A Marriage Proposal with No Ring?

97 comments
May 26, 2011 ‐ By The Manifesto

 

 

The female wedding ring has been the topic of many conversations in my world as of late. Considering as how I’m involved in a serious relationship at the end of my 20s, the repetition of this topic shouldn’t come as much of a surprise.

Because I have organs indicating that I am indeed male, it should also come as no big surprise that my lady and I tend not to see eye to eye on the issue of the ring’s necessity. Among the myriad discussions we’ve had on the issue was the affirmation that some women (not her) would actually consider turning a man’s proposal down if he got the wrong ring…as if settling down with one person, creating a family and walking with each other until one stops breathing should be predicated upon a stone that my cat could swallow.

It’s not in my nature to put much value in physical things, particularly things that can’t shelter me or transport me to my job, which is why I can’t relate to the importance of a pricey stone just chilling on a finger. It easy to use the old “It ain’t right to exploit dead Sierra Leoneans for blood diamonds” meme to explain why I’m not excited about spending money on diamonds; while there’s merit to that argument, the real reason for me is that I can think of countless better ways to spend several weeks’ salary.

A down payment on something big with long-term value, or even something as frivolous as a gigantic television, seems more practical to me. But I understand that, especially in a zeitgeist of wedding shows driven by the unapologetic rodomontade of otherwise regular women, all things involving the starting of a life with someone else bear a pricelessness that I’m sure I’ll never relate to.

Whenever I see women fawning over an engagement ring, in real life or in the movies, I picture them all as Cro-Magnon people captivated by a piece of rock the likes of which they’d only just discovered…no words, just grunts of fascination. I’m guessing we’ve always liked our shiny items.

So while I’m not with the fascination that comes from jewelry (the CZs left my earlobes many years ago), I get why the lady is. And, of course, I’ll get her the ring. I’m sure the accompanying grunts will make up for the lost salary. Maybe.

Do you think you would be okay with a marriage proposal without a ring?

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  • Angel

    Personally, my fiancee proposed without a ring a couple of years ago when we were fresh out of high school. We decided to wait a couple of years to see if we still wanted to get married and we do. I’m in the process of picking out a ring now, as per his request. In my case, I have a fiancee who spends a lot of money on a hobby with no financial return. Hundreds of dollars at least, per year. Allowing him to buy me the ring I want will be a small way for him to reaffirm that I am worth every penny that his hobby and other more frivolous expenses are worth.

  • Not normally materialistic

    I think woman who do not value the ”ring’ that being diamond or plain, have not experienced going without a ring altogether.  At some point, your ring has been received, whether that be your one year anniversary… whenever.  My own experience, well I have been waiting two years for the damn ring, accepted the proposal without a ring, with the thought that a ring was coming.  Some guys do not think of the importance, which is ok, but do not expect a gal to change her traditional expectations because you do not see the importance.  Isnt making your gal happy, important?  Although my guys tell me he loves me and we get on, we still have ups a downs, which also make me think – I do not have a ring, so technically I have little obligation to you.  Where is my respect?  Actions do speak louder than words and sometimes the thought and EFFORT into planning something, is more than the cost of the ring.  I can tell you now, the longer I wait and see money running out the door, the more expensive I expect this ring to be. (to be honest, I am now over the ring and find it very hard to move forward in this relationship with nothing to look forward to)  Socially it has devalued the moment of our engagement… As terrible as that sounds, it is more than what other people think, it is how I am feeling.  I have never been materialistc, but do expect that my fairy tail moment of being proposed to is not devalued for the sake of a lazy a** guy who didnt come prepared.  After this two years, I question everything we do…. just wonder if we REALLY are working towards anything or are just wasting time together, because we are comfortable.  When his ex girlfriends ask me about my ring, now THAT is embarrassing.  He is now going on a overseas trip with his brother, ‘because its the last chance they will have together to do it’..  this is not cool if you ask me.  I am torn as to where to go with this next… it eats at you.  Especially when other friends are getting engaged around you and the norm is to have a ring st some point.  You do question your worth at times… cant help it.

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  • Anna

    Like a man said in a movie, "This is why you need the ring. To seal the deal".

    I've been proposed to without the ring and guess what happened? We broke up three months later. If a man can't commit enough to get the ring, how the hell do you expect him to commit to a lifelong commitment?

