Arnold “the Governator” Schwarzenegger has been a hot topic as of late because he and his wife Maria Shriver of 25 years announced they were separating. What people didn’t find out until today was that their separation and her subsequent move out of the family mansion was because Arnold fathered a love child with a woman on their household staff.
Whoa this takes us back to Cheating down but it’s deeper than just cheating, this is about the psychology of affairs and why married men have unprotected sex with their lovers. Notice I call them lovers and not mistresses.
Now ladies the rest of this article will be pure barber shop philosophy, doesn’t mean it’s right just letting you know the source of our shenanigans. Barbershops all over America are ripe with sayings like “now why would he raw that” or “damn, he gon just mess up that Kennedy money” but no one will be surprised that a married man is cheating or that he was having unprotected sex. In fact the chorus of brothers will say 1 of 2 things, “he should have had her on the pill if he was going out like that” or “$350 could have saved him all this drama” – $350 being the cost of an abortion.
Hair salons are filled with conversations just like the Barbershop but sisters want to know a. why was he cheating with the help? And b. why was he having unprotected sex with a woman other than his wife, exposing her to STD’s? What these ladies are assuming is that The Governator and his wife were in fact having sex. Their marriage is probably very similar to the Clintons, a marriage of convenience and opportunity, more of a business deal at this point than some love fest.
Arnold’s true love was probably his mistress; this is true for many men who are in love-less relationships. A man who had been married for 20 years told me “I love my wife but I’m in love with my mistress.” They have sex with their wives but they make love to their mistresses. And as I learned from the high school kids (which is even more problematic), unprotected sex is the new way to say I love you. There’s a twisted sort of trust between people in an affair. The man takes ownership (feminists please don’t kill the messenger) of his new lover and treats her like she is the “one”. Yeah he’s married and all but that’s not love, she doesn’t make him feel the way his mistress makes him feel so he treats the mistress like he would his wife; gifts, vacations and unprotected sex.
The problem of the mistress/lover ideal is that the mistress is like a part time job; oh it’s great for 3-4 hours but what about the 16-hour days you spend with your significant other. Similar to Mike from “Why Did I Get Married”, he thought his mistress was all that until she became his main woman and he realized how half-assed she was, not half the woman Jill Scott was.
Please note that I am not condoning married men having unprotected sex in their affairs. I’m merely exposing you to the logic that helps them do it.