A Marriage Proposal with No Ring?

May 26th, 2011 - By The Manifesto

 

 

The female wedding ring has been the topic of many conversations in my world as of late. Considering as how I’m involved in a serious relationship at the end of my 20s, the repetition of this topic shouldn’t come as much of a surprise.

Because I have organs indicating that I am indeed male, it should also come as no big surprise that my lady and I tend not to see eye to eye on the issue of the ring’s necessity. Among the myriad discussions we’ve had on the issue was the affirmation that some women (not her) would actually consider turning a man’s proposal down if he got the wrong ring…as if settling down with one person, creating a family and walking with each other until one stops breathing should be predicated upon a stone that my cat could swallow.

It’s not in my nature to put much value in physical things, particularly things that can’t shelter me or transport me to my job, which is why I can’t relate to the importance of a pricey stone just chilling on a finger. It easy to use the old “It ain’t right to exploit dead Sierra Leoneans for blood diamonds” meme to explain why I’m not excited about spending money on diamonds; while there’s merit to that argument, the real reason for me is that I can think of countless better ways to spend several weeks’ salary.

A down payment on something big with long-term value, or even something as frivolous as a gigantic television, seems more practical to me. But I understand that, especially in a zeitgeist of wedding shows driven by the unapologetic rodomontade of otherwise regular women, all things involving the starting of a life with someone else bear a pricelessness that I’m sure I’ll never relate to.

Whenever I see women fawning over an engagement ring, in real life or in the movies, I picture them all as Cro-Magnon people captivated by a piece of rock the likes of which they’d only just discovered…no words, just grunts of fascination. I’m guessing we’ve always liked our shiny items.

So while I’m not with the fascination that comes from jewelry (the CZs left my earlobes many years ago), I get why the lady is. And, of course, I’ll get her the ring. I’m sure the accompanying grunts will make up for the lost salary. Maybe.

Do you think you would be okay with a marriage proposal without a ring?

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  • Not normally materialistic

    I think woman who do not value the ”ring’ that being diamond or plain, have not experienced going without a ring altogether.  At some point, your ring has been received, whether that be your one year anniversary… whenever.  My own experience, well I have been waiting two years for the damn ring, accepted the proposal without a ring, with the thought that a ring was coming.  Some guys do not think of the importance, which is ok, but do not expect a gal to change her traditional expectations because you do not see the importance.  Isnt making your gal happy, important?  Although my guys tell me he loves me and we get on, we still have ups a downs, which also make me think – I do not have a ring, so technically I have little obligation to you.  Where is my respect?  Actions do speak louder than words and sometimes the thought and EFFORT into planning something, is more than the cost of the ring.  I can tell you now, the longer I wait and see money running out the door, the more expensive I expect this ring to be. (to be honest, I am now over the ring and find it very hard to move forward in this relationship with nothing to look forward to)  Socially it has devalued the moment of our engagement… As terrible as that sounds, it is more than what other people think, it is how I am feeling.  I have never been materialistc, but do expect that my fairy tail moment of being proposed to is not devalued for the sake of a lazy a** guy who didnt come prepared.  After this two years, I question everything we do…. just wonder if we REALLY are working towards anything or are just wasting time together, because we are comfortable.  When his ex girlfriends ask me about my ring, now THAT is embarrassing.  He is now going on a overseas trip with his brother, ‘because its the last chance they will have together to do it’..  this is not cool if you ask me.  I am torn as to where to go with this next… it eats at you.  Especially when other friends are getting engaged around you and the norm is to have a ring st some point.  You do question your worth at times… cant help it.

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  • Anna

    Like a man said in a movie, "This is why you need the ring. To seal the deal".

    I've been proposed to without the ring and guess what happened? We broke up three months later. If a man can't commit enough to get the ring, how the hell do you expect him to commit to a lifelong commitment?

  • JustSayin

    I would say yes a thousand times over! I said yes to my husband twenty-one years ago. No ring was presented. In fact, for the first five years of the marriage, neither of us wore a ring. We just knew that we wanted to build a life together. Here we are today, still going strong. We have seen people with the "big ring" who did not even last five years. The ring does not matter. Love, commitment and mutual respect are the only things that matter.

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