Do You Settle For Less In Relationships?

May 18th, 2011 - By Erica Renee

 

You don’t feel as if he values you or your opinions, but you deal with it. He has habits that make your skin crawl at the mere thought of them. You love him, but you know that you’re no longer in love with him. The connection is gone but you’re still holding on. Why?

Although I never claim to be a relationships guru, I have been in a few relationships. Some have been better than others, and quite frankly some lasted much longer than they probably should have simply because I wasn’t ready to let go. Not only had I grown apart from my significant other, I had almost grown to even detest hearing his voice; still I stayed, at least until I absolutely couldn’t take it anymore.

Many women choose to stay in relationships that are not beneficial to them mentally, spiritually, or emotionally. Some choose to stay for financial reasons, which can be a factor, but should never be the total basis of a relationship; but other women choose to stay for reasons that they haven’t even considered because they’re not as obvious.

While reasons for staying may vary, here are a few reasons women may choose to stay in relationships.

 

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  • http://afrocentrictimes.blogspot.com pmccray

    There no such thing as a Mr. or Ms right or perfection. The one and only perfect human died on the cross a long time ago. Settling for less, in my opinion, is staying with any person for financial reasons only, suffering verbal or physical abuse, suffering an ogre, liar, adulter or a shiftless lay about just to say you have a mate. Petty issues like irritating habits can be ignored or corrected. Love is the reason you tolerate petty grievances. If that's call settling then it is what it is one persons settling can be another's perfect mate. Knowing the person you share your bed with has your back through thick and thin, motivates your dreams and loves you unconditionally this is true happiness.

  • Two Cents Worth

    So did I Finally Free! Not trying to give you advice, but give yourself some "me" time away from him and allow yourself time to reflect on the pros and cons of being with that person. If the "cons" outweigh the "pros" then you have a decision to make. I decided that the "cons" won hands down and filed for divorce. It is not easy at first (believe me), but I say a prayer every night for strength and courage to move forward to something better.

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  • miss T

    i think someone who settles is someone who is not sure of what she or he is worth ..

  • Nubian Goddess

    Love should be the final outcome of a solid relationship and not a pre-requisite for continuing a dead-end one….

    For some reason or another, we allow ourselves to get emotionally caught up in the beginning phases and find out a year or two later that they're not the one for us. We've "settled" all that time because we "loooooved" him or her. Last time I checked, love ain't never paid a bill, called in from work because of a sick child, bought a house, paid for a car, etc.

    Bottom line….We need to base our future relationships/marriages on much more than love. We need to allow ourselves time to get to know someone and let love develop on its own (if that's what will be). Women often equate love with sex, so if you are not able to distinguish the two…keep your legs closed and eyes/ears open.

  • guestBEtold

    welp i settled and got a child from it. i was single, and not happy. took only 5 months for the truth to come out but by then i was already 2 months preggo. im over 25. no prior children/marriage. college educated…say what you will…everyone is vulnerable at one point in their life. ive always considered myself strong and independent..it took meeting this low life to realize i wasn't so strong..he told me he was grimy but my our definitions where different…now he's vanished like we weren't connected at any point of these last 5 months..its sad but God gives exactly what he wants you to have ..its up to us to decide should we take it then or just wait…i would have waited…but would NEVER trade my pregnancy for anything…i'll have a lil Blessing to remind me everyday that i loved this guy obviously for a reason…wtbs..settle if YOU want to settle..its your life…

  • whycomplain

    I moved out 6 months ago and recently moved back in. I missed my family and was getting really depressed because I was so used to his attention even if it was bad. Now that I'm back I still feel that void. I can't get into the sex and he keeps throwing in my face that I left him. He said its a defense mechanism, I say its pushing me away. I still have my apt but my lease is about to be up. There are alot of issues here. I have situations with my sexuality and fighting the desire I have for women. I don't want to be a lesbian but I don't really enjoy sex with men. My son is my top priority and the thought of having him grow up with two mommies really bothers me. I'm very mixed up because I want to be a good mom and a good wife. He's always saying how hes the mom because I left my son with him and paid child support voluntarily. The prospect of being a lonely lesbain makes me settle. Its horrible I wouldn't wish my life on an enemy. I don't know what to do.

  • Ree

    Ladies please be clear there is no such man as a Mr. Right; he doesn’t exist. There is however a Mr. Right for You.

  • Zoe Skkye

    WOW the Ignorance is spreading!!! why don't you just be true to yourself and the right one for you will come along…why put yourself out there and contract some disease that you can't get rid of or have to deal with the stresses of playing games and could be potentially putting yourself in danger. It's not worth it be yourself if it's a "nice guy" than do up why hold to baggage.

  • Zoe Skkye

    Settling is waiting for the other person to change. Loving them for who you hope they will become not for who they are. You want to see the best and don't want to "give up" too soon or you think they will treat the other woman/man better than they are treating you so you wait to see. Instead of doing what's best for you you try to do the best for them still waiting for them to change, but change doesn't come. You have to first become aware that you are settling and that this is your life and ultimately it's your choice to be happy and your true happiness isn't in the power of the other person. They can't make you happy you have to choose to be happy and if you can't be happy w/ them then why waste anymore time??

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