The Arnold Factor: Why Married Men Have Unprotected Sex With The Mistress

May 17, 2011  |  

Arnold “the Governator” Schwarzenegger has been a hot topic as of late because he and his wife Maria Shriver of 25 years announced they were separating. What people didn’t find out until today was that their separation and her subsequent move out of the family mansion was because Arnold fathered a love child with a woman on their household staff.

Whoa this takes us back to Cheating down but it’s deeper than just cheating, this is about the psychology of affairs and why married men have unprotected sex with their lovers. Notice I call them lovers and not mistresses.

Now ladies the rest of this article will be pure barber shop philosophy, doesn’t mean it’s right just letting you know the source of our shenanigans. Barbershops all over America are ripe with sayings like “now why would he raw that” or “damn, he gon just mess up that Kennedy money” but no one will be surprised that a married man is cheating or that he was having unprotected sex. In fact the chorus of brothers will say 1 of 2 things, “he should have had her on the pill if he was going out like that” or “$350 could have saved him all this drama” – $350 being the cost of an abortion.

Hair salons are filled with conversations just like the Barbershop but sisters want to know a. why was he cheating with the help? And b. why was he having unprotected sex with a woman other than his wife, exposing her to STD’s? What these ladies are assuming is that The Governator and his wife were in fact having sex. Their marriage is probably very similar to the Clintons, a marriage of convenience and opportunity, more of a business deal at this point than some love fest.

Arnold’s true love was probably his mistress; this is true for many men who are in love-less relationships. A man who had been married for 20 years told me “I love my wife but I’m in love with my mistress.” They have sex with their wives but they make love to their mistresses. And as I learned from the high school kids (which is even more problematic), unprotected sex is the new way to say I love you. There’s a twisted sort of trust between people in an affair. The man takes ownership (feminists please don’t kill the messenger) of his new lover and treats her like she is the “one”. Yeah he’s married and all but that’s not love, she doesn’t make him feel the way his mistress makes him feel so he treats the mistress like he would his wife; gifts, vacations and unprotected sex.

The problem of the mistress/lover ideal is that the mistress is like a part time job; oh it’s great for 3-4 hours but what about the 16-hour days you spend with your significant other. Similar to Mike from “Why Did I Get Married”, he thought his mistress was all that until she became his main woman and he realized how half-assed she was, not half the woman Jill Scott was.

Please note that I am not condoning married men having unprotected sex in their affairs. I’m merely exposing you to the logic that helps them do it.

You can follow nativenotes on Twitter or check out his writings on Notes of This Native Son.

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  • Hopeful

    Thanks. That twists the knife right in.

  • Miss_Understood

    thanks but right now we are talking about two WHITE people and one Mexican….can we save black-bashing for the other 23 hours 59 minutes in the day?

  • seek2027

    Dang have yall seen what Maria looks like but outside of that dude was wrong for cheating on his wife and the fool didnt even think to use a condom

    • And by now I'm sure you've seen what the mistress looks like too.

      • seek2027

        Ugly as hell thats what she looks like

  • guest35

    This is obviously no comparison when Tiger had MULTIPLE partners! Plus a few of them were women of ill-repute…

    • Ninja Bob

      So, Tiger doesn't father a child with a member of his household staff, he doesn't have a woman on his payroll for over 20 years that he's boinking at the same time as his wife but his cheating is worse? Yeah, Tiger's cheating is really worse. Sleep with one or sleep with one hundred: It's still cheating if she's not your wife. "Women of ill repute"? I guess that maid boinking Arnold was a wholesome family type, huh? When white men cheat, people are concerned for the wife and the family and the guy gets a slap on the wrist. Brett Favre, Jesse James, John Edwards, Arnold, Clinton, Gary Hart, Newt Gingrich. But when a brother cheats it's the end of the world as we know it.

  • Ninja Bob

    Cheating is cheating–there's no difference. NONE. Arnie had his maid and wife pregnant at the same time–so he was hitting the maid RAW and she was in the house right with his wife and kids. So, no there weren't any diseases but the lack of respect is off the charts.

  • DJ1969

    WHAAAATTT?? I'm convinced that whoever this "NativeNote" author is young, inexperienced, and very naive and misguided. Most of his articles I have read are pure hogwash and rubbish!

    Promiscuous men like Arnold do not wrap it up because they are ONLY thinking with the head in between their legs and they are trifling and irresponsible! They do it because they only care about getting their jollies off and a condom doesn't feel as good. Plain and simple. Most women have to make a man put on a condom because usually they try to be slick and go without it. It's all about the physical and love doesn't have a damn thing to do with it.

  • phesim

    Let's keep in mind folks….there are many, many married woman having affairs as well. There are many talk show host talking about the scandalous wives who have babies and let their husbands think that it is his. As was in the case on Arnold Swatc……. The mistress/jump off/ whatever, gave her husband the impression that it was his child.

  • Ron

    Arnold was a player before and during their marraige. If she didn't know, she didn't want to know. The only love in his relationship with the maid was her love for the look of his wallet and his love for anything with a vagina.

    When daddy is banging the help in the house, I wonder if the kids ever see/hear them going at it. I bet they do.

