How Did Baby Mother and Father Relations Go So Sour?

May 6th, 2011 - By Victoria Uwumarogie

Is it just me, or are the relationships between mothers and the fathers of their children getting worse and worse?

No, I’m pretty sure it’s not just me.

Statistics made public near the end of last year by the government put out there that 72 percent of black children are born to unmarried mothers. There is nothing wrong whatsoever with being a single mother, especially if you share custody with the child’s father, allow healthy visitation, collect a reasonable amount of support for the child and most importantly, get along. You don’t have to be all buddy buddy, but you need to at least be civil to one another. We all know the petty things men and women do to one another when they are heated, and when there’s a child involved, there’s no place for all that drama. And drama is expected these days (think of when a woman dates a man with a child they always ask themselves, “am I ready for baby mama drama?”). But watching the news and reading the blogs, I’ve found hateful crimes between baby mothers and fathers, childish lawsuits and damaging language about each other played out in public. All this proves we need to know folks a lot better and a lot longer than we used to before we lay down and produce children with them–cause things are getting real ugly.

Tags:

, , , , , , , , ,
More from StyleBlazer
More from MommyNoire

Comment Disclaimer

Comments that contain profane or derogatory language, video links or exceed 200 words will require approval by a moderator before appearing in the comment section. XOXO-MN

  • ashley

    i am a socalled ‘babymama’ & i’ve been the cause of drama & have been on the recieving end. At first it was because i gave him ten yrs of my life & he gave me hell. But really it was because when he ditched me, he ditched our son & daughter & its been put out there that he’s denying our ten yr old son & blames me for the sexual abuse of our almost 9yr old daughter. He won’t pay child support but takes care of 2 kids from other relationships & he’s just hell bent on making me look bad. Being that we’re not in a very big place, our business is well known & talked about but he is kin to everyone here & i have no family in site so I not only have to raise my kids without help only recieving my son’s ssi & some snap benefits, but i suffer from bipolar disorder, have frequent anxiety attacks, & my blood pressure is in a prehypertentive state. So its not all of us mothers, though at times it can be.

  • Pingback: How Did Baby Mother and Father Relations Go So Sour?

  • Lyndon

    There is not a brotha above thirty that does not have at LEAST two women would marry him at the drop of a hat. Multiply these two women times "WHO KNOWS HOW MANY"… You and I both know men arent marrying anymore for one reason… We can get from multiple women everything we need. So there's no need to get married. This is what women fail to understand.

    • greg

      "… You and I both know men arent marrying anymore for one reason"

      Speak for yourself. My main reasons:

      Black women are GARBAGE. American women are barely better
      Black women are FEMINIST Grunt soldiers.
      The biased-in-favor-of-mothers sole custody-Family Courts.
      Black women abandoned our fathers en masse for a Hate Movement and then turn around and lie that black men are abandoning them when they have LED since the start of the feminist hate movement in the early 70's.

      Black women chose this reality and I'm going to make them suffer for their attacks on our fathers and embracing the Sexual Revolution (backfired)

  • Rastaman

    I am uncertain if you can conflate the behavior of certain "celebrity baby mamas" and other unmarried parents. A fair conclusion to make about some the women chase pro athletes seed is that they are "tricking". Too many times the babies are being used as a source of income and the women then try to financially benefit from the connection. The one theme between how those folks are behaving and the misbehavior of the regular unwed parents is the failure to "act in the best interest of the child". That is about being selfish. There are many parents who are no longer together through whatever means who do a very effective job of raising children with ex partners. They should never be tarnished by being associated with bad behaving people who use their children as an excuse to be ugly.

    When a relationship dissolves after you have both bought a child in the world, you are going to have to suck it up. If you wanted a different result you would have gone about the relationship differently. It is not about you, your wants or your needs anymore like any other parent in any other circumstance those things become secondary. Easier said than done, yes. But so is having a child.

  • Annoyed

    these advertisements are getting out of hand madame noire! but I loved the article

  • http://www.aol.com Ben

    Please can someone state where the statistic for 72 percent of black children born to unwed mothers comes from this is blatently not true and is an urban myth.54% of black women are married and 40 percent are single either in relationships cohabitating or single never been married.

    • Georgia

      Lyndon,
      BROTHER, YOU'RE ONE IN A MILLION! Seriously, you are the only BM I've really every met (online) that admits the issue is NOT one-sided, and brings it to the table. I just wanted to let you know that I appreciate your comments always, for you are one of the last REAL MEN left in this dying Black Community

      • greg

        AT LONG LAST Black men are fighting back w/ the same ugly tactics. What was that chick thinking making that man a FATHER AGAINST is will!!! Idiot. I imagine if you could make a women a mother against her will and wishes she would try to have you killed also. Duh!