  • JustSayin

    I would say yes a thousand times over! I said yes to my husband twenty-one years ago. No ring was presented. In fact, for the first five years of the marriage, neither of us wore a ring. We just knew that we wanted to build a life together. Here we are today, still going strong. We have seen people with the "big ring" who did not even last five years. The ring does not matter. Love, commitment and mutual respect are the only things that matter.

  • nolagirl

    my friend was previously married and said that she really only needs a wedding band. so an engagement ring is not a deal breaker, but a simple gold band indicating that she and he married it.
    It really depends ont he person.

  • Toni

    I think you can have an engagement with a ring. As long as he is sincere, then that's all that matters. The ring is supposed to be an outward expression of a deep commitment between two people. The ring isn't as important as the relationship between two people. What good is a million dollar ring when the marriage is falling apart or has fallen apart?

  • honestfemale

    cheap.

    so tell me, what do you see the "value" in when it comes to the woman you want to spend the rest of your life with? i agree with investing in a house, because that's shelter over your heads, and food etc. but by your reasoning a man would do anything special for his woman that costs money because buying something else that is essential would always come first.

  • nookie

    lol….

  • shlomo

    I'm a male shopping for a ring to propose. money is not the issue its just the whole process of looking for a ring that will make her happy. I know she wants a big diamond in the middle (2carats or more) and at least a carat on the band. I just get disgusted with the salesmen at the jewelry stores, the professional jewelers trying to sell me half way merchandise. I just think this engagement ring tradition is a big marketing ploy to take peoples money for a rock that is made natural from the earth. I read all the comments from the females and the males alike on this thread and feel some of your pain. I dont think its right to propose with out giving the ring since it is tradition and it shows other men that your lady is spoken for. i just wish it didnt have to be just a diamond. Maybe some of the brothers with short money can buy their lady a ruby, oynx, or some other type of gemstone.

    • JustSayin

      You know, the diamond thing is only an American tradition. In other parts of the world, in particularly Europe, the ring is usually some other type of gemstone.

  • AnotherHonestFemale

    I totally agree. If he has the finances and STILL didn't put any thought into the proposal (with a beautiful ring) then that's how your marriage is going to be. He'll never plan anything and no romantic geastures! But if you date a broke man then don't be surprised if your ring is either non-existant or fake. All the women I know who have married without a ring are no longer married. Lesson learned!

  • Moor-ena

    Let's get real women…does it REALLY MATTER?!??!?!?!??! Is the ring what really keeps the marriage together?!?!?? I am ashamed that this is a question and some women really think that his matters. Get real ladies and buy a clue. I'm not going to lie, it does anger me a bit for the fact that women base their marriage on a piece of metal on their hand and nothing that matters. How lowly we think of ourselves and values. Why is this a conversation?

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  • TYTY

    THE RING IS IMPORTANT,THOUGH MY BOYFRIEND HAS PROPOSED TO ME ON THE PHONE BUT AM STILL WAITING FOR THE PHYSICAL ONE WITH THE RING.

  • http://twitter.com/2CentTab @2CentTab

    If your gonna do it. Do it right. Save a few dollars and get something.

  • Black and proud

    A marriage proposal without a ring is like writing a check without a pen. It's the signature that seals the deal and makes it official.

  • kayla

    but my mom pawned her wedding ring because she was in desprete need for cash. No their relationship wasnt rocky, they're perfectly fine. still married to this day. The fact that they have been married for so long, the ring didn't really matter so much anymore. Even though my dad was kinda upset:lol" but he quickly got over it. But it's not so much getting wrapped up in something material it's what the ring represents,

  • sha

    no if a man intends on marrying a woman he would have planned for it. which includes getting a ring………a spree of the moment proposal or a proposal because i'm threatening to leave will not work for me. i want his proposal to be something he wanted to do not by force or some good sex.

  • kala

    PLease Come PUNCH ME IN MY THroat!!! LOL. Oh but then Your azz is going to jail>>>PRONTO

    • samazuki

      what are you, 12?

