Three’s a Crowd! Threesomes and Their Possible Effects On Your Relationship

May 24, 2015  |  

The other day, I asked a friend of mine how she celebrated her husband’s birthday. At first she hesitated to answer, then gave a very vague response. She said, “I gave him something he’s always wanted.” Of course I asked what that was, and her sinful smirk let me know it was sexual in nature.

“I gave him a threesome,” she replied. And I was stunned. Now, I’m no prude. I think I’m pretty open when it comes to sexual fantasies. Threesomes just aren’t one of them.

Well, let me clarify – threesomes among married couples aren’t one of them.

Now I understand that couples may want to add spice to their relationship – especially if they’ve been in a long-term relationship for several years. It’s hard to get the spark back after the honeymoon stage has ended and work, kids and daily life set in. I get it. And I’m all for acting out fantasies to rekindle the fire. But adding a third party to a marriage or long-term relationship situation could be a recipe for disaster if both parties aren’t prepared for the possible consequences.

First off, my friend said the threesome involved her husband and another woman, which is a common male fantasy. But even if the third party was a man, all kinds of confusion could set in. In the case of the third party being a woman, I’d imagine that even as confident as I am in myself, my sexual prowess and my husband’s love for me, I’d wonder if he was more attracted to her or if her sex was better than mine. His “sex face” would be one I’d never be able to ‘unsee’ if he appeared to be in ecstasy while having sex with her, or if she were performing some sort of act on him. I can only speak for myself, but I can’t be the only woman on the planet who fears that jealousy would take over my entire being – even if not in that moment – but after the deed was done days, weeks…even months later.

And if the third party was a man, I’d imagine my husband would probably feel some type of way too if I seemed to enjoy the other guy’s long stroke more than his. Even if my man was secure and actually enjoyed watching me have sex with another man, I might question how much my husband loved me if he could “give me” to someone else like that. I don’t want to watch my husband have sex with another woman after we vowed to be faithful to one another, so if he had no problem allowing me to have sex with someone else, I’d think our vows meant nothing to him – which might in turn give him the idea that it would be okay to have sex outside of our marriage again…without me.

I know I may be reading too much into this whole threesome thing, but that’s exactly what this type of situation can do – make you second guess yourself. Everything that you imagined a threesome to be might be exactly as you planned it and it could be thrilling, exciting and bring you closer together. But having a threesome might also bring about some thoughts and feelings that were otherwise not a part of your healthy, happy marriage. What if you find that you’re attracted to women, or are disgusted by the thought of a woman touching you? What if your husband appears a little TOO comfortable with another man? These are visuals that I want no part of, while others might find them sexually appealing.

And if your marriage is on the rocks and you think a threesome might save it, you might want to think again. A threesome would give you both a taste of what life would be like with another person – and “new” sex might be enough to send your marriage over the edge.

All in all, I find nothing wrong with wanting to expand one’s sexual horizons and try new things in the bedroom…or any other room. And if you feel that your relationship can survive a threesome and all parties have discussed it thoroughly, then by all means do your thing. I just think you’re traveling down a slippery slope in a marriage or long-term relationship when introducing another person into your shared bed. I always envisioned marriage as a sacred entity between two people and two people only. While I can fantasize about Idris Elba, I only want my husband – even if he gave me “permission” to be with another man. That’s a hall pass I don’t want to be given…because I don’t want to give it out myself. Call me selfish. How about I dress up in an outfit and wig and you can pretend that I’m someone else instead? Fantasize all you want…with ME.

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