        And Lyndon-
        "Black men abandoning the union of marriage (which benefits the child equally)."
        " When black men stay to groom their sons,"

        Stop it. Black women lead in divorce for four decades straight and get sole mother custody 90perc of the time. The black men aren't the ones abandoning. Black women are the ones leaving and TAKING THE KIDS. That's why they LOVE single-motherhood so much and promote it. If I could be promised custody, continue dating AND get supplemental income from the mother who's no longer a part of my family unless I say so? Pffft. Sounds like a GREAT DEAL to me (but being I have morals…). Black women THINK they slick, what goes around comes around.

        Black women can run that propaganda about men leaving all they want. The numbers blow it out the water…40 yrs straight.

        And finally Madamenoire and various other black female sites are the huge instigators of sourness btw Baby mothers and fathers. The "Essence" of it, so to speak.

        • NEWHAIR5000

          i'm pretty sure that this is innocent truth only with a different name.new flash but both parents can and often are the problem.not just the mom,there can also be the issues of the new wife/new girlfriend or new boy friend/new husband.and yes i am willing to agree with you and say some women are a complete mess and can't see their x moving on and being happier with their new spouse then they ever were with them.and it's the same for men.some men hate that they won't be around as often and it bothers them to know that another man will be doing the job,that they were suppose to do.that's how it goes in some relationships,if and when your willing to get that is no skin off my nose,men like you just love to group women together,you seem to enjoy to do that more to black women then any other race.you make it so obvious that your speaking from past experiences or from someone else.you get on sites like this one only to share how much you hate black females and their the cause for every problem that is discussed on this site.wake up and stop playing the blame game,trust me their are usually 2 sides of a story and everyone plays a part in it.so do me and the rest of the site a favor and leave,your own stupidly is making a fool out of you and it's pretty sad.

  • Pingback: How Did Baby Mother and Father Relations Go So Sour?

  • bgrl

    I have had great relationship with my ex husband. Its his son also and I would never not want him in our sons life. The only problem that seems to come up is his partners not excepting our friendship. Just as SheLaLa stated we are both constantly told its un natural to be friends. I have always opened my door to his gf’s and invited them to my house, but they come off as defensive. How is it that the mother doesn’t bring drama, but the gf does? Smh. Some blk women have got to get it together.

  • Shae’

    Good article, however, I read a lot of talk against the mother of the child and not so much the father. Such as, “when he comes over no touching etc” or “If he has a new girlfriend, girl move on.” With all that said I’ve been in a 5 year custody battle over my 6 year old son. His father after 4 years of being in and out of love with me rebounded when he wanted, to another woman that he’s now about to marry. One would think I would be the jealous and “crazy obsessed & hurt baby mama” (hate that term btw but that’s another topic) but no I AM NOT! Not to put my business out there or any personal struggle I’ve had with this man over our innocent baby but I just want to state Men can be crazy and the “Jealous baby Daddy” too. Although he’s moved on he still starts drama and does things against me and ultimately our son out of anger, revenge, spite or what have you. I have been a devoted mother and good woman outside of this adversity but he has the problem and continuess to try and make things hard for myself and his son! And For what?? Um we all know men don’t heal like women and I can come up with a ton of reasons why he’s acting like this, (not happy, misses what he had, etc) but he made the choice to destroy our relationship, move on and get married yet he’s obsessed with hurting me. He’s a good father but clearly disturbed about something from our past. I’ve made a major effort to move on and stay out of his life! My point is sometimes the women DO move on from these damned and abusive relationships and get a life to spare their children and themselves but sometimes out of whatever mental or emotional brokenness the Men DO NOT move on! So its fair to say that women out of bitterness make the father of their children suffer but trust me, Men are filled with the same bitterness and hate and do the same to the ex women in their life!

  • SheLaLa

    Victoria very good tips;but, it all depends on the maturity and mindset of the parties involved. I am a “Baby Mama” and it took us a couple of years to get over over our residual feelings/emotions about each other and the breakout. My mom played a very big part in me wanting to be a good co-parent. My father and her divorced after 17 years of marriage and remained excellent friends. Opening their doors to each other whenever an event involving me occurred. Once my mom made realized my behavior was inappropriate we (me and dad) were able to sit down and have cordial conversations and do what was (they are grown now) in the best interest for the kids. As a matter of fact we have established a friendship. He comes to my home (he lives out of town) to spend time with our grand daughter. I have kept him involved in our daughter’s pregnancy. Am I saying we didn’t/don’t have bumps in the round. NO!! We have two different parenting styles so sometimes we had to compromise. But I am here to tell you it can be done. Unfortunately, in our community it is shunned and frowned upon when the parents get along. I have had ex boyfriends tell me that our relationship was/is unnatural-I don’t talk to my baby moms and she don’t allow me in her house. I just shake my head at the dysfunction. Since we as a community think it’s fashionable to continue to have babies out of wedlock then the least we can do is get along with our baby momma/daddy.

Get the MadameNoire
Newsletter The best stories sent right to your inbox!
close [x]