  • kala

    OH REALLY??? So, I guess WHITE WOMEN arent obsessed with the ring right!!? I guess they dont obsess about having lavish weddings??? U ARE A FOOL! LMAO. Black women are SINGLE becus DECENT man are far and few, MOST arent WORTHY to LIVE let alone MARRY!! They are SAD. ANyway, I was engaged and received a 3 carat round stone in the center and .5 on the left and right side!! HOWEVER, my white counterpart (friend) got her ring a little later than I, and ALL she did was talk about her ring and Vvs this, Color that!!! It was annoying, but she was excited!!! Her ring was just a little bit larger than mine and Ascher cut! It was beautiful. Although I was happy, my fiance wanted to give me more becus I completed him, and I made him want more out of life, so he worked it out with a jeweler to drop $10000 on a NEW ring that was Cushion cut and About 6 carats and come back to pay the rest!! Mind you my fiance knows the jeweler well and these were wholesale prices ($25000 total), I thought it was RIDICULOUS but if you can why NOT ESP at THAT PRICE???The point: I think NO RING is a budget thing and even if you have to go to Walmart is STILL shows that you care!! Doesnt the Preacher/Priest ask 4 the ring

    • kala

      Continued from above): When your in the midst of the ceremony? Thought so!! My point is this: Anyone can go to Walmart to purchase a ring to show that he cares!! I fell the ones that didnt produce anything are in the position that they can afford it, and thats cool, HOWEVER, DONT knock the men who can afford it and the women in AMERICAN CULTURE that expect it traditionally!!! Not everyone has a NO-standard, I'll take whatever swagger!! I suppose those who didnt get a ring probably didnt have a wedding either!! LOL (In my White Girl's Voice: Whatev—eeeerrrrrrrr) Next!!

      • kala

        *feel the ones
        * The ones that didnt produce anything CANT AFFORD IT

        Sorry

  • kala

    Yes they are!! I cant stand a black man anyway BUT I have to say Black WOMEN are a HUGE problem as well!! THEY HAVE NO SELF LOVE thats why ALL these NON-BLACk Women have your men

  • kala

    NO!!! if you CANT afford the RING, you DONT need to get married! Love DOES NOT CONQUER ALL IN A MARRIAGE!! The NUMBER ONE REASON FOR DIVORCE: Is Finances (Or LACK thereof), so NO NO NO!!! I suppoese THE MAJORITY of people on here posting are BLACK, and that being said, YOU RARELY get married anyway, or if you do its way less than your counterparts: SO that being said, WHY oh WHY are we going there?!!! Didnt think so!! NEXT

    • GS1

      Wow? Why are you yelling? Perpetuation to the fullests. Die lonley! Its not about the ring. Its about the vow. So If you love him and expect him to marry you, why dont you buy the ring, or split the cost?

    • pfft

      Well, my sister is married and she has no ring and you know why? Because it's part of her religion. But I guess her marriage is doomed to fail since there is no ring. What kind of logic is that? Furthermore, accepting a proposal isn't the same as getting married. It's a promise to do so in the future, and last I checked no one can see the future. So simply because a man can't afford a ring at that very moment, doesn't mean he will forever be incapable of buying one.

  • shuzha

    a ring doesn't reflect sh*t. A ring reflects golddigging and that's it!

  • jasmine

    i come from a mindset that i would rather focus on “lifetime” than “day”. meaning if a choice has to be made- we’ll have a wedding with parents at the jp in order to put a down payment on a house. we’ll forego the wedding dress to leave the 401k alone. we cant go without groceries for months on end to buy an outrageous, gaudy ring, etc…. so i can agree that some people have no concept of reality of a marriage.

    HOWEVER, to chastise a woman because she says she wants A ring is being overly simplistic. rings come in all shapes, sizes and price ranges. they come as family heirlooms. they can be upgraded. they can carry significant personal meaning. they are a legacy for your kids. they serve as a symbol that all other traditional trappings of a wedding cannot. to villianize a woman for wanting that in some form is a little exta. save that for the woman that needs a 2.5 carat princess cut, platimum band, style # 12345 from tiffany in order to say yes.

  • pfft

    My finance proposed to me with no ring and I said yes because I love him and trust him. Plus, I know if it was within his means he would give me the world. No doubt. The thing is he has been ill thus out of work. The doctors keep giving him the run around and right now we don't know what is wrong with him. Still, when he gets on his feet, I am certain he will do as he promised and get me the ring. Hell, we sit for hours sometimes looking at wedding gowns and what not on line. I guess at the end of the day it's how well you know and trust your partner. I trust him fully, so I have no doubts we'll be just fine.

    • ninotshka

      wish you and your partner all the best. Hope he gets on his feet soon. Have you tried alternative medicine as well?

  • Lis

    It depends on the situation. If my bf just learned he was going to be deployed and we had 48 hours to wed, sure. But, otherwise, not likely.
    That said, it doesn't have to be large and it doesn't have to be a diamond. I'd be happy with my birthstone.