  • Quiara

    Very simply put men (married or otherwise) with side pieces go raw BECAUSE THEY CAN! It’s not about “The One”, it’s because they can. The side pieces are ALWAYS women with self esteem issues no matter how confident or independent they claim or seem to be. Men know how to single this type of woman out and feel safe going raw coz these women aren’t getting a lot of action. Trust me, if you’ve been around the block, he will wrap that thing up and oh yes, a playa can ALWAYS tell how many times you’ve been around the block.

    It’s not about love or romance – it’s about preying on women with low self esteem and them not saying no to going raw. I was a side piece.


    • Cosign.

    • DJ1969

      Thank you! I said something similar (somehow my comments are being moderated???) Love doesn't have a thing to do with it. They do it because they are trifling and some women don't demand them to wrap it up. Some men will do to you what you allow them to. This author clearly needs more people!

    • Cynthia

      Co-sign as well…I was a side piece at one time as well, but not for long…I cut it short very quick!

  • JustSaying

    What these ladies are assuming is that The Governator and his wife were in fact having sex.
    Hmmm….the love child is 14. The youngest child with Shriver is 13. So Arnie was having producing children with both at the same time. The New York Times reports they were pregnant at the same time. And other sites have posted pictures of both the woman and the child.

  • GisforGiggles

    My first question is this, HOW CAN YOU ASSUME SO MUCH?

    " What these ladies are assuming is that The Governator and his wife were in fact having sex. Their marriage is probably very similar to the Clintons, a marriage of convenience and opportunity, more of a business deal at this point than some love fest.
    Arnold’s true love was probably his mistress; this is true for many men who are in love-less relationships."

    I'm sorry, do you actually KNOW know these people and ins and outs of their lives and relationships? Do you live in their homes, work for them, are friends with them? DO YOU ACTUALLY KNOW THEM PERSONALLY?

    Assumption is just another word for GOSSIP, because you are 'assuming' what you don't ACTUALLY know. SO before I take a single thing you have to stay seriously, stop with the assumptions and talk only to the facts. It's 2011, we're not that stupid anymore are we?

    Second, nativenotes, why do you ALWAYS write half-assed pieces for I mean really brother, I have to know, what is your point? Or your agenda? I have yet to read one of your contributions that wasn't half BS and half pyseduo-information from a perspective women supposedly should know.

    After reading many of your pieces, i feel nothing but pity of men, because I didn't know that they were that stupid, but hey the Messenger does carry the message. Just once I would love to read something from you that wasn't an half-assed.

    just a thought

  • Wendy Robin Little

    You know I agree, I love my Mr. Manc**k (aka MCK-other one) than I love my Other half. When I make love with my Mr. MCKOther Man it i ssooooooooo good I can cry, but with my other half – I can go to sleep – I hate doing it and I want to hurry it up and go to sleep, pillow over face and everything.

    You men, women are just the same we just dont have to talk about to feel BIG!

  • burriti

    I would like to interview the mistress. What was she thinking? Do you really think he will leave her for you?

  • Cocoa

    I don’t completely agree w/the whole “I’m gonna hit my side piece raw dog to say i love her”. This article sounds like it was written by a chick to justify a man’s actions.

  • homie

    I'm a single woman and a coworker who is married, told
    me to leave single men alone and get a married man.
    I'm often very insulted when a married man hits on me.
    I want to be the main woman not the simple side peice.
    Also if he's cheating what makes me so SPECIAL?

  • wtfff

    Is this some sad excuse to cheat? So noboy is asking “how could he cheat on his wife???” People are a$$ backwards

  • Country Chik

    I meant to say male ……

  • Country Chik

    ok FYBER, how does the mail psyche work?

    • AFVetgrrl84

      Opportunity, thinking he can get away with it and forbidden ASS. It's not rocket science…

  • hmm

    i actually think the author makes some good points, and a lot of it probably explains the thinking that goes in these men (AND WOMEN'S) head. But I just hope these people would work on their marriages more, or at least be honest with the other partner. Just be HONEST and say you're not happy, and when you say it, give your spouse a chance to work on the issues in the marriage.

    But Arnie has some HUGE bizalls, how this man ran for a political office, did interviews, etc. with this kind of secret is BEYOND me.

    • internalbeauty

      me too!

    • Guest35

      the woman was married at the time and passed the child off as her husbanbd's


    did a man or woman write this article? either way, you are looking into it way too deep. You think men are thinking "Oh she's the one and makes me feel like the one and that's why I'm going rawdog". Seriously? Sounds like some bs written so that women readers can agree with you. The male psyche doesn't work like that.

  • real talk

    Maria should have put a proviso in her pre-nup – if you cheat and father a child out of wedlock – no $$$$ when we divorce. Also, you'll pay my lawyer's fee and give up all rights to the marital home. I forgot, child support is a must.

    • Eugenia

      Arnold, is not worried about her money. He's worth 4.5 million, she's worth about 1.25 million if anybody should be worried it's him. Because the attorney is gonna skewer him.

      • Ken

        Eugenia, hes actually worth about $300 million and shes worth about $100 million. Theres plenty of money to go around…

  • guest

    this is a great piece….thanks for sharing and showing this perspective….I'm not condoning cheating/infidelity but your article helps to unmask the male mind as to how and why this happens and so often!

    • guest

      WTF!! how can a woman unmask the male mind?? she's never been a man and never will be!! if u cant think like a man, how the fukc can she do it??

  • @ Kells PAIN being the Operative word.