Is That A Copy Of “Gone Girl”? 15 Items In Your Home That Terrify Men

July 7, 2015  |  
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Believe it or not, even when a man is incredibly excited to be in your home (because that means he’ll probably be in your bed) he’s still on alert. And if he comes across one or more of these items in your place, trust us when we tell you he will be terrified.

Gone Girl (Twentieth Century FOX, 2014)

The book Gone Girl

You should probably hide the Gillian Flynn novel. This book elevates the idea of framing your cheating husband for murder. There. Sorry if I spoiled it for you.

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More than one dildo

If you have one, you just need to pleasure yourself sometimes. If you have several…you probably like to use them on other people.

 

 

 

 

 

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Someone else’s baby’s pictures

Why do you have as many photos of your friend’s baby as your friend does? Biological clock ticking much?

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A million photos of your friends

A few framed pictures of you and your gal pals is typical. Seven photo albums stuffed with every single photo ever taken of you and your friends says you’re incapable of spending a moment without them.

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An incessant number of hair appliances

Hair tools are scary! They can make a burn victim out of a man.

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A cigar cutter

You probably don’t smoke cigars, so why do you have this little device that could also conveniently cut his you know what off?

 

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Unopened birth control

Um…so what are you using?

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Tons of self-help books

Oh no. These scream, “I’m still figuring out who I am, and I’m going to be all about communication and getting R-E-S-P-E-C-T!”

 

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Instructions for detoxes

He would not want to make the mistake of using your bathroom the moment one of those drinks you have had during your detox kicks in.

 

 

 

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40 pillows

“The better to smother you with my dear…”

But seriously, how can more than three pillows even be comfortable on a bed?

 

 

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A recycling bin full of wine bottles

At least be on top of taking what you want to recycle out if you’re going to guzzle wine bottles consistently. In fact, drive those bottles to the recycling plant yourself.

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A dream board

See the self-help books slide for why this might throw him off. Plus, if you have a dream board that means you still spend tons of money on magazines. Come on. We have the Internet. Be financially savvy.

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Law books

You’re not a lawyer. Why do you have books on alimony and how to negotiate a prenup?

 

 

 

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Diaries

A woman who keeps a diary may also gossip a lot. Everyone knows you tell all your friends everything you write in there anyway.

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Amazon boxes

Should the two of you get married, he can already hear the wind blowing through his empty bank account.

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