  • sugarT

    This happened to me a few years ago and I did say "NO". Men have to realise that a woman builds up this moment in her mind because it's a big life changing decison. So when he didn't have a ring it was a huge disappointment which ultimately prompted my "NO". A relationship rarely survives a rejected proposal and we broke up a few months later. If I could do it again I would change my answer because it's not about the ring it's about the person.

  • Huh?!?

    @LTuck- you took the words right out of my mouth.

    Plus, as a black woman, I find that we are often called upon to make many sacrifices for others. Lots of time it’s to the exclusion of our own needs. I’m not at all surprised by most of us wanting to hold out for the ring. I think it’s where we draw the line (at giving up stuff). Not to mention you don’t know what it took for her just to get to the proposal phase. Statistically black women get married less than any other race/gender group in America.
    Perhaps the ring serves as a badge of honor for having beat the odd?

    • tom

      with that mentality displayed, you seriously wonder why black women get married less than other groups? Seriously?

  • wisdom

    I believe the problem is the way woman think now a days. Ladies, is not about the ring. Ladies please grow up. If a guy propose to you without a ring and you know it from the bottom of your heart that he loves you (and trust me y'all will because action speaks louder than words). Y not accept that? Fellas, I believe you should give her a ring NOT no expensive ring but something nice. I say to give her a ring because in marriage to me, a ring shows that the person is taken. Remember females we're talking LOVE here not RING. If its a ring she is all about then for get it. The only thing a diamond signifies is money and THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS MONEY. MONEY DOESN'T exist. Its just a note. Thats the reason for some many divorces…Too much pride and Greedy ruin this world!

    • kala

      Really MONEY doesnt exists? Oh Brother!!! SO I guess everyone should up and QUIT their jobs cus money doesnt exist and the banks will let us ALL live for free! Ur are a Broke Azz Buffoon

      • timothea

        you are just too dumb to understand what OP tried to say. OP wasn't referring to the materality of the money but to the value attached to it. It is just paper that makes people go crazy, too much significance attached to it, to PAPER! So, go in your little house, keep on bragging about your 10000 $ ring, independent woman and keep pretending you don't care about materialistic things. By the way, if you were a good friend you wouldn't have said ish about her in the other post. Backstabbing person!

  • BeBe

    i am very sorry,an ENGAGEMENT RING does not make a marriage.u prolly wont need one at all.It is two persons soul desicion to love each other for the rest of their lives.Some men have used enagement rings and all of the sort and still have an unsuccessful marriage.Are you ready for marriage??Are you ready to love him??Do you??…Once you say "I do" ring or not you still have to be sure you are very much ready to keep and make that commitment..

  • homie

    your so right!!!!!!!!

  • homie

    There is no way in hell!!! As a person who views money isn't the most important thing in the world, I must admit the size of my ring would matter. If you can't afford a certain size it's okay but most black women's wedding rings are so little.You don't have to have a big rock but can I at least SEE the ring?

  • MsDez

    Although I accepted my fiance's proposal sans ring, I have made it QUITE clear to him that at some point before we get married, I want and expect a rock. No rock, no wedding. It may sound shallow to some but to me, the gift of an engagement ring signifies that a woman is precious to a man, that he is willing to sacrifice to make her happy, is relatively financially stable, and values their committment. A good friend of mine was in love and married a man who gave her a CZ engagement ring. FOUR MONTHS LATER, he was unemployed, cheating, AND had given her herpes. Any man who feels that a big screen TV is a better investment than an engagement ring for his woman should probably remain single.

    • Tonya

      you are an idiot. Plain and simple. You can't even read. Did your cat write this post for you, moron? There were enough people who already stated what they consider a good investment. No one said anything about a TV, stupid. A ring is not a good investment either AND your story about your friend is pathetic, as if that would prove anything either for or against the ring!

  • LTuck

    These comments are blowing me away. I didn't know that there were men out there who didn't propose with a ring. Like, does that actually happen? Isn't is completely customary in America to propose with a ring, large or small? Since when is this something mysterious and foreign or considered to be "gold-digging". It's customary, period. In other cultures, dowries are presented or gifts are expected. Different strokes and whatnot. What's with all the vitriol and name calling?

    • kala

      THEYRE BLACK AND OBSESSED WITH SELF-HATRED!! They have NO CLUE so DONT BOTHER!!! Youre RIGHT about EVERYTHING that you posted. We WERE RAISED To expect BETTER than Them and Our parents BOUGHT each other rings, they probably came from single-parenthood homes!! SAD but TRUE

  • ep23

    My husband and I just celebrated 6 years of marriage and i did not get a ring(until 2 mos before wedding), nor did I get a proposal! So it doesn't matter about when you get the ring. Besides, my ring was stolen out of my purse when I was pregnant. It was in my purse because my hands were swollen. I have been wearing a $17 silver w/cz ring from Meijer since.

