, personality, degree marries an equal sum total.
      I know several women who say they would never date white so she does not have her head in the clouds. I know white men who wanted to date them. It is true that white men do not chase black men to the same degree as black men chase white women but that is changing. Still, men tend to chase thin women more which is why asian woman are such a hot ticket. The black women the white men wanted to date were thin.

  • honestfemale

    5 never needed to be there. Which guy would seriously care that much about "rumours" about how easy your friends are?

    • HarlemWorld4eva

      Yup. Plus if all her friends are hoes at the very least she has hoe tendencies.

  • M3G

    Good article… 10 ‘on point’ observations. You reveal reasons WHY women might be single.

    My article, “I Do or D!E”, examines HOW and WHEN women term their situation. Instead of just saying “single”, you’ll hear (or see stats) “it’s complicated”, “we’re roommates”, or “f#%* these n%#!+$”… wow.

    Read more at, social/gender issues, by Megan McColla…..

  • just another guy

    Black woman aren't looking for the Barack Obama types, especially in my age range they are not. They would rather chill at the club with the lil wayne types. Why? because the Barack Obama types are just too boring! I have met a few that were not like that but the majority are.

    • Lisa

      Lil'Wayne? Gross!

    • wise one

      actually the Barack Obama types are out here chasing the bad girls, they say the good girls are cute but are…wait for it…boooooring!!!

      • just another guy

        haha maybe you do have a point, but there are certain black women who let morons run through them only to start whining later how "black males ain't issshhh", " I am done with black males" etc. etc. as if we are of the same mold. I had a girl totally passed me over a complete( hoodbooger not doing crap with his life, referring to her by the B word etc.), fast forward one year that girl wants to be with. But before I did meet a girl who prefers the Barack Obama and absolutely hates the wayne type, so yes I was generalizing a bit…..but there are a lot of girls that are like what I described.

        • wise one

          if you really are a Barack Obama-type dude what are you doing chasing a chick who is into Lil Wayne-type dudes? yes they exist no doubt about that but if you are such a smart dude go for the Michelle-type chicks…

          • bhillboy37

            My ex wife is a Dr./MD and if you would have heard her in the car the other day gushing over lil wayne you would have been embarassed for everyone involved.

    • Andrea Tee

      I actually prefer a down-to-Earth intellectual. Thugs don't even approach me, and I don't even glance their way. I was dating a professional black man that uses proper subject-verb agreement and doesn't say the n-word every other sentence. He owns two homes and is well traveled. I actually enjoyed spending time with him. BUT…. He stopped talking to me after I told him on the third date that I was not putting out. So the Obama types are not goody two shoes either. It's all about character. No offense to the brothers, but I swore them off a long time ago anyways, he just happened to be the exception. Just personal preference.

    • DARIUS


    • Fawnskin

      So it's the Lil Wayne types that are in demand in the black community??? Really??

      We don't have enough Obama types!! Educated, funny, handsome……not boring at all!

      Lil Wayne types might at best be good for "3 minutes"…but I certainly wouldn't want to have children with him…

      I want an Obama-type for the long haul!

  • number 10 is all this list needed!

    • T Jones

      … number 12: Worshiping your "Indian people hair" (weave) – what happened to your own hair. Some are put off when the learn that these hair are not only fake but once belonged to some chicks actually living on the other side of the globe. Perhaps, and only perhaps one may rather want to check out the real owners if hair is the main thing that matters!

  • seek2027

    True but i dont think there is nothing wrong with a black only policy i believe it depends on who you are and what your attracted to i see beautiful white, asian, indian, and hsipanic woman however i am only attracted to black woman

    • wise one

      it's nice that you a black man are attracted to only black women but you also have to consider that there are almost 2 million MORE black women than black men, so even if all the black men available married black women (and we know that ain't happening) who do the extra 1.8 million women left over marry?

      • seek2027

        Thats a good question i see your point

      • Savannah

        And let's not forget some of those bruthers are DL! Y'all know i'm telling the truth!

    • ladyh

      Thank u for the comment.. some people actually have racial pride and actually prefer and enjoy to date only blacks, like themselves. The answer to black women's problems is not a white man or any other race of man for that matter. If you want a black man then God will send u one when the time is right. There is someone in this world for everyone, even with the so called man shortage or not. I wish these blogs and radio shows (michael baisden) would stop trying to push interracial dating down black women's throats, everyone DOES NOT want a white man!

      • colorwhatever

        no one tells white women to marry outside white men bc most white women don't be complainin about shortage of white men, just shortage of good men! plus, NOBODY is tellin you WHO to date. its a suggestion if you're that desperate

        and as for racial pride PLEASE…. you're african AMERICAN and you're mixed. Stop it with the one drop rule…. God sends you who he WANTS to send you, not who you WANT HIM to send you.

      • sandy

        AMEN!!! LadyH


      • Guest

        I don't know why…. YOU don't get first preference. They treat us like we're the bottom of the barrel.

    • Vernita

      Keep living Girl!!! Ahahaha!

  • BeeBlonde

    True info…

    • Pasha

      i know yall hating this article..LMAO..

      ……They already sending out Free test models of iPad 2..but ONLY if you live in United States..i got 2..sent 1 to my mom house & 1 to my

    • JUNIE

      OK GREAT that's One type of Single Female. NOW WHY ARE MANY WOMEN WHO ARE THE OPPOSITE of the ones you Describe Single???? NEVER TAKE ADVICE from an Online or Newspaper Article. The People who right these Articles are Average Everyday People who Contribute to Websites. They Write Stories…..most of the time speaking from their Experiences.

      • JUNIE

        I meant WRITE these Articles.

      • bigdawgman

        I think you need to see #2 again… just sayin’.