Madame Noire | Black Women's Lifestyle Guide | Black Hair | Black Love

I know she think I just think she some kinda hoe. I don’t give a Shyte about giving it up on the first night, that just let me know she know what she want out of life. – Andre 3000

Legend has it that if a woman gives up the goods on the first night she has eliminated herself from the potential of anything serious, do you agree? The short response to this myth is “maybe” however the real question is much more complex. Quite frankly it depends on the man, the situation and believe it or not, the woman and her feelings towards what transpired. Now there are some men who are going to say, “under no circumstances would they take such a woman seriously, and truthfully that man will end up marrying a woman whose had a ton of one night stands and conveniently tells him whatever his ego wants to hear to keep him satisfied. Now that we’ve got the narrow-minded fellas out of the way let’s have a real candid talk about “giving it up on the first night”.

At the very heart of the matter is, “is she a ho” or was our connection so strong that one thing led to another and it just happened? Something else to think about is how both parties view sex. I’ve met brothers who take Andre 3000’s approach and are thankful that women don’t waste time playing the “how long before we go there game”, because let’s be serious, a woman could wait 9 months to go all the way, and that won’t ensure her a “relationship”. Just like giving it up on the first night won’t ruin her chances. I’m not telling anyone to go out and start having indiscriminate sex with every Tom, package & Harry who makes your blood pressure rise. After all there are diseases out here and we have to be responsible with our bodies but first night sex does happen.

So obviously, for there to be a future after the first night you need a man who is not so rigid in his thinking of women that he passes judgment so quickly. You need a situation that is more than a random first encounter, endless night of drinking that ends with your panties swinging from his ceiling fan and a polite “ummm it’s late and I have to work in the morning” exit stage left conversation. You also need a woman who is secure in her judgment and her actions who can confidently say “yes we did it, no this is not the norm for me, now what?”

Now the woman who carries herself like this is her weekly Friday night activity, she’s going to fall into the myth where first night sex seals her fate of having nothing more than a few more hot & steamy nights. I had a woman tell me once, “well I just don’t want you to do me like every other guy did me and just use me for sex.” Her whole demeanor was a turn-off, which told me that she was unsure of herself and the random sex she had participated in and if she’s not sure of herself how on earth was I supposed to be.

How the situation pans out matters in the mind of the man. Was he on the prowl and ran a good game on her, which is what got him the lovin’? Or did they really have an amazing connection and neither of the two anticipated sex but as the night progressed their chemistry was undeniable so they went for it.

Whatever the case, tons of first night lovers turn into beautiful, healthy relationships but those were probably people who would have connected even if they had waited to have sex. My advice is to not go around looking for that magical first night encounter; but if it happens,I hope it’s with a man who is deserving of your love and is mature enough not to allow that chance encounter to define what the two of you can be together.