  • TCee from DC

    This is crazy!!! Why would you ask a woman to spend the rest of your lives together, to become one with another human being, share your domicile, finances, etc and NOT want to present her a token of your sincerity???? If i'm willing to give my life for this woman, I thnk that the LEAST I can do is give her something to show that love I feel. I'm not saying go broke to do it, but you do the best you can! I was 17 years old when I proposed and I spent a whopping $300.00 on the set, but it was the best I could do then (1983). 2 years ago, I spent substantially more to ask the love of my life to be with me forever, but again, it was the best i could do at the time! MAN UP FELLAS and show her and the world that you cherish her!

    • Lo14

      While 17 is young, that is very commendable. Thanks for saying this from the male perspective :)

      A woman should not place so much emphasis on the ring as it is material, however a man should not ask for a lifetime withough some kind of symbol of his commitment.

  • miss ty

    I got engaged w/o a ring. Got married with a silver band. My husband took that money and used it as a downpayment on a house. 1st yr anniversary I got my first diamond. I think some ladies itching for a ring need to really earn it first. And a diamond doesn’t mean anything. Its just a rock….now let’s not get into the issues on the diamond trade, my “socially concious” counterparts. I think we as women need to get over ourselves.

  • badmamajama

    No. I would not. If a man isn't willing to make a monetary sacrifice, how could I trust him to make other sacrifices. The ring doesn't have to be $5,000 either. If a man cannot afford an engagement ring then he needs to wait to get married.

  • uhm, ok?

    Ok, was the "f.cking" curseword really necessary? :p

  • chanel

    Not all of us let him move in, pay half the bills, take care of his existing children and maybe have a few for him, and play house. Some of us believe that a ring does not prove how much a person love's you! Me and my hubby were recent college grads with no money. I accepted his proposal without a ring. Not long after he started working he got me a ring. And we were not living together and neither one of has(d) any kids.

    • Fareed Anderson

      Why would he already have kids? Black women have low expectations

  • Chanel

    I accepted my proposal without a ring. We both just graduated, and were flat out broke. I started graduate school and he got a job. We knew we wanted to marry, and started the wedding planning immediately. After eight months, he surprised me with a beautiful ring. (that was much better than what he could afford 8 months prior) Let's just say I am very happy I waited.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Sharita-Asrealasitgets-Robertson/100002100495454 Sharita Asrealasitgets Robertson

    if your girlfriend loves you then what her cohorts think wont matter.IMO

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Sharita-Asrealasitgets-Robertson/100002100495454 Sharita Asrealasitgets Robertson

    Wow, these responses are FUNNY. I would have to say yes—because i did. And i got married WITHOUT A RING (gasp). Marriage is about so much more than a piece of jewelry. I had this same debate with this female shortly after we eloped. She had so much to say about how quietly we got married, not realizing that while im happy with the love of my life she is lonely waiting on a ring. My husband doesnt have any prior children or outrageous debt and he his college educated. He has been my best friend for years. I actually did not receive my ring until our first anniversary.

    I have been engage several times (with rings) only to realize that these guys were monsters with money as a trade off.
    It seems like the problem with most black women these days is that they are so pressed to keep up and maintain a certain appearance that they are willing to trade happiness for it. While she is waiting for someone to save up for a ring—we have purchase our home.

    • kala

      Yeah Yeah!! SOME OF US WANT THE RING AND THE HOUSE!!! I already have a home as an independent woman, and theres NOTHING wrong with a man coming to the table with SOMETHING!!! Jeeezzzz, U black women are something!! White woman NEVER have to trade off, why DO YOU think so LITTLE OF YOURSELF!!!?????

    • Lo14

      I commend you for that and agree for the most part.

      Only comment I have is….it is really not a black women issue. It's just a discussion about proposals with a ring or without. Leave race out of this one, please y'all. It's exhausting!

  • teenalyn

    How is it formal without a ring? The fact is marriage is a personal commitment AND a social status. It's all good between me and man that the proposal is "accepted" but for the general public to acknowledge that you are in fact engaged a ring is needed, sorry…it's just the truth. Prospective suitors check a woman's hand first to see if she is spoken for…married or engaged. If their's no ring, it's kind of of like playing house while the guy calls you "wifey".

