How to Disagree Without Arguing

May 25, 2011  |  

Good communication is the key to successful relationships. How we interact with our significant others is what determines the levels of peace and happiness we experience. More than the compliments and expressions of thanks, it is the way we don’t argue that makes all of the difference.

Couples will have disagreements; we are all individuals with independent minds and unique lenses. Thus, we are bound to hit speed bumps; but, they don’t have to be ditches. That is because there are constructive ways to address contrasting opinions without sparking arguments. Disagreements are just that, they can function as a healthy means to a solution (even if it’s to agree to disagree). Arguments are generally fueled by anger and do very little to tackle the actual issue. More focus is placed on taking shots at the person and the dispute usually goes unresolved while also damaging the relationship. Disagreements are not about trying to win; they are about resolution—which is more important in a partnership than winning. Victory doesn’t come from yelling the loudest or referencing past girlfriends.

Therefore, it is important that we don’t cross certain boundaries during heated discussion. Here are some of those boundaries:

  • Attack your partner’s character
  • Throw out baseless insults
  • Focus solely on your points
  • Bring up the past
  • Assume you know what they are thinking, how they feel and ignore what they are saying
  • Cut them off

Ask yourself: How much is your partner worth to you?

Although someone can forgive you, it is impossible to take back the words you say. Hurtful arguments can damage relationships beyond emotional repair. Even during a disagreement, you should be thinking in the best interest of your partner’s feelings and your relationship. Does that mean you shouldn’t be completely honest? No, it means exercise critique with care. Express yourself with love. Stay constructive. Here’s how:

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