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There’s something to be said about the way a man approaches a woman.  And we’re talking about a gentleman, not any ol’ fool trying to holla at every human of the female persuasion who happens to cross his path.  Gentlemen engage women in genuine conversation.  They give compliments of a non-sexual nature.  Gentlemen wouldn’t know how to purse their lips to catcall even if they tried.  And one important thing that a gentleman doesn’t do is blatantly ignore the friend of the woman they’re trying to step to.

Bad idea.

I’ve heard the argument before that women who travel in packs with other women intimidate men.  If these women want to be approached by eligible bachelors, they’re shit out of luck.  But I don’t care if there’s a horde of book club women reading the latest novella in the Men Ain’t Shit series in the middle of Times Square surrounded by hungry pit bulls.  If a woman piques a man’s interest, he won’t let a silly little thing like a crowd (aka, a friend or two) get in his way.  I should know, I’ve witnessed this laser-focused phenomenon on two separate occasions in recent weeks.  Men lost all sense of their faculties and practically broke their necks doing double takes trying to talk to my friends.  But that doesn’t give them free license to lose their manners when they finally go in for the kill.

This is how it went down.  I was out at a social function, just a laughing and having a good time chopping it up with my friends.  At both functions, men seemingly popped up out of thin air and dove head first into our little twosome.  I would say they invited themselves into our conversation, but that would be wholly inaccurate.  It was more like a hostile takeover.  Very awkward, very surprising and very rude.  This is where that laser focus comes into play.  I imagine that from their perspective, all these men saw was a beautiful woman sitting alone looking very lonely and in need of their good company.  It’s that I-gotta-get-to-know-ya itch.  That’s cool and all because there really is something about the chase factor that fuels men, something that, to me, doesn’t quite translate when the roles are reversed and women do the chasing.  But while flattering, I’ve seen it knock men off their game and quite frankly, make them a little lazy.  This isn’t always the case, of course, but women largely like to be pursued and men largely like to pursue.

These men were clearly not trying to pursue me, and I’m definitely not hating on my friends for catching the attention of these guys.  But damn, son.  What about me?  Why would they introduce themselves solely to my friends,  carry on lengthy conversations with them as if I’m not even there, and avoid my presence entirely?  Not cool. This isn’t about needing attention or feeling left out of the picture.  Really, this is about manners.  As in, these men didn’t have any. This is where having that laser focus fails men.  A smart (and considerate) man would have engaged both of us.  Guys don’t realize they increase their odds of success by rallying the friend’s support.  And by rallying the friend’s support, I simply mean including her in the conversation. Not having her stand by the wayside looking awkward as all get out, as if she’s the one interrupting their conversation and not the other way around.  It wasn’t the job of my friends to introduce me to these guys who took the time to introduce themselves to my friends.  Nor was it my responsibility.  The onus was on them.  Not acknowledging my presence only guarantees that my friend and I will talk about these guys the second they walk away, and not in the best way.  And that, we did.

I hope rudeness isn’t a common thing nowadays in situations like these.  Could it be an issue of timing?  Maybe guys feel they have to hurry up and work their magic before the clock runs out.  Maybe when they approach a woman, they experience the male equivalent of what happens to Cinderella come midnight, so they don’t have time to chat with any woman other than the one they’re interested in? I don’t know. All I do know is that first impressions go a long way.  If men are going to holla, they better come correct and take heed if they approach a woman while she’s among friends.  Should something like this happen again, I can’t promise that I will be as polite.

 

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