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When you’re in a relationship, do you take into consideration your partner’s opinions when it comes to the clothes you wear?

A young woman, who we will refer to as Pam, reached out about a small issue that turned into a big one between herself and her partner. It all started when they went out with a group of friends for drinks.

While at a lounge, enjoying the music and having a good time, this young woman and a friend pulled out their best dance moves. Nothing inappropriate, just busting the latest move or two. And while people were watching them because their dance moves were entertaining, a few men had crowded around and were paying attention to something else: Pam’s breasts.

She went to the lounge with her boyfriend in a simple maxi dress. Nothing too tight. It was a warm night, and she just wanted to be comfortable. But Pam admits that the dress showed off her chest. And at a 36 D, we’re talking about a lot of chest.

After dancing with her friend and walking back towards her boyfriend, she realized that he didn’t look very enthused by her Soul Train-esque display. He was more focused on the fact that her chest was being ogled by other men and proceeded to make a big deal out of it. According to her, he asked her if there was any way she could cover up, and when she said no since she didn’t bring a scarf or jacket, he asked her to refrain from wearing such attire when she’s out with him and his friends in the future.

Her feelings were hurt. She said that this isn’t the first time he has made mention of her clothing choices in an attempt to have her cover herself up. The two have been dating for a little over a year now, and when it gets warm, she admits that she has an affinity for tight skirts, shorts that show off a lot of leg and yes, a low-cut top or two now and then. It wasn’t an issue for other guys she dated, and it wasn’t an issue when Pam started dating this particular man, but she was now in something of a serious relationship with him, and all of a sudden it was a problem.

Even though she felt some kind of way about being quietly scolded about her clothing choices, she told him she would keep his feelings in mind. She acknowledges that the dress, in hindsight, may have been a bit much, and yes, her chesticles were on full display in front of his friends, and men at the bar.

If she was going to wear that particular dress around him again, she said she would consider putting a white T-shirt underneath it, or use a safety pin. But the fact that she has to go to such lengths just to keep him happy admittedly irritates her.

“I care about him, so I’m willing to go out with him a little more covered up, but I like what I like. I stopped taking orders about what I wear when I left home and started paying my own bills, so I’m not interested in having everything I wear get critiqued by my boyfriend. I’m worried it will be a dress today and then shorts tomorrow. I’m worried he may actually be a little insecure, and it will never be enough.”

So what is a woman to do?

I think it all depends on how you’re approached by your partner about such matters. If he sounds like he’s offering a suggestion, or better yet, just telling you how he feels about people gawking at your exposed body parts, I don’t think that’s so bad. In a relationship we need to make our feelings known in order to prevent conflict and misunderstandings down the line. And while you shouldn’t be asked to dress like a nun, you should be open to saving a little something for your significant other instead of sharing it all with the masses.

But if he’s trying to give orders and waiting for you at the door (no pun intended) every time you get dressed to go out so that he can approve your attire, he’s trying to be your father–not your partner. That screams insecure, and that’s not going to fly…

But what do you think? Is he petty for making a big deal about the clothes she wears? Or should she cover up a little when out with her man?

 

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