    With that said, a simple band should suffice. It truly is not about money. It's a fact that when a man is in love he will find a way to protect, provide and CLAIM above all else. The whole institution is designed so that men (and women) can literally stake their claim and prove ownership (i.e. "one-ness). That's all.

    • menissance

      Most us men don't care about the ring on a womans finger. If she is fine and we want her, we're going after her. You really think wives are honoring their vows to their husbands and not fooling around as much as the men are. Your so naive. =)

      • Jann

        please, do us a favor and jump a bridge. Oh and learn how to spell you're.

        • menissance

          You want me to commit suicide. You're so heartless, evil and care nothing about human life because someone has a different opinion that you dont agree with. Do you want everyone who doesn't think like yourself to commit suicide? How shameful of you. =)

  • menissance

    @Stephano…dont you get married before checking over her finances and seeing her debt as well. If you marry, her debt is yours and YOU will be responsible for paying it off, she wont do it. Reconsider, her friends opinion of the ring shouldn't even matter and the fact that ot does shows your immaturity. You have no business getting married. You have no idea what your setting yourself up for. Research marriage, marriage problems, leading causes why WOMEN file for divorce and let me assure you, lack of money and infidelity are not the main reasons women are choosing to file for divorce. Research the cost of divorce, read up on your state laws about dividing property, dont go into this thing out of blind love and hopes of happily ever after. You wouldn't drive with a blind fold on and think you'll make it to your destination safely so dont go into marriage blindly. GET A PRENUP EVEN IF U HAVE NOTHING. Just because you have nothing now doesn't mean you wont have nothing in the future, you might win the lotto, get a new job paying very well etc. Discuss custody of future children in case of divorce. If your gonna do something dumb as marriage, dont do it on a whim, RESEARCH RESEARCH RESEARCH!

  • Telay

    I have been w/ my Husband now for 8 years and he gave me a ring some time ago, of course it wasnt what i wanted, but it means so little to me as far as validating my marraige to him. I think the reason today for so many divorces is because the woman cares more about the ring and wedding than the man himself and once he finds love in other places, all she has is that ring and the debt of that wedding. And I know my Husband VERY well, he and I have a beautiful relationship w/ our 4 children and even if he dont wear his ring for one day, i know in my heart he is very happily married and dont need a ring to prove anything, neither do i. Start worrying about the marriage itself and not materialistic things.

  • http://www.facebook.com/tgnettles Treneicia G. Nettles

    wanting a wedding ring is not equivalent to being a golddigger! i'll be okay with a simple band. if the guy wants to spend money on an expensive ring to show his love, im cool with it.

    but dont even think about proposing without a simple symbol of marriage. at least come with a temporary and cheap bubble-gum ring LOL.

    no! he may not propose without a ring.

    • menissance

      Good, so stop waiting for proposals because we're not buying sh!t to be in an institution that has a high percentage of failure and the ones who still are in their marriages are usually forced to stay because they cant afford to leave or are miserable and making the best of a bad situation.

      • http://www.facebook.com/tgnettles Treneicia G. Nettles

        bitterness is not an attractive trait.

        • menissance

          The truth is harsh not bitter. =)

  • menissance

    @ebonessence….cosign, great post =)

  • menissance

    No, thats exactly right. Women cant get a divorce if they dont get married. Women make up the majority of divorces filed, they make up the majority being paid alimony, child support, getting awarded the primary house and half of everything else and then some. Divorce court is paradise for women and hell for men and thats a fact.

  • tbaby

    Why put a price on a ring? It doesn't have to be a 5700 or even 1000 ring;it could be 59.00 its the love and the commitment behind it. If your girlfriend truly loves you and understands that you don't have a great deal of money she will accept the ring and more importantly your true commitment and love.Oh and I am a black woman so there is no confusion

  • menissance

    You women on here just keep proving my point. THANK YOU! =) FELLAZ, TAKE NOTE TO THE MENTALITY. Let these women rot, age, turn into the old lonely cat lady and either die alone or settle for the bottom of the barrel loser as a life mate who will just make her life miserable as a constant reminder of how she fu*ked up in her youth and made all the wrong decisions that got her into the situation she is in now: MISERY =)

