When A Queen Meets A King: Finding The Balance For Love

I always thought the term ‘independent’ for an adult woman to be silly; if you are single and living without the support of your parents, then you are independent. It’s simply a function of being an adult, not cause for a merit badge. However, the transition from “independence” to part of a couple can be somewhat challenging, especially if you are big on control. When you enter a relationship, you now have to take the thoughts and needs of two people into consideration when making both small and large decisions. Be sure that you remain true to yourself and your desires, while being willing to sacrifice when times call for it.

In a true partnership, you will soon realize the beauty of having someone who is there to help you when you need it and who cares about keeping you happy. You don’t need to take the bus out to Ikea and drag heavy bags across town on your own, nor should you feel like you gotta deal with your boss’s insulting tirades all by yourself. As a single woman, you proved that you can take care of yourself; as part of a couple, you should have a built-in support system to help you with the heavy lifting. Never feel too proud or too capable to share your burdens. You will take on some of his, so feel free to share your own.

Now, don’t get it twisted: there are men out there who don’t want an independent-minded woman and fully expect their lovers to submit. And you are more likely to encounter that with an alpha male. It is important that you know who you are and what will make you happy. If you aren’t that kind of woman, then don’t even fake the funk; you may be able to keep up the charade for a while, but when your true colors emerge, neither party will be pleased. While relationships require sacrifice, it should be reciprocal and between two parties who are equipped to do so.

If you find yourself singing Jill Scott songs as you fix your man’s breakfast and fuss over his work clothes, don’t feel like you’ve given something up. You may find that you enjoy doing these things for him. And there’s plenty of power in choosing to do something that makes YOU happy and fulfilled! A strong man and strong woman can come together and make one hell of a team!  Manage your expectations, remain authentic and be prepared to do the work that love requires.