How to Disagree Without Arguing

21 comments
May 25, 2011 ‐ By L. Nicole Williams

Good communication is the key to successful relationships. How we interact with our significant others is what determines the levels of peace and happiness we experience. More than the compliments and expressions of thanks, it is the way we don’t argue that makes all of the difference.

Couples will have disagreements; we are all individuals with independent minds and unique lenses. Thus, we are bound to hit speed bumps; but, they don’t have to be ditches. That is because there are constructive ways to address contrasting opinions without sparking arguments. Disagreements are just that, they can function as a healthy means to a solution (even if it’s to agree to disagree). Arguments are generally fueled by anger and do very little to tackle the actual issue. More focus is placed on taking shots at the person and the dispute usually goes unresolved while also damaging the relationship. Disagreements are not about trying to win; they are about resolution—which is more important in a partnership than winning. Victory doesn’t come from yelling the loudest or referencing past girlfriends.

Therefore, it is important that we don’t cross certain boundaries during heated discussion. Here are some of those boundaries:

  • Attack your partner’s character
  • Throw out baseless insults
  • Focus solely on your points
  • Bring up the past
  • Assume you know what they are thinking, how they feel and ignore what they are saying
  • Cut them off

Ask yourself: How much is your partner worth to you?

Although someone can forgive you, it is impossible to take back the words you say. Hurtful arguments can damage relationships beyond emotional repair. Even during a disagreement, you should be thinking in the best interest of your partner’s feelings and your relationship. Does that mean you shouldn’t be completely honest? No, it means exercise critique with care. Express yourself with love. Stay constructive. Here’s how:

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  • Shawn

    You are right about communication but do you think he will be more willing to communicate if he is happy and does not want to lose his good thing???!!!….. I think so,….He just has not found that yet……lol

  • menissance

    I have a lot of self worth and who cares about morals in this country lol…We live in a society with the highest teen pregnancy rates on the planet, a high percentage in out of wedlock births and diseases, over half of marriages end in divorce with the couple destroying one another, usually the woman destroying the man. Majority of people cheat, lie, steal, kill and countries are constantly at war. Majority of the attractive people in the world are having premarital sex, disobeying the very beliefs they preach about every sunday and Im sure over 90% of the human population is committing a sin right now. Why on earth would you think people in general have any morals, especially in America. Snap back to reality sweetheart, this country was founded on murder, slavery, death and tyranny. We humans have had little to no morality from the very beginning, what world have you been living in or what rock do you crawl under when you want to lay your head down to sleep at night. Time to burst that fantasy bubble you women love to live in and take a long look at the world you live in, otherwise you will never be prepared for the harsh realities life has instore for most people =)

    • Shawn

      Again, you have very valid points, the first time I responded to you I had only seen that one post with you on it but now that I am looking at more post, I actually think that you have A LOT of sense,….you seem to have morals and values and are just simply a realist and most people just don't know how to take a realist (trust me I know…lol) they think we come off as rude when the reality is we just give it raw, never to intentionally hurt anyone but realizing sometimes there is only one way to say something and that is to JUST SAY IT AND IN A WAY THAT GETS THEIR ATTENTION……You don't seem to have a problem in that area…….Love the sense of humore….lol

    • Tina

      I agree with shawn comments but I just feel that you seem a little bitter. I understand being real because im the same way and people get offended by the way I express myself but there is a thin like between being real and just being bitter and it sounds like you are.

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  • wise one

    good advice!!

  • menissance

    Communication is NOT the key to successful relationships. Shutting the fu*k up and doing your role in the relationships is the key. People talk too much in relationships about sh!t thats not important and turn into mutes with all the important topics. Us men dont give a damn about 95% of the sh!t women have to say. It's meaningless bullsh!t drama about people we never met, never want to meet and could careless about whats going on in their lives as long as it doesn't effect our own. The key to a successful relationships is sex, food and money. Only thing a man and woman need to communicate about is whats for dinner, did you pay the light bill and are you on the pill/do you have a condom.

    • 20 Century Chick

      Cave man reply!!…I take it your in a happy relationship?

      • menissance

        Yes, im in happy relationships with many women. =)

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