  • HonestMale

    I bet you are not married now and you wonder why? Now laugh at that

    • menissance

      cosign @HonestMale. That is why men need to take the advice I gave in my first comment. American Women equate money and material possesions to love. They dont know what love is, they lust after what they want like men do women but women call it love so they're not ridiculed and judged like they judge us men. They do the same thing as us men do but swear when they do it, its okay because it was done in the name of love. COMPLETE BULLSH!T 100% to the 10th power smh. Get Money Fu*k B!tches, follow that motto my brothas =)

  • The Alpha and Omega

    I wonder do you sound like Kim Z because if you do, Ooooo BOYyyyyyy J/K

  • GisforGiggles

    1.) This was a SIMPLE QUESTION, so stop projecting your insecurities and judgements on others. WOW BLACK PEOPLE! It REALLY wasn't that deep a question: she's a gold-digger, she doesn't have values. WHERE WERE YA'LL WHEN THEY ASKED ABOUT THE WEDDING BAND? THAT WAS A REAL QUESTION!

    2.) EVERYONE IS DIFFERENT, and if your in a relationship with someone, YOU SHOULD KNOW WHAT THEY WANT! So if your girl wants a ring, YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT, and have it ready or on the way when you ask. If she doesn't want one, you would KNOW THAT TOO and would ask without one.

    Reading some of your responses–really BPeople; grow up. Some girls care and want a ring, and others don't. WHATEVER!

  • t_04

    Had a big 'ole ring and then upgraded to an even bigger ring, and still separated and headed to divorce. As far as I am concerned, love trumps everything. With love, I'd be fine with a plain band.

    • bigshorty

      You are experienced and wise. My former supervisor was Jewish woman who was married to a lawyer. When she got engaged she told her husband not to spend the customary "six months salary" on a ring but to put a down payment on a home. Her fiance/husband insisted on getting her a ring so she convinced him to buy a cubic zirconia ring on a nice platinum band for 250 dollars. When she came to work and told her co-workers the good news and the story of getting a cubic zirconia ring instead of a diamond ring, her primarily Black co-workers commenced to saying she should "get her diamond" and all this other nonsense. This story happened around 30 years ago and she is still wearing her cubic zirconia ring and is still married to her husband who is a successful and wealthy attorney. Her husband has since bought her numerous diamonds and other expensive things as now they can afford it, but she said she cherishes the cubic zirconia because it was what they could really afford at the start of their marriage and it is representative of a time when they both were money poor but rich in love. All the sassy sistas with the diamonds are divorced and bitter because they are more concerned about rings and marriage ceremony productions than finding a committed man. And she still lives in the house they purchased with the down payment that would have went to a genuine diamond.

      I said all that to say this…..There is nothing wrong with wanting a ring but be practical and think about what is really important in a relationship. You can lose out on a good man because he might not be able to afford "the ring" now, but a more modest symbol of his love like a plain band that t-04 speaks of.

      • http://www.glamourina.com Meaghan

        this story sweet, but also is the exception and not the rule. since he was a lawyer when he propesed, he probably couldve afforded a grandiose ring, but they had the OPTION of spending that money on a down payment or jewelry. regardless, the money was AVAILABLE. if you cant afford a ring, you probably are not financially stable enough to be merging finances with another person because you are unable to save money for a large purchase. most marriages break up because of financial reasons. it's not "gold digging" to want financial security. furthermore, all black women are not hoodrats trying to get a big rock from their financier future husband. professional, educated women with decent incomes and responsible financial habits have the RIGHT to demand the same from their mate, no matter what their color is.

        • meaghan

          story is* sweet , proposed* oopsie!

          • bigshorty

            Forget the story being sweet, the man was a lawyer with massive debt from law school and was not making money as he was inexperienced. Granted, he had the potential to make money but he was not at that stage yet, so getting a genuine diamond would have just added to his increasing debt. It was as you say, an OPTION, but was it practical and would it prove that he LOVED her anymore than the cubic ziconia? You are correct that finances are a major factor in divorce, but as the recent and current recession can attest, their is no such thing as financial "security". Many folks who are homeless and jobless did "all the right things" and are still left holding the bag.

            Your culture and history should instruct you on what is valued and important in a relationship. Black folks for too long have followed traditions that we don't understand and that don't serve us in the long term. Once again, I am not against rings as a symbol of marriage and commitment. What this post illustrates is the differing value that men and women place on what a ring means. Many women of all colors equate the monetary spending of a man as being an indicator of how much a man loves them. I agree with you Meaghan that serious financial discussions should be had and agreed upon before merging/marrying someone. Your future happiness and success will depend on it. Rings and other symbols of love will only get you so far, that stuff don't pay the bills.

  • hiswomanandlovingit

    what if he were waiting for you to pick it yourself? or hell he just didnt have the money to buy you the ring you want. i know a lot of women who would refuse a proposal because the rock isnt big enough, so why spend money twice? how about it is just not his culture to think about an engagement ring? to me these are all perfectly valid ring-less proposals.

  • TinaP

    Marriage should be about the commitment you make to one another. Not a ring. There may be reasons he cannot provide you the ring you really want. It's only jewlery. If your mate is willing to be commited professes his love to you and wants a future with you – then a ring is obsolite, as long as he signs on the dotted line – thats all that should matter. if you only exchange wedding bands at the ceremony — whats the problem. Marriage is hard work and a life time commitment. As a woman I can say at some point we need to get past tangible items and look toward building lasting relationships and strong families. A ring is just a ring. My husband and I have been married for 6 years and i tell you what when your marriage is put to the test an engagement ring is the last thing on your mind.

    • t_04

      "When your marriage is put to the test, an engagement ring is the last thing on your mind"…..Amen to that!

  • Le Sigh

    It's always a man who asks this type of question. ***Le Sigh*** Why not just realize you'll never understand women and rings and quit questioning it???? Do you really think anyone will ever give you an answer that will seem acceptable to you? Really???? You'll never wear an engagement ring so you'll never understand what wearing THAT ring means to a woman. Get over it.

    • Minka

      in case you were talking about my question, then no, I am a woman and guess what? I am wearing a simple ring without rock and that's enough. And your BS philosophy on "you'll never understand women and rings and quit questioning it" is a money grabbing attitude. It is valuable for me, yes, but it has a sentimental value, that's it. There is no other value behind wanting a ring with a rock than $$$ signs in your eyes. Period.

  • Minka

    Are we taling about a ring ring here or just a ring? Ring with rock on it? Not needed. Some kind of no flashy ring is enough.

  • Rosanna

    ONLY if it was a spur of the moment idea (for us to get engaged) and we're going ring shopping tomorrow!

  • dasia

    I can accept it. The ring means nothing, it's just something most women like to flash around.

  • t_04

    I would accept a proposal without the ring. I do expect a ring at some point soon there after, something nice that he can reasonably afford. I do not expect (or want) a man to completely drain his savings, sell off other asstes, rack up credit card debt, neglect other financial responsibilities (i.e., kids and timely payment of the mortgage and other bills) or work a second job to get it.

    • Shawn

      Now this is what I was talking about. I agree 100%. Even though we should be stable enough to afford it before the marriage,…..I would accept be okay with a great guy that just cannot afford it at the moment but is showing me every indication that he ia serious about commitment and marriage, a simple wedding on the beach with just he and I would be fine as well. Right on here!!!

  • seek2027

    I guess it depends on how much you love that person

  • Punanana

    something to laugh at and the above comment is funny..lol..
    …They already sending out Free test models of iPad 2..but ONLY if you live in United States..i got 2..sent 1 to my mom house & 1 to my dorm..lol http://ow.ly/51XEe

  • Beauty-Queen Moore

    Please remember that loving someone is about putting aside your needs to fulfill Thier needs & vice-versa. SURE A WOMAN CAN ACCEPT A PROPOSAL WITHOUT A RING, however the expectation is the ring will come later, maybe even picking it out together…. I encourage you to open your mind to the true meaning of love or else you will have MANY marital problems. YOU don't have to see the need for the symbolism that a ring represents but for a woman it is TANGIBLE confirmation. Check out this book before you marry: THE 5 LOVE LANGUAGES BY GAREY SMALLEY

    • Louis

      I agree with you. I got married to my wife of nine years without a ring. We actually picked the ring out together and it took me about 12 month to get the ring, but we are very much in love with each other. It showed me that I had a women who would be patient with me and grow with me as one. Having a ring from the start does not mean you love your spouse more or less than those who do not have one at the start. However, she knew that I loved her with all my heart and I did not want my lack of (ring) to stop me from marrying the woman of my dreams. At least I know the real reason why my wife is with me and it's "True Love".

    • Shawn

      I have this on audio and it is good, but at the same time don't they say to speak the other person's language so they can actually here you and respond to you. I hear what you are saying and even if you cannot afford it at that moment then let her know you are serious and you will get her a ring but the reality is it will take some time….don't take forever though, she will think you were not serious but being honest if you are ready to marry then you should be stable before you propose and if you are stable then her ring should not be a problem…..